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Problems with son any advice

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by peggypig, 6 May 2011 Social URL.

  1. peggypig

    peggypig Silver Member

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    I have a lovely son aged 30 but the problem with him is he easily gets black moods hes not been able to get a job if he falls out with his girlfriend like now he goes into a decline and brings me down with him.

    He is my only one and I really feel for him.Ive arranged doctor appointments and they gave him some antidepressants he took them for a few weeks and then said he felt ok, I explained he needed to take them till the doc said he could stop them. He had a bad episode of depression last October Im worried when he gets down as he was self harming too relieve his frustration.

    I try to help him out with money sure his flat is tidy he is a real untidy person

    The thing is I really dont have any money myself, I know I do too much for him but I dont know what to do for the best,he feels he has nothing to look forward to hes just completed 4 weeks work experience and he loved the work but there was no job at the end of it,he feels like theyve just used him for free labour,but that is the system to try and get people into work he knows that but it has got to him.

    Should I just leave him to deal with it in his own way?

    Any advice would be helpful.
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  3. largelesley

    largelesley Silver Member

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    I cant comment too much as i really dont know much about depression
    It sounds like on one hand you do an awful lot for him and he is maybe beter to try and stand on his own two feet
    Could you maybe jst step bak a little like maybe leave him to tidy hs own flat
    Take care lesley x
  4. Mrs.S.

    Mrs.S. Gold Member

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    I'm certainly in no way qualified to advise on depression etc, however my OH had depression only 2 or 3 years ago.

    Admittedly he was quite a bit younger (23), but there was still the whole taboo, not talking, head in the sand sort of attitude.

    The best thing for him was CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and even now he says this was his saviour. He was on anti-d's too, but says the therapy is what helped.

    Could you possibly get him referred for this, or get a few sessions sorted for him?

    I think the hardest thing for men is talking about feelings etc, and he may want to talk to his mum about them even less (mo offence intended).

    Can his GF help?

    Good luck and I hope things work out for you & him x

    Sent from Laura's iPhone using MiniMins
  5. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hi Peggy, There is no set way to conquer depression as it is soo different from one person to another. Personally, having suffered all my life with it, I found a course of councilling was a real help and cannot take antidepressants as they just make me zonk out. My son, on the other hand, does take quite large doses of ADs and has had some very bad bouts of depression and now hardly leaves his house.
    I do sympathise with your son feeling down about the job situation as it is apalling now for young people but mooching around is not going to help. I do really feel that you are codling him just a bit too much but it's a habit that hard to break especially under the circumstances.
    I note also that you suffer from fibromyalgia which is an anxiety related symptom and this stress is not good for you either.
    My children are all in their 50s but no matter there age they are still "my children" and it's hard to see them suffer, so I know where you are coming from.

    I wish you all the very best....:)
  6. hexe

    hexe Full Member

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    Unfortunately there is no quick fix for depression. Imagine it as a vicious circle, where thoughts, behaviour, feelings and actions all interact. There are some fab websites of Dr Williams and his 5 areas approach (this CBT approach is used by primary care mh teams a lot) where you might find some helpful tools and information.
    Living Life To The Full
    Five Areas Resources
    It is all about breaking that circle. Be there for your son, but at the end of the day, he will have to do the hard work himself. If he is happy to try and do something about his low mood, the above mentioned approach is certainly worth a try. One size doesn't fit all, but definitely worth a try.
    Best wishes

    Jill x
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