OT- mother in laws

[Mrs H to be]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice. At the moment I feel like a spare wheel because my OH is spending so much time talking to his mum or about her. I don't seem to get a luck in.

I can't really come out and tell him cos my OHs dad died in Dec of a brain tumor and his mum doesn't have anyone else really my OH is an only child. I feel like such a ***** for even feeling this way but we don't spend and time together without him talking about her or being on the phone....even when we went out for a meal!

Every Friday his mum sleeps over at ours but when it comes to spending time with my family he can't be bothered but I'm expected to hear about his mum 24/7.

Is there any way I can approach this with him? I don't expect him to not talk to his mum, I'd just like him to make some time for me.

 

[Emma1904]

How about setting up a night where no phones are on, so don't specifically discuss that he would probably be on the phone to his Mum if his phone was on, just say it would be nice to spend time together, to make sure he's coping and re-connect after such grief, it may make him realise that he's missed you too.

Failing that, write him a letter, sit him down and give it to him and ask him to read it to himself in front of you, tell him you can't find the words and had to write them down instead and then tell him how you are feeling and how bad and guilty you feel for feeling it.

Hope something works out for you, it sucks being between a rock and a hard place xxxx

 

[Mrs H to be]

I explained it to him earlier, I didn't want to but he knew something.was wrong....turns out he's getting stressed about it all but didn't want to tell me cos he's trying to please everyone.

Thanks for your advice, sometimes it just helps to get a problem out of your head xx

 

[Starlight]

He's probably caught between a rock and a hard place just now. He's still most likely grieving for his dad and worrying about his mum

I don't know if you've lost a parent and forgive me if you have but speaking from experience it's a very hard position to be in. Not only are you trying to come to terms with losing your dad and most likely trying to help your mum with the practicalities but you're worrying about how your mum is dealing with the huge loss in her life

Please please just bear with him just now. It's a horrible and hard time and he's probably aware of how torn he is

The idea of a night for you both is a great one and hell benefit from that but be assured this will pass but for now allow him to help his mum adapt to this massive change in her life. You guys have the rest of your lives together x

 

[trisha]

I have to agree with starlight, and forgive me if you have experienced this kind of loss but when you lose a parent it is very hard, you worry about how your other parent is coping with the loss, as well as dealing with the loss yourself. As he is an only child it will be much worse, if there are brothers and sisters then they help lessen the load, and you have someone to talk to about the loss who understands how you feel, thats why he's probably taking to you about her, he has no one else and he's obviously concerned about his mum, which shows he is a very caring and loving man. Thats probably why he can't be bothered with your family at the moment, he has enough worries about his own family. Try and be patient with him, time is a great healer and it will pass.

 

[Mrs H to be]

He basically said the same to be fair. I didn't want to say anything and come across as heartless because I'm not like that. It was probably a good thing that it all came out because now hes going to speak to me about it without being worried he's being a bad son if his mum starts to get on his nerves x