I've booked an appointment for next Tuesday, hoping I don't get a shift on the day but have asked the other Customer Care team if they'd cover the last or first hour of my shift (shift changes over at 3pm), appointments at 3:20pm.
I haven't gone for the walk yet, I had a shower and did my hair how I like it (with curly ends), just had a very late breakfast (brunch?) Properly not enough for brunch tbh.. 2 slices of mini bread toast (HEB), 1tbsp of marg (will look up syns) a handful of grapes and a large glass of sugar free squash.
I didn't wake up till 11am btw, I went to bed at 2:15am because I decided to clean the kitchen, which I did and it felt wonderful to come down to an organised and clean kitchen lol.
I've had anxiety since around the age of 18, I broke up frmo a very destructive and mentally/physically abusive relationship, I was throwing up everyday for around 2 months and the doctor only said it was food poisoning. I lived on my own so I was able to just stay in doors and I left college. I met someone who encouraged me to meet him down the road instead of coming to my flat to meet me and slowly he helped me overcome my first bout of Anxiety. It was anxiety that made me feel sick and well I normally was sick, buses really messed my stomach up.
Anyways, somehow, I think it took two years, I got over it and although I suffered with depression, I was able to go back to college and do things like go to the pub with friends, go to Hanley (the city i lived near) and do everything I needed to do.
I struggled but didn't really panic much for a few years and I met my current boyfriend in 2010. I was okay until 2011 I think, then I had a massive panic attack in Wolverhampton, spent 6 months doing CBT, got over it and was well for about another year, got full time employment at my last job and within 4 months I was having panic attacks again. :/ The place was like hell and it got to me and I think that's what caused them, the stress, I'd leave work most shifts crying my eyes out because of the staff and managers. I had more CBT but it didn't work and it got to the point, the counsellor felt I'd have it for life, and frankly the idea made me want to commit suicide but I have a lot of things to live for so it never got close to it.
Took me a year and a half to get out of the place into my current job, I left in September. My anxiety improved for a while but since the beginning of December it's gotten so bad I'm now having panic attacks in public and I can't control them at all. My anxiety now is a mixture of things, mainly happens when i'm outside but I do get them at home and at work. A basic panic attack for me is retching/heaving. I sometimes get tight chest/hard to breath moments. Mostly I just retch though.
I'm going to document my anxiety on this diary as well so I can monitor how it goes whilst I'm dieting.
Do you feel your anxiety reduced as you got thinner then?
Right I'm going to try the walk now
