*butterfly*
Silver Member
06.11.09
Well, as promised, a diary for me to track my progress, keep on track and hopefully help me keep this weight off forever, with a bit of help from anyone who wants to drop in along the way.
A bit about me:……. I’m Lorna, age 34 from Shropshire. As good as married for past 12 years, and very happy with a gorgeous 3yr old DD. Work as a psychiatric nurse. Family being very important to me, central focus to my life and all wonderfully supportive of my weight loss.
Have always been large, not fat - but a rounded child. Apparently it was ‘puppy fat’, that would drop off. Well it didn’t and then my appalling eating habits developed and it just got worse. Smallest size I recall being is a 14 in senior school. Have dieted for years, mostly SW (tried Atkins), got to size 14 once, but always returned to bad habits and piled it back on.
As for my eating habits:…… I love food. Was raised on basic home cooking, but would also have junk, snacks and just developed a liking for these over healthy stuff. I eat for all sort of reasons, hunger, boredom, anger, happiness, comfort, socially, alone. As I got bigger I s’pose the negative reasons for eating grew, and my ‘control’ over it seemed to diminish. My worst period was pre- CD and it was the main reason for choosing something so drastic. I desperately wanted to lose weight and it seemed the more I thought of it and planned, the more I ate. I could go all day and eat nothing, then I’d binge, or I’d binge all day. Anything I could get my hands on, mostly all junk. Made me feel even worse about myself, so I’d eat more for comfort. Ashamed to admit it (but I promised I’d be honest with myself, so if I need to look back I’ll remember) but I’d even make myself sick sometimes, either because I felt p’d off with how much I’d eaten, or so to be able to have more. It was only after I’d found minis and begun contemplating an alternative weight loss programme that the crisis point came where I had to take action. Basically, I talked to my OH about how I felt my eating was out of control, hence I wanted to do CD. It was the only time I have ever been so honest with anyone (including myself) about how bad it felt, and I just knew I couldn’t carry on like this. So I eventually called a cdc and started within a week.
Reasons to lose weight:…..1) For me…. I know if honest my weight has held me back. Whilst I am quite outgoing, a combination of my weight, (and bad boyfriend choices!) meant that I didn’t do all the uni socialising stuff as I could have. Then grew apart from friends over the years and as a result I now have no ‘close’ friends to speak of. Which I bitterly regret. Would like to meet new people and gain friends but have not got enough confidence, (or time!) to be able to. So this is something I hope will change over the years. Also for all the usual reasons – to look/feel good about myself, to shop , etc etc. 2) For my daughter- there is just no way do I ever want her to face these problems. I’ve always been very carefull with her diet but I want her to chose healthy food as the norm, not the exception. Not to see junk food as a desirable or deserving treat. And to give her the best possible start in life physically. 3) for my OH, he now has no choice, he eats healthy, and is going to benefit from this- hes also overweight but not bothered enough to actively seek to do to much about it himself on a consistant basis. 4) to get healthy. Fat has always been my excuse and reason for being an exercise-phobe! No more excuses, I want to try to get healthy and fitter. 5) to get married (eventually)- been putting it off for 12 years for fear of being a frump in a frock. Only want a small thing, but want to feel special. 6) to have baby no.2 and be fit for pregnancy and birth, and minimise complications- then be able to run around after my expanded family!
So here I am, 18 weeks on CD (SS) and have gone from size 20+ and 15st 5lb, to size 12 and now 10st 7lb. I cannot believe it, never really thought this was possible. But I’m under no illusions and truly believe that the easiest part is behind me, and the hard work begins here. I’ve spent a lot of time poring through minis, reading low GI books and trying to get my head into the right place, understanding my eating problems a bit better so to enable change. I am determined I can be in control, and do this, and not be one of the 90+% who regain. I will certainly try my hardest anyway.
Got to my HEALTHY BMI at this weeks WI (24.9) so have moved up to 810 on 5.11.09, and for me this really signifies the start of my new slimmer life as it’s the point I start to reintroduce food again, and not my bad habits. I still hope to lose a bit more, target was 10st but now feel unsure on this and think I may want to go a bit lower and get to size 10. Will just take it as it comes and not get too focused on numbers, its how I feel that’s more important and I still feel a bit fat. I will never be a beach babe, have all the trademarks of long term obesity and laziness,- stretch marks, cellulite, thread and varicose veins, and now saggy skin. But I hope to help some of that with exercise and just be happy with myself when I look in the mirror.
Food intake:
5.11.09: Tuna with herbs/dressing and salad. Chicken breast. (all measured!) Felt stuffed, cannot believe the tuna amount- (hence I had some chicken) Struggled to fit in packs as on nights, which always throws me.
6.11.09: Quorn mince with herbs/tandoori mix cooked with grated courgette, mushroom and celery, with spicy tomato soup added. Topped with cottage cheese/herb ix and grilled – gorgeous but filling. Cooked double so can have tomorrow aswell. Its actually 7.11.09 now but I’m at work overnight so my new day hasn’t started yet till I’ve gone home and had a sleep. Just off to have a soup, spicy tomato all the way for me.
Well, I have to apologise for the waffle, if anyone dares to wade through it all. But this is for me, to remind myself now, before I get complacent of what I don’t want to go back to. For now, I’ll look forward and enjoy as I’m presently really excited by it all! I couldn’t have done this without mini’s- I am addicted, even if I don’t always get to post, and everyone has helped me so much, even without knowing, it is a lifeline, where I just know someone out there understands exactly what this is like, and I don’t have to ‘hide’. So here I go……wish me luck! xx
Well, as promised, a diary for me to track my progress, keep on track and hopefully help me keep this weight off forever, with a bit of help from anyone who wants to drop in along the way.
A bit about me:……. I’m Lorna, age 34 from Shropshire. As good as married for past 12 years, and very happy with a gorgeous 3yr old DD. Work as a psychiatric nurse. Family being very important to me, central focus to my life and all wonderfully supportive of my weight loss.
Have always been large, not fat - but a rounded child. Apparently it was ‘puppy fat’, that would drop off. Well it didn’t and then my appalling eating habits developed and it just got worse. Smallest size I recall being is a 14 in senior school. Have dieted for years, mostly SW (tried Atkins), got to size 14 once, but always returned to bad habits and piled it back on.
As for my eating habits:…… I love food. Was raised on basic home cooking, but would also have junk, snacks and just developed a liking for these over healthy stuff. I eat for all sort of reasons, hunger, boredom, anger, happiness, comfort, socially, alone. As I got bigger I s’pose the negative reasons for eating grew, and my ‘control’ over it seemed to diminish. My worst period was pre- CD and it was the main reason for choosing something so drastic. I desperately wanted to lose weight and it seemed the more I thought of it and planned, the more I ate. I could go all day and eat nothing, then I’d binge, or I’d binge all day. Anything I could get my hands on, mostly all junk. Made me feel even worse about myself, so I’d eat more for comfort. Ashamed to admit it (but I promised I’d be honest with myself, so if I need to look back I’ll remember) but I’d even make myself sick sometimes, either because I felt p’d off with how much I’d eaten, or so to be able to have more. It was only after I’d found minis and begun contemplating an alternative weight loss programme that the crisis point came where I had to take action. Basically, I talked to my OH about how I felt my eating was out of control, hence I wanted to do CD. It was the only time I have ever been so honest with anyone (including myself) about how bad it felt, and I just knew I couldn’t carry on like this. So I eventually called a cdc and started within a week.
Reasons to lose weight:…..1) For me…. I know if honest my weight has held me back. Whilst I am quite outgoing, a combination of my weight, (and bad boyfriend choices!) meant that I didn’t do all the uni socialising stuff as I could have. Then grew apart from friends over the years and as a result I now have no ‘close’ friends to speak of. Which I bitterly regret. Would like to meet new people and gain friends but have not got enough confidence, (or time!) to be able to. So this is something I hope will change over the years. Also for all the usual reasons – to look/feel good about myself, to shop , etc etc. 2) For my daughter- there is just no way do I ever want her to face these problems. I’ve always been very carefull with her diet but I want her to chose healthy food as the norm, not the exception. Not to see junk food as a desirable or deserving treat. And to give her the best possible start in life physically. 3) for my OH, he now has no choice, he eats healthy, and is going to benefit from this- hes also overweight but not bothered enough to actively seek to do to much about it himself on a consistant basis. 4) to get healthy. Fat has always been my excuse and reason for being an exercise-phobe! No more excuses, I want to try to get healthy and fitter. 5) to get married (eventually)- been putting it off for 12 years for fear of being a frump in a frock. Only want a small thing, but want to feel special. 6) to have baby no.2 and be fit for pregnancy and birth, and minimise complications- then be able to run around after my expanded family!
So here I am, 18 weeks on CD (SS) and have gone from size 20+ and 15st 5lb, to size 12 and now 10st 7lb. I cannot believe it, never really thought this was possible. But I’m under no illusions and truly believe that the easiest part is behind me, and the hard work begins here. I’ve spent a lot of time poring through minis, reading low GI books and trying to get my head into the right place, understanding my eating problems a bit better so to enable change. I am determined I can be in control, and do this, and not be one of the 90+% who regain. I will certainly try my hardest anyway.
Got to my HEALTHY BMI at this weeks WI (24.9) so have moved up to 810 on 5.11.09, and for me this really signifies the start of my new slimmer life as it’s the point I start to reintroduce food again, and not my bad habits. I still hope to lose a bit more, target was 10st but now feel unsure on this and think I may want to go a bit lower and get to size 10. Will just take it as it comes and not get too focused on numbers, its how I feel that’s more important and I still feel a bit fat. I will never be a beach babe, have all the trademarks of long term obesity and laziness,- stretch marks, cellulite, thread and varicose veins, and now saggy skin. But I hope to help some of that with exercise and just be happy with myself when I look in the mirror.
Food intake:
5.11.09: Tuna with herbs/dressing and salad. Chicken breast. (all measured!) Felt stuffed, cannot believe the tuna amount- (hence I had some chicken) Struggled to fit in packs as on nights, which always throws me.
6.11.09: Quorn mince with herbs/tandoori mix cooked with grated courgette, mushroom and celery, with spicy tomato soup added. Topped with cottage cheese/herb ix and grilled – gorgeous but filling. Cooked double so can have tomorrow aswell. Its actually 7.11.09 now but I’m at work overnight so my new day hasn’t started yet till I’ve gone home and had a sleep. Just off to have a soup, spicy tomato all the way for me.
Well, I have to apologise for the waffle, if anyone dares to wade through it all. But this is for me, to remind myself now, before I get complacent of what I don’t want to go back to. For now, I’ll look forward and enjoy as I’m presently really excited by it all! I couldn’t have done this without mini’s- I am addicted, even if I don’t always get to post, and everyone has helped me so much, even without knowing, it is a lifeline, where I just know someone out there understands exactly what this is like, and I don’t have to ‘hide’. So here I go……wish me luck! xx
Anyway, I'm sure it will change, or hope at least. It terrifies me that he could ever be like me, and I never ever want that for him.
