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Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#1
Hi I'm having real problems staying positive and motivated right now. My weight is my biggest issue cos I'm now 19 stone and a comfort eater. I lost quite a lot of weight through SW before we started trying but now that's all back on and more cos I just can't feel happy or relaxed anymore. Finally plucked up the courage to see a doctor in April after 3 yrs trying who was surprisingly nice (I'd put off going cos assumed the attitude would be that I don't deserve help with having a baby because of my weight). We were referred to the fertility clinic and I finally went for a HSG yesterday but it was abandoned cos after 30 mins of the doctor prodding me and then stabbing at me with the catheter in the hope she could get it in blindly she still couldn't find my cervix. I just feel like I take one step forward and 3 back all the time. I hate my job but feel trapped because of the baby situation not to mention the recession and just don't see the point of me being here. I have no purpose in life.

Has anyone else managed to succeed with their diet when feeling quite low? The ridiculous thing is, whatever the outcome of our fertility issues the immediate answer is to lose weight- I can't have any treatment whatsoever until my BMI is 39 or below and 29 or below for IVF but I just can't focus on the diet.

I'm really sorry for the pitiful, whining post. I know there are loads out there worse off than me and it's all my own fault and I should concentrate on all the good things, etc but it's easier said than done sometimes.
 
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S: 14st1lb C: 13st2lb G: 12st13lb BMI: 28.8 Loss: 0st13lb(6.6%)
#2
Hi cheraus

Didn't want to just read and run. {{{Hugs}}}. I'm on my own 4-year fertility "journey" so I can really empathise. I'm trying to lose a few pounds myself before a round of IVF. Fertility struggles certainly do bring their own kind of misery.

My first HSG had to be abandoned because she couldn't get into the cervix and like you say it was just prodding and poking with no success. My BMI was about 29-30 at the time. The second time a proper gynaecololgist did it: bish, bash bosh and done with no problems. I suspect it's much more to do with the skill of whoever's doing it than anything to do with you.

Chin up. You did really well before and I'm sure you can again.
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#3
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

Thanks Oceanspirit that's made me feel a little better cos I left the hospital yesterday feeling like a freak so it's a comfort to know it does happen. She said next time she'll have a gynecologist with her to help so hopefully it'll go to plan. We're at the fertility clinic on Wed anyway to get my husband's results so will discuss it with the doctor there.

Thanks again & Good luck with your IVF xx
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#4
Hi I'm having real problems staying positive and motivated right now. My weight is my biggest issue cos I'm now 19 stone and a comfort eater. I lost quite a lot of weight through SW before we started trying but now that's all back on and more cos I just can't feel happy or relaxed anymore. Finally plucked up the courage to see a doctor in April after 3 yrs trying who was surprisingly nice (I'd put off going cos assumed the attitude would be that I don't deserve help with having a baby because of my weight). We were referred to the fertility clinic and I finally went for a HSG yesterday but it was abandoned cos after 30 mins of the doctor prodding me and then stabbing at me with the catheter in the hope she could get it in blindly she still couldn't find my cervix. I just feel like I take one step forward and 3 back all the time. I hate my job but feel trapped because of the baby situation not to mention the recession and just don't see the point of me being here. I have no purpose in life.

Has anyone else managed to succeed with their diet when feeling quite low? The ridiculous thing is, whatever the outcome of our fertility issues the immediate answer is to lose weight- I can't have any treatment whatsoever until my BMI is 39 or below and 29 or below for IVF but I just can't focus on the diet.

I'm really sorry for the pitiful, whining post. I know there are loads out there worse off than me and it's all my own fault and I should concentrate on all the good things, etc but it's easier said than done sometimes.

I can not begin to relate to your sad situation but I do want you to know that you have my heartfelt sympathy.

It is so easy to say to yourself that you should just pick yourself up and concentrate on the positive and good things in your life. There are times when that is nigh on impossible, so therefore everything else follows in the same vein.

Have you spoken to your doctor about an antidepressant . It sounds to me as if you need a little help. That sad remark " just don't see the point of me being here. I have no purpose in life. " is quite worrying. Of course you have a purpose in life. Having babies is not the beginning and the end of the world, you ask the millions of childless couples out there. It just feels like that at the moment.

I do understand how difficult it is to motivate yourself to diet even though in reality you have the greatest motivation in your life. Who can say what is the thing that makes us get onto this fantastic SW diet and stick with it. I know I can not. I can not say why one morning , after failing so many times to stick with SW, a diet I truly believe in, I started yet again and this time stuck with it.

You want this so badly that I am sure you will achieve it and as you said the answer for you is to lose weight.
All I can tell you is that my husband is my second husband of nearly 30 years. I have a son with my first husband. With Paul we are childless though we went through allsorts. I had all the recognised treatment all those years ago, but no joy and I wasn't over weight then but you know, we have had a wonderfully, loving life together and because we are childless have grown closer and closer to each other. There are always compensation.

Try hard to stay positive and remember that we are here to support you.

I wish you all the luck in the world that you get your so very wanted baby. Your husband obviously gives you 100% and wants this as much as you do, so you know, you are a great part of the way there with that alone.

You know what you need to do and you will do it eventually.

big, big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
S: 18st1.5lb C: 16st7.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 39.7 Loss: 1st8lb(8.68%)
#5
hi hun
i toally understand what you are going through fertility wise. it took me 2 years to get pregnant, then i lost the baby :(. cue 3 more years of trying and i gave birth to my miracle baby who is now 18 months :). my BMI was 42 and doctors refused to help me fertility wise.
i suffer from depression and mental health issues, and comfort eat alot. i started slimming world 7 weeks ago and within that time i have had a car crash, which left me hospitalised and alot of money worries. the only thing thats kept me going is my son, and what kept me going before him was falling pregnant with a healthy baby. that was my drive in life.
my GP is very supportive in my depression and i had counselling with my comfort eating. i now do alternative things to comfort eating like going for a walk or drive, and pampering myself once a week. and with slimming world, if i need t comfort eat no matter what (because sometimes the alternatives don't work) i have loads of carrot and cucumber sticks and finish off with a hot white chocolate options (with a squirt of sugar and syn free caramel syrup) to get rid of the sweet urges. my GP also perscribed oristat to help me loose weight faster and its working :).
you have a purpose in life :). its to live it to what makes you truely happy and thats having a baby. you can do this! :)
if you need a buddy, im here!
sarah xxx
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#6
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

Hi thanks for the replies guys.

I've not been to the doctor about how I'm feeling because I feel a bit silly because I know there are plenty if people out there in worse situations than me. I'm also worried that if I was on medication I wouldn't be able to continue trying for a baby and that having depression on my records might negatively affect my chances of changing jobs.

With regards feeling like I don't have a purpose, I just feel frustrated and lost because I guess I just assumed I would be a mother. It's all I ever wanted to do so never gave much thought about having a career, etc for myself and all I've done for the last 10 years is customer service which is pretty soul destroying at times! My friends all have worthwhile careers like nurses, teachers, etc so really make a difference in life. Again, this situation is completely my fault because of the wrong choices I've made.

My family is huge and highly fertile! Mum 1 of 7, Dad 1 of 13 all with kids. Mum and her mum were both pregnant at 40 and I currently have 3 cousins pregnant right now and 2 who have had babies in the last few months and nobody has ever had problems conceiving so it's very frustrating.
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#7
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

I can not begin to relate to your sad situation but I do want you to know that you have my heartfelt sympathy.

It is so easy to say to yourself that you should just pick yourself up and concentrate on the positive and good things in your life. There are times when that is nigh on impossible, so therefore everything else follows in the same vein.

Have you spoken to your doctor about an antidepressant . It sounds to me as if you need a little help. That sad remark " just don't see the point of me being here. I have no purpose in life. " is quite worrying. Of course you have a purpose in life. Having babies is not the beginning and the end of the world, you ask the millions of childless couples out there. It just feels like that at the moment.

I do understand how difficult it is to motivate yourself to diet even though in reality you have the greatest motivation in your life. Who can say what is the thing that makes us get onto this fantastic SW diet and stick with it. I know I can not. I can not say why one morning , after failing so many times to stick with SW, a diet I truly believe in, I started yet again and this time stuck with it.

You want this so badly that I am sure you will achieve it and as you said the answer for you is to lose weight.
All I can tell you is that my husband is my second husband of nearly 30 years. I have a son with my first husband. With Paul we are childless though we went through allsorts. I had all the recognised treatment all those years ago, but no joy and I wasn't over weight then but you know, we have had a wonderfully, loving life together and because we are childless have grown closer and closer to each other. There are always compensation.

Try hard to stay positive and remember that we are here to support you.

I wish you all the luck in the world that you get your so very wanted baby. Your husband obviously gives you 100% and wants this as much as you do, so you know, you are a great part of the way there with that alone.

You know what you need to do and you will do it eventually.

big, big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi yes I have to say my one success in life is that we have a very happy marriage and really are best friends and if anything this has bought us so much closer together when I know for others it can tear apart. I do try to remember this when I'm feeling low and be thankful because some aren't fortunate enough to experience that so I'm very lucky and it sounds like you have also been blessed with such a great relationship too x

Thanks again for the reply, I find it hard to admit to feeling down because I like to be strong for others so this forum has proved to be a welcome outlet xx
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#8
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

hi hun
i toally understand what you are going through fertility wise. it took me 2 years to get pregnant, then i lost the baby :(. cue 3 more years of trying and i gave birth to my miracle baby who is now 18 months :). my BMI was 42 and doctors refused to help me fertility wise.
i suffer from depression and mental health issues, and comfort eat alot. i started slimming world 7 weeks ago and within that time i have had a car crash, which left me hospitalised and alot of money worries. the only thing thats kept me going is my son, and what kept me going before him was falling pregnant with a healthy baby. that was my drive in life.
my GP is very supportive in my depression and i had counselling with my comfort eating. i now do alternative things to comfort eating like going for a walk or drive, and pampering myself once a week. and with slimming world, if i need t comfort eat no matter what (because sometimes the alternatives don't work) i have loads of carrot and cucumber sticks and finish off with a hot white chocolate options (with a squirt of sugar and syn free caramel syrup) to get rid of the sweet urges. my GP also perscribed oristat to help me loose weight faster and its working :).
you have a purpose in life :). its to live it to what makes you truely happy and thats having a baby. you can do this! :)
if you need a buddy, im here!
sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, thanks for your reply. It's wonderful and helpful to hear that you came out of this situation with such a happy ending but I'm so sorry for your loss along the way. I can't imagine how painful that must of been.

I hope you're recovering from your accident well? I'm sure your little one is a great motivation for you :)

You have some great tips there too! I love a bit of pampering but rarely do it so may just have to treat myself once in a while! x
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#9
With regards feeling like I don't have a purpose, I just feel frustrated and lost because I guess I just assumed I would be a mother. It's all I ever wanted to do so never gave much thought about having a career, etc for myself and all I've done for the last 10 years is customer service which is pretty soul destroying at times! My friends all have worthwhile careers like nurses, teachers, etc so really make a difference in life. Again, this situation is completely my fault because of the wrong choices I've made.

My family is huge and highly fertile! Mum 1 of 7, Dad 1 of 13 all with kids. Mum and her mum were both pregnant at 40 and I currently have 3 cousins pregnant right now and 2 who have had babies in the last few months and nobody has ever had problems conceiving so it's very frustrating.
O.K one thing at a time.

First of all, working in customer services is a really worthwhile job. If I have to go to customer services for anything either in this country or in the U.K. if I get someone who is kind, thoughtful and helpful, it makes my day. It is an art few people have when dealing with the public. It is special and make or break whichever company you work for If you feel really strongly that you want a change of career, do it. See what sponsored schemes there are out there. You could find something that pays you whilst you train.

I bet there are not many of your friends that have a "vocational" career that could do what you are doing.

Secondly. What a good sign that is that you are from such a fertile family and on your mother and your fathers sides of the family. Don't forget it need not be you who is not fertile. I think you said your husband is going for a sperm count this week. My lovely man did it too even though he is very shy and was just a bit embarrassed .

It makes me feel happier for you that you have such a sound and loving marriage, that is worth a fortune and not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy that in their lives.

Please keep us updated on what is happening. I so want to be a cyber granny lol !!!!

hugs xxx
 
S: 18st1.5lb C: 16st7.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 39.7 Loss: 1st8lb(8.68%)
#10
Hi Sarah, thanks for your reply. It's wonderful and helpful to hear that you came out of this situation with such a happy ending but I'm so sorry for your loss along the way. I can't imagine how painful that must of been.

I hope you're recovering from your accident well? I'm sure your little one is a great motivation for you :)

You have some great tips there too! I love a bit of pampering but rarely do it so may just have to treat myself once in a while! x
i'll live from the accident lol, its just a pain in the arse ;)
we do often forget to give us some 'me' time, and thats what you need. you will honestly feel loads better afterwards. my mum is very fertile and so are the women in my family (all btw were alot larger than me and you) and im the first one to have issues so i totally get the frustration!
(((hugs)) x
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#11
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

O.K one thing at a time.

First of all, working in customer services is a really worthwhile job. If I have to go to customer services for anything either in this country or in the U.K. if I get someone who is kind, thoughtful and helpful, it makes my day. It is an art few people have when dealing with the public. It is special and make or break whichever company you work for If you feel really strongly that you want a change of career, do it. See what sponsored schemes there are out there. You could find something that pays you whilst you train.

I bet there are not many of your friends that have a "vocational" career that could do what you are doing.

Secondly. What a good sign that is that you are from such a fertile family and on your mother and your fathers sides of the family. Don't forget it need not be you who is not fertile. I think you said your husband is going for a sperm count this week. My lovely man did it too even though he is very shy and was just a bit embarrassed .

It makes me feel happier for you that you have such a sound and loving marriage, that is worth a fortune and not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy that in their lives.

Please keep us updated on what is happening. I so want to be a cyber granny lol !!!!

hugs xxx
Hi Fillymum hope you're well x

That's lovely, thank you. You've certainly made me see my job in a different light and you are absolutely right, there's a lot of people out who I know would not be able to do what I do every day!

We're going for my husband's results on Wednesday so I'll let you know how we get on :) xx
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#12
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

i'll live from the accident lol, its just a pain in the arse ;)
we do often forget to give us some 'me' time, and thats what you need. you will honestly feel loads better afterwards. my mum is very fertile and so are the women in my family (all btw were alot larger than me and you) and im the first one to have issues so i totally get the frustration!
(((hugs)) x
Aww I hope you feel back to normal soon :)

I've penciled in a pamper night on Wednesday lol cos my husbands on nights- candlelit bubble bath, facepack and nail painting :) xx
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#13
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

Just want to say a big thanks again ladies- it's made me feel a lot better to have been able to say how I feel and I'm overwhelmed by the support received by strangers. There are some wonderful people in this world and you are those people :) xx
 
S: 18st1.5lb C: 16st7.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 39.7 Loss: 1st8lb(8.68%)
#14
Aww I hope you feel back to normal soon :)

I've penciled in a pamper night on Wednesday lol cos my husbands on nights- candlelit bubble bath, facepack and nail painting :) xx
Yay! Let us know how it goes :) x
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#15
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

Bad news today. Husband's sperm analysis showed there is no sperm so specialist says only option is likely to be IVF... But only if I can get to a weight I've not been at since I was about 11 :'(
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#16
Bad news today. Husband's sperm analysis showed there is no sperm so specialist says only option is likely to be IVF... But only if I can get to a weight I've not been at since I was about 11 :'(
I am so sorry about that but at least now you know what you re up against and what the answer is.

Please, please try and get onto SW and stick with it. This is so important to you I am sure you can do it. I will even start a support thread for you if you want.

You need never be hungry whilst dieting on SW and you can syn things and indulge yourself if you want to. It soon becomes a way of life.

I send both you and your husband love and hugs. He must be feeling pretty rotten right now so will need your support and lots of positive thinking.

Couples like yourselves who want children so badly should have them. You would give a baby a wonderful home and life.

Go for it !!!! Get your SW books out and do it !!!!

xxxxxxxxxx
 

cheraus

Full Member
S: 18st12lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st6lb(2.27%)
#17
Re: Over 3 yrs trying for a baby, getting fatter & depressed as hell

I am so sorry about that but at least now you know what you re up against and what the answer is.

Please, please try and get onto SW and stick with it. This is so important to you I am sure you can do it. I will even start a support thread for you if you want.

You need never be hungry whilst dieting on SW and you can syn things and indulge yourself if you want to. It soon becomes a way of life.

I send both you and your husband love and hugs. He must be feeling pretty rotten right now so will need your support and lots of positive thinking.

Couples like yourselves who want children so badly should have them. You would give a baby a wonderful home and life.

Go for it !!!! Get your SW books out and do it !!!!

xxxxxxxxxx
Thank you Fillymum it's a bit of a tough night for us, lots of tears from both of us. The doctor was just so casual about it we didn't really realise there was a problem until about half way through the appointment and even then it didn't hit us until we were on our way home.

I'm determined to do this now. I've got to give it my best shot xxx
 
S: 14st1lb C: 13st2lb G: 12st13lb BMI: 28.8 Loss: 0st13lb(6.6%)
#18
Oh cheraus. I'm sorry to hear that.

For these doctors, it's just another working day but it's our lives they're talking about! However, the fact they've mentioned IVF means there really is hope for you.

Be kind to yourselves and take care xx
 

Roziee

Gold Member
S: 22st10lb C: 17st4lb G: 12st0lb Loss: 5st6lb(23.9%)
#19
I'm the same weight as you.


I'm losing weight to have babies.

Lets buddy up and get the weight shifted. And when we're at target you can go back to the fertility clinic and have a baby :)

Xxx
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#20
I'm the same weight as you.


I'm losing weight to have babies.

Lets buddy up and get the weight shifted. And when we're at target you can go back to the fertility clinic and have a baby :)

Xxx
What a wonderful idea.............you two can do it !!!
 


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