self - sabotage?

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by daisydoll, 12 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    Ok, i remember reading someone when i first started on here who had reached target or got near and then started sabotaging .... and thinking why would anyone do that

    however, having reached target now i seem to be going down the same route.

    i probably haven't done any damage yet as i know that i have to eat an excess of 3500 cals to put on 1lb, but if i carry on like this i will.

    i can't explain why i'm eating 'crap'

    i'm still sticking to the RTM plan - had no bread, rice, pasta, cereal

    but i keep eating cereal bar type things and cake (has been a few people's birthdays)

    before LL i wasn't a cake person at all but it like i'm testing myself.

    why would i do this when i am so pleased with getting to goal?
    I lost another pound this week, which i 'shouldn't' have done as i am now feeling invincible- which i know in my head i'm not ....and i'm terrified of putting it back on

    so why am i messing about like this?

    i am conciously doing my 10,000 steps a day at the moment, so i guess that is helping a bit

    i do want to be able to eat 'cake' like 'normal thin' people do
    - its almost like i am trying to act like a thin person by eating what i want in order to prove to myself i am an imposter - expecting/knowing i will fail cos i am supposed to be fat?

    someone give me a kick up the backside please before i mess this up.....

    daisy x
     
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  3. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    just to say when is minerva back from her hols....she would put me straight i'm sure!!!
    daisy x
     
  4. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Now now Daisy, calm down.

    You're not sabotaging yourself at all, just coming to terms with the rest of your life! There, I've said it. The reality is that you cannot spend your entire life being 'good' all the time, we're only Human and that means we have 'weaknesses' and must allow ourselves to be and do what comes naturally sometimes.

    The trick i believe is to recognise that behaviour for what it is, and not do it on a daily basis. The mere fact that you've posted here shows that you are still in control and conscious of your behaviour, even if you'r enot fully accepting of it.

    So no kick from me, just reassurance that it's all part of the learning experience :)

    PS - I speak from personal experience as had way too much wine at BBQ last night & found myself eating my son's lunch (sandwiches) when I got home - devastated as I've been avoiding sandwiches so double guilt!!
     
  5. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    thanks sean
    ive just been swimming and am determined to make the right choices this week
    you are right, this is about the rest of my life - which is why i really want to get it right!

    i'm sitting here in size 6 trousers and 8 top - i would have bet £1,000,000 this time last year that i would never fit in size 6, so i have to sort myself out!

    i want to eventually be able to be make different choices at the weekend and so i think i will look at the last couple of days as a 'trial that went wrong' lol!
    The 80/20 rule would be good as i find it easy to make sensible choices in the week so want to be more flexible at weekends.

    its so hard - trying to get into my head its all about 'choice' not being 'good' or 'bad' as foods aren't good or bad! ( can you tell from the number of repetitions of the word choices in this post!

    daisy x
     
  6. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Daisy

    Most people seem to sabotage their efforts before they get to goal. I understand this thinking to be a fear of actually getting to goal.

    You are already at goal and have been managing your weight well for six weeks now. Normal life involves choices and decisions. As Sean says, recognising your behaviour and being concious of your decision making process is fundamental in being successful.

    It takes all of us time to learn a new skill. Maintaining weight is a skill. How long did it take for you to learn to drive? To start with you have to think about everything you do - direction, mirror, signal, manouvre, brake, accelerate, steering, gears, road sign meanings, pedestrians, cyclists. 10 mph feels scarily fast, you oversteer at times, hit the kerb when reversing around the corner or doing a three point turn, struggle with parallel parking. Some people give up and don't get their drivers licence. Others, like you I assume, continued to practise and develop the skill to be a successful driver. I bet you barely think about driving in your concious mind now. Changing gear and safely negiotiating junctions and obstacles is all part of the automatic actions - a sub-concious decision making process. But when driving along and facing a different or difficult scenario, all of a sudden we become aware of our actions again.

    Reading that back the analogy sounds a bit clumsy, but I hope you know what I mean.

    To start with you will make mistakes, but perseverance enables you to develop the skills to avoid those same mistakes. It takes practise to master a skill. Eventually though, your decision making process with regard to food will become part of your subconcious. When particularly difficult situations arise that process will come back into the concious so you are aware of your decisions and actions. Maybe weekly weight monitoring is one way to stay confident that it's OK to behave 'normally' and not need to still analyse every mouthful you have.

    Stay strong of mind and you will master the skills required. It just takes time.

    xx
     
  7. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    LOL Sean. You already recognise alcohol as your battleground, and so it continues, but your poor son! No lunch today. That's where the guilt should lie!
     
  8. Iris

    Iris Full Member

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    I know exactly what you mean! The whole imposter thing... you feel like a fatty in disguise still - isn't it strange? There's part of me that feels like this new self is somehow dishonest, as if I'm marketing myself as something that I'm really not. That's rather awkward when it comes to dating, and I split from my fiance after Christmas, so have been thinking about getting back on the scene... but there's a big part of me that thinks 'guys who approach me now aren't going to be seeing the real me, or they're going for a type that isn't really me.'

    It's nuts, isn't it?! :p Slim girl with a fat brain still? I don't know. I think there can be an element of wanting to test yourself, see if you can act like 'normal' people do and blend in and somehow not fall back into the patterns that made you big to begin with.

    But maybe in your case it's a lot to do with your body wanting that extra fuel for the 10,000 steps a day? If it's not getting much in the way of carbs from other sources, then it's going to grab what it can when the odd birthday cake appears! Your body needs carbs so it can really crave them and force you to reach out and have them when it gets the slightest chance. Might be an idea to have the odd bowl of wholewheat pasta or a couple of slices of wholemeal toast just to stop your body from flipping out of control when the cake appears.

    By the way, many many congratulations on your fab weight loss - you look fantastic and you must be over the moon. If you ever feel your resolve slipping, just go have a look at your new wardrobe and think how awful it'd be to have to throw out the small sizes and buy bigger again!

    Good luck!!
     
  9. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Had to re-post.

    On re-reading the thread both Daisy & Iris have hit the proverbial nail on the head.

    I've been feeling a little 'down' over the past couple of weeks and had put it down to waiting to go on holiday (we've usually gone by now). However, chatting to my wife last night I realised that I'm actually:
    1) 'worried' about putting on weight after 6 months of losses
    2) feeling like fraud - I'm not slim, it's just not who I am!!!!

    Now 1) is irrational as in reality I would be happy to spend the rest of my life at under 13 stone which means I can afford to gain 15lbs before 'needing' to do anything about it, BUT my subconscious knows that ANY GAIN would be difficult to deal with. WHY? It's not as if putting on 5-6 lb will mean that I'm put back 8.5 stone - does it?

    The feeling as a fraud is harder to deal with. Especially as I still get daily praise from clients for losing the weight - and this is likely to continue until the end of the year and possibly beyond as some people I only get to meet every 12 months or so! The comments were great at the start, but it seems that the more I receive the less 'worthy' I feel of getting them - odd. We decided that this is natural and IF I'm still the same size this time next year I will have finally come to terms with it.

    Really strange not feeling completely comfortable with own size/shape though. I guess we all go through this, maybe it's one of the reasons many people regain weight after a loss, to satisfy the subconscious body image they have of themselves.......
     
  10. Iris

    Iris Full Member

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    I think that's a great point. If you carry around a mental image of yourself for years, it's going to take more than a relatively short period as a 'skinny' to budge that inner passport photo you have of yourself.

    I feel the same way about The Fear. I think it's partially why I keep trimming pounds off - I feel like I need that cushion or buffer between me and disaster. Putting on 4-5 lbs shouldn't mean panic, but maybe we realise that, from past experience, losing your grip on the reins usually means a quick spiral out of control.

    I don't know, been trying to analyse it all a bit. The fear of failure and the inability to accept a new you - could it be something to do with the foodaholic desire to overeat? I mean, yes, we might have conquered it for now, but do we still kind of wish we could eat as we did? Is that what makes us feel like frauds? We're slimmer, but we feel like it's been achieved by stifling a desire that is part of our 'real' selves... or something.

    It's baffling. I guess I do believe that the real me is a greedy girl who loves food, loves cooking, loves eating, and could merrily chomp her way through six acres of chocolate without the faintest pang of nausea! In order to keep this new figure, though, it kind of feels like I have to lock that real me away in a trunk and sit on it, and I'm not sure if the lighter me has the weight to keep my inner fatty from breaking out.

    I think you're right: time has to be the answer. The longer you can maintain, the more accustomed to it you have to get, right? They do say it begins to feel more natural as time passes. Got to hope and trust that it's true!
     
  11. Iris

    Iris Full Member

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    By the way, forgot to mention the obvious - well done on your cracking loss. You really do look like a different person - and a happier one, I hope!
     
  12. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Thanks IRIS, and right back at you :)

    It is useful to know that others have experienced/are going through the same feelings, as irrational as we know they are, they are still VERY REAL.

    Time is a great healer and I guess there will come a day when I walk down the street and am NOT surprised when I catch my reflection in a shop window, then I guess we've truly cracked it.
     
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