My metamorphosis log - final stage

Discussion in 'CD 1000-maintenance' started by *butterfly*, 7 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    06.11.09

    Well, as promised, a diary for me to track my progress, keep on track and hopefully help me keep this weight off forever, with a bit of help from anyone who wants to drop in along the way.
    A bit about me:……. I’m Lorna, age 34 from Shropshire. As good as married for past 12 years, and very happy with a gorgeous 3yr old DD. Work as a psychiatric nurse. Family being very important to me, central focus to my life and all wonderfully supportive of my weight loss.
    Have always been large, not fat - but a rounded child. Apparently it was ‘puppy fat’, that would drop off. Well it didn’t and then my appalling eating habits developed and it just got worse. Smallest size I recall being is a 14 in senior school. Have dieted for years, mostly SW (tried Atkins), got to size 14 once, but always returned to bad habits and piled it back on.
    As for my eating habits:…… I love food. Was raised on basic home cooking, but would also have junk, snacks and just developed a liking for these over healthy stuff. I eat for all sort of reasons, hunger, boredom, anger, happiness, comfort, socially, alone. As I got bigger I s’pose the negative reasons for eating grew, and my ‘control’ over it seemed to diminish. My worst period was pre- CD and it was the main reason for choosing something so drastic. I desperately wanted to lose weight and it seemed the more I thought of it and planned, the more I ate. I could go all day and eat nothing, then I’d binge, or I’d binge all day. Anything I could get my hands on, mostly all junk. Made me feel even worse about myself, so I’d eat more for comfort. Ashamed to admit it (but I promised I’d be honest with myself, so if I need to look back I’ll remember) but I’d even make myself sick sometimes, either because I felt p’d off with how much I’d eaten, or so to be able to have more. It was only after I’d found minis and begun contemplating an alternative weight loss programme that the crisis point came where I had to take action. Basically, I talked to my OH about how I felt my eating was out of control, hence I wanted to do CD. It was the only time I have ever been so honest with anyone (including myself) about how bad it felt, and I just knew I couldn’t carry on like this. So I eventually called a cdc and started within a week.
    Reasons to lose weight:…..1) For me…. I know if honest my weight has held me back. Whilst I am quite outgoing, a combination of my weight, (and bad boyfriend choices!) meant that I didn’t do all the uni socialising stuff as I could have. Then grew apart from friends over the years and as a result I now have no ‘close’ friends to speak of. Which I bitterly regret. Would like to meet new people and gain friends but have not got enough confidence, (or time!) to be able to. So this is something I hope will change over the years. Also for all the usual reasons – to look/feel good about myself, to shop , etc etc. 2) For my daughter- there is just no way do I ever want her to face these problems. I’ve always been very carefull with her diet but I want her to chose healthy food as the norm, not the exception. Not to see junk food as a desirable or deserving treat. And to give her the best possible start in life physically. 3) for my OH, he now has no choice, he eats healthy, and is going to benefit from this- hes also overweight but not bothered enough to actively seek to do to much about it himself on a consistant basis. 4) to get healthy. Fat has always been my excuse and reason for being an exercise-phobe! No more excuses, I want to try to get healthy and fitter. 5) to get married (eventually)- been putting it off for 12 years for fear of being a frump in a frock. Only want a small thing, but want to feel special. 6) to have baby no.2 and be fit for pregnancy and birth, and minimise complications- then be able to run around after my expanded family!

    So here I am, 18 weeks on CD (SS) and have gone from size 20+ and 15st 5lb, to size 12 and now 10st 7lb. I cannot believe it, never really thought this was possible. But I’m under no illusions and truly believe that the easiest part is behind me, and the hard work begins here. I’ve spent a lot of time poring through minis, reading low GI books and trying to get my head into the right place, understanding my eating problems a bit better so to enable change. I am determined I can be in control, and do this, and not be one of the 90+% who regain. I will certainly try my hardest anyway.
    Got to my HEALTHY BMI at this weeks WI (24.9) so have moved up to 810 on 5.11.09, and for me this really signifies the start of my new slimmer life as it’s the point I start to reintroduce food again, and not my bad habits. I still hope to lose a bit more, target was 10st but now feel unsure on this and think I may want to go a bit lower and get to size 10. Will just take it as it comes and not get too focused on numbers, its how I feel that’s more important and I still feel a bit fat. I will never be a beach babe, have all the trademarks of long term obesity and laziness,- stretch marks, cellulite, thread and varicose veins, and now saggy skin. But I hope to help some of that with exercise and just be happy with myself when I look in the mirror.
    Food intake:
    5.11.09: Tuna with herbs/dressing and salad. Chicken breast. (all measured!) Felt stuffed, cannot believe the tuna amount- (hence I had some chicken) Struggled to fit in packs as on nights, which always throws me.
    6.11.09: Quorn mince with herbs/tandoori mix cooked with grated courgette, mushroom and celery, with spicy tomato soup added. Topped with cottage cheese/herb ix and grilled – gorgeous but filling. Cooked double so can have tomorrow aswell. Its actually 7.11.09 now but I’m at work overnight so my new day hasn’t started yet till I’ve gone home and had a sleep. Just off to have a soup, spicy tomato all the way for me.

    Well, I have to apologise for the waffle, if anyone dares to wade through it all. But this is for me, to remind myself now, before I get complacent of what I don’t want to go back to. For now, I’ll look forward and enjoy as I’m presently really excited by it all! I couldn’t have done this without mini’s- I am addicted, even if I don’t always get to post, and everyone has helped me so much, even without knowing, it is a lifeline, where I just know someone out there understands exactly what this is like, and I don’t have to ‘hide’. So here I go……wish me luck! xx
     
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  3. Wales

    Wales Silver Member

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    Welcome to maintenance Butterfly, and congratulations on your magnificent loss on CD and finally good luck in maintenance! Keep posting as it certainly help x
     
  4. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

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    Welcome hon....... Thank you for sharing its so good to let it all out!
    Your last few pounds will be off in no time xxx
     
  5. alexmummy07

    alexmummy07 Silver Member

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    Welcome to maintenance hun, your reasons sound so familiar to mine, and what you write about your daughter, really hits home. I feel so the same with my son, to the point of paranoia at times about what he eats - but the worst part for me is he is so fussy, won't touch fruit at all. He will eat veg with meals etc, but snacks is so difficult :( Anyway, I'm sure it will change, or hope at least. It terrifies me that he could ever be like me, and I never ever want that for him.

    You, though, you have done amazingly well! Keep up the hard work it certainly pays off xx
     
  6. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Welcome to the maintenance boards Butterfly, great to see you here and great to see you being so honest and open. I think a lot of us will be able to relate to what you have said. You've done so well up till now, that last 7lbs will soon be gone too! Good luck and keep posting!

    xxx
     
  7. herewego

    herewego Gold Member

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    Hi Lorna - Nice to see you here on the maintenance board! Thank you for sharing your story - it's really interesting to read how we all ended up here. I think we can all relate to your story and isn't it great how we've done something about it. You're right about it just being the start, though. Maintenance is the real challenge and it's really a matter of dealing with it day by day or meal by meal if necessary. I'm sure it will become nearly second nature at some point but for now it's hard work and it's just great that we have each other for support.

    Best of Luck on your journey & I look forward to reading more about your move up the plans!
     
  8. DisneyParis

    DisneyParis An Attitude of Gratitude

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    Thanks for starting your diary, enjoyed reading your story. I can relate to a lot of what you've said. All the best with 810 & maintenance.
     
  9. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    Diet:
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    7.11.09

    Thanks everyone for your support. I figure theres just no point not starting this based on honesty, even if i screw up (which i just know is going to happen at some point) as I'm only really cheating myself, and all you guys have been so useful to me, through showing the same openness in your own diarys. (sounds wierd but it seems the most 'real' part of all the CD forums on minis). I'm with you on the problems with your son alexmummy, my daughters so fussy. I will still even resort to feeding her at mealtimes so i know she's getting something healthy, which i am trying to reduce but its soooo hard.
    Still trying to squeeze in time to get up to date with everyone's diarys, but think that will just have to come over time, so apologies if i ask stuff that seems irrelevent or has previously been discussed!
    Sat at work last night talking with two collegues about food/dieting. They both do WW, but it seemed they spend most of their time focusing on what they would have on their 'cheat' night, or making sure they saved points for chocolate. Although i can very much relate to this, i just feel its not how i want to be;- still focused on that sugar fix or getting that junk food. Yes, i'm sure i'll still want and have that stuff, but i'd hate for it to take on such a major part of my life again. Then it hits home how much of what comes is about long term change, not just days/weeks/months ahead. Then its just so scary! One day at a time for now.....

    Really busy the next few days, making hampers with home cooked pickles, chutneys etc. in for Christmas presents. (idea stolen from Liz...... thanks x) Really enjoying it, satisfys my love of cooking with stuff that can't be devoured straight away!

    Food intake: Other half of Quorn bake from yesterday. Still need to have another half a pack/ bar but really can't face it. I'm too full from the huge mousse i've just had. Its hard when i didn't get up till 12 then been out all day to cram it all in in the evening. Will try to space it all out tomorrow. Did have pinch of DD's grated cheese which i feel bad about. This nibbling thing has to stop!

    Off to bed xx
     
  10. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    8.11.09

    Eughhh! I feel horrible this morning. Fine in myself, (apart from being lazy and sitting on minis for ages instaed of doing any work!) but my stomach feels like a football. It just feels all big, full and achey just under my ribs. Think it may be to do with having all my intake in a few hrs in the evening, so must try to space it out today, altough i can't face it yet.... I will have a shake before i go out this morning, and think i'll just stick to shakes today with my 810 meal, instead of bars/mousse. Not decided on meal for the day yet, but have chicken breast i need to use.

    DD is driving me mad about Christmas this morning, she saw a dolls house we bought her yesterday. Wanted one fron ELC but it was £115 and we are just not 100% sure she would play with it, so thats a lot of money to waste, saw a lovely pink one in Asda last night reduced from £75 to £35. Had to tell her Santas told us to get it, and the elves have now took it away to get it ready, (if she is a good girl!) Running around the house asking if Santa has bought it back yet!

    House smells to high heaven, peeled 5kg of onions last night for pickling and got the vinegar ready. Off to local market soon to get ripe toms and bits for tomato chutney and onion marmalade.

    Wading through diaries, they are so useful, and more fun that my reading book at the moment! Back later xx
     
  11. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Lol at the pickled onion aroma... have a great day!

    xxx
     
  12. Sunshine Singer

    Sunshine Singer Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic

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    Awwww it's lovely to see you here. Good luck with everytjing. You've done so well hun. xxxHave a fab day.
    ps there is a tummy bug around at the moment so keep an eye on it x
     
  13. DisneyParis

    DisneyParis An Attitude of Gratitude

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    A lot of folk round here (incl. me) have been unwell with a tummy bug. Hope you feel better as the day goes on.

    Your chutney & marmalade sound delish.
     
  14. kopcat

    kopcat Gold Member

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    Re the swollen belly/bloatedness......I had to give up on 810 and move up to 1000, as my body just couldn't cope with the amount of quorn I was having to eat (we don't have meat in the house) - I truly struggled, felt very uncomfortable and ended up looking about 6 months pregnant!! Just a thought.....
     
  15. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    It is a massive amount of Quorn on 810. I found it was easier to have half quorn/half cottage cheese.

    Oh hello meta btw. I love the title of your thread. All the best x
     
  16. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    Thanks all...Luckily i felt better by midday, so suspect it was just bloating due to all that quorn. Had great day, chutney and onions finished and house stinks even more but it was fun so i don't care.
    Food: Ate a chicken drumstick! Just so busy couldn't get round to cooking for self and family already had other non cd stuff so caved in. Even worse, it was a pre-cooked shop bought one which i know is just full of all sorts of rubbish. How useless to muck up already. Haven't had much water either, so doubly bad day.
    I annoy myself when i do this, as long as i can keep it just to one day i'm not too hard on myself so roll on tomorrow. In work 10-6 so should make life easier. Want to read more on here but OH is wanting 'quality time' curled up on sofa watching film, so i s'pose i ought to oblige. Actually, the thought of being warm under my blanket and a hot choc-mint shake has swung it! xx
     
  17. alexmummy07

    alexmummy07 Silver Member

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    Good to see you are doing well. Keep moving forward, and keep glugging the water.

    As has been said - watch for the tummy pains. I have had all these, not from a bug, but from CD just being too much in the end on too low a plan, so had to push up to 1000. I feel so much better now I'm on a higher plan, the pains have gone - so just to keep in mind for future.

    Hope you have a nice rest of evening/day tomorrow xx
     
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  19. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    9.11.09
    Can only be quick, spent so long browsing through others diarys its not really late and i so have to go to bed. Not being awful- but not as virtuous as is hould be given that its my first week of 810 which i was all excited about. Food: Only had on pre-cooked chicken breast today again! Bad, bad, bad.......!
    I think part of the problem is that i am just so busy trying to do other stuff, work/xmas hampers, that i am not really devoting the time i need to my eating, either physically or mentally. Think this is the problem with doing ss in a way, it gets so easy not to have to think about it, and now i have to, i can't fit it in. I know that isn't an option, it has to become an important priority for me to be able to focus and continue losing.
    Oh, and my water is still only at the 2l mark approx, i normally have much more, and.....we made blackberry and apple jam tonight after work, and i probably licked enough off my finger after testing to screw things up even further.....Oh, to have that discipline i had in the first days of ss where even cake batter got wiped on a cloth.
    Promise to self to try harder tomorrow. Got to go to bed NOW, I have a demon in my head this minute telling me to eat some cheese before i go up, its making me feel all tense and twitchy. How screwed up is that?
    I have pondered if it is easier to move up to 1000 alexmummy, 810 just seems so inbetween things. Will try another week after this weeks WI, and try to plan meals better first i think. Will watch out for the tummy pains though, thanks xx
     
  20. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    You're doing great Butterfly, it's bound to take some adjusting when you out food back in the picture but think you are wise to stick with 810 for now. (I did it for months and lost 2 of my 4 stone on it, so obviously a fan!) You do need to plan the meal though, & if you struggle with the quorn as many of us do, try having that meal in two sections, the same amount, maybe the same meal, but divided between lunch & tea. Plan... your food right now is more important than the Xmas hampers, yummy though they may be!

    xxx
     
  21. aussieraquel

    aussieraquel loving minimins!

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    hey butterfly, I understand where you are coming from with the whole wishing you had the control you did on ss. My control and resist of temptation was amazing! If I was to cook tea for my boy, I would not even taste it to see if it was hot enough, cooked etc.....nothing tuched my lips that was not in the book. But once you release the grip and go up the plans, it does get tough, and I think it really is where all the work begins.....for me it did anyway, and I'm still struggling with it.

    Just up your water, stay focused and positive and you will be fine! :)
     
  22. *butterfly*

    *butterfly* Silver Member

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    10.11.09
    Right, I'm starting as i mean to go on today. Have already glugged a couple of pints of water and feel determined to crack this today. Got loads to do, but will fit my meal cooking into that. Having chicken breast, think i may kebab it and serve with stir fried mixed leaves (pak-choi spinach etc) and use oriental chilli soup as sauce. Shouldn't take too long either. Thanks for the support and boot up the bum, its just what i need. So, now i'm planned and focused its off to get ready, bit of shopping to do. Back later xx
     
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