My OH wants me to GAIN weight

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Just Do It, 28 October 2007 Social URL.

  1. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Hi, I have a huge dilemma. After 20 years of going on about me needing to lose weight, my OH now thinks I am too thin.

    I can't believe it. I have finally reached the weight of my dreams. I feel so pleased with myself, I have wanted to be this weight since I was 15 and he wants me to put at least half a stone back on!

    I can see that my face looks a bit thin, and that I haven't got a bum anymore, and that my legs are actually thin, but I like it like that. I would rather have the gauntish face so I get the thin legs. My huge thighs and butt have caused me such anguish over the years, I don't want to risk anything to get them back.

    I couldn't guarantee where any weight gain would go, and I am terrified about sparking anything off.

    I have told him that my glycogen hasn't come back yet and that may make a difference. I am on week 5 of RtM and still losing but I feel like it has mostly stabalised. Part of me thinks, 'Ooo an excuse to eat loads of bread and put weight on in carb week', but I know I don't want to do that

    I thought that he would like me being like this but he says I am all skin and bone.

    I never thought I would be in this position. My weight seems to be a control issue in our relationship. Am I reading too much into it, should I just let him get used to it?

    My M-I-L and kids think I am fine. My sister agrees with my OH.
    My instinct is to stay like I am, but I have noticed he can hardly look at me. He likes the look of me from the back but not the front. I find myself sitting with my hands over my face and stomach.

    I used to do that when I was huge. It has come full circle.
    Thanks in advance for any advice.

    Best wishes
    Claire
     
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  3. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    Hiya Claire

    This is very very very very common so don't panic!

    Firstly once you go back to normal food your body will generally puff back up a bit from experience as I look back at my photos when I finished and I think I look "healthier" now and less gaunt but my weight is exactly the same. Therefore don't panic about that.

    Over your husband you need to talk this through, it is common for this to be an issue as he perceives that men will now be more interested in you because you look "sexier" to them etc etc. The thing it so reassure him that you lost weight for yourself and for him so you live longer with each other and that all it really means if that he is stuck with you for an extra 13 years :)

    Anyway don't let this get you down as you have done so very well!

    Talking is key....

    Mike
     
  4. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Dear Claire

    I totally understand how you feel; my husband's nickname for me was Skeletor! On my birthday, he finally told me he thought I had been too thin (and therefore not so attractive). I wrote about the changes in my blog (I will email you the specific link so you can go straight to THAT particular post) because I think it will help (you).

    Now, however, with a few pounds extra - at my thinnest I was 5lbs lighter - he is now telling me not to undo all my hard work. It's a delicate balance.

    My advice, for what it's worth, is to try to see it from another perspective; how would you feel if your husband lost A LOT of weight or conversely put on A LOT of weight in a short amount of time?

    I've asked my husband what he thinks - about your dilemma - and will post again.

    You are not alone and I do think the speed of the diet compounds these issues; if you had taken off the weight more slowly, it probably would not have been as dramatic and, therefore, not as scary (for your other half). Remember, you are probably carrying yourself differently, dressing differently and maybe even behaving differently; you have faced your demons and won! Hands down. This can't but have had an effect on the relationship with your significant other.

    You are not alone and I promise that there is a resolution!

    With love,

    Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  5. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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  6. sugarplum

    sugarplum Regular Member

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    Hi
    I have read a number of your threads and think you're an inspiration to us all. I too lost a lot of weight on LL and family and friends told me how great i looked etc. However, over the last couple of months I have put a good few lbs back on and decided to go back to LL to get rid of this excess. When I mentioned this to my family and friends I couldn't believe their reaction. My OH, one of my daughters and a friend went mad, they said that I looked far better now with a bit of extra weight, that I had looked far too gaunt and hubby said that I was all skin and bone. Well i have thought about this and how I felt when I first lost the weight and how I feel now and for me I have decided to carry on. Although i am nowhere near what I was originally it still doesn't feel right, i don't feel as confident as i did, i don't feel as comfortable as i did, basically i don't feel as happy with myself. I have decided to carry on and get to where I feel comfortable and not others.
     
  7. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    Hello there - just thought I'd add my experience to the mix as I was actually looking at my photos from August (when I got to a BMI of 22) and now and what we had back then was a body depleted of most of its extra fat, so my hands looked like Madonna's claw hands and my face looked strange and haunted and I looked scrawny - and the other mgmt girls looked like that at the beginning - in fact my counsellor says 'I don;t always like to show the pictures from the end of abstinence, I prefer to wait until people have gone through refeeding as then they look slim and healthy, rather than like they've gone too far' - also - at the beginning of management, my coxxyx was so prominent and my arse so un-fatty that I kept hitting it on the bottom of the bath! I have put on about 20lbs since then (part of that was not quite getting through management as planned) but after a couple of weeks of being too big for my size 10s, I have stabilised at a BMI of just over 25 which I feel - for me, having always been a curvy girl before I was obese, is what being Sarah is about - when I was younger I weighed this much and felt fat all the time, but that was about fashion - I weighed this much when the waif look was in so of course I felt like an elephant. People might say they're all about the size zero, but I am in my 30s - I am allowed to have hips and breasts and find that people actually like that! Anyway - back to your point - I went out on Friday and I think that everyone who worried about me when I was doing LL (a lot of them said 'You'll lose your boobs') was reassured to see me withe the boobs looking as great as ever. My fashionista friend said 'If I didn't know you, I'd be asking you for your surgeon's name'
     
  8. Dom1979

    Dom1979 Gold Member

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    I can only agree with what a lot of people have said. Being 'scrawny looking' (how I referred to myself at the time) won't last long, once you have finished RtM, you will look much healthier. By the way, I also didn't lose my boobs, not permanently. I thought I had, then they came back, which was a relief!
     
  9. dietingqueen

    dietingqueen Gold Member

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    I so agree with Sugar plum, I have put 12lbs back on... and yeah back than i did look gaunt, but i was confident and happy... today 12lbs heavier, i feel fat, low confidence, nothing feels comfortable... however my OH was also saying just this morning he likes me the size i am now... just i dont like it and its making me feel low!!! catch 22 situation... he doesnt like bones and skin either!!!!
     
  10. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Hm, I am still on the journey but I have to admit that OH is already worrying that I will take it too far and he is open about the fact that he liked me "big". I have explained why I am doing this and he is supporting me but I do worry that I will find myself where I want to be and my OH will not be happy about it. I guess time will tell for me.
     
  11. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    I want to look gaunt!:eek: .... with the knowledge i will puff out a bit when I start eating.

    still so far to go.
     
  12. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Thanks everyone for your great replies.

    Mike - its so good to hear your wise and experienced opinion. And I have talked to my OH but he doesn't quite listen to the glycogen carbohydrate explanation.

    Mrs L, I have made myself a coffee to drink while I go to your blog. I feel ready to read it now. And I have a big fresh pot to get through!

    SugarPlum and DancingQueen, thanks so much for your experience, I feel like I would be the same. I feel so different with losing those last few pounds.

    Sarah, you have confused me with the curve debate - I do miss my boobs, but I am worried that I will just pile it all back on my calves and on Thursday I am going to get my longed for knee length boots. Boots or boobs? And what you said about your coxxyx (don't think I've ever used that word in writing before) I know what you mean, driving is so painful and I couldn't sit in Starbucks the other day as there were only wooden chairs left and it was too uncomfortable.

    I am hoping that like Dom my boobs will reappear soon.

    Scot - best of British to you. My OH didn't actually say when he thought I looked OK. He either said I had another 2 stones to lose, or I need to gain half a stone. I don't know at what point he changed his mind. Keep asking your OH as you are losing.

    Dancing - I was desperate to be gaunt too - and then puff up of course. You will get there and I'll let you know how the puffing goes!

    Thanks again for your replies, food for thought!
     
  13. sun

    sun Gold Member

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    Oh gosh, doesnt it just change!!, from all the great positive comments that make you feel and look a million dollars, the encouragement and then bang wallop, they all start, I'm talking about my OH and friends and family, "you've lost too much, looking gaunt, ribby, no ass!", you need to put some weight on, you've lost too much, blah blah, bloody blah, and then self esteem tumbles again.

    This happened Saturday night at a huge halloween party, I was on a high when we went and then I ended up getting drunk coz I got upset.

    In fact I am still 3lbs away from reaching my 3 stone, and in my childlike state, I will reach my goal!

    sun xxxxxxxx
     
  14. dietingqueen

    dietingqueen Gold Member

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    I just have to add i did lose my boobs(OH was mortified).... but at the moment my boobs are great... wish they could stay like this.... Its my stmaoch that i hate the most... in all this!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that gym membership... is saying... tone up you fat ar$e... lol !!!!!
     
  15. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Sun - that is EXACTLY what they are saying to me. No Ass!!! They complained about the old ass for years now they want it back!

    Lets keep on going for us.

    And DietingQueen great news about those boobs, I do miss mine - well not all of them, just about half of what they were.
     
  16. sun

    sun Gold Member

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    Oh yeah baby, lost again now in the 8sts!

    Lets defintely do it for us xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    Blimey what a dilemma!! It is a very difficult thing to find your most attractive weight!!

    Would you mind me asking how old you are??? Personally i think a BMI of 21 is VERY low and would make most people look too thin and gaunt, i really don't think gaunt is an attractive look for most people. It's interesting that your sister also agrees with your husband so there maybe an element of truth in his statement??? I think out of hubby, sister, mother and kids i would opt for the sensible opinion coming from your sister. Unless there is a jealousy element there.

    At the end of the day it's up to you though. You will probably put a little weight back on as you go through the steps so maybe it's good to have a buffer???
     
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  19. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Thanks Karen,
    I didn't try to lose the last half stone, it has just come off of its own accord - previously unheard of in my life.
    I think I am going to see it through to the end of management and see if the puffiness reappears, which it does seem to do for some people.
    I am 41 and my sister has just started doing weight matters so ....
     
  20. triphazard99

    triphazard99 Member

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    Really interesting reading this as it may be something I come up against.. eventually! When I'm large (OK - huge!) I have all the independance I need, oh is never worried about when I go out, where I go, who I see etc etc, but whenever I've been slim suddenly he turns into this jealous possessive..jerk. I can see the funny side (just because he prefers slim women, there's a whole world out there of guys who appreciate curves..), but I really don't want to run into the whole jealousy thing again. I have already approached him about this and he has promised that he wont do it again... but I do wonder about the 'you're too thin' detractors, how much is jealousy? No one has ever in my life told me I was too thin, it might be kind of nice to hear that ... lol. It would be interesting to analyse out of relatives/friends who fell on which side of the camp - too thin or looking great, and see what they stand to gain by making you feel good/bad. Sorry it's a bit rambly, better go and have another cup of coffee..
     
  21. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    HI TripHazzard99 - brilliant name!! whats the story??

    I know this too thin debate is bizarre. I suppose I like it in a way as it is so far at the other end of the scale from where I was.

    But I can't believe my OH is saying it because he is jealous or worried. I don't think he has ever been one to worry about other people.

    But I do like your suggestion about more coffee.. time for another pot I think.
     
  22. triphazard99

    triphazard99 Member

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    LOL - my nickname at college was Trip (many years ago, let's not delve too deeply) and I ended up with a Danger Triphazard sign on my door one evening...... it's moved house with me everywhere since in the last twenty years, and it still sums me up.. but for my lack of spacial awareness these days... I can take out three kids with one ill calculated swing of my hips :D. Can't wait to be at the too thin end of the debate (who was it who said you can never be too rich or too thin?). Glad your oh isn't the jealous type, could well be just a little frightening for him then, seeing such a massive change in you, or could be that you just need to stabilize at your perfect weight to look healthy not gaunt. Loads of luck with it - you're an inspiration to me.

    Sophie
     
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