Negative thoughts

[LizS]

I'm doing ok - totally 100% still, drinking my water, feeling fine. But today i've been thinking, I can't ever imagine myself slim. I've been overweight all my adult life - from slightly (teen/early 20s) to enormously (various points in between then and now) but mostly ...well, mostly significantly overweight. I was married at 13.5 stone; went up to 16; down to 11.5; back up to 15...and here we are. I wasn't a particularly fat child but I was chubby, or at least I thought I was. The only time I've been properly slim - even thin - was when I went to college; I went at 10 stone and within a term was 9 stone (a diet of mainly alcohol, with occasional veggie-pizza-chips-and-beans and things on toast - plus a whole new regime of walking 6-8 miles per day and dancing every night). Even then, I thought I was fat. By Christmas of that first year, everyone told me I was too thin and looked ill, but I wonder how much of that was just surprise and the fact that they cared about me and it didn't look like I was taking care of myself.

I am thinking about how much of this contributes to the fact that I simply can't imagine that I will ever be slim and a healthy weight. It just doesn't 'fit' with my self image. I am a confident person and don't hide away, despite my size. I'm not the jolly fat girl, being a total misery some of the time, but I just don't make an issue out of being a size 18/20. Its normal. Its what I am. Will I still be me if I'm 10 stone and a size 12?

Can I ever get there? Fears of self sabotage abound. I just can't believe it'll ever be me.

I've no idea where this has come from, and guess its just a passing mind-flurble, but I'm so used to being a 'big girl' that its impossible for me, at the moment, to believe that I'll ever be slim.

This is a bit of a stream of consciousness - no worries if there's no replies...will probably pinch it for my blog in any event!

Anyone else been through this, or something similar? I'm not wobbling, or 'blipping', or wanting to stop - far from it. I want to do this, I really really do, but I just can't seem to reconcile it with my idea of 'me'.

Bit deep. And with that I'm off for a bath, I think!

x

 

[ELAY]

Liz... Try and keep your chin up. This is a very emotional journey, not only are we basically changing the way we have lived for years but we are changing our mindset and it is bound to bring up thoughts/feelings from the past negative & positive.

I'm similar in a way, Not fat as a kid, but had times at school when I was bigger than my friends. But at college, I was skinny... like you lived off not much to eat, lots of alcohol and even more dancing (& a bit of sex too). Met my OH when I was 18 and gradually the weight has gone up and up and especially after having 2 kids in 2 years.

But in my mind... I keep telling myself that the way I am isn't the real me, I'm hidden beneath all the extra skin and warm layers of Fat. I know I will be skinny again, because that's what you have to tell yourself otherwise you're more likely to give in.

So all I can say is, pick yourself up and start believing in YOU again and be positive. YOU CAN DO THIS xxx

p.s. sorry for the waffle x

 

[Wannabeelovely]

I know exactly what you mean LizS and I do agree with Elay 100%. I've fought this weight problem for so long with varying degrees of success that I've kind of lost faith in me ever being at my dream weight. I daren't believe. Its a sort of 'too good to ever happen to me' sort of feeling! I've always felt like a slim person trapped in a fat prison of a body and I often get the urge to say to people that they're not looking at the real me - cos they're not!
At the end of the day, though, its just about losing the next lb and the next one and then the next one and feeling good about what we're achieving and not ever looking back. We ARE on an emotional journey and we're breaking the habits of a lifetime and its really hard to take sometimes. I think positivity is everything in this game so try not to look at the bigger picture if it doesnt inspire you, just look at the little changes you make for the better every minute, hour and day you're on this weird and wonderful diet!!! You can do it! xxx

 

[Sunshine Singer]

Hi hun, just want to let you know i've read your post and well done for putting it out there. It'll probably help you loads to have done this. I'm not in the right frame of mind tonight to contribute to your thread but just wanted u to know I think you're fab and doing well xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Liz, great thread and as Sunshine says I think just putting it into thoughts and words will help. So many of us have been there... but wanted to say, this is your 'fat goggles' talking. When you look in the mirror and can't see the losses, or into the future and can't see a different way to be. Or when you look inside and fear that the real you won't be there any more if you change the surface you.

Those 'fat goggles' play games with your head. Don't listen... you can do this. Yes, it is possible. Yes, you will still be the same person at the end of it, but stronger, and with a whoosh of unfolding confidence at the achievement. I am still getting my head around being slim, it will take a while. But I was very unhappy before and I do not want to go back to that place, so that's a great incentive to maintain.

Just wanted to say, don't be afraid of this journey. You CAN do it. Do it for you... and keep posting your thoughts as you go, because the hardest battles are the ones we fight in our minds. Big hugs.

xxx

 

[Eternalflame]

Can't add any more then the other ladies have. But will say that this diet makes you think more and explore your feeling too, don't know why, but for every negative thought, you should match it with a positive one. There is a thread on here, "One positive thought a day" sunshine singer.. Its good to list something and also see other's too. xx

 

[Madferret]

Just wondered... could it be the speed of things ?
When we put weight on, for most of us anyway, it's a gradual process.. a couple of pounds here and there but then again it all mounts up. In a few years, here we all are, overweight and unhappy..

CD however accelerates the weight loss and it takes a while for our minds/heads to catch up with it..

PLus I also think when you have been on a lot of diets that haven't worked for you, you get convinced that NOTHING will work for you and when it does, it scares us...

Just my opinion !

Tracy

 

[LizS]

Thank you all for your replies and kind words - makes a lot of sense, particularly the 'fat goggles' thing. I think I am still wearing them today - I look at the tiny slips of things trotting into the office in their tiny vest tops and skirts and just think I'll never be like them; not that I don't want to be, I do, but its taking a while for my head to come to terms with the idea of what's possible!

I'm fine, honestly, very committed and on track, am on 11th successive 100% day and looking forward to trying my first ever strawberry tetra at lunch today!

 

[Madferret]

You are doing great - and it will happen for you...

Tracy

 

[miss jelly tot]

Some good advice on here! I think 'fat googles' as katy says play a big part. We don't see what other people do.
It's like sleepybird (she will kill me for saying this) to me shes tiny and she often says she doesn't feel any different and would like to come face to face with her imaginary twin. So she can see what other people do. Her twin to me is Kylie (if Kylie had bigger boobs.) My twin or so I feel is Majorie Dawes

You will get there.
Keep going your doing well and you saying

I want to do this, I really really do

just shows you can and are determined too.

 

[Katycakes]

Liz, just wanted to say, read your blog and loving it... keep on keeping on! And chuck out those fat goggles, rose-tinted ones are a whole lot nicer, and make the world a better place. Think we should all be issued with those at birth! (OK, Pollyanna moment over, will shut up now!)

xxx