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Mother in law - grrrrrr

#1
I saw my MIL for the first time in months today. In that time I've lost 4 stone and gone from a size 20 to a size 14. what does she say to me? " Have you lost a tiny bit of weight? Or is it just that top makes you look a little bit slimmer?"
I'm sure she means well but it's made me feel like I don't look any different after losing all this weight. I'm telling myself that I KNOW i have lost weight and look better and that other people have been very complimentary but it's still wound me up a bit. She is a nice person so she wouldnt have said it to hurt me. Which makes me think she really can't see much difference so maybe I don't really look much difference. Which would be depressing after all this effort..Anyone else found that other people don't seem to realise how much you've lost? how does it make you feel? :confused:
 
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magickmel

Loves VLCD's !
#2
I did a whole thread about this some time back - whether people notice and comment ot not! A comment like that from some people I would take as a jealous put -down ! But you know her better, maybe she just doesn't notice. But don't let it bother you, you have done fab.
 
#3
I think she's too nice for it to be a jealous comment but she is (like many of us) a lifelong dieter who is always overweight despite the dieting so maybe she is jealous. i guess it's possible
 
#4
Don't let it get to you. I think that some people just don't see weight. I always assumed that people saw the same "me" I saw in the mirror - ugly, fat, disgusting, nasty.. etc etc...

But it's amazing how many people haven't noticed that I've lost weight (5 stone so far) - and even more amazing those who when I tell them how much I've lost say .. "but you weren't even that overweight in the first place??"... and they're being quite honest - they truely are bewildered.

Others do notice though and notice every time I've lost even just a few pounds...
 
#5
Oh bless (((hugs)))

Some people just never know what to say about weight losses.

You know how well you've done, you feel good and you can see it in the fantastic difference in sizes.
Try not to let it get you down

Kitty xxx
 

kazz

Gold Member
#7
Maybe she didnt want to embarrass you by making a big deal of it, but wanted you to know that she has noticed? And if she struggles with her weight herself she may have been kind of embarrassed anyway to make a fuss over you losign weight...just a thought!!
 
#8
Please don't be upset, I worked with a guy on Friday who asked me if i'd had my hair cut???? I asked him why???? guess what.... He knew I looked different but couldn't put his finger on it... Last time I saw him I was 5 1/2 stone heavier!!!!!!!! He honestly didn't notice and all day he kept saying sorry, maybe she see's the inner you and you havn't changed to her:). Smile and next time you see her maybe she will put her finger on whats different in a big way!!!
 
#9
I've just been stood in the hall for 5 minutes - it's where we have a full-length mirror - staring at myself to convince me that I do look thinner. I'm sure she didn't mean to dent my confidence. But i need a boost now so I'm going to go through my wardrobe again to throw out things that are too big. I do it every few weeks (the charity shops are doing very well out of me!). I haven't done it since Christmas so it should cheer me up. And hubby, bless him, has just surprised me with a gift voucher for a "colour consultation". One of those things where they work out what colours you should wear. I'm quite excited as I don't really feel I have a good eye for what suits me. I only have 1-1.5 stone left to lose so it will be good to do this before I get to goal and go on a new wardrobe spree!!
 
S: 14st4lb C: 13st1.5lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st2.5lb(8.25%)
#10
If she's nice, and it sounds like she is... I just want to second what has been said already. She obviously saw you for 'you' as opposed to how you looked and really size just wasn't something she noticed!

The fact that she did notice is still a big thing!

As a lifelong dieter herself she could have been trying to be sensitive as well, and not wanting to point the finger at you for needing to lose a lot in the first place.

The scales tell the truth, so does the mirror actually its just that our eyes struggle to see it....

That was such a thoughtful gift from your husband, I could do with the same as I don't know what suits me either!

Mags
xxx
 

nadhak

LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE
#11
HI FALLENANGEL
don't worry about MIL - she probably would not want to offend you by gushing about your weight loss - different strokes for different folks!
It can seem insulting to go on about how much weight you have lost and she may not realise that you are desperate for her comments!
The main thing is to get to the end of your journey feeling positive about yourself and your future healthy lifestyle
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#12
I saw my MIL for the first time in months today. In that time I've lost 4 stone and gone from a size 20 to a size 14. what does she say to me? " Have you lost a tiny bit of weight? Or is it just that top makes you look a little bit slimmer?"
I'm sure she means well but it's made me feel like I don't look any different after losing all this weight. I'm telling myself that I KNOW i have lost weight and look better and that other people have been very complimentary but it's still wound me up a bit. She is a nice person so she wouldnt have said it to hurt me. Which makes me think she really can't see much difference so maybe I don't really look much difference. Which would be depressing after all this effort..Anyone else found that other people don't seem to realise how much you've lost? how does it make you feel? :confused:
I had this from my sister in law at xmas, we told them beforehand that I would not be eating and explained about the diet.
Well xmas day, we turned up and everyone said how well I had done .......nope nothing from sil, well later in the day dh said how much I had lost etc etc and how well I had done ......then she spoke and said....." I know I can tell "
well that was it..
I know it was jealousy as she is the classic yo-yo dieter, she diets for a few weeks, then gives up, then back on it and so on.
Well I did like the fact that she was jealous though ...lol
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#13
I think people often don't know what to say regarding weight loss. They might be worried that you don't want attention drawn to the fact and sometimes just 'hint' so the ball is in your court to talk about it or not.

I think this was the case as your MIL asked if you'd lost weight or whether your top was flattering ... in my opinion, that was to give you a get out if you didn't want to discuss it.

For myself, most people have commented in a positive way about my weight loss (and let's face it, at over 8st lost it's now pretty hard to miss). However, a couple of female friends haven't commented at all ... and both of them are very obese. I can understand where they're coming from though - the last thing you want to see when you're finding it hard to get motivated to lose weight is a successful dieter. That's only inspiring if you're embarking upon your own journey and appreciate seeing where you're heading... if you're not 'in the zone' (but know you should be) then it only serves to prick at your conscience.

However you look at it though, you can't get away from the fact that you're doing fantastically and 4st cannot POSSIBLY go unmissed - it can, however, (and for whatever reasons) go uncommented on. Those aren't the same thing at all.

Well done on your success this far :)
 

SlimmerTrimmer

Last chance saloon
#14
fallenangel, congratulations on what you've achieved so far. Dropping from a size 20 to a size 14 is no mean feat. Try not to take your MIL's comments to heart.

I know how difficult it is when people don't seem to support you. I went out on Saturday night and had someone who I thought was a good friend tell me this diet was a stupid idea, and lecture me solid for TWO AND A HALF HOURS about everything from damage to my metabolic rate to how I'd certainly put all the weight back on again.

His REAL problem came out at the end of the night - I'm looking at moving to Australia in late April this year, and he wanted to know why I couldn't just wait until I'd moved and was a housebound hermit who knew nobody before I started dieting. Because I'm doing it now, he feels like we can't have the weekly curry-n-beer sessions we used to have and he won't see me that much before we leave.

I was looking at him, thinking "I'm happy to come out on a Saturday and drink water. Or at least I was until a supposed friend of mine spent hours telling me everything that's wrong with the choices I've made in my life."

Other people - they can be total assholes. Do this for yourself, and forget them. xx
 
#15
Thanks everyone. Feeling much better about this today. I'm sure she didn't mean to belittle my weight loss. Have indulged in a little retail therapy to soothe me - bought a pair of jeans at lunch thinking they'd fit me in a couple of weeks and just tried them on and they fit NOW! And I didn't have to lie down and wriggle to do them up - happy happy fallenangel.:):):)
 
S: 14st4lb C: 13st1.5lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st2.5lb(8.25%)
#17
Its so great when stuff fits!!

make sure you wear them lots, they'll be too big soon!

mags
xxx
 
S: 14st0lb C: 13st5lb G: 11st11lb BMI: 29.3 Loss: 0st9lb(4.59%)
#19
Hi Fallenangel,

Oh my god you have gone from a size 20 to a size 14!! Well done hun that is a brilliant achievement. Go now and get an olp pair of your size 20 trousers and get some of your size 14's. Put them togeher, hold them up and the difference is obvious!! Be happy in yourself and proud. You know how much you have lost!!
When people comment on my weight loss I tell them that I was a siz 18 and now a size 12 and they truly can not believe that I was ver a size 18. BUT I think that we have been very good at disguising our weight from people. I used to really make an effort on my hair and make up in order to divert attention off my middle and up to my face. The games that we play and the pressure that we put ourselves under is unbelievable!!
xx
 

SP30

Back on the wagon :-)
#20
What Russian Doll said.

Sometimes friends don't see how fat you were, or are far too caring and/or polite to point it out.

Well done and keep going.
 


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