Realising that weight loss will not change as much as I thought


HI everyone,

I am a bit worried at the moment. I thought that losing weight would make me far more confident and want to go out more and meet more people. I am only in week 4, so things could change (and will a bit), but I am feeling now that weight alone (even with the counselling) is not going to make me who I want to be and that I am still going to struggle going out and meeting new people (and believing they actually like me or would want to see me again). Does anyone else have a similar problem? How are you dealing with it? What are the best ways to improve self esteem?

Thank you
Hi Jodie

You need to give yourself time. Losing weight won't necessarily change the person that you are, but as you lose the weight you WILL gain the confidence. Take it one step at a time, make the most of the counselling and you will notice a change. ;)
Hi Jodie,
A bit further on in LL you will look at core beliefs and how to change them. I was amazed at all the absolute crap that I believed about myself that wasn't true when I examined it. It is life changing stuff. But be gentle with yourself, it will all come in time.

I think we do tend to believe that all our problems would be over if we could just get thinner but I don't think that this alone helps us to make the change. It's about what goes on inside our head too. I found LL really good for this, I hope you do too.

best wishes x
Four weeks isn't really enough time to change a way of thinking that's been there for years Jodie. You WILL start to settle into a new way of thinking, helped by the counselling you're getting, but it may take a little time for the adjustments to trickle through and start to make an impact.

This time last year, I had just started at college full time as a mature student and was (as usual) the biggest person there. I didn't realise I'd have to be doing presentations in front of the various classes and every time I had to do one, I felt physically sick. As someone who was morbidly obese, the last thing I wanted to do was to draw even more attention to myself. Well, I flew through the course and even got the highest marks in every presentation :eek: although I hated doing every single one.

Now I'm at University and presentations are a part and parcel of the course. However, over six stones lighter and with the knowledge that I did OK at them even when I was heavier, I actually enjoy standing up in front of people and talking. If anyone had said that to me a year ago, I'd have laughed in their face!

So changing your own perception of yourself takes time and involves a bit more than just dropping a few dress sizes - your counselling at LL will help you see your own worth and potential and in time, and without the fat to hide behind, you'll truly fly!
Hi Jodie,
Just did a little note on your thread about 'alcohol needed for fun' that relates a lot to this thread also.

Taking hold of yourself and starting something that is life changing and staying on it despite all the lows and temptations is the perfect thing to gain self esteem from.

Many people let life 'happen to them' and it is only by good fortune they do not have addictive personalities and weakneses that put them where we are. However, they also never learn to take control and that is so sad.

Its like a kid at school for whom learning is easy, they never learn how to graft to move on. Other kids learn at an early stage of education they have to get their heads down and grit their teeth to make the learning happen. You know what, that habit of making it happen tends to make them more successful in later life because they are in control.

You have started that by getting a hold and saying 'NO, I am not content with things the way they are - things are going to change'

As the weeks go by and you see the success from YOUR decision, you can say, I did this - it didn't 'happen to me', I made a difference to myself - and guess what, thats hell of a feeling and if you can't take pride in that, what can you take pride in.

We are all here for you in your hard and difficult times to lean on - heck, will need to do some leaning myself and at my weight that is seriously scary.

Poke a little fun at yourself once in a while, and remember that whilst gravity is not your best friend, it certainly ain't your worst enemy.

Chin up and be proud of what you have done so far and what you will do

Mindless (the gravitationally challenged evangelist)
jodie weight loss will not change you sadly, its you that will change you... and its going to be tough!!! I won't kid you being a shy person like you and I have lost 5 stone and I thought like you that it would all happen like the weight was my problem:(.. I am great on a one to one but when it comes to a group I just sit back and wilt.... I just had to share this with you... I went to the theatre alone on my tod!!! Something I never ever would have done before!! I wanted to see Cats and knew if I waited it would be gone before I could get to see it... The changes in you will be slow and you won't notice them, but after you have done something that you never would have done before you will notice that the weight loss will be big and the changes small but massive when you look back:) Please feel free to pm me and i'm happy to let you know how I am slowly dealing with my shyness.
Hello again,
Thank you all for replying! I am actually in a group with only one other person and she was already on week 5 when I started (so I had to start my counselling from week 5). My counsellor is now away for three weeks and the stand-in is not doing any counselling. I do not really know how I can make all the changes that I need to when I do not seem to be going through the counselling stages properly. Does anyone know what I could do about this? I really need to figure out who I am, but I am not really sure how to do that. And I need to like myself, which is almost impossible at the moment (I set really high standards for myself and am never satisfied with myself, even when I have done well). Aaaaaah! Bit of a rant - sorry! xxx
always - and I mean always, set high standards for yourself 'cos if you don't think you deserve them then who will?

Also, thinking that something can always be better is not an admission of failure, it is one of continual improvement.

Even the best, try and get better - thats what got them to the top

so go on, continue to set challenges for yourself (and then occasionally look back and see just how high you have climbed - hope you don't suffer from Vertigo!)

Bon courage