Overcoming Jealousy....help Needed????

M

Mich

Taking Back Control...!!!
(Posted this in the Familes/Relationship section but not sure how many people look in there.... so.....)


Hi!

I'm asking this on behalf of a friend of mine.... she is in a relationship with someone who shall we say has a past.... ie was married.... is no more.... but still civil to ex cos of kids.... anyway friend of mine finally realises that the jealousy is taking over and ruining the relationship and thinks she needs help..... but where does she start?

Could anyone recommend someone/something that I could suggest to her? She is in permanent torment and it upsets me to see her like this as she is normally so fun loving and happy.....plus it's destroying a relationship with someone she cares for and who cares for her too....:cry:

Any advice greatly received....:)



Thanks...:)

(PS.... this is def a friend and not me.... me..... happy as they come with my OH and little family....:D)
 
one place she could start is with Relate, they are there for all types of relationship problems. They are not there just for married peeps. it can be any thing at all.
 
Hedgemag said:
one place she could start is with Relate, they are there for all types of relationship problems. They are not there just for married peeps. it can be any thing at all.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much.... funny really that's the only thing/place I could think of as my other mate goes there and she'd said that.... think she's a bit anxious about what it involves.... but she can't carry on like she is so this would def be a step in the right direction.... I've offered to go with her too....

Thanks again.... I'll get the number for our local Relate centre....:)
 
Mich said:
(Posted this in the Familes/Relationship section but not sure how many people look in there.... so.....)


Hi!

I'm asking this on behalf of a friend of mine.... she is in a relationship with someone who shall we say has a past.... ie was married.... is no more.... but still civil to ex cos of kids.... anyway friend of mine finally realises that the jealousy is taking over and ruining the relationship and thinks she needs help..... but where does she start?

Could anyone recommend someone/something that I could suggest to her? She is in permanent torment and it upsets me to see her like this as she is normally so fun loving and happy.....plus it's destroying a relationship with someone she cares for and who cares for her too....:cry:

Any advice greatly received....:)



Thanks...:)

(PS.... this is def a friend and not me.... me..... happy as they come with my OH and little family....:D)
Click to expand...

Hi Mich :)

A lot of people do look in Families hun!! :p:D

I've just replied on there to you.

Lacey..xxx
 
rowanx2 said:
few Q's

has she been jealous in any other relationships?
how long have they been together?
was she going out with him when he was still married?
has he given her any reason to be jealous? ie, staying longer at his ex's house, phoning her when no need to etc?
is this her first serious relationship?

it might be she's jealous for good reason.
Click to expand...

Hi! Thanks for your response....

1. Yes she was a bit jealous in a previous relationship but nothing on this scale.... previous fella did cheat of her tho....!!

2. Been together bout 2 years

3. Yes she did start seeing him before marriage broke up

4. Yes, I guess he may have..... they have a child he is in regular contact - daily - because of child....

5. No it's not her first serious but only her second.... first serious one was from 13 - 21 years.... so I guess this is her first 'grown up' relationship if you know what I mea....

Not sure if he's given her cause to be jealous.... probably....:rolleyes:
 
Thanks people for taking time to respond.... Lacey PM'd me some really good info/advice which I will discuss with said mate..... has given me alot of things to think about too .... I can see the jealousy is her problem but he has caused the problem.... not sure he'd see it like that though..... this may take a while to sort... if ever!!!
 
rowanx2 said:
it could come down to the fact that he was seeing her while married then - he did it once so why not again? He proved, really, he wasnt faithful to his partner. That could be the root of it.
Click to expand...


Possibly... I personally think the term 'once a cheater always a cheater' is pretty much right.... not always but most of the time.....


I personally would think that at the back of my mind too.... if he's done it once to his wife then he could possibly do it to me.....

Thing is she's in love and when your in love it's hard to see the negatives - or you can see them but don't always want to belive/deal with them.....:rolleyes:
 
Mich I know how your friend feels, I used to be extremely jealous of my husband dont know why I was like it but the feelings were awful and used to consume me. I hated being jealous I would think it is one of the most terrible feelings to bear and cause such upset.

I am now fine but I have been with my OH for 25 years now and it was his patience with me that got me through it. I wish I had a friend like you to help me then. Well done for taking he time to look after her.

XX
 
rowanx2 said:
Well i'd tell her to make no long term money commitments just yet. Date the guy and see how it goes - 2 years isnt that long to know someone or fully trust them.
She could just meet Mr Right tomorrow who makes her feel at ease and trusting, sounds like this guy isnt for her.
Click to expand...

She's very sensible and wouldn't get involved with him financially..... she has a good job, her own house and car etc.... but then so does he... 2 years not long???? I met my OH, engaged after 5 months, house bought after 12 months, married after 16 months and by the time 2 years was here I was pregnant.....:eek::eek: Fortunately I was 29 and had 'lived' shall we say...;) and 15 years later we are still v v happy - with 3 kids....

I wish she would meet Mr Right tomorrow but she just don't even look or acknowledge any type of attention from another man/men.... for her he is 'The One'.!!!!:rolleyes: I don't think he is the one for her but only she can decide that at the end of the day!

All I can do is stand by and support her all I can....:)
 
ladylite said:
Mich I know how your friend feels, I used to be extremely jealous of my husband dont know why I was like it but the feelings were awful and used to consume me. I hated being jealous I would think it is one of the most terrible feelings to bear and cause such upset.

I am now fine but I have been with my OH for 25 years now and it was his patience with me that got me through it. I wish I had a friend like you to help me then. Well done for taking he time to look after her.

XX
Click to expand...


Thanks... I'm glad you have worked things through with your OH you are happy with OH.... he sounds a lovely man..... mine is v patient and understanding with me..... should be a Saint...lol....:D:eek:

At the end of the day she's my friend and I want to support her all I can..... I have another friend getting divorced too and feel a bit of an agony aunt at the mo..... I'm just glad my family life/relationship with OH is rock solid cos otherwise I wouldn't be able to cope with other peoples cr*p!!!!!

Although that said sometimes I wish people would ask about me for a change and if I'm OK..... but then I have my Mininmer's mates for that......:D
 
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