my pg diary .. warning full of anxieties and worry !!!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Without The Pounds' started by lebody, 18 May 2010 Social URL.

  1. lebody

    lebody Full Member

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    warning : this diary contains some sensitive issues such as mc and stillbirth

    im already running a sw food diary, currently 22+5 weeks pg and not enjoying it at all. im full of worries and anxiety about the pg as have had several mc and a stillbirth at 20 weeks - 2 yrs ago this week.
    i never thought id find myself pg again, specially at 41 yrs young i was thankful for my beautiful daughter fleur aged 11, but i have been given another chance and so here i am again on the pregnancy roller coaster, expecting a little boy who i think we will call harry .. i find it hard to talk about the pregnancy to family and friends, i almost feel at times im detaching myself from it (self preservation) almost as if i dont acknowledge it, nothing bad can happen - so i have decided to record my little niggles and anxieties, plus all my various aches and pains,lol in this diary, i hope no one is upset or offended xx
     
    Last edited: 18 May 2010
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  3. lebody

    lebody Full Member

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    22+5

    have been on the internet most of the morning looking up various aches and pains, keep getting this weird pain at the top of my bump just under my right breast .. its the strangest pain and havent come across anyone else who knows what im talking about (just typical!) the best way to describe it is as if im being shocked with a stun gun from inside, comes on all of a sudden and although only lasts couple seconds, it takes my breath away, makes me jump and occasionally let out a series of expletives, lol .. both my mw and gp seem to think its round ligament pain, but have never seen it described as the above before .. seing my consultant tomorrow for a reassurance scan so will mention it to him. will also mention that im really not doing that well at all mentally, im permanantly anxious about every little ache and pain, worry when cant feel baby move, im even starting to worry about the birth already and all that can go wrong .. i think he was hoping that once id got over the 20 week mark, id feel much better about things but its been the total opposite .. i now realise there is actually a possibility this pg will go full term, so i panic about every little thing, i know its driving the health professionals and my husband mad, but i just cant help it!
    im also feeling a little fragile at the moment as friday 21st may will be the 2 yr anniversary of when our dd was born sleeping. in fact, i freaked out this morning when i realised my scan appt tomorrow was 19th may as thats the day we went for our scan only to find baby had no heart beat .. i have pulled myself together now, and given myself a good talking to - i have been given another chance and have to try my best to embrace it, sadly many people are not so lucky ..
     
    Last edited: 18 May 2010
  4. mummytummy

    mummytummy Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    I am so sorry for your losses. I have no idea what you are feeling as I have never experienced a loss before. We Thought that I was having a mc at 17 wks with my daughter but thankfully she was fine. I think your totally justified in how your feeling. I have suffered with anxiousness before and it's no walk in the park. Is there a charity you can get in contact with for support?

    Just try to relax and enjoy your precious bundle inside of you x
     
  5. fatfighter

    fatfighter wannabe yummy mummy

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    So sorry for your losses, hope your scan tomorrow reassures you *hugs*
     
  6. bajoleth

    bajoleth Gold Member

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    Awww bless you, it must be a real rollercoaster of emotions, wanting to get excited but afraid to get attached. I have no idea of what you are going through so have no advice but I am sure your OH and the health professionals perfectly understand why you feel the way you do. I hope your scan gives you a little reassurance but I have a feeling that no matter how many scans or reassurances you have you won't be truly satisfied until you hold you baby in your arms. I wonder if there is a support group attached to your GP or hospital I know we have one so it might be worth enquiring about. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way it seems entirely natural to me, take care of yourself and remember we are always here if you need a cyber shoulder;)
     
  7. sarahG31

    sarahG31 New Mum :)

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    I can only reiterate what everyone has said. You can waffle on here as much as you like, someone will be willing to listen that's for sure.

    Make sure whatever you sit and read online you take, in part, with a pinch of salt. It's not regulated and sometimes it's either not accurate (usually out of date) or takes it to the extreme. The ligament pain could be a reason, simply due to the extra 'concentrated' weight on you now. There's allsorts going on inside you now (as you well know!).

    I hope you can find a way to relax a little soon.
     
  8. lebody

    lebody Full Member

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    hi

    thanks all.. ive decided not to carry on the diary, something else was picked up at a doppler scan which i totally freaked out about cpl days ago .. blood flow from uterine artery to placenta not very good, they're not too concerned but just monitering me .. but i was in such a state, couldnt bring myself to come on here .. im depressed enough as it is, without depressing everyone else with my anxieties, lol .. so for now will leave it at that and try and find my sanity some other way!
    thanks to everyone who took the time to read it xx
     
  9. sarahG31

    sarahG31 New Mum :)

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    Sorry to hear about the scan results. Fingers crossed it's all okay. As we've all already said, don't be worried about pouring out your thoughts on here. Sometimes it's good to get things written down and out your head.
     
  10. Emma75

    Emma75 Full Member

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    I don't come on here often, but just wanted to say feel free to post if you want - it is nice to have somewhere to get everything out. Good luck with everything!!! x

    PS: I hope you won't be a stranger from the ante-natal weight challenge????
     
  11. lebody

    lebody Full Member

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    quick update : i had an appt with my midwife monday afternoon - she was brilliant and reassured me what they picked up isnt too much of a concern and that it actually sounds worse than it is. although its not common, as long as im properly monitored all should progress well so i feel much better .. i guess with my history im bound to freak out at every little thing they pick up. thanks everyone for your kind words and support .. think i will leave this thread for a while, dont want my ramblings and experiences to upset or worry anyone with their own pregnancies .. will still stick to the pregnancy without the pounds challenges though:) thanks again xx:)
     
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