preggers & really upset struggling

[big bear]

I can't cope anymore, I'm sat here crying. I've got no support from H & all my family are in Ireland.

H started nites 2 wks ago but has been off his his last shift tues nite. I've got a 19mth old boy & I'm 6 mths preggers. I've been up every morning this wk at 6with ds & I'm exhausted. H has been here but all he's done is sleep leaving me with ds.

Yest we went out to town to pay bills do shopping etc ds slept while we were out & when we got home H went 2 bed. I ended up cleaning the flat sweeping/mopping the floors dusting cleaning etc. while he slept H is also doing a mgt course & I'm typing up all his work for him.

Today he got up with ds & I was suppose to have a lie in but ds was in jumping on me at 7am. H thinks this is fine. He's now gone to bed fora rest since 4pm & I'm left again with ds. I couldn't even sleep when ds was asleep as had to type H assignment.

I've tried 2 speak 2 him but he says that he'sdone his share, yeah right washed some dishes & put on 2 washes. I even went to pc world for him & took ds with me on the bus today. I even had to make/feed son his lunch as he hasn't the patience.

I'm dealing with terrible 2's & lack of sleep & feel as if I'm heading 4 a breakdown but when I talk to H it ends in an arguement.

I'm seriously thinking of leaving him as I feel so alone & like a single mum anyhow. To top it all I've been feeling really crap with this pregnancy. I just don't no where to turn

 

[emma-louise]

big bear i am so sorry you feel this way, your OH sounds like he is being totally useless! i know you cant fly because you're pregnant but have you thought about getting a ferry or something over to ireland to stay with your family for a while? even if its just to get away from the stress for a while and take some pressure off you xx

big hugs hun xxxxx

 

[Happy Holidays]

Oh I'm really sorry you feel so down. But reading your post I get the impression you do too much when you maybe don't really need to, eg why did you go to PC world with ds instead of either OH going & you staying at home or leaving ds at home. Why can't you go to bed for a rest, or do you have a friends you could go to for a few hours peace & quiet?

I really don't know what to say except I hope it all works out ok for you. x

 

[CAPRICORN]

oh flower
Sorry you are feeling down at a time when you should be full of excitement..
First thing I would do is NOT type up his papers -you could be having a nap, or sat on the sofa with the little one watching a DVD instead...-at least you will be resting your bump and feet!!
Im affraid if hubby won't listen to reason I would be doing a "silent protest" -do for you and your wee one and let hubby fend for himself. I know its not an ideal solution -but if he isn't going to be reasonable then tough.
Is there anyone who could have you little one for a couple of hours so you can sit with hubby (when he isn't tired) and try and get through to him just how close to the edge you are?
Failing that I would be telling him that you are off to take your son to stay with family for a holiday and leave him to it..
Hope you get something sorted soon and feel a little better too...
Take care of you and bump

 

[CornishPisky]

I'm with Capricorn on this one. Hun, you NEED your rest. No-one can cope with a toddler & be 6 months pregnant, & also be expected to be Superwoman! Pare down what you are doing, now. You do not need to type up his work, & tell him so. You are not his unpaid secretary. You also shouldnt be cleaning, dusting etc. A bit of dust wont kill anyone (unless you're asthmatic!) Seriously though, so what if the kitchen floor isnt spotless? If H complains something isnt clean enough, tell him to do it himself!
Give him a pillowcase full of clothing or like, weighing a decent amount, tell him to strap it onto his tummy all day long, & see how HE feels. Then tell him you are off out with your girlfriends, or into town, or to see a mate for a bit. Even better leave him "phantom pregnant", & with your toddler, then tell him you expect the washing done & dinner ready when you come home. After all, it sounds like its nothing more than HE expects!
Sorry! but unsupportive partners make my blood boil!

 

[big bear]

I can't get ferry to ireland as it'll take 4 hrs or so to get to the port & I don't drive so would have to take coach & it would be too much for me with ds

I go to my mates houses but ds doesn't know them enough to stay with them &he cries blue murder when I leave the room. I've no one else to look after him as mil is a complete b*tch & has caused so many probs 4 us.

I've no choice but to do the cleaning myself as otherwise it would be left & the place would turn into a tip. I do let him fend 4 himself. I took ds to pc world coz he was tired & was having a go at me. If I don't type his work it won't get done & he'll fail the course, in the long run it means more money for us.

I just don't no what to do been crying for the last hr but he just blames it on my hormones.

 

[Meli]

Big hug going out your way and it really is difficult especially if your son is going through the terrible 2's and your OH is not helping out. Just put your foot down and make time out for yourself, even if it is an hour or 2 each day so you can have a breather.
Maybe try taking your son to one of the stay and play sessions or take him to a children's activity centre and he'll get tired out so when you get home you can both have a nap.
Has your OH ever helped with housework? If not then it will be strange for him to start doing it now, but talk to him. If he doesn't come around and you have to end up doing it yourself, then just do the essentials and don't get yourself worked out. There is always tomorrow and your health is more important.
Hope things get better

 

[big bear]

I'm off to bed to try get some sleep as little one justgone down, thanks for listening x

 

[fillymum]

That is all so sad. Feeling the way you do is not good for you. Once again it is a case of sit down and talk to OH. You can not resolve anything without talking calmly and sensibly.

OH has only just started nights hasn't he ?? Is he finding it hard to adjust to his life being turned upside down?

If your doctor permits it you can fly up to 30 weeks pregnant and there are a lot of guidelines on the Internet to help you.

The easy answer to you tiredness is "do less" Leave the things that do not need doing immediately until you have the time to do them without it being a burden for you.

The terrible 2's is a trying time and I realise you can not stand your MIL , but how about DS going to her one day a week to give you a break. Be wise here and turn this into something that will help you all. It will take some of the pressure of you.

You poor girl, you sound so distressed. Try to delegate the things that OH can do to him and if he doesn't do them leave them not done.

Remember, talking can solve it all.

Hugs and lots of them xxxxxxxxx

 

[avisk]

I am guessing that "mgt course" is shorthand for "management course"? Hmm - learning how to sit back while someone else does all the work?

I agree with what the others have said. Make a list of your priorities - which should mainly be you, the baby, and your child. Work out what isn't really important, and don't do it. Don't SAY you aren't going to do it, don't argue about it, just don't do it. The world will not come to an end. Think to yourself - if I don't do this what is the worst that will happen?

Grownups can look after themselves, and despite all appearances to the contrary, husbands are grownups.


Look at this quote from one of your postings:

"I took ds to pc world coz he was tired & was having a go at me. If I don't type his work it won't get done & he'll fail the course, in the long run it means more money for us."

I wouldn't run errands for someone who was having a go at me. All the more reason NOT to do it.

And if you don't type his work he will fail his course? What do the other people on this course do? Do they all have family members typing away for them? I bet they don't. If he doesn't complete his assignments, it isn't your fault. Can't he type? Surely he can use a computer? So he must know how to use a keyboard!

Have you spoken to your doctor or midwife about what is happening? They may be able to help you if you tell them how depressed you are feeling.

 

[Mrs V]

I have to agree with Avisk on this one hun.

Your Hubby is perfectly capable of typing up his notes himself. he made them. I would never expect my other half to do this for me and neither would I do it for him...he's doing the course not you. The only thing I have done for my Hubby is proof read as his spelling is shocking!
Your little one is going through the clingy stage at the moment...it does get better. I agree about the housework. The house isnt going to collapse around your ears just because you havent dusted one day. Try and rest as much as you can Hun. Give your little one books and colouring things - anything arty that requires attention and sit down together whist he does it.
You really do need to explain to your Hubby how you are feeling before it does become too late. Im sure he doesnt consider things that bad, but if he knew that you have thought about leaving, surely he would listen?

Take care.

xx

 

[big bear]

Just wanted to thank u all. I managed to sleep till 7.30 today feel a whole lot better.

I was up in the nite with bad cramps/sick & I think H has now realised I can't carry on like this. I spoke to H & explained to him that if he didn't help etc I'd end up in hospital & he'd have to do everything then. He got up & typed is own work& I've told him I don't mind showing him how to open a new document & save etc & said I'm not doing it anymore. Apart fromthe dishes I've said I'm only doing the rest when I feel ok.

I think me being sick last nite gave him the final wake up call.

Let's hope he does what he says he'll do & make life a little easier. I know he's adjusting to night work but aren't we all X

 

[Mrs V]

Im glad to hear that things are improving for you today Hun, even if its taken you being poorly.
Take things one day at a time.

xx

 

[avisk]

Just wanted to thank u all. I managed to sleep till 7.30 today feel a whole lot better.

I was up in the nite with bad cramps/sick & I think H has now realised I can't carry on like this. I spoke to H & explained to him that if he didn't help etc I'd end up in hospital & he'd have to do everything then. He got up & typed is own work& I've told him I don't mind showing him how to open a new document & save etc & said I'm not doing it anymore. Apart fromthe dishes I've said I'm only doing the rest when I feel ok.

I think me being sick last nite gave him the final wake up call.

Let's hope he does what he says he'll do & make life a little easier. I know he's adjusting to night work but aren't we all X

I am so pleased that you are feeling better today, and that you have been sticking up for yourself. Keep it up!

 

[fillymum]

I know he's adjusting to night work but aren't we all X

So true. It is an enormous change for you all.

So glad you managed to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation is horrid. I know that without sleep I am a different person.

You will be o.k. B.B. because you have that wonderful quality of being able to voice your innermost thoughts and to seek help when you need it. You would be surprised how many people can not do that.

Sorry I suggested MIL LOL !!!! Forgive me my lapse of common sense and compassion. I promise it was only momentary lol !!!!!!!!!

hugs xxxxxx

 

[sparkledpixie]

It seems a shout for support on here and you have pretty much managed to answer your concerns yourself. I hope you can keep up with your 'me' time.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

MASSIVE HUGS

just wanted to send you some positive, healthy vibes. xxx

 

[*Cupcake*]

Hope all is well today for you hon xx

 

[big bear]

Thanks everyone, my ds has gone to the in laws today so relaxing at mo.

 

[jaylou]

Didn't want to read and run so here's my ((hug)).
I do hope you sort things out - I know hubby blames hormones and don't shoot me, but hormones will be making things seem worse. They make us horribly upset when we wouldn't otherwise be upset.
That said, the housework does not need doing - as long as the surfaces are clean in the kitchen and the loo is clean of nasty germs then the rest can wait. It's not important. YOU however, are important, so take some time for yourself and stop running round after hubby - he'll sort himself out!