O/T Relationship Advise

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Foo Fan, 6 October 2009 Social URL.

  1. Foo Fan

    Foo Fan Gold Member

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    Hi Guys,

    This is all kinda personal but I need some advise.

    I've been with my OH for 4 years. We live together and got engaged in July...

    I told him yesterday that I didnt know if I want to be with him anymore and I'm going to stay with my mum for a couple of days.

    I've not been happy for a while. I do love him and he's my best friend. He's very upset and cant understand where this has come from.

    I dont know what to do.. It kills me that I've upset him but I am unhappy..

    I dont know what to do! I dont want to stay with him for years and pretend to be happy - but I dont want to break his heart.

    It will be so hard to leave him and not speak to him everyday - but I dont feel the same way anymore. I dont want to go into to much detial but I'm not intimate with him anymore and its effort when I am.

    Can anyone give me advise please!
     
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  3. baby_callalillies

    baby_callalillies Full Member

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    Hi there

    Poor you....

    its a difficult one, but you have done the right thing and taken time out. Time out is good to allow you some perspective.

    Its important you talk to your Oh though, tell him how you are feeling, or even write it down as its sometimes easier to write how you feel.

    Its easier said than done - but imagine how things would be in the future if you just stuck it out and remained unhappy - these things dont get better, they just make you more miserable.

    GOOD LUCK

    Sorry i cant offer anything constructive, just wanted you to know im thinking about you
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  4. Glittergirl

    Glittergirl Full Member

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    Sorry your having such a rough time! It must have been such a hard choice to make for you! At the end of the day you can't marry someone when you don't feel the same way about them anymore!
    Sounds like you made the right choice! And he will understand eventually! Good luck with everything xxx
     
  5. Nellyphant

    Nellyphant Silver Member

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    My only advice was to go and get some couple counselling. My DH & I had some last year through Relate and it really helped our communication and also our physical relationship.

    Good luck.
     
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  6. mrsessex

    mrsessex Gold Member

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    Is there someone else? Are you thinking the grass is greener?

    Big hug for you I can relate I went through the exact same thing a few years ago x
     
  7. Foo Fan

    Foo Fan Gold Member

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    Thanks for your posts guys...

    No there is no one else... I just dont feel the same anymore...

    I really dont know what to do - I dont want to hurt him.. But I dont want to just stay with him cos I feel guilty..

    My heads all over the place...
     
  8. JimmyShoo

    JimmyShoo Silver Member

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    Hi Hon,

    You have to be selfish i am afraid and its never easy in this situation as you both get hurt. You really need to have this time out and then make a decision, prolonging the issue will not do either of you any good. I really hope you can work this one out and if you need a chat just post on here we will all support you .

    Muchas Lovas

    xxxx
     
  9. mrsessex

    mrsessex Gold Member

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    You need to do whats right for YOU..not him i know that sounds harsh but you dont want this same head conversation with yourself 20 years down the line...in ya 40s/50's....wasting the last 20 years of your life being uncertain and unhappy

    I'd go with a break for a while..move out ...move him out... see how you feel after a few weeks apart no contact... ive been there ;)
     
  10. Foo Fan

    Foo Fan Gold Member

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    Thanks again guys...
     
  11. LizS

    LizS Shut up Ethel

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    Time out is probably the best thing to do; you need to get your thoughts straight and that's really difficult to do if you're in the middle of the situation.

    Just to add that Relate/couples counselling can be very helpful for assistance to both parties in ending a relationship, it isn't all just about trying to repair things.

    Do talk to your OH, write it down if you can't actually say the words. You do sound like you've made your decision, in truth, but be kind to him in how you deal with that. I'm sure you will x
     
  12. Wabbitt

    Wabbitt Laugh, love, live!

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    You get one chance at this life hon, make sure it's a happy one x
     
  13. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    ditto :)
     
  14. Foo Fan

    Foo Fan Gold Member

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    Ok - so we had a big chat today and I'm giving it another go... Dont know if its the right thing to do - but at least I can say I've tried and if it doesnt work out this time then at least I'll have no doubts.
     
  15. Guru

    Guru Silver Member

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    FooFan, I would really recommend that you go to counselling together while you try to work things out. That way, you will discover if you really DO want to be together, and if not they can help you to end it not too painfully.
     
  16. margaretmc

    margaretmc Gold Member

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    Hi Foo fan
    Good luck with your decision but if your not happy then your better off ending it than in a couple of months down the line . I split up last year after 29 years together it was hard and it hurts but I honestly wouldn`t go back again , we are just friends now . Good luck and take care .
    Margaret xx
     
  17. lisalulu

    lisalulu Silver Member

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    I'm glad to hear you're giving it another chance FooFan. At least if things don't work out this time, you'll know 100% that you've given it your all and you're not going to look back in 5, 10 or 20 years and wonder 'what if?'

    My h2b have been through some incredibly bad patches, one even involving him stopping back with his parents for a few days. I thought I KNEW I wanted to end things, but after a good few chats (sometimes lasting into the middle of the night), lots of tears and hugs we both decided to give it 'one last shot' for the sake of our kids. Months later, here we are, happier than we've ever been, more able to communicate properly and planning our wedding. Its not all a bed of roses and we still have lots to resolve, but we're getting there.

    What ever happens, at least you can live the rest of your life KNOWING you're making an 'informed' choice- one that follows your head and your heart- and never having regrets. I hope things work out for you and you both end up happy xxx
     
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  19. parisbeach

    parisbeach Silver Member

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    Glad to hear you giving it another go, I went through something similar about 6 yrs ago with my ex, but after a few months of trying to resolve , i just had to say enough was enough he was gutted, but counselling at break up did help and we a friends (sort of) because of kids, but his new girlfriend doesnt like us chatting generally, so it kid talk and nothing else, I sure hope you can work it out with your OH, plenty of communication is good
     
  20. contrarytintagel

    contrarytintagel Full Member

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    Hi, don't know if this will help, but I've read a few times that when couples become more friends than lovers it is often because they don't air their grievances day to day and fight! Might this apply?
     
  21. Amanda71

    Amanda71 Silver Member

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    Good luck :)
     
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