Relationship Changes

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Laurenpedro, 19 June 2007 Social URL.

  1. Laurenpedro

    Laurenpedro Member

    Posts:
    18
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hi Folks - Just wondering if anyone has encountered the same as myself. I'm on this diet about 5 weeks now and I just find that things that I used to put up with before now seem so much more awful. I think anytime I was fed up before I just turned to food whereas now that I can't do that, its like I have to face up to things. I am finding it a strain and I feel that my relationship with my husband isn't as strong as I thought it was. Has anyone else noticed a change in various relationships thoughout the diet?
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. Chika

    Chika Silver Member

    Posts:
    715
    Likes Received:
    46
    Start Weight:
    26st10lb
    Current Weight:
    25st9lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st1lb(4.01%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet
    Not with a partner but one of my friends who is good looking slim and always the centre of attention has stared to be really bitchy. She cant say one good thing about me loosing weight and she even made a sarky comment saying that I better not dare steal her limelight. She always tries to put a downer on my achievements too. I just sent her a message to say that I had lost 14lbs this week and she sent me one back asking if I had any saggy skin yet! WTF!

    I think that this relationship will end soon! Have you tried talking to your husband, perhaps he doesn't realise that he is doing wrong?
     
  4. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Posts:
    8,051
    Likes Received:
    209
    Oh yeah! I find that I too don't put up with any nonsense from anyone when I'm SSing lol.

    When your comfort blankets of food and booze are removed, there's nowhere for your feelings to hide and things that have previously been buried, come to light.

    Losing weight isn't just about shrinking in size, I find, it's also about finding who you are as a person too.

    It's quite common for your relationships to alter. I suppose the trick is to talk things through with your nearest and dearest and get them to accept the changes in you and your expectations.

    Easier said than done, I know!

    Just wanted to say that I know you're not alone!

    xxxx
     
  5. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Posts:
    8,051
    Likes Received:
    209
    Chika, hun - with friends like that, you don't need enemies. I would drop her like a hot brick, if I were you! (In fact I DID terminate a friendship with someone who just couldn't accept that I was thinner than her (snigger!!). She was the one who lost out!

    xxxxx
     
  6. munchkin

    munchkin Full Member

    Posts:
    223
    Likes Received:
    11
    Diet:
    cambridge
    I'm with Isobel Chika!! Your friend needs to go!! What you need is support and encouragement - this is something you are doing for YOU and anyone with a problem with that clearly has some insecurities of their own!! Negative or sarcastic reactions are not helpful - especially when this diet is hard enough to stick to!!

    On the relationship front, I guess I'm quite lucky. I'm a singleton :( so no one to answer to and no one to upset me (well outside work that is!!) but I can imagine that's very difficult when one side of a realtionship changes. Perhaps you need to come on here and vent at something hubby does - he probably doesn't realise that he's upset/annoyed you and doesn't understand that you can't hide from your emotions behind food. Chin up babes it won't always be this hard xx
     
  7. Hippy Chick

    Hippy Chick Member

    Posts:
    26
    Likes Received:
    4
    Hiya

    I found the same thing - can't eat or drink to supress feelings and it's only on SS that I found that that was what I had been doing as I realised when upset I want to eat someting naughty even though not hungry!

    Also drifted apart from a close friend as she wasn't quite as bitchy as yours, but definitely not supportive and kept telling me how boring I was to diet...not as much fun etc....which is daft as I'm the same person and don't mind others eating & dinking around me. Mind this is the friend that when I was fattest was fretting that her & her husband were going on a beach holiday with another couple, and the other woman was slim. Don't think she realised how when telling me how worried she was about that she mentioned how she wouldn't feel so worried & insecure if they were going with me & my husband (ouch) Some people measure themselves by their friends and while you are bigger than them they feel good about themselves and threatned when you start to shrink. Also your good behaviour may be making your friend think about the positive changes she could or should be making and she may feel guilty that she is not as committed to her healthas you are to yours.

    Ultimately it is your friends problem, not yours !!! If its a close friend try telling them how the commets make you feel as they may not be aware how unsupportive they are being and if that doesn't work just limit contact. In any relationship you come to point where you realise you can accept the behaviour or move on, as rarely can you change a person

    We're all here for you and will be thrilled with each and every loss.......and not too much jealousy ;-)
     
  8. Sambucca

    Sambucca Gold Member

    Posts:
    3,489
    Likes Received:
    310
    Start Weight:
    20st7lb
    Current Weight:
    11st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    9st0lb(43.9%)
    Diet:
    Gastric BYpass
    Hi Lauren

    I know where you are coming from with your post. Try to remember that is isnt your husband who is changing, it is you. He is still the man you fell in love with and married. Its just that you may be becoming less tolerant of his bad habits etc now that you dont have food as a distraction.
    Try not to let the diet take over your life (easier said than done I know) try to remember what you love about him and make more of an effort, and tell him you expect him to make more of an effort also.( Not trying to put all the blame on you - just trying to get you to see it from another perspective)

    Chika, as for your friend. Sounds like she needs a good slap!! She is not a true friend if she cant accept you for who you are and who you want to be. Drop her and when she comes crawling back tell her exactly what you think of her.
     
    Mrs Pink likes this.
  9. Redpam

    Redpam Living the Life

    Posts:
    11,504
    Likes Received:
    390
    Start Weight:
    0st0lb
    Current Weight:
    0st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    0st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(NAN%)
    I agree with you that without the comfort blanket of food you notice many things, including criticism, more.

    My relationship became very rocky when I was ss. A lot of it, I think, stems from the fact that although you husband is not worried about you weight, he may become insecure as you lose it and therefore think you will be attracted to other men. Or other men will be more attracted to you, if you see what I mean.

    Perhaps losing weight just gives us more self respect and we are not prepared to be taken for granted any more.
     
  10. lancslass53

    lancslass53 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,353
    Likes Received:
    62
    Start Weight:
    15st7lb
    Current Weight:
    11st6lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    4st1lb(26.27%)
    Diet:
    CD
    ive found things hard, never thought it being the diet though, ive fallen out with my mum, bit of a long story but basically she forgot my birthday, in the past i probably wouldve pigged out if she'd have done what she has but now maybe because i couldnt just pig out and forget about it ive thought bollox to it and not spoke to her at all, even tomorrow my son is going in to hospital for a CT scan and my mum works at the same hospital im working things out so i can avoid her, she will know my son is going in as she checks up on pc all time in work but i just dont want a confrontation with her... sorry for going on, writing this has made me feel more peed off and upset about it than i thought.. but hey ho life goes on.
     
  11. lancslass53

    lancslass53 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,353
    Likes Received:
    62
    Start Weight:
    15st7lb
    Current Weight:
    11st6lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    4st1lb(26.27%)
    Diet:
    CD

    hey chika

    your "friend" and i say the term loosely is a waste of space, get rid of her.
    she seems like the type of person who is only your friend because then she gets all the attention, and because you are feeling better about yourself and looking slimmer she doesnt like it because from the sounds of it u are a sooooo much nicer and better person than she will ever be, hope she ends up very sad and very lonely, ive had friends like that so i do know what u mean :D
     
  12. Redpam

    Redpam Living the Life

    Posts:
    11,504
    Likes Received:
    390
    Start Weight:
    0st0lb
    Current Weight:
    0st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    0st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(NAN%)

    Mandy I am sorry you are feeling down at the moment. I think that the old saying "God gives you your family. Thank God you can choose your own friends" very true.

    At the moment a couple of members of my own family are really peeing me off and I certainly would not choose them as friends.

    Hope you feel happier soon.:)
     
  13. lancslass53

    lancslass53 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,353
    Likes Received:
    62
    Start Weight:
    15st7lb
    Current Weight:
    11st6lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    4st1lb(26.27%)
    Diet:
    CD
    thanks redpam

    ill be fine ive got hubby and my kids and thats all i need :D
     
  14. Laurenpedro

    Laurenpedro Member

    Posts:
    18
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks for all the posts guys. Much appreciated. It does seem that doing cd (or any other diet) does seem to make you re-evaluate things :) Hope all works out well for everyone. Thanks again.,
     
  15. Nessa

    Nessa Silver Member

    Posts:
    865
    Likes Received:
    49
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    I totally agree, i am going on the cd tomorrow as i see my cdc today and my partner dont like that and do not support me doing this, but i told him i was doing it for me nobody else. I spoke to kaz and she pointed this fact out, about he may become insecure as you lose it and therefore think you will be attracted to other men. Or other men will be more attracted to you.
     
  16. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

    Posts:
    5,225
    Likes Received:
    228
    Start Weight:
    19st7lb
    Current Weight:
    18st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st5lb(6.96%)
    Diet:
    Atkins
    i found everything really heightened when i was SSing. I had nothing to hide behind and a lot of issues surfaced. all kinds of things regarding childhood...right up to the "here and now". it did put a strain on my marriage but thats cos i was going thru a lot emotionally.

    its no bad thing tho...facing demons that ordinarily lead u to food...once they surface properly and r dealt with...u wont go back to comfort eating about them. i know it feels weird now but to be honest, having these issues fester is very unhealthy for u mentally. eventually it'll all come to pass and u will be a better person for it.

    xxxx
     
  17. nadhak

    nadhak LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE

    Posts:
    593
    Likes Received:
    53
    Diet:
    lighter life maintaining and occasional re-starting
    I found as my confidence grew - I could let go of the friends who were takers and used me!
    It is for the best even though it still hurts that these so called friends were never that [friends ]
    As a fat person I had to buy friendship - stems from a core belief that no-one wants to genuinely be my friend [ childhood teasing and rejection for being an overweight child]. I am learning that an inner nucleus is all that is important and I cannot make everyone love me [thanks to my wonderful LL counsellor]
    My relationship changed initially as both me and hubby re-adjusted to the new me - he was very insecure and I was less tolerant of his habits , especially when he was bingeing food.
    One year on, still slim, things are settling down - the friends I have are not jealous or bitchy or users - they are genuine people whom I have chosen carefully so as never to feel the need to abuse myself with comfort food.
    It hurts to let go initially but it makes your life more fulfilled in the long run!
    We all deserve to be treated as we treat others.xx
     
  18. bunnycd

    bunnycd Full Member

    Posts:
    420
    Likes Received:
    45
    That is a shame. I think you do go through "cranky" times with your partner on this diet so review it again once you have finished SS. I have lost friends due to this diet and I have gained friends. It really shows how different people treat you when you are loosing weight. Some people are so shallow and it is quite sad that people judge you on your weight. Your hubby may feel scared of the future maybe talk to him about it?
     
  19. xxluckyxx

    xxluckyxx Silver Member

    Posts:
    756
    Likes Received:
    38
    We certainly do go thruogh some major changes while ss'ing . lucky for me i had no other half while i was ssing only my kids to keep me comfort ,one guy that i was seeing said to me b4 i started lipotrim ...sam if you want to lose weight you know you can you just have to believe in yourself . i told him on the same night that i couldnt make myself happy with a man and lose weight at the same time i could only do one thing at a time , well ive now lost 2.5 stone and feeling ok , have to admit i dont see the difference ! but others do .

    when this guy came back into my life a few weeks ago he was gobsmaked !!!! woohoo result lol

    as for friends .... just have a look at my diary on the lipotrim forum ! some friend we can do without , you certainly find your real friends when doing the whole vlcd's !!!

    good luck for the rest of your journey's guys your doing FAB xxx
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...