Rosebug's Diary [back on the chain gang~]

Oh dear, this pub lunch. I couldn't drink tea - they had no sweetners only sugarlumps and I forgot to bring any with me. So I had diet Coke which tends to disagree with me a little. The only vegetables offered were sugarsnap peas, carrots, parsnips and potatoes, not exactly low carb veg, and the meat wasn't nice enough to make up for it. Not really impressed, which is a shame as I've eaten there in the evening before and it has been very nice.

So food today, with totally guessed carb counts as I'm too tired.

5 strips pancetta, 3 small flat mushrooms, 30g Brie.

4g carbs?

Thick slice of lamb, a few sugarsnap peas, a small bit of carrot + parsnip, a bite of Yorkshire pud *weak*

10g carbs

Pancetta and scrambled egg with cheddar.

2g carbs

Hopefully, including squash and tea later, I'm just under 30g, but I'm not really sure. Back on track now though.

Katie- re: cool bags, I might need to get one when it's warmer bit I still just feel squeamish about transporting food around. I have all sorts if food phobias (won't eat mince or meat in sauce and have to remove certain bits of eggs before I eat them, for example). I'm just generally fussy and squeamish. But may try a cool bag and see if I can cope with cheese from that. Or just fall back on the ole peperamis!

Hope your evening was a lovely one xxx
 
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Food today:

30g cheddar, 30g emmental, spoonful peanut butter

5g carbs

2 slices bacon.

0g carbs.

30g cheddar

1g carbs

few slices smoked salmon and cream cheese

2g carbs

2 small pork belly slices

0g carbs

milk for tea

5g carbs

squash

7g carbs

TOTAL - 20g carbs


Hopefully actually a bit lower due to my general overestimations, but I want to be safe. Lunch today was the middle bit of a bacon roll, eaten on an empty train. The trouble with so much low carb food is it looks very awkward when eaten in public. As a fat girl I'm insecure about eating in front of people anyway and there's no way I'd eat a packet or pork scratchings or just the bacon from a roll anywhere people could see.

Anyway, ate more than I meant to today but stayed on track.

Sometimes I think about moving this diary over to the atkins board, as it's much busier there, but I worry I'd be yelled at for not eating enough veggies. :/ With the high level prescription vitamins I have to take there's really nothing I'm missing from veg (and I love nearly all veg) I'm just not much of a cook and have trouble fitting it in with carb allowances. Ah well.

Off to look up various indian foods as may be having one next week. I usually go for paneer tikka masala (cheese tikka masala) but am sure masala sauce is too sugary.
 
Hi Rosebug, how's the week going?
Dont't know why but feels really long so far - i'm sure it should be at least thursday by tomorrow!

Oh well, meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow and its her chice where to go. Hope its legal or at least friendly :)
Cu later
X
 
...Oddly I think my brain thought it WAS thursday tomorrow until I read this. Week is going reasonably - just back from the docs as I have a rash spreading down my arm, but she said it needs to get worse before she'll know what it is (??) so I'll just wander around like some kind of lergy victim.

Hopefully going to take a stroll into twickenham on my way home tomorrow to grab supplies from marks and pound shop scratchings. Always depends whether class overruns though. Ah well, the days can go slowly as long as I lose a bit of weight during them! Let me know how your lunch went - I could use a few atkins friendly eateries in the area.

After eating quite a lot yesterday, haven't been too bothered by food today. The omelette I had this morning kept me full for ages so will try that again tomorrow. Just plain, no cheese, no cream.

5 slices marks crispy bacon and 30g brie

1g carbs

2 egg omelette, plain

0g carbs

steak, cauli

2g carbs

Plus 7g carbs for squash and a splash of milk in two teas.

TOTAL: around 12g carbs
 
hey hon - hope your rash clears up soon :(
 
Me too, it's not nice feeling self conscious of it all the time. I hope you're feeling much better, too.

Well, I had a walk into twickers today and got some pound shop scratchings. The calories aren't as bad as I remember, less than 150 a bag, although they're so easy to snack on I'll have to watch myself carefully. Also think I gave a solution for when I have a several hour lunch break at college. I bought a quarter chicken from the rotisserie at waitrose today, cheaper than a sandwich for a sizeable portion. When desperate for something hot I can go there and eat it in the little costa coffee bit without getting too many funny looks, I hope.

I'm still feeling a bit down, though. I don't know why I have the appetite that I do. I font mean for big portions, I dint often eat off anything larger than a side plate, but if I'm in a shop and there are some new chocolates, I want to try all of them. I'd be happiest just sitting snacking all day, and the things I like are always the worst things for me, floury bread, crisps, sugar. I have little motivation for and certainly no love for exercise, I have to force myself out for walks. I've done TFR diets - for about 5 months without cheating once, so I know I can go without, but the wanting if things bad for me is still there.

A lot of issues, medical and probably emotional conspired to make me fat, I just wish it wasn't the case. And I wish fighting to get thin wasn't so stupidly hard. I have so many insecurities and anxieties, I know being thin wouldn't fix everything but it would help. I'm only 29 and I've been dieting for over 10 years. Is there a point where it's better to give up and try to accept myself as I am? I don't think I could. But I don't know if I'll ever accept myself, thin or not. I've been overweight since puberty so I've never had a chance to know who I am without the inadequecy of my weight hanging over me.

Food today:

Plain 2 egg omelette cooked in butter
0g

Quarter chicken
0g

Scratchings
0g

2 small pork belly slices & cauli
2g

7g on squash and 5g for milk.

Total : 14g
 
i think all of us (i may speak for myself have issues with food) I love carbs too, pizza,pasta bread and if im feeling really pants the best thing to me is going shopping and buying loads of bad stuff and sitting stuffing my face. ive been dieting since i was about 11 on and off, lose the weight, keep it off for a bit, put it back on and more.
I dont know if its the combination of an addictive personality and habit xxxx
p.s. on dukan fry lite only. and no cheese or bacon!
 
I think an addictive personality definitely plays into it. I don't drink or smoke largely because I know I'd get into it too easily, but food has always been this big stupid vice. But ultimately I think it's such a huge combination of issues, all balled up and so hard to unravel. I wish I'd been born, like my cousins, naturally athletic and with little interest in food. But I was born me and it remains hard to understand why I have to be different. From people like them I mean, not from everyone as I know there are many people with similar issues to me.

I suppose I'm just having a bit of a mopey, jealous day.

Ty on the dukan question xx still don't think I could do it! If I can bother you more, do you know how to move threads between forums? I am thinking about going over to the Atkins forum.
 
I suppose I'm just having a bit of a mopey, jealous day.
Click to expand...
we all have them honey!
i did it for a while it takes some work I tell you - its effective but very restrictive and I love having veggies every day and cheese!

If you email one of the moderators the will move it for you :) just scroll down to the bottom of the atkins page and you will see the name of the moderators :)
 
Hi rosebug. On train so diff to post

Hugest hugs - tomorrow will better :)
Xx
 
Hello there Rosebug,

Ref your longer post up top. I could have written it. (See my signature). Like Vicky, I've been dieting since I was a child and although I did lose 11 stone 7 years ago, it's a constant battle because, fundamentally, nothing has changed for me and I still like nothing better than battening down the hatches and binge eating secretly.

I often say I'm two distinct people and personalities - she who avidly frequents diet forums, loves Dukan diet but tries to eat healthily with it... and she who could happily never eat another proper meal in her life, just cr*p...

I'm now only a stone from target, but it could be 10 as it's that far away always... and I'm honest enough to know that, if and when I get there, nothing will have changed (except that the 80% of my wardrobe which no longer fits will again!).

I'm acceptant of it now. I can't live with being fat again - I really hated myself when I got to 12 st 7lbs after Christmas, and can't resign myself to that weight. I can however accept, albeit reluctantly, to diet most of my life (cos I always have, no change there), fully aware that my slip ups on holidays/special weekends, will always keep me at arm's distance from the elusive target weight... but still enable me to partake occasionally in my favourite past time still - EATING (intentional capitals).

I hope this isn't depressing to read. I'd hoped for a better outcome when I had the "click" to lose weight healthily 8 years ago. But I'm quite acceptant now...

<Back to the Dukan board!>
 
Morning - how you doin?
xx
 
Morning

Not doing too bad, massively tired for some reason though. Didn't actually eat the planned pork belly last night as I was so knackered I was asleep by 6! Had it for breakfast, though. How was your lunch in Twickenham, Katie?

Maintainer - from spending years on forums like this I know a lot of us are in the same boat. The truth is, I've actually lost a lot more than it says in my stats at the side there, an amount almost but not quite comparable to you, and I'm still BMI 35! I just don't like to track from there as this is a new diet and a new try.

There have been so many tries. I did Atkins probably the year it came out in the UK and lost 3 stone. I did Cambridge and lost about 5 stone, I've done cabbage soup and slimming world (put weight on!) and calorie counting, losing bits, gaining bits. Atkins is the first 'official' diet I remember doing, but mum had me on restricted eating from when I was about 10 or so - as I say, I hit puberty and suddenly from being a thin child the pounds piled on.

I now know, having been diagnosed aged 20 with an almost total -lack- of hormones and placed on HRT, that it was that imbalance that must have triggered my weight gain initially. But as the bullied, fat kid at school I learned to comfort eat and then to binge and did myself no favours at all. I often wish I'd known about low carb when I was 11 or 12 and the weight was just starting to come on. Maybe mostly lc eating at that time, or the dukan method of one PP day a week, would have helped me not to gain. Of course back then I was put on all the low fat principles by mum and doctors - low fat marge, lots of bread and pasta and fruit. Didn't help me at all. Much the same as, later at slimming world, allowing me to fill up on pasta never helped either. I could gain weight easily on the free foods.

Low carb or mega severely cutting calories are really the only things to work for me and even then it can get to the point where every pound is a fight and every day a fight not to eat 'bad' things. It's so easy to feel deprived, sitting in a cafe when everyone else gets to have a sandwich, crisps and chocolate and you know if you did it would bodyslam your diet. And I think for many of us who have comfort eaten and binged, it's been almost a self medication for sad, lonely thoughts, a treat that we at least can give ourselves, as well as a way of punishing ourselves for not being the perfect people we'd like to be. Food is such a complex, complex thing and it really shouldn't be.

I read a post on emotional eating saying that when you feel deprived of food, think instead of what your weight deprives you of - and that's a powerful statement. My weight deprives me of so much in terms of how confident I am to meet people or do anything. I just wish I could lose the mindset. As you say, it's like being two people. The one sticking to the diet as hard as they can, and the one who knows that all they really want is to buy up the crisps and chocolates aisle of a supermarket and never bother with real food again.

Sorry for the huge ramble.
 
Ramble? Makes perfect sense to me...

I guess the only thing I need to add, from what you say above, is that ketosis is such a wonderful thing and, when in ketosis (even Dukan ketosis which isn't as deep at Atkins apparently), nothing can or will tempt me. But I'm aware that it's not "real life", whatever that is and so I'll stay in my safety net (ie ketosis) until my next holiday/weekend event/whatever... cos it's nice and snug there...

Where Dukan is good for me is that there's no counting, weighing or measuring... (been there, done all that, but have never done Atkins diet or meal replacements). There's a list, and if it's not on the list, forget it. So I do... :)

Good luck Rosebug...
 
Hello, rambling is good, and makes thing much less lonely - and less lonely means less comfort food right?

Dieting is a total head game and with Jo mentioning how safe ketosis is, not being real life, its true. But not having the hunger certainly gives our heads a little more space to work on all the issues that got us here.

Hope youre feeling a bit brighter soon, good luck.
 
Yes, I don't know what I'd do without ketosis, although even with it some days I barely want to eat at all, and on some I could eat a horse (which would at least be low carb). Some days I get painfully hungry - yet am still in ketosis. Very odd. Most days food isn't too big an issue, though.

Speaking of food:

2 slices pork belly

0g carbs

spoonful peanut butter

2g carbs

MIM with some cheese and marmite

5g carbs to be safe.

pancetta, omelette, 3 small flat mushrooms with mozarella

4g carbs

Cream in tea
3g carbs

squash

7g carbs

TOTAL : 21g carbs.

Sneaky peek on the scales (I know I shouldn't) and I'm not sure I'll lose this week, we'll see.

Tomorrow I'm taking an atkins choc orange bar and pack of pork scratchings with me to curb jealousy when I see other people with their snacky things ;)
 
Also, have discovered a side effect of the pills I'm taking to hopefully clear up the rash on my arm is sleepiness. It might explain why I feel so knackered today, but I'm not sure it bodes well for my 16 hr day tomorrow. Eep.
 
Just a late checkin Rosebug to say hi.
The lunch i had out was actually up in town so sorry not much use for twickenham :(

Hope you manage your long day tomorrow - look after yourself and be gentle if the pills are dragging you down
Night night
Xx
 
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