People who want to lose weight but can't be arsed.

Ooo dear hehe.

Okie dokes, will do. I just love helping people is all.

Yes!! I get my harsh ways from her!

I have a harsh out look on life in general anyway, but I'm slowly trying to be a little more cheerful about it.

not really sure you're getting what Minimins is about....:rolleyes: key word is SUPPORT - for everyone - fat, slim, thin, whatever....we are here to HELP each other - WITHOUT snide comments, judgements about our weight, past failures etc etc - we already know all this about ourselves and certainly don't need others to point it out for us.....

sorry if that sounds harsh but we are a community......endof

Debz
 
not really sure you're getting what Minimins is about....:rolleyes: key word is SUPPORT - for everyone - fat, slim, thin, whatever....we are here to HELP each other - WITHOUT snide comments, judgements about our weight, past failures etc etc - we already know all this about ourselves and certainly don't need others to point it out for us.....

sorry if that sounds harsh but we are a community......endof

Debz
I am well aware that this is a site that supports people. And I don't see how I am making snide comments, if that is what you see, then I apologize.

I am sorry if I have said anything to upset you and anyone else who will comment on this thread and correct me. I have already been told that the way I try to help isn't the most effective, and I am aware of that.

So once again, terribly sorry for upsetting you and everyone else here. If you read more comments here, then you would realize that I have already been noted that I have been harsh and am now gaining an understanding of how others react, feel and think.

Happy new year to you sir/madam and good luck on your weight loss.
 
hey - sorry to rain on your prarade BUT it really doesn't matter what time the calories are consumed - it's the TOTAL DAILY calories that count - FACT :)

Debz x
Oh no worries at all love, no parade going on here :).

But wow! glad to hear that, I have always been told that eating late can make you gain weight. So it's based on daily? that's good then. One less thing to worry about.
 
I am well aware that this is a site that supports people. And I don't see how I am making snide comments, if that is what you see, then I apologize.

I am sorry if I have said anything to upset you and anyone else who will comment on this thread and correct me. I have already been told that the way I try to help isn't the most effective, and I am aware of that.

So once again, terribly sorry for upsetting you and everyone else here. If you read more comments here, then you would realize that I have already been noted that I have been harsh and am now gaining an understanding of how others react, feel and think.

Happy new year to you sir/madam and good luck on your weight loss.

It's very hard to show reaction through words. Don't you worry, I wasn't laughing at her at all.

no problem - as you say - It's very hard to show reaction through words - which is precisely why we need to be very careful as we type - because so much of what is intended is lost......

no offence taken but just wanted you to think about what you were typing in case the recipient might be upset....we all like to receive messages in different ways and it is a good idea to think of others BEFORE we type something which may offend.....

Minimins is simply the best weight loss support forum there is.....and this is something that needs to be jealously guarded.....people need to feel safe here to express their opinion BUT also need to be mindful of others - tough balancing act ! but one which works here so so well

you are very welcome, as are your thoughts and responses....but always always always be aware of your readers, that's all :)

Debz
 
Hiya hun,

I can see what you're saying and I think the point has now been well and truly made that maybe you may have come across as harsh to some people etc.etc. BUT you have apologised and I think that's fair enough - let's move on now chaps?

Yasmine, as far as your friend goes, when you care about someone, love them even, it's very hard to stand back and let them go into self-destruct mode. But you have to remember that your friend is just that, a friend. And if you care about her, you need to let her have her lightbulb moment.

We have all hit a point where we have decided "enough is enough" and gone on a mission to sort our weight out. But if your friend isn't there yet, you can't MAKE that happen. I have a friend who a year ago I was desperate to help. But she wasn't ready either. Now, a year later, she saw for herself what needed doing and is now 3 stone lighter after she called me, asked for my advice saying that she'd "had enough of being fat" and following my advice started Lighter Life. So it just goes to show, just 'cos she's not receptive to your help right now, it doesn't mean she'll NEVER do anything about it.

My only advice to you is to be there for her, support her no matter what, which is what friends do, and don't push the weightloss thing. You've had your lightbulb moment, all you can do is be there for her when she has hers!!

Hope you find this helpful and constructive xx
 
no problem - as you say - It's very hard to show reaction through words - which is precisely why we need to be very careful as we type - because so much of what is intended is lost......

no offence taken but just wanted you to think about what you were typing in case the recipient might be upset....we all like to receive messages in different ways and it is a good idea to think of others BEFORE we type something which may offend.....

Minimins is simply the best weight loss support forum there is.....and this is something that needs to be jealously guarded.....people need to feel safe here to express their opinion BUT also need to be mindful of others - tough balancing act ! but one which works here so so well

you are very welcome, as are your thoughts and responses....but always always always be aware of your readers, that's all :)

Debz
I'm glad you understand, and yes, I will be very careful with what I say next time LOL. Very careful :)
 
Hiya hun,

I can see what you're saying and I think the point has now been well and truly made that maybe you may have come across as harsh to some people etc.etc. BUT you have apologised and I think that's fair enough - let's move on now chaps?

Yasmine, as far as your friend goes, when you care about someone, love them even, it's very hard to stand back and let them go into self-destruct mode. But you have to remember that your friend is just that, a friend. And if you care about her, you need to let her have her lightbulb moment.

We have all hit a point where we have decided "enough is enough" and gone on a mission to sort our weight out. But if your friend isn't there yet, you can't MAKE that happen. I have a friend who a year ago I was desperate to help. But she wasn't ready either. Now, a year later, she saw for herself what needed doing and is now 3 stone lighter after she called me, asked for my advice saying that she'd "had enough of being fat" and following my advice started Lighter Life. So it just goes to show, just 'cos she's not receptive to your help right now, it doesn't mean she'll NEVER do anything about it.

My only advice to you is to be there for her, support her no matter what, which is what friends do, and don't push the weightloss thing. You've had your lightbulb moment, all you can do is be there for her when she has hers!!

Hope you find this helpful and constructive xx
Thank you very much for the advice. This isn't really a friend, it's my older sister, I guess you can call her friend, never thought of her as a friend hehe. But anyway, I understand fully. Thanks again, and well done to that friend of yours!
 
I was thinking about a post I sent a long time ago...by good old Anon ;)

It's long, and much more dramatic, but it does sum it up so well really so I'll post it again here.


I have a friend who keeps walking into brick walls. Each time she does it, she hurts herself a little bit more. She is convinced that she doesn't know how to stop. She won't talk about why she keeps walking into the walls. She won't talk about anything but actually walking into the brick walls and the injuries it causes. She isn't even sure she wants to stop, but she knows she is hurting herself, at least on some level.

She knows she's different than other people who aren't always walking into brick walls.

My friend is convinced that stopping isn't possible, and even if possible, not something SHE could attain.

All my friend ever talks about is brick walls, walking into them, how to stop, how she can't stop. There is always some crisis about it. Every e-mail, every phone call, or at least the majority of them, are just so negative and filled with brick-walking descriptions and stone-wall obsessions.

I try to encourage my friend to enjoy life... to talk about other things... to tell me WHY she thinks she has to walk into brick walls. She fights me every time. Once in a while I get a peak at something deeper, at some emotion or problem she has, but as soon as it shows, it's back to walking into walls and talking about walking into walls.

I can't imagine that living a life like this is fulfilling to her. She isn't happy. She'll go out of her way to avoid people just so she can walk into walls. She says her therapist can't understand because HE has NEVER walked into a wall in his life, so he can't possibly help her. She gets mad if people put up cushioning so she can't get hurt. She gets mad if people get in her way of walking into a wall. She gets really angry if someone tries to hug her instead of letting her bash her head on brick. And she just won't talk about anything but walking into brick walls and gets annoyed when people encourage her to talk about what's bothering her.

It's really been quite impossible to help her because she won't let anyone help her. She won't listen to anyone's advice. She never considers that she's making a choice to walk into a wall each time she does. I've even heard her blame the wall, like she has no control over whether she walks into it or not. There are people all around us, every day, NOT walking into walls, yet she doesn't consider it's an option.

My friend knows that someday she could walk into a wall and have it kill her. She's convinced she'll never go that far.

I think she wants people to see her bruises, scrapes and lumps. I think she thinks it's like a badge of honor, displaying her inner pain, displaying how unique she is, showing the world she can do whatever the hell she wants. She also gets a lot of attention for it, using it as an excuse why people don't "get" her or that people just feel sorry for her.

It's hard to see anything else but a person who walks into brick walls because that is all she ever shows anyone. I'm even starting to forget who she was BEFORE she started all this.

I have already told her that I will never stop telling her it's not okay to hurt herself this way. She gets mad. She tells me I don't understand. I ask her to make me. She won't. If a day goes by and I don't mention it, she thinks I don't care. Either way, she uses it as an excuse to walk into more walls. It's a no win situation.

I can't help my friend stop this until she wants to stop.
I can't support someone to stop walking into walls if I don't know why they do it.
I don't want it to ruin our friendship, but as you see, it already has. She blames me. She blames the stupid walls. She blames people who don't understand. She blames people who try to.

I think she could stop walking into brick walls if she really wanted to. Matter of fact, I KNOW she could that's how much faith I have in her. I'm angry that she would rather walk into walls than anything else. I'm sad it's consumed her. She doesn't seem to care that I worry. She doesn't want me walking into walls myself, but she's mad that I don't understand. She wants me to tell her it's okay, but we both know it's not. She wants me to stop harping on it, but she won't stop harping on it.

- - - - -

I got a phone call today.

She finally did it. It sounds so sad... that someone actually did this to themselves to the point of death. I can't believe it. I cannot believe she's gone.

I hear the hush-hush whispering of our friends. Can you believe she did this to herself? If only she had asked for help... if only she had told us why maybe we could have done something... if only she had been willing to help herself...

I did everything I could for my friend, but in the end, whether I'd been there or not, it wouldn't have made a difference. To her, anything I said was wrong, because really, she needed to take responsibility for herself. She needed me to be wrong. The more she convinced herself I was, the more she convinced herself she was right. She wasn't willing to challenge her thinking, even though she KNEW it was hurting her in every way possible.

She wasn't willing to say "I'm going to do everything I can to stop walking into brick walls." She wasn't willing to say "I'm going to do as much as I can to stop walking into brick walls. She wasn't even willing to say "I'm going to take some tiny little steps away from walking into brick walls."

She was too quick to blame everyone else, even herself, when blame was never the answer.

All she needed was to give a little and she could have received a lot.

All she needed was to give to herself the same gifts she felt everyone else deserved.

Take care of YOU


------------
Happy new year to you Yasmine. Hope your friend finds happiness soon :)
 
You're welcome hun. And if she's your sister this is even more relevant as you love her and only want the best for her. So it still applies :). Enjoy your evening and wishing you a very happy New Year. Slimdom beckons for both of us eh?! xxx
 
Blimey KD, that post is so amazing but so sad too. It's made me look at myself very deeply in a new way and speaks volumes. Thank you! xxxx
 
hey there - as a serial dieter, one who has been a healthy weight and one who has been and is again obese; i would say the person needs to be 'ready'. So many time i have started a diet and messed it up, maybe on day 1 or day 2. And then there were the successful diets where it wasn't necessarily easy but the diet came naturally and my willpower was strong.

I have had a slim girl say in the past to me 'do something' and even my husband. But sometimes you just don't want to, even if you hate what you see in the mirror. Its not that you can't be bothered - well sometimes you can't! but sometimes you lack motivation or support.

Its weird but sometimes i feel that even if i keep gaining i need to eat what i want. Maybe your sister is in that position?

The 'lightbulb moment' that everyone is talking about will come, and then you can be your sisters own cheerleader.
 
Blimey KD, that post is so amazing but so sad too. It's made me look at myself very deeply in a new way and speaks volumes. Thank you! xxxx

I remember thinking exactly the same. It really got to me for a while there.
 
Yes, well said Purple Angel :clap:

Doesn't matter what you know you should do, or what people tell you you should do, you can't do it until you're ready.
 
I was thinking about a post I sent a long time ago...by good old Anon ;)

It's long, and much more dramatic, but it does sum it up so well really so I'll post it again here.


I have a friend who keeps walking into brick walls. Each time she does it, she hurts herself a little bit more. She is convinced that she doesn't know how to stop. She won't talk about why she keeps walking into the walls. She won't talk about anything but actually walking into the brick walls and the injuries it causes. She isn't even sure she wants to stop, but she knows she is hurting herself, at least on some level.

She knows she's different than other people who aren't always walking into brick walls.

My friend is convinced that stopping isn't possible, and even if possible, not something SHE could attain.

All my friend ever talks about is brick walls, walking into them, how to stop, how she can't stop. There is always some crisis about it. Every e-mail, every phone call, or at least the majority of them, are just so negative and filled with brick-walking descriptions and stone-wall obsessions.

I try to encourage my friend to enjoy life... to talk about other things... to tell me WHY she thinks she has to walk into brick walls. She fights me every time. Once in a while I get a peak at something deeper, at some emotion or problem she has, but as soon as it shows, it's back to walking into walls and talking about walking into walls.

I can't imagine that living a life like this is fulfilling to her. She isn't happy. She'll go out of her way to avoid people just so she can walk into walls. She says her therapist can't understand because HE has NEVER walked into a wall in his life, so he can't possibly help her. She gets mad if people put up cushioning so she can't get hurt. She gets mad if people get in her way of walking into a wall. She gets really angry if someone tries to hug her instead of letting her bash her head on brick. And she just won't talk about anything but walking into brick walls and gets annoyed when people encourage her to talk about what's bothering her.

It's really been quite impossible to help her because she won't let anyone help her. She won't listen to anyone's advice. She never considers that she's making a choice to walk into a wall each time she does. I've even heard her blame the wall, like she has no control over whether she walks into it or not. There are people all around us, every day, NOT walking into walls, yet she doesn't consider it's an option.

My friend knows that someday she could walk into a wall and have it kill her. She's convinced she'll never go that far.

I think she wants people to see her bruises, scrapes and lumps. I think she thinks it's like a badge of honor, displaying her inner pain, displaying how unique she is, showing the world she can do whatever the hell she wants. She also gets a lot of attention for it, using it as an excuse why people don't "get" her or that people just feel sorry for her.

It's hard to see anything else but a person who walks into brick walls because that is all she ever shows anyone. I'm even starting to forget who she was BEFORE she started all this.

I have already told her that I will never stop telling her it's not okay to hurt herself this way. She gets mad. She tells me I don't understand. I ask her to make me. She won't. If a day goes by and I don't mention it, she thinks I don't care. Either way, she uses it as an excuse to walk into more walls. It's a no win situation.

I can't help my friend stop this until she wants to stop.
I can't support someone to stop walking into walls if I don't know why they do it.
I don't want it to ruin our friendship, but as you see, it already has. She blames me. She blames the stupid walls. She blames people who don't understand. She blames people who try to.

I think she could stop walking into brick walls if she really wanted to. Matter of fact, I KNOW she could that's how much faith I have in her. I'm angry that she would rather walk into walls than anything else. I'm sad it's consumed her. She doesn't seem to care that I worry. She doesn't want me walking into walls myself, but she's mad that I don't understand. She wants me to tell her it's okay, but we both know it's not. She wants me to stop harping on it, but she won't stop harping on it.

- - - - -

I got a phone call today.

She finally did it. It sounds so sad... that someone actually did this to themselves to the point of death. I can't believe it. I cannot believe she's gone.

I hear the hush-hush whispering of our friends. Can you believe she did this to herself? If only she had asked for help... if only she had told us why maybe we could have done something... if only she had been willing to help herself...

I did everything I could for my friend, but in the end, whether I'd been there or not, it wouldn't have made a difference. To her, anything I said was wrong, because really, she needed to take responsibility for herself. She needed me to be wrong. The more she convinced herself I was, the more she convinced herself she was right. She wasn't willing to challenge her thinking, even though she KNEW it was hurting her in every way possible.

She wasn't willing to say "I'm going to do everything I can to stop walking into brick walls." She wasn't willing to say "I'm going to do as much as I can to stop walking into brick walls. She wasn't even willing to say "I'm going to take some tiny little steps away from walking into brick walls."

She was too quick to blame everyone else, even herself, when blame was never the answer.

All she needed was to give a little and she could have received a lot.

All she needed was to give to herself the same gifts she felt everyone else deserved.

Take care of YOU


------------
Happy new year to you Yasmine. Hope your friend finds happiness soon :)

Just brilliant KD. Says it all...xx :)
 
I love that one KD - I remember you posting it before but I still enjoyed reading it again.

I realise that the whole 'weight thing' is an ongoing life choice and I am only now starting to get my head into the right place.

I have lots of reasons for wanting to be slimmer but the main one now is my health.

I think I have been like a smoker who has never had a health issue, who thinks it's ok to go on smoking right up to the time they are diagnosed with lung cancer.
I have been in denial that my weight is affecting my general health. Now I have sore knees/hips I realise what I am doing to myself. But it's not too late, I can change, I don't have to go on like this.

Sometimes it's easy to make the right choices, sometimes it's hard. In this case it is just so obvious!

Good luck to everyone, whatever the stage of their journey!
 
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