Ridiculous relationships with food

[pinkcupcake106]

I'm so glad this has been put on here, thank u, is so nice to know I'm not the only one who does these things.
How have u all managed to change ur habits so much & stick to plan so well? I keep falling off the wagon & its not cause I'm hungry but because I miss food too much.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Food will always be there. The question for me was why I miss food. The truth about my eating is I am an emotional over eater. Any stress in life is countered by large volumes of readily available starchy cabs to enter a carb coma! Honestly I cut myself off from distressing feelings by numbing myself with food. It's not so much about enjoying food for me ( though my oh is an amazing cook) but about survival. Lately I'm trying to tackle that in different ways!

Maybe try and understand what you miss about food?

 

[Little Plum Duff]

Wow!! I just found your diary and thanks so much for being so honest - I really thought I was the only one in the world that did freaky s**t like that - all for the love of food! I have done everything you listed and it is incredibly comforting knowing there are others out there. Don't I sound like a a weirdo ....but that's how I feel. My relationship with food was so far from everyone's idea of normal and my portion size was equal to a group of limberjacks who'd grafted all day! I'm not sure how I will be once I'm eating again but I am learning more as I go along and becoming more aware of my own triggers so am hoping that will help. I wish you all the luck in the world through your journey!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

I highly recommend getting the following books ( or downloads )

Geneen Roth: when you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair

My personal favourite :why weight? By the same author

Linda spangle : 100 days of Weightloss. She also has blog and email encouragement. Very American but very cool!

 

[CountryBumpkin]

Thanks, bettiesrevenge. I'll look those up - they sound like very interesting reading!

Little Plum Duff, I know exactly what you mean about portion sizes. I really could eat and eat and eat. As I said before, I do really just love the taste of food but as time goes on I realise I have also been using eating as a way of occupying my time. I haven't had any money for a long time, and therefore haven't gone out in a long time, and I got in to a vicious circle of just sitting alone eating all night. I didn't realise I was bored and lonely but in hindsight? Oh yes! I'm still bored and lonely now, but at least I'm starting to recognise this. With some luck I ought to be able to do something about it.

 

[Jambro]

Gosh..shouting to non existent friends/family.. What a great idea!! (Only joking!!)
Things I have done-
gone into the cake shop and said "why is it when it's your birthday, you have to buy the cakes?" To the shop assistant when really they are all for me.
had to replace chocolate,biscuits etc before family get home that I have eaten at home that aren't mine.
ask family members to store selection boxes, Easter eggs etc to stop me eating them before the event.
told my OH that all the chocolate bars, sweets have gone because my 7yr old daughter dished them out to her friends when she was playing out.
All pretty disgusting. I know.Time to yet again try and face these demons

 

[Little Plum Duff]

How are you doing country bumpkin? I hope everything is going swimmingly!

 

[CountryBumpkin]

Jambro, this - "gone into the cake shop and said "why is it when it's your birthday, you have to buy the cakes?" To the shop assistant when really they are all for me" - is genius. That made me laugh out loud. One day I'm going to have to do this.

Another thing happened to me once, although it wasn't technically my fault. A friend and I went to Nando's, ordered the red pepper dip (greatest food on the planet), veggie burgers, chips, corn, halloumi cheese... we had a fantastic time. So the assistant came to take our plates away and we refilled our drinks and chatted for a bit. A short while later, another member of staff brings us our order again... I don't know if they had forgotten they'd already served us or there'd been a mix up in the kitchen or God knows what, but we were presented with our exact same meal again. And we ate it. Every last bit. Mua ha ha!

Things are going okay, Plum Duff. I had a planned day off on Sunday so I didn't have a weigh in yesterday (with the water weight I know I could only be disappointed) but I was regimented enough to get straight back on plan yesterday and I look forward to having a (hopefully significant) weight loss next week! How are you getting on? You're over half-way to goal now: it must be very motivating. Your figures certainly motivate me!

 

[northernlight84]

I've done so many things similar to that......popping out to buy tea for me and the husband and eating a burger from macdonalds in the car before coming home, leaving the house to go to work early so can get a McDonald's breakfast, eating left over Chinese the next morning instead of binning it. I was a nightmare for secretly eating food in the car before I got in, even if I popped to Asda I'd buy something to eat before I got back.

That's going to be a key challenge for me when I get back to "normal" eating.

 

[froggylegs]

What a brilliant, honest topic! I do the bin thing regularly and this year ended up buying my son 4 Easter eggs because i kept eating them

 

[CountryBumpkin]

I hope you all know that when you post your "confessions" and I sit here laughing my head off (which I really do) it's because I'm laughing with, and not at, you. It's because I see so much of myself in your replies. Some are things I've done, some are things I wish I had! Why do we care so much whether the delivery man thinks the enormous pile of food he just delivered is all for me? Why do I care about the sly glances of others at my trolley contents? Is it body shaming? Is it because we're "bigger" and therefore feel less entitled to food? Is it because we're women (at least I think everyone who has posted is female, apologies if this is untrue) and so feel obligated by society not to eat and instead be celebrity slim? For someone who has ordered two burgers, two portions of chips, a salad kebab and a small pizza for herself before (don't look at me like that: they had a minimum order of £12), I can be very insecure about what I eat outside of my house. I won't even walk down the street eating an apple. If I go to a catered conference or some other fancy affair, I don't touch the amazing buffet, because I don't want people thinking "How typical: the fat girl is eating". Why can't I get past other people's judgments? Are they judging? Is it all in our heads?

 

[northernlight84]

Exactly my thoughts, if I was away with work I was always super critical of what I eat / order (as if they really believed i usually order a chicken salad or similar!)

 

[Little Plum Duff]

It is truly amazing how you pluck the thoughts out of my head! Going to dinner I am so self conscious "there's the fat girl at the trough" ...."she should be eating salad". I have been laughing as well ...with you all. I am so weirdly comforted by knowing there are others like me when I really felt alone in this. The machinations to cover up my overeating were film worthy - I say were, as I really hope to change that. Although is anyone else sad or angry that they won't be able to cut loose anymore?!? Cos I have this part of me that really tantrums when I think about it.

 

[CountryBumpkin]

Yes, I know precisely what you mean. It's not healthy that one of the first things I plan to do when I get to goal is buy this Quarterbacks by Golden Wonder (box of 36) and eat the whole box in one sitting. By the time I get to my target weight maybe the urge will have faded. Maybe my "rockin' bod" (in contrast to the swingin' bod" I have now - swinging stomach, swinging thighs...) will be enough to prevent me from devouring a Doritos factory.

I have no doubt there'll still be days when I eat three Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Those days just need to be rarer than they were before (and interspersed with workouts), and maybe I'll treasure them more.

 

[Little Plum Duff]

Yeah I have a ton of ideas for when I'm done - how screwed up is that? I'm not sure if it will happen and not sure if my body could handle it but there's a bucket of chicken that has my name all over it!

 

[northernlight84]

I've got so many things on my list to eat when I'm done.........I'm just conscious that I'm going to have to earn the calories to do the, by getting to the gym! (And not do them all in 1 day haha )

 

[froggylegs]

I remembered another of my tricks, if i had eaten loads of sweets and chocolates i used to double wrap the wrappers in carrier bags and stuff them well down in the outside bin so the evidence was hidden. I have done the same with pizza boxes and Chinese takeaway cartons!

 

[northernlight84]

Lol, I did that too......I also had a stash under my drivers seat in the car! Used to get caught if husband borrowed the car and moved the seat!

 

[CountryBumpkin]

Those of you who have hidden evidence of your eating from people (I live alone, so haven't had to bother with hiding wrappers etc), what is it you think the other people might say if they discovered it?

 

[froggylegs]

I am now on my own most of the time as my son is at uni but when i lived with my partner it wasn't so much what he would say but what he would think, i imagined him thinking "why the hell does she moan about being fat when she's stuffing all this stuff down her" even though he probably wouldn't have. It was shame that made me hide the evidence, shame at my lack of self control.