self sabotage!

ScarlettStar86

ScarlettStar86

Gold Member
I know there have been similar threads to this before, but really feeling low and need some advice/sounding post/kick up the bum.
I go on holiday on Thursday. My goal was to reach club 10 by my holiday and when I decided this goal I had 5 weeks and 6lbs to go. I decided after a slow start to be conciously 100% on plan up until my holiday to reach my goal, however after 2 weeks of 100% I had only lost 1.5lbs leaving me still 3lbs away from club 10 and one week to do it (I'm almost at target- 3lbs in a week is never going to happen unless I chop something off.

Anyway I went into sabotage mode and although my meals have been sw friendly, I can't control the overwhelming craving for sweet stuff (NEVER had a sweet tooth before!) And no matter how much I try and use superfree to substitute, I can't control the craving until I give in.
Here's where my massive problem has resurfaced from..I then can't stop. I binge in the true sense of the word then feel so rubbish I have, to my shame, been making myself sick :(
I broke down and confessed this to my boyfriend the other day which helped a bit telling someone, but I've done it again today 3 times. This used to happen many moons ago and I really thought I was over it. This is the first time I've publicly admitted it.
I'm not sure what I'm after here, I know I should see someone about this but I have been so in the right zone to stay on plan sensibly I think if I can get back there I can get control back. Anyone been in a similar place? Sorry for long post had to offload. Oh and its weigh in tonight and I'm terrified what the scales will show as I know purging won't control my weight so really not sure what makes me do it, guilt I suppose..
 
Read a great book called brain over binge it's on kindle books... It might help... I Have been there too, but although not all this book related to me it has helped x
 
I used to secret eat and binge really badly but can't throw up so just put on the weight . Owning up yo it is the first step and a good way to get help. X

I also used to get my hair cut short but my husband cracked last time so hid all scissors !

Hope you get sorted soon - xx
 
I'm sorry I had to reply, I could have been writing the op myself! I thought I was over my purging but obviously not :-( im off to see the doctor on Saturday to talk thru what to do :-( I've been referred to an eating disorder clinic before. I've just ordered the book my food jail by Joan antonello, it was recommended to me and I hope it helps me, you can download the first chapter off the Internet before you buy. All I think about is food and calories and then that leads me to binge as if I go slightly over I think oh stuff it and go mad, and i do it even with syns. I mean I binge all day sometimes. Then I will not eat at all for days after. It doesn't help my husband works nights so I binge at night then make myself sick because I feel so guilty :-( its getting me down because it's all I think about :-( I've trusted the plan before but can't seem to now as I think I'll put on weight if I trust it for a week as im so close to target and that'll make me feel worse :-( I'm sorry for the long post but I feel so alone and it was weird reading your post as I'm in the same boat as you. Maybe we could help each other? I know this is not the way to be but I can't stop, I will binge sometimes knowing I can just purge! I'm getting depressed hence why I'm going to the doctors but I don't hold out much hope, I know I've gotta do this myself :-( xxx
 
Nomes said:
I used to secret eat and binge really badly but can't throw up so just put on the weight . Owning up yo it is the first step and a good way to get help. X

I also used to get my hair cut short but my husband cracked last time so hid all scissors !

Hope you get sorted soon - xx
Click to expand...

Thank you,that means a lot x
 
Hun just sent you a pm x
 
K9KT said:
I'm sorry I had to reply, I could have been writing the op myself! I thought I was over my purging but obviously not :-( im off to see the doctor on Saturday to talk thru what to do :-( I've been referred to an eating disorder clinic before. I've just ordered the book my food jail by Joan antonello, it was recommended to me and I hope it helps me, you can download the first chapter off the Internet before you buy. All I think about is food and calories and then that leads me to binge as if I go slightly over I think oh stuff it and go mad, and i do it even with syns. I mean I binge all day sometimes. Then I will not eat at all for days after. It doesn't help my husband works nights so I binge at night then make myself sick because I feel so guilty :-( its getting me down because it's all I think about :-( I've trusted the plan before but can't seem to now as I think I'll put on weight if I trust it for a week as im so close to target and that'll make me feel worse :-( I'm sorry for the long post but I feel so alone and it was weird reading your post as I'm in the same boat as you. Maybe we could help each other? I know this is not the way to be but I can't stop, I will binge sometimes knowing I can just purge! I'm getting depressed hence why I'm going to the doctors but I don't hold out much hope, I know I've gotta do this myself :-( xxx
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this too, we do seem to be in a very similar place and hope we can chat and help one another. When I told my boyfriend the other night, I was saying to him about going to doc the next day, but changed my mind. I think you are doing the right thing and I'm sure I will need to also, it just seems like it will be official then if you know what I mean? At the moment its easy to pretend its just a phase or a one off. I really truly hope that having a lovely holiday next week and being off plan, but sensible will help get my head back in the right place to do it properly. Like you I know the plan works and if I follow it properly and trust it I have good results but I don't seem to be able to stay within my syns since making such a concious effort those 2 weeks to not let anything pass my lips that I didn't count. Please stay in touch and let me know how you get on at the doctor, as I said I'm on holiday from thurs-thurs but will be back here as soon as I get home I'm sure. I hope we can help each other x
 
ScarlettStar86 said:
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this too, we do seem to be in a very similar place and hope we can chat and help one another. When I told my boyfriend the other night, I was saying to him about going to doc the next day, but changed my mind. I think you are doing the right thing and I'm sure I will need to also, it just seems like it will be official then if you know what I mean? At the moment its easy to pretend its just a phase or a one off. I really truly hope that having a lovely holiday next week and being off plan, but sensible will help get my head back in the right place to do it properly. Like you I know the plan works and if I follow it properly and trust it I have good results but I don't seem to be able to stay within my syns since making such a concious effort those 2 weeks to not let anything pass my lips that I didn't count. Please stay in touch and let me know how you get on at the doctor, as I said I'm on holiday from thurs-thurs but will be back here as soon as I get home I'm sure. I hope we can help each other x
Click to expand...

I hope you have a good holiday and relax, take time out! I know what you mean about making it official, when I first started doing it again I kept telling myself it was only once and it was a one off until it happened again. Your words were lovely and it means so much that I'm not alone, I can't talk to my friends as they don't really understand and I don't want to be known for the girl always talking about slimming world. I too am on a family holiday in 2 weeks and dreading it as if I slip off plan I know I will go mad and be bad, no matter what I say to myself I can't seem to stop :-( I hope I can support you and help you thru this too, maybe we can work out our triggers and try to fight them? I'm going to Definately buy that binge to Brain book. I hope you have a lovely holiday and don't stress too much, I know it's hard when you have no control over what you'll eat and that's what I'm dreading! X xx
 
*soon-to-be-slim* said:
Read a great book called brain over binge it's on kindle books... It might help... I Have been there too, but although not all this book related to me it has helped x
Click to expand...

I've ordered this, I read the first chapter online and I can relate to it so much and I've only read the first bit, think its going to help alot. Thank you for recommending this :)
 
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