I'm doing ok - totally 100% still, drinking my water, feeling fine. But today i've been thinking, I can't ever imagine myself slim. I've been overweight all my adult life - from slightly (teen/early 20s) to enormously (various points in between then and now) but mostly ...well, mostly significantly overweight. I was married at 13.5 stone; went up to 16; down to 11.5; back up to 15...and here we are. I wasn't a particularly fat child but I was chubby, or at least I thought I was. The only time I've been properly slim - even thin - was when I went to college; I went at 10 stone and within a term was 9 stone (a diet of mainly alcohol, with occasional veggie-pizza-chips-and-beans and things on toast - plus a whole new regime of walking 6-8 miles per day and dancing every night). Even then, I thought I was fat. By Christmas of that first year, everyone told me I was too thin and looked ill, but I wonder how much of that was just surprise and the fact that they cared about me and it didn't look like I was taking care of myself.
I am thinking about how much of this contributes to the fact that I simply can't imagine that I will ever be slim and a healthy weight. It just doesn't 'fit' with my self image. I am a confident person and don't hide away, despite my size. I'm not the jolly fat girl, being a total misery some of the time, but I just don't make an issue out of being a size 18/20. Its normal. Its what I am. Will I still be me if I'm 10 stone and a size 12?
Can I ever get there? Fears of self sabotage abound. I just can't believe it'll ever be me.
I've no idea where this has come from, and guess its just a passing mind-flurble, but I'm so used to being a 'big girl' that its impossible for me, at the moment, to believe that I'll ever be slim.
This is a bit of a stream of consciousness - no worries if there's no replies...will probably pinch it for my blog in any event!
Anyone else been through this, or something similar? I'm not wobbling, or 'blipping', or wanting to stop - far from it. I want to do this, I really really do, but I just can't seem to reconcile it with my idea of 'me'.
Bit deep. And with that I'm off for a bath, I think!
x
I am thinking about how much of this contributes to the fact that I simply can't imagine that I will ever be slim and a healthy weight. It just doesn't 'fit' with my self image. I am a confident person and don't hide away, despite my size. I'm not the jolly fat girl, being a total misery some of the time, but I just don't make an issue out of being a size 18/20. Its normal. Its what I am. Will I still be me if I'm 10 stone and a size 12?
Can I ever get there? Fears of self sabotage abound. I just can't believe it'll ever be me.
I've no idea where this has come from, and guess its just a passing mind-flurble, but I'm so used to being a 'big girl' that its impossible for me, at the moment, to believe that I'll ever be slim.
This is a bit of a stream of consciousness - no worries if there's no replies...will probably pinch it for my blog in any event!
Anyone else been through this, or something similar? I'm not wobbling, or 'blipping', or wanting to stop - far from it. I want to do this, I really really do, but I just can't seem to reconcile it with my idea of 'me'.
Bit deep. And with that I'm off for a bath, I think!
x