My metamorphosis log - final stage

26.07.10
Doing fine dietwise. Did nibble on a bit of cooked turkey thigh but figure thats ok. No move on scales yet but not worried. At work and thank God its the last night. Can't wait to finish this shift and be free. But back in on Tuesday day, worse luck....:(.
Going to have a break now and try and get some Wedding stuff done and grab a soup. Bit fed up with how my life is just completely taken over by Wedding. I really wnat to just enjoy doing it all but theres so many bits to organise which takes more free hours than i have available. There no-one to help me. Then OH has a weekend free and spends it having lovely days out with DD. I felt jealous and p'd off with him because of it. The least he could do is catch up on the housework, but like most men he only does the basics, and all the proper tidying stuff is left to me. I normally wouldn't be so sensitive about it and thus i have not said anything to him, but its just bugging me and i needed to have a whinge. Rant over. Back to it. Back soon xx
 
27.07.10
Spending time lurking on diaries to try to keep me on track. Despite best of intentions i find myself nibbling on things at the moment. A cracker, a bit of meat, leftovers of DD's lunch, spoonful of crumble i made at work. Not realy sure why i am sabotaging myself like this. I know it is just the addictive desire at work mostly, but my resolve always starts to weaken when i get to the point where i don't think i look as fat as i used to. Which co-incides again with being able to see my ribs/bones (if i breathe in or lie down!!:D) They're are also the odd occasions where i actually feel tired/lethargic. As a result the scales are stuck, which is not pleasing. I really wanted to be closer to 9st 10lb or a bit under for my dress fitting. Which is tomorrow. I'm sure i could still drop a bit after the measurements have been done. But i'd have rather been there for tomorrow. Don't want to risk dress not quite fitting perfectly on the big day.
I'm sure my body, and my head is really telling me to move up the plans again. I know i shouldn't be ss'ing. (even though i'm not with the amount of cheating i am doing) Will get tomorrow out of the way and start planning proper 810/1000 style meals. Not really that keen on 810 so not sure how long i'll stick at that but will give it a nod in passing. Better to plan healthy meals than muck around like i am, cheating and not doing any sort of plan 'properly'. The only other thing that puts me off is having the time to muck around cooking/planning again. Already strapped enough for time. But, it must be done. No good whinging, just do it!! Heres to new day tomorrow. New start. Will have bars/ shake in day and make my curried quorn/cottage cheese bake for tea when i get home. Theres my plan, and i HAVE TO stick to it... xx
 
Hey hun, your head sounds a little torn like mine gets with SS and it's really hard. Regardless you will look utterly gorgeous in your dress on the big day and that's the most important thing.

Thanks for taking the time to come over to my thread, that was really kind of you xxx
 
Awww, thanks Liz. I guess it is important sometimes to stop and remind yourself why you are doing things...losing weight....getting healthy.....getting married! Its so easy to get bogged down with all the stressful elements of life sometimes and miss out on the good bits. After a similar chat with my folks tonight i am making efforts to try to be more positive from now on about wedding and not stress so much.

On a less positive note, had a letter waiting from work when i got back after today. The useless NHS Trust i work for is undergoing huge 'modernisation' changes (saving money, getting more work for less pay, and generally cutting standards in care) and as a result the Ward i work on, a crisis resolution/ home treatment/ short crisis admission unit is shutting from october. There is going to be 'discussions' as to where we will be redeployed. Will affect so many areas of my life as my partner works in same job and we have been able to work out perfect shifts for childcare etc and this will be completely thrown out the window. Just what we need when trying to sort out the Wedding. Also will be off work for best part of a month, so effectively out of the loop in terms of the changes. To say the air has been blue here is an understatement. I hate the NHS, the way they treat staff is criminal. never mind the 'out of sight' cost cutting stuff that goes on. But as long as they are 'seen' to meet their targets it doesn't matter at what cost, to patients or staff. Rant over....:mad::mad::mad:!

Positive note: WEDDING DRESS fitting no.1 occured today and was wonderful. Had it took in at the top so it fit and had the length pinned. So happy with it. Can't wait to try it on properly in 2 weeks time.
Then went to Aunty's and visited the florist wholesale warehouse which was lovely. I'm making a load of the decoration/ flowers etc. myself... which on one hand makes hell of a lot more work, but on the other hand makes things more personal, and fun! So a lovely day really, (before i got home).

Have just watched an episode of 'Trueblood', got series 2 off lovefilm and its addictive. had to drag self aay to go to bed.

Off to pay registrar, castle and hotel tomorrow.... eek!

Diet wise, started of ok and not too bad, but not what planned. Did have a bite of DD's bread this morning, which was naughty. Then my Aunty had made a lovely couscous salad for lunch, but mostly all low GI ingerdients in it and low fat, so not the 810 meal as planned, but couldn't be rude. First time I'd been to her house in about 20 years. Had two products today so not too bad. Tomorrow will be good. xx
 
Monring hun, Glad you had a great wedding dress fitting! Work sounds stressy for you, hubby and I both got made redundant a year ago but we knew 6 months in advance so it was really hard to keep going towards the end but gave us plenty of time to plan things, hope it all works out well for you!
Lunch with aunty sounded great too!
Have a fab day
xx
 
Hey hun, that's crap about work :( poor you. My Mum used to nurse in the NHS and felt much the same. Hope you manage to get something sorted for you both.

Dress fitting sounds fab - glad it went so well. Do you know what you're doing with the flowers yet? xx
 
31.07.10
Back again,
Had major few days off plan and eating crap. Which was stupid and probably related to feeling crap about work, having no sleep and feeling stressed in general. Put stop to it now though, back on track overnight at work. I cannot continue to use excuses to justify my bad choices. Life is full of crap times, does not mean i have to eat to cope with them.......silly me.... Lesson learned and move on. Hopefully next time i will be strong enough to do what i want to do and not what my addictive eating dictates should happen! Can't even face the scales. Will avoid till feeling ok. Can tell body is generally more rounded than it was..... or is it my imagination?
Having one small meal per day now, had a couscous salad and tuna last night which was lovely. Will have to gather strength today as after sleep i will be off to my folks to pick up DD. I may stop over the night to visit, but its always a house of temptation......still, maybe i could do with the challenge..?
I've ended up trying to organise my OH's stag do with my dad. His best man was failing miserably, OH was being all despondant about it, (for a number of reasons) and his family are absolutely useless to even consider involving to help. I felt so sad for him, so my dad has asked me to help him step up and do something.... with a weeks notice! Interesting challenge.
Off to call dad and then hit the sack.
Back soon xx
 
Hey hun. Sorry to hear you've been feeling crap about food, but sounds like you've turned it around now :)

What are you planning for the stag and hen dos?
 
08.08.10
Busy week, not had time to catch up and diet hasn't been good. Why i do this to myself i am not sure. Have a good day, followed by a bad one. They don't tend to be whole bad days, but a mini binge at the end of it. Especially if i am alone and been rushing around like an idiot. Restart again. Not going to beat self up, as long as i don't stop trying i can live with it. I'll get there eventually. Scales have not been kind as a result, but i accept the consequences.

Organised OH stag, a group of them went and did 4x4 off roading and archery session. He loved it as he used to have an old series 3 landy, but had to get rid of it before we got it up to doing any serious off-roading in it. Then met up with others for beer session. Have just spoke to him and he's suitably drunk, and slushy and wanting to sing to me. Sure he will suffer tomorrow.
I am going for a spa day, which should be interesting. Have never done anything like it before and it wouldn't normally be something i would do but was organised by others. I don't drink alcohol much so the whole drinking evening just doesn't appeal.
At work at present and its gone quiet so going to do some Wedding stuff now while got chance. xx
 
Hey Butterfly, sounds like he had a lovely stag do - I'd like to do something like that.

I know what you mean about good and bad days, but mine are mostly bad atm!!! So you're not alone. xxx
 
08.08.10
Thanks Liz, its nice to know i am not the only one sabotaging my own efforts. At the same time its easy to get in the habit of being really hard on self about the bad bits. I am trying to aslso remind myself that i am 5stone lighter than this time last year and even though i fluctuated by a stone i did not go back up by 5. I can honestly say that i really could not imagine it ever getting that bad again. Having been this size, when i went up to 11stone again and felt myself getting 'rounder' it felt so horrible, i had to stop it. Just hoping that i don't let it go even that far this time. I do accept there may be gains through Wedding/ Honeymoon period but will endeavour to limit the damage.
On positive not have had a 100% 24hr period so feeling happy. Trying to get butt into gear to do cleaning, and failing miserably....:eek:! xx
 
Hey butterfly, Hope you get yourself sorted with the fluctuation, you are right though, as long as you keep trying you will get there eventually! Spa sounds great, hope you'll enjoy it, i love a good spa day!
Wishing you a fab week!
x
 
Hey Butterfly - my OH had his stag at the weekend and was absolutely slaughtered by the time he got home - the boys had to carry him upstairs - not a pretty sight. Have been told numerous times, this will be me in a few weeks time (by a few people) but much as I enjoy a drink or two, I'm not really wanting to be THAT bad by any means. I will happily enjoy the evening, have a drink, and a dance, but want to be able to remember it all, and be able to walk home too!

I'm desp trying on 810 at the moment, but like you and Liz too, it is so very hard some days - I think maybe wedding stress doesn't help - but it is so bizarre that a year ago I had lots of stress too and didn't have a problem sticking to SS or 810 then, so I really shouldn't have the problem now, but do. I think maybe after time, our bodies have enough of being so strict on ourselves and want more. You are doing well though hun, and aren't giving up, so lots and lots of credit to you.

How long 'til the big day now?
xxx
 
20.07.11.......A NEW START..(again!)

Hello to my diary again......long time no see, and hello to any oldies / returners or newbies reading this. Have decided to return to mins as my inspirational prop!

To cut a long story short:
In Aug 2010 - got married at last - fab day and felt absoulutely great, followed by lovely holiday where i didn't feel completely terrible!

Since then have mucked around with food / diets and tried to maintain but failed miserably. Tended to continue to have good meals and used shop bought meal replacements.The usual problem of my binge eating (carbs mostly) reared its head on and off and i have gained some of the weight i had lost. So I am now back to shift it and concentate on the long term view again. Have gained approx 2 stone.


Could use a million excuses - i have had difficult patches, work, finances and family. I know i certainly turned to food as comfort after we lost my Nan, whom we cared for at home and were with her when she died, which was quite traumatic. But its no good continuing to use reasons to justify my addictive eating, need to focus on change!!


Prompted to return to Cambridge for several reasons. ...The idea of a holiday in August and not being able to get into my holiday clothes!.....The fact that i hate my job and have always held a dream that one day i could consider becoming a CWPConsultant, which i can't do if i give in on it myself......To simply commit to myself to firstly lose ecess weight and continue my journey for a healthier life. Somehow, seeing someone and paying for it seems to make me more determined.


So i met new Consultant on 7.7.11. She is lovely and has other areas of expertise which i am sure i may find helpful. (does neurolinguistic programming!) She won slimmer of the year with CWP but had title removed, due to her 'other interests' in therapies - which seems really mean! Can only see her infrequently, sometimes weekly, sometimes 2-3 weeks, as she is only in town on Thurs so far and i work shifts. Initially i thought this would be a downfall - less support now and if i go into counsellor training - but having a rethink it may not be such a bad thing as i will have to rely on myself more than someone else!

Have started SS again. Struggled a bit, with a few nibbbles on mostly protein based stuff, but as time has wore on i am getting back into the swing of things and by and large my ability to be 100% has returned. So, it will be 2 week tomorrow when i have my first weigh in. Annoyingly it will be at 10am after a night shift (8-8) so i will be all full of coffee, water and stuff, when i normally like to weigh at beginning of the day, as i know personally it can make a 2-3lb difference. Never mind. I know i shouldn't be that bothered as its all about the long haul, but who doesn't like good results!

Will update ticker and stats when i get round to it!

xxx


 
Hey Butterfly!

Nice to see you back on mini's, sorry to hear you've had a time of it. Congratulations on the wedding, hope married life is suiting you well.

Good for you on addressing the gain and being back on plan, i'm sure your loss will be great !! Good luck!

Love that you are thinking of becoming a CWPC , its a great job.
x
 
How lovely to hear from you Mrs Butterfly! And well done you for getting going again, along with the rest of us.....:eek:. Really good to hear from you. :)
 
21.07.11

Hi Lelly and Bess, lovely to hear from you both. It does feel good to be doig something a bit more proactive about my gains, and especially so to pop back on here! Married life is just lovely. Had the usual ups and downs of life, and although nothing has changed (after 14years i'd guess it wouldn't!) it does feel more.... solid? Not quite sure what i mean, but its good.

At work at the moment and its 05:43hrs, done loads of paperwork so having a deserved break! Another 100% day. Bit peeved as i had loaned my Harcombe diet book to a work collegue ( who i don't even like... she's lazy and not pleasant to people - both of which i hate) and she has lost it!

I had promised my consultant i wouldn't jump on scales all week, but i did - my scales were figuring a 10lb loss, but that was upon waking so not sure what going to be now..

Do i remember correctly that TOTM can increase weight? (any excuse...tee hee!)
 
Hello Butterfly! How lovely to see you again... lots of us have returned, the maintaining thing is not as easy as it looks I guess. But if we're still trying, we haven't given up at least! Congrats on the wedding and sorry that other things have not been as good...

In a hurry just now but wanted to say welcome back... and go for it!!!

xxx
 
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