River's LL Diary

[River]

Ive not really written a blog before, truth be told im kinda too forgetful to keep updating a blog but this is me and my ramblings. I think generally its a good idea to get everything out of your system on paper sometimes (sparing your OH ears hehe) and if anything i hope this helps people considering LL so here goes.

Ive been overweight ever since i can remember, ive tried diet after diet.. from weight watchers to slim fast to slimming world and then diet pills (dont get me started on diet pills). Im not saying they dont work because ive lost and gained back a stone or two on some of them but they just dont work that well for me.

I met my partner 6 years ago and i was a happy size 14. Ever since weight has been my heavy burden (literally lol!), weve still to get married as i cant stand the way i look and i cant have children down to weight issues.

So i got comfy and when you get comfy you gain weight (well i believe that). Wed go out nearly every week with friends and it slowly started piling on even more.

Im at the point now where im on the NHS waiting list for a gastric band ! I mean i honestly never thought id be at this stage in my life where im applying for drastic surgery! My family are worried about it, so as a last resort they found lighter life for me and have offered to pay for my first 14 weeks.

Nothing ever goes smoothly in my life i can tell you, my GP has told me she cant sign my health questionnaire.. although shes willing for me to have surgery ! Needless to say i found someone who will sign it (tomorrow ) and i just cannot wait to start now, im soo excited.

So wish me luck fellow LLers and here goes to the new skinny me and you .

 

[River]

Im ecstatic to say the least !! The private doctor i saw today has signed my form so i can start soon! I must admit i was a little worried about him signing it. I was sure something would come up.. if it wasnt him signing it, it would be something else but thats the paranoid me .

Just waiting on my LLC to email me now and i must say it seems like an eternity waiting for her to email me back because i just want to suprise everyone for christmas now.

On more slightly crappier news im having trouble with my auntie, shes kicking up a fuss about me doing the diet.. its really getting to me because shes family and shes really unhappy with me doing this. I just thought the ones who would of been most supportive are my family but i just guess im just naive.
I think the main reason for her kicking off is because my grandmother wants to help pay and i just feel awful anyway accepting my grandmothers money.
It was the last thing i wanted to do, she originally wanted to buy gastric band surgery for me but that was way too much for me to take from her. Ho hum :sigh:.

 

[River]

Not a good day at all.. Im just waiting for my LLC to message me back and its driving me insane!!
This is just taking longer than i initially expected and my ex is giving me "last meals" which although through good intentions isnt really helping me and the "i only want salads" seems to be going in one ear and out the other when he brings home my down fall.. cheese cake.

Fustrated isnt the word ! Just feel like im letting myself down already.

 

[nutty me]

Hi River,

You are not letting yourself down, its sounds as though Ihave a similiar history as you.
My husband was sceptical at first. We had a long chat and realises I have to do this for me. My LLC advised me to eat as normal and then just start LL. To be honest I started drinking more water and if I fancied (like you) cheese cake I bought a single piece. I had problems with the Gp but finally got signed off. Keep your chin up and remember we do this for ourselves and there will always be people in our lives who say dont do this and that. I now look at it as they dont live my life and they have to accept me warts and all. You will get loads of support here Im on day 3 and I always read whats happening.
It wont be long and you will be starting your lifestyle change....and this seems a great place to discuss everything.
Try not to be hard on yourself, I realise thats easier said than done.
You know where we are. take care

regards

nutty x

 

[River]

Thanks nutty me, your words knocked a bit of sense into me hun .

Im so impatient you know ? My parents want to help us pay for our wedding which has given me more of a boost to loose weight so im uber impatient hehe . Yeh i think ive been on so many weight loss ventures hes a bit skeptical but he also sees this
as my last chance to eat for the next 10 months or something.

I wish you all the strength for the rest of the week hun as i hear the first week is the hardest part but im sure you wont need it as youll do fine and it'll fly by.

 

[River]

Day one has gone quite well if i do say so myself ! I thought id be alot more hungry or craving for food but im satisfied and coping.

Im struggling with the whole prospect of drinking 3 litres ive got to admit.. so far ive drank about 1,500 but that not including the packs! Dont think i could stomach another litre before bed without feeling sickish.

Quite proud of myself so far just hope the nausea passes quickly cause its getting quite annoying now .

 

[Joolz]

Hi River - good luck. You've made the biggest step. Getting started is one of the biggest hurdles. Having done LL myself ad stating with a BMI oer 40 I know what it's like! My advice would be that the first few days are worst and that is where your sheer willpower has to get you through...then when you get into ketosis and stop feeling hungry (and you will unbelievable as it seems) it is actually really easy to stick to! And this coming from a foodaholic. I liken my approach to food like an alcoholic - food wasn't just about nutrition for me it was about emotion, a prop, a comfort a reward all those things and more.! My other big piece of advice is REALLY get involved in the LL counselling sessions - it is the discussions we had as a group and the tips and tools I picked up on the way that stood me in good stead when I returned to food. Good luck hun, and remember you will get negative comments from people who think this diet is bad for you blah blah blah - but remember it is YOUR decision, YOUR choice and the opinions of others really don't matter a jot.

Stay strong and good luck.

 

[MagdaX]

Hi River,
Stay strong Hun. You have made the biggest step and started. After this week ( maybe less ) you will start feeling loads better and as the weight drops you will start seeing the light at the end of the world.
One thing to keep in mind for later though. Once you reached your goal whatever you do please don't stop! It's absolutely crucial to do RTM otherwise you're lowering your chances for sustaining the weight loss quite dramatically! Trust me I know. I've done LL before and lost 4st in 3 months AND put it all back on and then some because I didn't do management...
Good luck Hun.
Mags xxx

 

[River]

Thanks magiclove, theres noway im not doing RTM my OH has offered to take a loan out if he has to so i can finish this and we can get married next september. I wont let myself fail! Slightly soppy aswell but my grandmother has given me her wedding ring so im working extra hard for it to fit at christmas .

Joolz your words mean alot to me and have struck so many cords.. its funny because i always used to tell people i dont know what im doing wrong, i dont eat hardly anything and i dont know why ive ended up this way, but i do and what a massive lie ive been telling not only them but myself all the long so your right it is like an addiction.
Ive brushed their comments off right now im just going to do this not only to spite them but for myself to show them i can because im not like them im not going to fail.

Thank you both for your comments and wise words if my own family dont support me atleast i have people on here that have confidence in me .

 

[River]

Sorry i havent wrote sooner, i have been having hellish last few days. Its been a real emotional rollercoaster:cry:, ive just noticed how terrible ive been with food and how much of a weird relationship ive had with it. Food has been my emotional crutch thats helped me through thick and thin and ive never even noticed what a dependancy ive had with it.

Im not actually physically hungry at the moment but because im so used to picking up food whenever i can, its creating more emotional issues like "if i could only eat this then maybe i would feel so much better".
Its silly aswell because ive gone more or less cold turkey and gone for soups and shakes only now im thinking more about eating solid foods. Ive done a ketone urine strip 3 days ago and it was the highest level so ive been trying to drink more and praying ill stop feeling like cr*p soon. Ooh and least i mention ! on top of this im dealing with my month long TOTM so its fun in my house at the moment haha!

 

[Joolz]

Hi River- you stay strong girl. Try and stay focussed on why you want to do this - healthier, slimmer, the wedding, whatever works for you. And no little picky bit of food is worth it - again spoken from someone who knows. Remember at this stage you haven't had the LL building blocks of counselling to help give you the tools when food issues get tough -and there is emotional stuff going on. So don't beat yourself up, just hang in there. I can so relate to you "hiding" the amount of food you could eat - I've done that too - secret eating, hidden eating, just a treat, one won't hurt. Eat a load of stuff in secret then go and have a meal....it's all emotional, none of it as about hunger.
But don't worry about that now - just get through pack to pack, day to day, and when you start to see the weight falling away you will be so glad you are doing this and tay focus.

The only other thing I'd say - is about the cost of LL. While £70 seems expensive - I KNOW I was spending about that on food and snacks for me - even if I wasn't admitting it!!! So although it seems a lot, the fact that you are EATING NOTHING ELSE is bound to see your food bills come down.
Good luck hun.

 

[River]

Thanks Joolz , My LLC says were not having counselling for 3 weeks as we havent got enough people to attend so im a bit gutted but ill be seeing her on tuesday for my weigh in.

Yeh its just shocked me slightly i think.. i didnt see myself as hiding what i ate and thought i ate a whole lot less if you know what i mean.
At the moment im using my wedding and health to have kids as a focus and im ringing my mum for support as i cant seem to control my emotions at the minute! This would be so much easier if i had them near but i think its better i do this alone as its my own battle.

Yeh i agree, my grandmothers paying for my foundation so it really helps but the money were saving after all the take away and meals out we spend on its amazed me. My partners going on slim fast too bless him as that works for him but yeh itll save us loads for the wedding hehe.

Thanks again Joolz you really helped lift my spirits again hun and all the best with you LL journey.

 

[slendablenda]

Hi River,
Congratulations on deciding to do LL. I hope it will make a fantastic change to your life as it has done to mine.
I see you've been getting some really good advice from Joolz.
Isn't it amazing that we can save money doing LL, when we've been kidding ourselves for years that we hardly eat anything and must have a slow metabolism!
When you add up all the extras from take-aways, garage stops, fridge raids, chocolates, wine etc it is quite scary.
You'll have enough money for a fabulous wedding and it's great your OH is doing Slim Fast at the same time. You can support each other.
The counselling is important and will help tremendously when you do get started.
You will get emotional - there's no hiding place now you see. Doing LL can be seriously good for your health, physical and emotional.
My advice would be - don't be tempted to "cheat". You'll only be cheating yourself. Once you've done week and had your weigh in you will be so motivated it will become easier and easier.
Good luck. I look forward to following your success.

 

[River]

Thank you slendablenda You look so fab in your photos i must say !

First day i started i chucked out all the stuff id normally "pick" at and i felt so wasteful but better off for doing it !
I really cant wait for my counselling, i just need that extra part to connect with people the same as myself.

I cant see myself giving up unless im seriously ill or struggling to pay for it .

 

[slendablenda]

Well done you, and thanks. Don't feel wasteful if you chuck extra food or leftovers away. They wouldn't be there if you had eaten them.
Remember - you are NOT the bin - any more.
Good night x

 

[River]

True words hehe Night night !

 

[River]

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me .

I woke this morning and things have been soo much better, i cant believe my cloud lifted at last i thought it would never happen but just goes to show stick at things and youll be better off all together.

Going for my weigh in tomorrow and im soo excited to see how much ive lost, anything is an achievement at this point.

Things are finally looking up for the better just hope all my days are like this now for the next 9 months.

 

[River]

Had my weigh in today and i am slightly gutted i must say ! I thought id be loosing atleast 10lbs being the weight i am and i admit i do look at everyone else and compare myself but people are different and im not as active i guess.
I lost 8lbs but it got my hopes up slightly when my LLC said id loose 10lbs or more but never mind.

Having a really hard time at the moment as ive been suffering past week from menorrhagia (well past 3 months) but been worse this week so im upset is ruining this for me now !

Onwards and upwards as they say or downwards in my case .

 

[Hazelboo]

Hey River, I've just read your post, you must be a lil disappointed but its still 8lb off and you never know what you will do next week. Are you drinking enough water? Its my weigh in tomorrow night although I only started it on Monday so not expecting much.

Sorry to hear you are not feeling very well, it must be harder to do this diet when you feel bad, but I've found this forum to be a great help to me and I'm sure you have to, so, if you need any help encouragement I'm here x

 

[slendablenda]

Hi River
8lbs- don't be disappointed - that's 4 bags of sugar !!!!
It's only 2lbs less than you hoped for. Have you had a poo?
As Hazelboo asked - are you drinking enough water?
Did you continue drinking up to weigh in? I used to stop drinking about 4-5 hours before my weigh in - gave it time to pass through.
Could you ask your LLC for a pop in WI half way through the week?
Don't be despondent. You wouldn't lose that anywhere else in a week would you.
Be assured your weightloss will average out to about a stone a month (a dress size a month) if you stick to it and drink the water little and often.
Stick with it hun. It gets easier and easier - honest. xx