ot:i feel stupid

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by tinkerbellsmum, 25 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    sorry this is really off topic but i have no one else to turn to.
    i have always known i talk to much and i know i sometimes talk over people but at the time i don't relise i'm doing it. till afterwards then i usually feel really bad about it.
    and today i've done that and i didn't relise i had done it till the other people comment she was upset because people where talking over her and i know they meant me. also when i said another group we go to is like this and i find it hard to control it (i'm the group leader) they said i'm one of the worst offenders.
    as i'm writing this i feel like i'm being really silly but i struggle to make friends and one of these woman was becoming a friend and now i feel like quitting everything and just hiding away. I don't know whether to send a email appoliging or not i'm scared she will tell me how bad i am.
    if u have got this far wd and i don't expect u to reply just getting it off my chest helps thank you.
     
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  3. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Aww Hun, dont beat yourself up over it. If she is a friend then she will know that you do this anyway and dont mean anything by it.
    You could apologise to her face-to-face and say that you didnt mean to upset anyone if that was how it was interpreted.

    xxxx
     
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  4. Devon Dolce

    Devon Dolce 1lb at a time!

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    Hun, I feel for you - I'm a talker too and have been known to talk over others which can come across, sometimes, as quite aggressive! I've learnt to start listening, and I mean really listening, and only piping up, over someone, if absoultely necessary. It takes a bit of practice not to launch straight in but does get easier! True friends will know what you're like anyway xxx
     
  5. Simmy1978

    Simmy1978 Full Member

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    well hun you have got it off your chest!! ur not the 1st and i am sure wont be the last!! infact i can be like that specially when i have a good i just wanna take over the class and tell everyone!!

    and the main thing is you might not realise what u have done immediately but atleast you do later

    and if so called friends judge you based on a spontanious moment rather than getting to know you for what you really then that is their loss!

    dont beat urself up over it, just put it to the back of your mind, till the next time you go and as long as you can see that you have allowed others to talk and said ur piece then ur ok!!
     
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  6. malaika

    malaika Lover of Extra Easy

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    I agree, don't beat yourself about it.
    I also am a talker, and very often don't put my brain into gear before opening my mouth. I have had to issue many apologies in my time!
    I think a face to face apology would be really appreciated, but if you find that too hard, and it can be, an e-mail would be ok too.
    If she can't understand, she is not a friend.
    ((hugs)) and good luck!
     
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  7. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Hi Michelle,

    Please don't let this stop you from going to class as people like yourself who are willing to put themselves forward and lead are crucial and without you the class would probably not work at all...

    Obviously what is happening is that others are now finding their voice and feeling more comfortable and confidante and what to do more of the talking and this is where your skill will come in as a leader and allow them their time to shine.

    I would take this as a compliment to you that you have helped to create and atmosphere where members are so enthusiastic and what to share with others their weight loss journey.

    Nothing worse than being at a meeting where no one wants to talk and the group lacks energy and enthusiasm and the leader is struggling to fill the long drawn out pregnant pauses...

    There is no need to apologies as you have nothing to apologies for as you had no idea but now you know how others are feeling you can do something about it and take it from here in a positive way as I am sure it was meant.

    This is just all part of the learning process in life.
     
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  8. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    thank you all so much u have made me feel so much better. just relised i've posted this in the wrong place sorry.
    i wish i had friends like all of u here near me.
     
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  9. Woodsylou

    Woodsylou Silver Member

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    i would send the email apologising, it's always nice. I don't think you shoudl worry though, we all do it from time to time. it's good you know you do it and can slowly change yourself so you don't do it as often. i do it too and i find it SO hard sometimes to not do it!
     
  10. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    I'd make a call hun, don't email - it's very impersonal really.
    We all make mistakes and we all have our little faults - I'm a talker too and don't let people get a word in edgeways sometimes. I am aware of it but try not to do it as often as I want to!

    Aplogise and put it behind you :)

    PS - can I ask what wd means? You use it a lot and I have no idea!!!
     
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  11. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    I think leaders do a great job and we couldn't do without them. You sound a very caring person so well done.

    So try not to worry.

    Irene xx
     
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  12. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    thank you both
    i have sent a email. i can't call her cause i know i will cry (silly i know) plus i don't have her number we wasn't that close (was just making friends)
    sorry wd means well done (i must start writing probably thats messenger for you)
    my husbands says i try to please to much and try to hard.
     
  13. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    Oh Huney! I feel for you! Many is the time I've said something to someone and then worried myself sick about how they took it, and they were fine!
    The good thing is you have taken on board what this girl said and you have learnt from it. You will now be a much better communicator! Sending an email and putting your hands up takes a lot of courage and shows how mature you are. You will be a fabulous leader!
     
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  14. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Oh, bless you. Huge hugs ((((( )))))

    I'm guilty of doing it too. Not one of us is perfect and just because somebody doesn't do that - there will be something else that they do.

    xxxx
     
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  15. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    Aw honey I feel for you mainly because i do it all the time to the extent my boss has literally shouted down the phone for me to shut up and take a breath. I try not to but i think its from growing up as a middle child in a family of 5 shout to be heard.
     
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  16. Debs154

    Debs154 Trying again!!

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    although times like this can be really difficult and we feel like hiding away I think we've all been through them one way or another and they can be real learning experiences. I think an email is fine which you've done - it will give her time to think about her response - she may feel she over reacted.
    Believe me you are not on your own - and sharing it is the best thing you could have done.
    Take care x
     
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  17. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

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    thank you for all your kind comments.
    my friend emailed me back and told me bascially i was being paroid and she was worried she had upset me and she was joking.
    i think i went over the told c ause its the one thing i am really paroid about.
    but thank you all again for being there for me. i'm glad i didn't just quit.
     
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  18. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    hey hun. Im glad to hear your friend was okay & its given you piece of mind.

    Im also very very chatty and somtimes catch myself hijacking someone elses 'moment' in class if you get me, and i feel awful, but at the same time never know if they'r appreciative of the help or advise. Sometimes i keep my mouth shut, but know my C would like other members to help and advise each other, as sometimes she'l say ' what would you all do if you were so and so going out for the meal' or if someones struggeling with lunch ideas etc.. as 80% of our members arnt openly chatty and take a while to get going, so i expect my C somtimes appreciates the help getting it going.

    I get paranoid about it abit i suppose.. i dont want people to think im over chatty etc, or taking over.. and i certainly dont want to step on my c's toes although im (hoping) thats never been the case.

    I dont have a wide range of friends, just a select few that i am very close too and trust with my life. I do prefer it this way, but when i was bigger i had a very big social life and lots of people in my life.. looking back i know they were never true friends but i think i lost some of my social skills the more i lost weight and my life changed. I wouldnt change it for the world but occasionally my over loud, larger than life self comes through and takes over!


    dont fret. xxxxx
     
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