Personal achievement

[Enough]

Yesterday I found myself realising that my personal achievements aren't always the ones that other people know about...

we get certificates and silly hats for passing exams, when sometimes surviving a difficulty in a relationship, or overcoming a difficulty in the relationship I have with myself is actually a far bigger achievement.

So, for CD, the WIs are a big part of it, but actually lots of other achievements are more relevant.. I drove past a place yesterday that I have ALWAYS stopped at to buy myself food as a treat.. I've always driven past there on my own each week and bought myself, effectively, an extra meal.. then gone home and eaten dinner as usual like it didn't happen... minimised it in my mind as if it didn't count cause I was only in my car!!

..it was a genuine struggle to drive past yesterday, especially as noone in the world has ever known that I do that (until this post!!)

..I've never thought of myself as a 'sectret eater'.. makes it sound like I had an addiction.. oh.. erm.. hmm... slowly the light's gradually dawning! haha!!

Anyway.. thought I'd share... My biggest triumph is not eating at those times which I have always known were unhealthy anyway and still thought "!%&*! It! I'm going to anyway, as a private treat to me, that's not about anyone else!"

..and I did it :drivesaint00:

Do you have similar experiences??

Vx

 

[polishrose]

Yep!!I was the same way-would drive to a fast food place and eat a large meal and then go home and eat dinner because the other meal "didn't count".I've driven past a few times now and it does get easier

 

[Bess]

I've always driven past there on my own each week and bought myself, effectively, an extra meal.. then gone home and eaten dinner as usual like it didn't happen...

..I've never thought of myself as a 'sectret eater'.. makes it sound like I had an addiction.. oh.. erm.. hmm... slowly the light's gradually dawning! haha!!


Do you have similar experiences??

Vx

Yes!! I'd never thought about it as an extra meal either - until now, but you are right! This is how I began to put on the weight years ago. Each time I stopped for petrol I'd buy a couple of chocolate bars and munch them in the car and when I think about it I'd chuck the wrappers in a bin so they weren't left in it - as evidence! Even a Maccy dee's on a few occasions - the drive thru' ones!! I don't know who I was trying to keep the 'evidence' away from? me?
After I had the children I didn't do this so much, but still sometimes when I was on my own, it would be a sort of 'secret treat.' I'd also be so hungry preparing the evening meal that I'd pick and pick until I was full and then think, 'Well, I can't not sit down with everyone and eat supper,' so I'd eat another (unwanted) meal soon after.
The preparing the meal thing became automatic, I'd not intend to do it and then truly forget, munch anyway, remember, think 'oh s*d it' and have supper as well.
These are things I shall have to address when I reach my flexible target and I don't think I'd really given them much thought until recently.
Congratulations on driving past though! You did really well.

 

[Enough]

...funny how it felt like I was the only person in the world to do that.. felt naughty/indulgent/greedy/private/shameful/delicious!/guilty/free/embarrassing/

..what a funny mix of emotions! ..and why did I need to do it??? guess I it fulfilled a need when I was feeling
low/lonely/trapped/annoyed/unloved/angry/tired/undervalued...

and what would have helped...

comfort/reassurance/company/compliments/love/having more energy...

so... solutions?
talk to people, go for a walk, go to bed!, a lovely bubble bath, minimins, looking at something that reminds me of my achievements, ...

..hmm... they sound good but I could do with something private, comforting and naughty!!

I know! I could try going to bed with a good book when I first get home.. snuggling up in my douvet and reading for a few hours.. that feel really naughty, and lazy and greedy, and all those lovely things that I used to get from eating lard! Hahaha!!!

Ah - writing this has been a useful process!!

Thank you!!!

Vx

 

[abz]

huge achievement babes!! well done!!

i can identify. i managed to avoid the left over meeting food yesterday. well, when i say avoid it was on the table next to me for about four hours because my colleague wanted to eat it 'later'...

and at my old work whenever this happened and i walked into the staff room alone i would snaffle as much of it as i could before anyone else came in so they wouldn't know how much of it i'd eaten and think 'pig'. not like there wasn't enough for everyone twice over. i doubt anyone would have cared.

but yesterday i sat there, different workplace now, wanting to snaffle the lot but thinking 'well, why would you want someone's leftover sandwiches, wraps and cakes anyways' and managed.

although next time i'm telling the chap that wanted it later if he doesn't eat it now it goes in the bin!! not going through four hours of torment again, only to have him not eat it!!

abz xx

 

[KD]

Hey! Well done :clap:

Yesterday I found myself realising that my personal achievements aren't always the ones that other people know about...

You know, from psychological viewpoint, intrinsic motivation (as above) beats extrinsic motivation (which usually involves others) hands down. It's incredibly powerful :clap:

 

[AbsolutelyFabulous]

*hand up* I was a secret binge eater. I'm saying was, because I'm very hopeful and determined to not be that person again.
I won't go into great detail about what I used to have..but suffice to say it was nothing for me to eat about 4 days worth of food in 1 day. I too was shameful, and embarrassed, and hid the evidence. Funnily enough, I always hated eating in front of people for fear that they would brand me as fat and greedy. Which, I was (am). I'm not sure where the logic was in my thought pattern that said "if they don't see me eat they won't know I'm fat" - hmmm....it's obvious I am fat!
Anyway, I'm rambling now, but I wanted to say that I understand the above posts. xx

 

[Enough]

That DOES make sense to me Paula... and you're voicing the thoughts that I certainly have had, and I'm sure lots of us have had

X

Vx

 

[Jaycey]

I had two major problems - one was dishing myself up meals that were the same size as hubby's (= enormous!) and the other was the home-made cakes at work! I only work one day a week, but I would always buy chunks of their lovely home-made cake, and even pieces to take home. (And their pieces were vast, much bigger than you'd cut yourself at home.) You sit there munching away, and you know it's wrong, but they're so bloody gorgeous you can't help yourself. :sigh:

We did used to have fish & chips at least once a week too, and quite often a Chinese or Indian takeaway. (I used to kid myself that "Chinese isn't fattening"!) It all piles on the pounds. When I was younger, I could get away with a lot more, but now the dreaded menopause is in residence, everything sticks around like never before!

I've never actually binged on food as such, but I have bought the odd chocolate bar - again, knowing it was wrong, but doing it anyway. (I've always found Bounty bars hard to resist!)

But my biggest problem has been, and always will be, portion control. I come from a family where you were considered mean if your Sunday lunch didn't cover your entire (very large) dinner plate, the whole lot swimming in gravy. It's just how it was, and we didn't give it a thought. (Unfortunately, I was the only one who clapped on the weight!) So of course, I've always dished up dinners like that to the hubby - pretty much like his own mother's!

So I suppose my achievements are:-

• walking past the food counter at work
• cooking but not being tempted by hubby's man-size dinners
• accepting his takeways with a look-but-don't-touch attitude
• not even thinking about chocolate bars.

But the biggest ultimate achievement for me will be portion control, because I will have to base the rest of my life on that. Getting my head around that will be the biggest prize of all!

 

[Wabbitt]

My name is Wabbitt and I was a secret binge eater. Any rubbish would pass my lips and once I started I couldn't stop. I have been known to eat a 6 pack multibag of crisps in one session. But NO MORE!!!! I have control of my eating now and it feels good, especially knowing that all you miniminers are here to give me support and not judge me xxx

 

[Mrs Scoffalot]

I am a total crisp addict. I'm hoping that I will never put a crisp in my mouth again after this diet I'm hoping to soon be a reformed crisp addict.

I have, and I can eat crisps all day long and all night long. multibags not a problem. and I would much rather have crisps to eat then a meal. How bad is that? I'm hoping to change all this while taking time out from eating and put my eating habits into prospective.

I often bought big multibags the 28pack ones - gone in 2 days. I'd go to the supermarket and buy more before anyone in my family found out how many bags I had scoffed over that time and before my daughter who is 10 realises that mam eats all the crisps. I swaer to god eating those crisps were so totally stressful because they really did have a hold on me. Strange or what?

 

[hannahbanana]

I am a total crisp addict.

I'd go to the supermarket and buy more before anyone in my family found out how many bags I had scoffed over that time...

This is me - totally me! (Though I call them "chips", but you need to say them in my accent which is "chups")

I would demolish large bags of crisps at work when i'm in the office by myself (the ones bought for friday night staff drinks), and then bring in replacement ones so no-one knew what I'd done.

Then of course go home to a normal dinner with my boyfriend not letting on of course that I'd just eaten an entire bag in the previous hour.

When I come off CD - I hope I've learnt some lessons about how hard it was to work off those lg bags of crisps, and hopefully steer clear of that situation.

 

[sunnydays]

I can relate to all of the above! I am definatley a crisp binge eater, Its only happened since my toddler found crisps, but I found myself having to replace the crisps in the cupboard. I was also guilty of the drive thru offense...Im hoping after I come off SS I will have weaned myself off these habits.

 

[Enough]

I am glad I'm not alone on this, but I'd much prefer that noone else had this same problem.. for me, it definitely feels like a problem that I'm fine with at the moment, but I'm going to have to do some serious re-thinking, not to get back into it..

For me, it's something about a seemingly harmless way of giving myself something extra.. I'm generally generous and put other people first.. even when I don't always want to be. I'm not a total doormat, but I rarely put myself first.. and this has always felt like my little way of putting myself first...

I'm sure there is similar thinking going on with any addictive behaviour...

..because, of course, the irony is that it's not really being kind to me at all.. guilt/shame/poor health/feeling ugly, heavy, big.. feeling like everyone can see my greatest insecurities just by looking at me.

So... what am I going to do about it...??

Start liking myself more.. start treating myself the way I would treat a good friend.. start treating myself by having fun doing active things.. funny.. that all sounds far more distant.. like it doesn't strike a chord for me... hmmm.... I guess I need to learn a whole new way of living...

That's going to be my project!!

Any advice/tips/ideas.. Greatly welcome!!!

Vx

 

[EllieMellie]

Wow, this is amazing. I genuinely thought it was only me! I used to eat in secret when I was a teenager and my mum started on about my weight ( I was a size 10!), and it became a habit I just couldn't break. Even now, my idea of being good to myself involves vast amounts of food that I would NEVER eat in public. Until CD, I hope.
Sounds like there are legions of us out there ladies - so WELL DONE to every single one of you who has resisted when the temptation was so strong xx

 

[Ibizamad]

It is sooooo good to read these posts. There really are so many of us!
It has really made think that 'yes' I have been a secret eater but never admitted it to myself, I have been so selfish in my eating habits and that I have to learn over the next few weeks how to deal with them.

Well done everyone for facing your eating habits head on and making the right decision to do something about them.

Thanks V for your post - an excellent one!

Sarah
x