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Relationship advice desperately needed!!!

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#1
I am thoroughly miserable now.

I managed two whole weeks on SS 100% and now I have gone and muffed it up by eating.

I was thinking the whole time that I don't need to eat and that I am doing so well and don't want to ruin it but before I knew it I was eating pizza. It didn't even stop there. A whole day of eating crap later and my scales show a 5lbs gain. I am soooooo hoping that they are wrong.

But here's the thing, and I'm not trying to say it's not my fault because it is, but my OH actively encourages me to eat.

He has said several times that he is worried that when I get slim, I will leave him for someone else. The last time I did CD, I lost 7st and felt great. Our relationship took a massive dive though because he couldn't handle the male attention I was getting and said that I had changed and he didn't like the new me (attitude not body). This made me miserable and I started to eat again. 3st later, although feeling fat and gross again, our relationship was much stronger.

The other day he said to me that he didn't want me to go back to how I was when I lost the weight (he means confident, flirtatious and fun-the REAL me).

Is he sort of sabotaging me? Am I sabotaging myself? How can I overcome this?

Sorry for whinging on again :( x
 
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Last edited:

Guru

Silver Member
#2
Aw Gem, what a shame. Never mind - in terms of the pizza you know you should draw a line under it, drink lots and flush it out of your system. Your body will recover. It is not the end of the world and at least you have realised it was a blip.

In terms of your boyfriend, that is slightly harder. My OH has the same concerns. Does he have a weight issue himself and that is why he is feeling insecure? Do you think you did anything when you were smaller to make him feel like that, or is his insecurity unfounded?
 
#3
iTS A MINOR BLIP, get back on it girl, you are happier - the real you when you are slim. Perhaps this time round you really need to make a fuss of him and makes sure he feels confident in the relationship. If he is actively sabotaging you then he doesn't want you to be happy... you need to make him feel secure and make sure he understands why this is important to you and how you feel for him doesn't change!

Best of luck girlie,

ps how was the pizza?? I dreamt I ate a whole one the other day - and I don't even like pizza!!
 

Serena A

Can't think of a title
#4
Sorry your OH is sabotaging you. Just wondering what his own weight is like? If he's slim, perhaps you could suggest the two of you do a deal - you'll regain all your weight if he agrees to put on enough weight to match your start BMI. Actually sit him down and discuss it as though you are serious, and work it all out. Any objections he comes up with you can throw back at him.

Of course I'm not suggesting that you or he actually goes ahead with it but it's very unlikely he'd agree anyway - it's just another way of getting him to think about the real implications of having a weight issue (with more emphasis than just saying "well how would you like it").

On the other hand if he has a weight issue himself then he must know how uncomfortable it can be, in which case he's a selfish so-and-so for wanting to drag you down just to make himself feel better.

Stay strong, and by the way you're looking great. :)
 
#5
Hey Gem, I think you should have a little discussion with OH. You're obviously not happy with how you are right now which is why you're on CD. :confused: He should support you in your journey, (who wants s o who doesn't like themselves??) Secondly, when you get to your goal weight, he should be proud of you and even flattered other guys give you attention (I mean you are with him not them right?) So I know some guys can be insecure about a good looking gal, but truly what does he want to do with you? Hide you and throw away the key? This is about you... therefore you have the control, so good luck and get back on that wagon! :whip:
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#6
He does have a weight issue himself which is part of it. I get on well with men and he doesn't like it. I have never cheated on him or done anything inappropriate but a lot of the time he miscontrues my jokey nature as flirting.
 

Guru

Silver Member
#7
Ah, well his own weight issue might be at the heart of this then. But if he is not ready to lose it there is not much you can do. I know from experience that you have to be in the right frame of mind to lose weight - much like giving up smoking.

All you can do is reassure him, but there is not much else you can do about his insecurities. Ask him if he were rather you were fat and unhappy or thin and happy?
 
#8
ps how was the pizza?? I dreamt I ate a whole one the other day - and I don't even like pizza!!
LOL!! when is it I just dream of eating pizza during my sleep and not actually fantasize about it ALL day?!?
 

Serena A

Can't think of a title
#9
He does have a weight issue himself which is part of it.
I guess then that you are an uncomfortable reflection/reminder of what he probably feels he ought to be doing himself, but won't/can't for whatever reason.

Unfortunatley as the problem is with him, not you, I'm not sure what you can do about it, but I hope you can work things out.
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#10
Thanks everyone.

I have tried to get him to diet with me but he won't. He comfort eats and right now with all the change (moving to Swansea in 6 weeks) he can't deal with it any other way.

I'm determined this time that I am going to stay 100% until I go up to 810 in October. I will have to be strong. It will be easier when I am going to uni each day and he will be working (we work together at the moment). I will have something to focus on then. I don't want to be the fat girl at uni!!! x
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#11
ps how was the pizza?? I dreamt I ate a whole one the other day - and I don't even like pizza!!
Coincidentally, the pizza was not that nice and I am paying for it today with incessant acid reflux!

I'm refusing to take anything for it as it serves as a reminder of why I should not eat!!!

For anyone tempted to cheat, it's so not worth it. The feeling I got from successfully completing 2 whole weeks without cheating can never be replaced by a greasy pizza! x
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#12
Well I am back on track and I WILL NOT CHEAT AGAIN!!!

I've come too far to lose it now. I was 22st last year and I am still over 5st lighter so I should be proud instead of sabotaging myself.

I will do it this time.

Thanks for all the support! xxx
 

alipally

Serial Dieter!
#13
Gem....

We cannot change the past, but we can influence the future by taking positive steps and learning from past mistakes.

Focussing on the negative will only create more negativity. Focus on the fact that you did two weeks of SS 100% and therefore you CAN do it again.....

Move onwards and downwards Gem, you can do it!!
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#14
I know I can Ali. I really want to get to 15st by the time I start uni (21st Sept). That means I potentially have to lose 2st in 6 weeks and that's without a first week huge loss...I will try my damned hardest!!! x
 

lisalulu

Silver Member
#17
Well done for getting back on track Gem, its hard to do but it seems you have the right mindset.

I know how you feel with your OH. My h2b is just the same, he has major issues with the fact I'm losing weight and worries I'll leave him once I'm slim. I have no idea why he worries, he is my perfect man (6ft, dark hair, long dark eyelashes, muscley arms, sexy bum...... whoops, got a bit carried away there!) He though, for whatever reason, is insecure with himself and needed a bit of reassurance that I won't leave him. Crikey, you'd think he'd get the idea after 6 years and 2 kids together ;)

The best thing to do is to address the issues with your OH. Tell him you love him, and will continue to love him whether you weigh 20st or 7st- it makes no difference. Pamper his ego a little and spend plenty of 'quality' time together. Maybe after things have settled after the move you could gently encourage him to try and diet with you?

He should feel flattered that he is with such a lovely woman who has so much male attention! If he loves you, he'll support you in the end. Hope things improve soon x x
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#18
Thanks lisalulu!

Had a bit of bother with him today. He has been questioning me about my male friends on Facebook. It's a bit annoying really as he has lots of female friends on his page but I trust him.

He's being so paranoid and totally freaking out. I try so hard to show him I love him but it never seems enough :(
 

Elvira

Mistress of the Dark
#19
:( another argument culminating in him telling me that he can't do this anymore and that he is seriously considering our relationship.

when did it become a choice between my fiance and being slim?!
 
#20
bless you gem, you have to do what makes you happy. it isnt fair that your OH is trying to sabotage you and make you feel bad ! please dont give up and dont change yourself for anyone except yourself.swansea isnt far from me, im down in pembroekshire (bout an hour away), good luck with the move hun and chin up
 


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