Relationship advice desperately needed!!!

I'm so sorry Gem.

Only you truly know enough to answer your questions. But I will say life is too short and if you are unhappy you need to change that. don't let anyone get in the way of you. Keep strong. xxxxx
 
Thanks guys, I just don't know what to do. It's like living with two different people.

He's just texted me apologising and saying he wants me to come home and have a korma with him. I have said no because I can't have him keep persuading me to eat.

It's so hard to say no because in the past we have always made up by getting something nice in for dinner and having a cuddle. :confused:
 
gemma, he seems insecure. i have looked at your profile pictures and you truly are a lovely looking woman ... maybe thats what scares him? some men are insecure huney but dont let him stop you from achieving your dream because hes not secure enough to handle other men looking at you or your new found confidence. You are looking great and maybe he can see that Gem. some men dont like it. what was he like when you slimmed right down?
 
no way. hes just asked if you want a korma with him? oh gem, how are you coping. i had this with my OH he sabotaged all my previous attempts at dieting. ! he would sulk if we didnt have a takeaway or say 'dont matter i wont have anything to eat then' and i would give in purely cos i felt guilty. Maybe you could say to him that he can have the korma, you really dont mind, and that when you are feeling much better about yourself and you have completed your journey that you will look forward to enjoying a meal out with him?oh i feel for you i really do
 
He hated it Netty. He kept accusing me of having affairs. According to him I was flirting with everyone but I wasn't, it was just the confidence to chat to people and have a laugh.

We very nearly split up, in fact we called off the engagement for a while.

He said today that he doesn't want men ogling me but I said unless he is going to lock me away, he cannot stop that (I haven't noticed anyone ogling me to be honest!!!). He sees that as me saying that I want to be ogled!

He is insecure but I can't seem to show him that I don't want anyone else. I am worried that we are going to fall apart as the weight comes off again :(

Thank you for the compliments Netty :)
 
NettyJ said:
no way. hes just asked if you want a korma with him? oh gem, how are you coping. i had this with my OH he sabotaged all my previous attempts at dieting. ! he would sulk if we didnt have a takeaway or say 'dont matter i wont have anything to eat then' and i would give in purely cos i felt guilty. Maybe you could say to him that he can have the korma, you really dont mind, and that when you are feeling much better about yourself and you have completed your journey that you will look forward to enjoying a meal out with him?oh i feel for you i really do
Click to expand...

I told him we would have one the night we move into the new house to celebrate and he's okay with that. I also asked him to have tea before I come home and that he needs to stop trying to make me eat.

I'm surprised I have resisted to be honest because normally I would have caved in!!! x
 
well gem, you deserve the compliments hun. and you deserve a medal for firstly being able to do the cambridge diet but secondly for resisting your fiance's sabotage! in all fairness my oh is now supporting me - although he has made comments on how much weight i have lost and not to wear short skirts this summer. hes laughable, i have no intention of wearing short skirts..i think at 9 years younger than me he has other ideas lol gemma dont give in love, i know its hard. maybe suggest cuddling up to watch a nice dvd instead of having to make a meal of it ??
 
yeah i think i will. he is very down about things at the moment. he is trying to get a job in Swansea (he had one interview on Monday but thinks it went crap) and like me, i think he is freaking out about all the change. i mean he is supportive normally but when he gets down, he really relies on food to cheer him up. we used to binge together but now i'm not doing it, it's sort of like we don't know how to work through things together if that makes sense?

i mean he is moving all the way to Swansea with me so i can go to uni, so he is very supportive in ways. he said i dont have to get a job either at first so that i can concentrate on my studies x
 
I think its the same all over the country gem, with jobs i mean. I live not far from swansea. what does he do for a living ? maybe its worth getting a local paper from here to see whats about ?Its hard for you both at the moment, maybe when he has found a job etc then he will be happier in himself.as for not knowing really how to work through things together hun, most relationships come to that and the best bet is to have a plan and it sounds liek you have your plan worked out ie moving to swansea, uni etc, maybe because the part of the plan of him getting a job etc has not worked out maybe hes feeling as if hes failing you? of course hes not btu maybe thats how hes feeling ? im sure a job will come up gem and then he will once again feel the plan is going great and you can both then work things out together.maybe a sit down tonight and tell him that you love him no matter what, that you want to lose weight for yourself and so that you are happier and then once you are happier he will be happier.
 
p.s as for men ogling you etc, you should point out to your fiance that its him that your marrying and love. maybe a random text message or a note in his lunch box etc to say u love him will help, my OH is exactly the same and thru pure reassurance he has improved. its hard work for us but we reap the benefits in the end !some men cant help feeling insecure no matter how much you tell them you love them.
 
thanks Netty!

honestly, they say women are complex beings???

i will make a fuss of him when i get home (i make him sound like a dog!!!) and hope it cheers him up a bit. he's 5 years younger than me and so immature sometimes. i think that is half of our trouble. i'm hoping that moving out of our parents pockets will help him grow up! x
 
age is just a number, well that's what i normally stand by but the difference between Mike and i is astronomical. he is sooo young minded. still a kid in many reqpects whereas i had to grow up quickly x
 
lol nothing wrong with having a toyboy! i'm 25 and Mike is 20 but we got together when i was 22 and he was 17. he isn't my usual type at all but there was something about him! x
 
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