My counsellor is morbidly obese

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by roratone, 27 January 2010 Social URL.

  1. roratone

    roratone Member

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    Hi All - this is my first post after spending a lot of time reading all yours!

    I went to my first LL session last night (My intro session was carried out by a locum) and was surprised to see that my counsellor is morbidly obese.

    Although the session went well, I don't know if I'll be able to take her advice on board - knowing that she doesn't take it herself. On her intro section on the website she says she has lost 7 stone on the plan and clearly looks slimmer than she does now.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience and how did they overcome it?

    Thank you x
     
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  3. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

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    Everyone has their own journey. Some people will put weight back on and others will be able to take everything on board right away.
    You have to look past her weight issues and focus on your own.
    Sometimes, you know the right path to take and the right thing to do and you can help other people to see that but you just cant see it yourself!

    It's like when your mate is in a bad relationship and you sit her down and tell her "this guy is bad news and you know it" and she finally admits it to herself. But you can't quite get rid of the arse that you're dating! ;) That was not based on personal experience. Honest!
     
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  4. pancras

    pancras Full Member

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    Are you based in London? If so I might know who you mean. Anyway I learnt that my weight loss is not based on any other persons journey and I was there to learn what Lighterlife the program has to say, rather than an individuals personal journey. Remember the counsellor is not the actual program just the facilator.

    Try and look past the locum's own personal issues that they are going through, and just concentrate on your own. Also try talking to the locum, you may find especially if it is the sameone, they are quite open and honest about their own shortcomings and struggles.

    Good luck and enjoy losing weight.
     
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  5. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hi
    i was quite surprised when i met my LLC at first as she was obviously obese (i hate that word) and it did make me think .

    She had gone from a 22 to a 14 but then put a lot back on due to medical reasons and was waiting on an op. She is now losing again.

    I came to realise it doesn't matter - she has had experience of doing LL so knows the battles faced and unfortunately for her life took over and she had to take a step back from losing weight at that point in her life.

    At the end of the day LL will work.

    its if you learn while doing it and apply what you have learnt after which is the big thing - if you don't and go back to what you were doing before then the weight will go back on.

    its not a magical cure, it gives you a level playing field to start your life again from.

    I wouldn't worry too much about your LLCs weight - if she is a good councellor that should come through. Just because she doesn't practice what she preaches, for whatever reason, doesn't mean what she is saying is any less worthwhile.

    Daisy x
     
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  6. roratone

    roratone Member

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    Thanks girls - I do need to see past her weight and focus on my journey.

    Pancras - Am not in London but Hampshire, so must be another counsellor (Unless she has a really big commute!)

    Am collecting my foodpacks on Thursday with a view to starting Friday. Just been sorting out my cupboards and binning a lot of perishables, well, i say binning but the bird table is bulging over....might have transferred my problems to another species!!

    Partner is going overseas on Thurs PM and have Fri, Sat, Sun off work. I thought this would be best while I get stuck in with things. Minimise food distractions and can retire to bed if i have a headache or feel crappy. Just need to charge up my distraction tool (DS Lite) and then should be sorted......... I hope x
     
  7. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    The thing is, she may be a very clever lady when it comes to counseling, so her weight is her issue, not yours. If she can give you good avise and tools for YOUR weight - thats what really matters.

    I hear what you are saying, but as you are doing this for you, I would at least go with an open mind and see what its all about.

    Good luck. :)
     
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  8. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    It's a little harsh to judge your LLC on her weight. How would you feel if someone judged you in exactly the same way?
    Her weight is her own issue... And a lot of times, we know 100% how to help others but helping ourselves is the hardest thing one can do. I know from first hand experience, when the problem is distanced it is more obvious... in our own spheres, we may not feel worthy of taking our own advice... hence we should not judge others on such basis.

    My LLC was such an extraordinary person and always gave me the best advice and ways to go forward, but she herself had been through Lighter Life and regained much of her weight (even over the course of my abstinence). I did not judge, it was her own issue. I know that she went back on Lighter Life with a different counsellor after I finished... But that's the point - she needed another counsellor to point her in the right direction ...

    I urge you not to be discouraged by such a small matter - even if it seems hypocritical at first. Good luck on your journey, and remember, don't judge a book by it's cover... ;)
     
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  9. Jennifer80

    Jennifer80 Full Member

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    That's what i was thinking.... :sigh:
     
  10. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    I do not get the feeling she is judging her, but more or less looking at can she get motivation from her.. I think its a reasonable thought myself....and she has also said she will look past that.

    WHen we go to someone to help us slim, it is only natural to expect that person to be slim. To find a morbidly obese leader easily could throw one for six.

    One of the first quwstions I asked my LLC was if she had followed the plan herself. She told me no, and I questioned her ability.

    As it goes, she was fantastic.

    You never know. :)
     
  11. Gemma79

    Gemma79 I will do this!

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    I agree with BL and know that in the past when I have done WW or SL and there has been an overweight leader it has put me off somewhat. It's not about judging, it's about trying to find someone to help us with our weight issues and that needs to be someone we can trust, so my advice is give her a go for a few weeks. Not all LLC's are right for us, I know as I have just changed mine, and both mine were very slim, so people are right about it's how the individual LLC transfers her knowledge to you. Good luck on your journey! x
     
  12. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Roratone
    Don't forget that LLis a franchise business that people buy into. Part of the package
    is quite intensive training.
    I agree it would be neat to meet a slim person who has done LL successfully themselves.
    Perhaps the fact that your LLC is still facing challenges with her weight will act as a reminder that losing weight is the relatively easy part. Maintaining the loss is much harder.
    Give her a chance. I bet you get fed up with people judging you because of your size. She may be great, she may not. Only time will tell.
    Good luck. i'm sure we all look forward to
    hearing more from you.
    If you want to see LL successes you are in the right place here on Minimins.
    Welcome.
     
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  13. roratone

    roratone Member

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    I really didn't mean to come across as judgemental - I saw it more along the lines of - for instance - learning French from someone who was still learning it themselves. Blonde and laststraw seemed to get what i meant.

    Thank you Minerva and Slenda for helping me see things from another perspective though - I feel a little ashamed that i came across as superficial. I'm nice really xxx
     
  14. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Don;t feel ashamed. Often times thoughts and comments get misconstrued on a written forum - not the same as speaking if you know what I mean. :)
     
  15. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    U certainly didn't come across as superficial - I too would have questioned wether I could take the woman seriously. It's not about being judgemental, it's about finding someone who you feel comfortable with who can help u on you journey xxxxxx
     
  16. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Heya... I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm judging you by any means. ... I do understand where you're coming from, and when I joined LL I had a small doubt in my mind about my LLC too not being 'perfectly slim' as well... But the important thing is to give people a chance. :)
    My boyfriend's LLC was rubbish though and he never felt like she 'understood' because she was one of those people doing LL as a franchise and had been skinny all her life! To be an LLC you need to do a minimum of a week of abstinence to 'understand what it's like' ... you don't need to have had weight issues.
    So in a way, an LLC that has the experience with weight problems soemtimes may be beneficial because they understand... I mean I myself suffer from depression problems, and I can help people in the same boat very well. But I can't seem to help myself when I'm in the worst of situations.

    It's all relative really - take it in your stride. :)
     
  17. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Julie,
    I can see you are a nice person. i hope i wasn't implying you aren't. BL is right.
    We can't hear the intonation or see people's faces on here, can we?
    I do know exactly what you mean - I had the opposite experience when I started LL.
    Initially I made an assumption about my LLC. She hasn't been obese, she hasn't needed to lose shed loads of weight.
    So I thought - "will she be able to understand how I feel?" "How can she understand my issues?"

    How WRONG I was!!! She is an experienced counsellor in all aspects and for me, she can deal with any psychological stuff. Her support and that of the people in my group ( especially BL - THANKS hun :thankyou: ) have been major factors in helping me achieve my weight loss. One thing I have learnt, I couldn't have done it on my own.
    Good luck Julie.
     
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  19. Belle Bee

    Belle Bee Full Member

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    I hade the same thing as you, slendablenda. My LLC is a tiny, very slim lady. She has never been obese or had to go on LL to lose weight. So I must admit I wasn't sure what she would be like as a counsellor as she hasn't been through the losing weight problems.

    But so far she seems good, when I spoke to her she seems very understanding and I will make sure I don't judge her before I see what she's really like.

    Her locum has been through the program, and seems very nice too - had a good chat with her and she told us a bit about her own experiences.
     
  20. roratone

    roratone Member

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    Thanks girls x

    I now feel understood!

    I knew LL was a franchise but I'm stunned to hear that you can train to be a counsellor after 1 weeks abstinence! How hard must it be to empathise rather than just sympathise with your clients.

    Minerva - Know where you're coming from on that. I'm a Mental Health Social Worker who had a big black dog that occasionally rears its head. All my knowlege, experience, training, coping strategies go out of the window when I'm in that place.

    Now, if my poxy body would just hurry up and get into ketosis the world would be a much better place. My poor little pussy cat is feeling the brunt of my empty belly

    xxx
     
  21. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I'm a bit late to this but didn't want to read+run :p

    It's one thing to give good advice, quite another to follow it yourself.
    After all, we all pretty much know what we should and shouldn't eat - we all know the "5 fruit and veg a day" idea, and we all know that sweets+choc make us fat, and we could probably all tell someone else about those facts; and yet we didn't follow that advice ourselves.

    And I doubt thay many coucillors (not just LL ones but in all forms) have been through what their 'patients' have been though; but we all have the ability to listen and advise, even if it's just because we are the ones who made the mistakes and can use that knowledge to inform others :)
     
  22. vicky_r

    vicky_r Full Member

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    Hey, just wanted to add my two cents. When I started LL, I was worried to see that my counciller also appeared to have her own weight issues, and wasn't the "skinny motivation" I had perhaps expected/thought I wanted. What I have found, though, is that not only does she "get it" because she has been through it, I feel much less intimidated talking to her about my weight issues and am happy for her to see what the scales read. I think if she had been an intimidatingly skinny woman who had never had more than an ounce of fat on her, I would have found it much harder to open up and gain the emotional/psychological teaching that is so important for success with this diet...
     
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