OH such a prat!

[judimac]

I have a full time job, and I know he feels crap.(He's been out of work for over a year) But he has time to go on ebay and sort everything out while I'm at work. Why do I have to do everything? I am so fed up with having to sort everything, Shall I call his bluff? To be honest it would be a relief to be on my own! Could I hack it? Sorry I can't put this on your shoulders, but I'm at my wits end.

 

[HelenG]

:hug99:Didn't want to read & run!
Mine was out of work for 3 years - thank the Lord he DIDN'T find e-bay

 

[txrawl]

Hi Also didnt want to read and run. What a hard time for you. he really needs to understand that if you are working full time then you need help with all the day to day things. I know if it were me I would be very resentful, and on a very basic level he really isnt being at all fair on you, even thought i am sure it is very hard on him not being at work. I hope it works out for you both. x

 

[ilovelife]

i think you have answered what you really want!!!

 

[squiddie]

My Dad has been out of work for 2 years nearly and Mum is sick of him! He used to work long hours and popped home at lunch time, watched the news and neighbours, then came home 7/8pm and had some food and went to bed.

Now he's turned into a woman, he watches GMTV (used to be BBC News 24) and Jeremy Kyle, then This Morning, then some other crap and doesn't move from the computer (TV and PC next to eachother) and well I wont get into a rant this isn't my thread!

Anyway, my point... oh yeah... have you told him how you feel? I've heard communication is the key!

Sorry I've been no help, but here is a hug :hug99:

 

[BikerAngel]

Hi, have you tried to sit him down and tell him how you feel, you need to say how tired you are working and then coming home to do stuff, maybe suggest he helps more round house while he is not working and take some stress off of you. If you have done this already and he has not taken it on board then I think you do need to go down route of telling him enough is enough and it's time to buck up or get out. Harsh yes but why should you feel so unhappy and stressed and tired all the time as it is not doing you any good. Good luck hun (((hugs)))

 

[malaika]

I guess I am the lucky one.
My hubby is currently also out of work but does everything round the house. I basically don't do much at all. He also does about 90% of the cooking, and ensures he only does SW cooking for me. He is a terrific cook and really enjoys it though.
He has always done a lot, even when working and I guess I have taken him for granted ind of expecting everything to be done when I come home! I think I am the prat in this relationship.
Next time I see he has mixed the colours in the wash and my white bra is blue, I shall keep my mouth shut instead of lecturing and count my lucky stars.
Hopefully something will come up soon for him as he really is feeling down, and when it does I will do more.
Now, I need to go and give him a big hug and tell him how I appreciate him!

 

[Donnie46]

I have PM'ed you Judi, sending you hugs. X

 

[Loupy]

Oh you poor thing, relationships are so difficult.

i really wish you all the best but you must talk to him, and i know that is usually easier said than done! maybe counciling would be good? im not sure of all the details so its difficult to comment, i think sometimes just a good moan ad groan can help so let it all out if thats what you need

Big Hugs x

 

[ronniejacobs]

oh hon i had this a couple of weeks ago was at my wits end.... my oh 'works' from home which generally means he works while i am at work but by the time i get home he is on his xbox waiting for his tea. I would suggest sitting down and talking to him (i was at my wits end cause of my emotional state not him being a lazy arse) my oh does do stuff like bathroom and hoovering but leaves rest to me. big hugs coming across from wakefield baby

 

[Claireloulou]

I feel for you, i hae the same thing going on here. He gets up plonks his behind on the pc and only moves again when its time for tea which i cook. If he can work up the energy he may transfer himself to the couch for a nap mid afternoon, last week he actually cleaned the front room but for the amount of praise he expected id rather do it myself

 

[weemo]

*hugs* Judi ~ I agree with the others hun and if you haven't already, tell him how you feel. Say that you are sick and tired of coming home everyday from your busy work to do more work especially when he could be helping you out. Being an ebay addict myself, I know time flies when you are on it but even if he limited himself to a few hours and then started on some housework to help you out. He is not being fair to you. Any roads I hope you get something sorted soon hun xx

 

[judimac]

Thanks for all your support girls. I was spitting my dummy out! I'm OK now!

 

[BikerAngel]

You might have been "spitting your dummy out" but don't let the stress get to you please talk to him and get some help you can't do everything on your own or you will grind yourself right down and what good would that do. Take care xx

 

[HellieCopter]

You might have been spitting your dummy out but you were upset, that's allowed! It's obviously getting to you! Glossing over it for now is ok, but it will get to you again another time and you need to address it I think.

Now might be a good time to talk to him, now you're a bit calmer about things. Have a proper chat with him and make him realise you're serious about wanting some help round the house. Ok, yes, it's depressing being out of work...but there's no reason that you should be made to suffer too...IYSWIM?

 

[Scarlet Daisy]

Thanks for all your support girls. I was spitting my dummy out! I'm OK now!

Good, I'm glad that's blown over! I was planning to leave home, taking my child too, last week...Heh.

My OH and I are both unemployed, and we are just approaching the first anniversary of his Mum's death. He nursed her through cancer for 6 years and is terribly stressed and upset at being bereaved.

Every now and then a HUGE fight happens between us, because I am difficult to live with...But then again, he is often misdirecting his pain and frustration at me.

When we argue I can't help but recall that the happiest times of my life have often been those when I lived alone with my kid(s). Two broken marriages and now my current situation have, shall we say, educated me as to the value of having SPACE for yourself.

But what is life without love and companionship? And when those we have promised to stand by are struggling, shouldn't we give them a few chances to fail...Before getting out?

So far you've stayed. I totally support your right to leave and make a new life, but I'm glad you gave the silly b*gger a second chance anyway.

 

[mumtheshopper]

In my experience, it's not the work itself that's the problem, but the resentment that can fester in a relationship, causing it problems. You could probably cope with what you do, knowing he is doing his best too, but resent having to, when he is free to help. Resentment is a dangerous thing in a relationship it really is. Honestly, time to talk!

Lynda

 

[Chuffy_29]

Now you're feeling better i feel i can add this....take his computer away, that'll remove the ebay problem! I am a bugger for it myself but i work full time, have three kids and do all the cleaning, OH does cook(sometimes when i'm not around or can't be ar*d) and washing up though!

 

[avisk]

The answer to "why do I have to do everything?" is that in fact you don't. Decide what is important to you, and do those things. Explain - once - that you are going to leave the other things to him. These should be the things which will, if not done, affect him more than you. Then, when he doesn't do them, you don't sigh deeply and do them anyway. Just leave them.

And yes, I do know that this is all far easier said than done. But if you can manage to hold your nerve, it does work. Believe me!

A friend of mine got so fed up with coming home and cooking dinner for her husband who then had to be called and nagged to come and eat it because he was so busy on his computer.

One day she had enough - she got home, cooked and ate her own dinner, left a note and went out again. He was so shocked! And it worked. She still does it from time to time, just to reinforce the message.

What is needed is a bit of lateral thinking combined with a lot of sneakiness. We can do this - we're women!!!!!

 

[Roz V]

I would NEVER have guessed from your posts the kind of stress you've been under. You always seem so full of fun, with such a great sense of humour, often making me laugh out loud.

Glad you're feeling better now, but do hope that it's because you've got it off your chest, not just swept it under the carpet.

I can't add anything useful to the advice others have given. I just thank my lucky stars that my situation is so different to that of many of you on here. It certainly makes me (and hopefully others reading through this) appreciate even more what we've got.

Best Wishes Judi for whatever decision you make.