SERIOUSLY stressed and need a hug...

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by roundrachel, 7 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    Just want to vent really so apologies before I begin!

    I got made redundant four weeks ago and have had no success finding a new job. Unless I want to move a minimum of a hundred miles from home there's just nothing. I don't want to move. Nor can I afford it.

    I've been trying to sort out things with my ex (we split up after he cheated after 12 years together) and it's all just too much to cope with.

    My mum isn't well, is going deaf and is increasingly frail and I'm the only person who can look after her. Once she's gone. I'm completely alone.

    My dog is now 12 and I'm worried about how I'll cope when he's gone.

    I still haven't recovered from my glandular fever in Feb and have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome.

    I'm hugely depressed and have no energy to do anything.

    And...worst of all really...I'm eating too much and putting on weight. Making me more depressed in the process. I've lost all my confidence since I found out about OH's affair.

    Feel like I'm in self destruct mode and I'm just standing by watching it happen

    Going to be unemployed, skint, overweight and alone if I don't get a grip.

    Sorry. Just incredibly down.

    Indeed, being thin doesn't make you happy!

    If you've got to the end of this without thinking i'm a whinging, whining, naval gazing misery guts I applaud your positive vibes!!
     
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  3. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Rachel - sending you loads and loads of hugs and positive vibes.

    Unfortunately I cannot offer you better health, a job, guaranteed long life for your dog and your mum, or even a new (or changed) man. But I can offer you a virtual shoulder to cry on and a virtual ear to listen. I'm here, and everyone else on Minimins is here.

    You said - Indeed, being thin doesn't make you happy!

    You are so right. But that's no reason to sabotage your amazing efforts to lose the weight and to successfully keep it off for as long as you have. This is one part of your life you certainly can keep in control, and have already proved that you have the skills to do so.

    Losing the weight I'm sure, brought confidence and self-belief. Hang on to these new attributes and keep maintaining that weight. It is confidence and self-belief that will get you the new job and a new or better relationship.

    You have so much to offer yourself. Be assured you have a huge value to others around you.

    Hugs again. xx
     
  4. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Oh darling!
    Seems like things are getting on top of you at the moment :(
    Sending you lots and lots of hugs!!!
    I know it's difficult to give any advise to someone you don't know but i would suggest to take a deep breath and take a step back and look at your life from a distance.
    Quite often to us things seem worse than they really are.
    I'm sorry about hearing your mum is not well, i hope she will get better soon huni.
    Everything else WILL sort itself out! Life is like that sometimes. We have ups and downs and that's what makes us who we are and gives us strength to deal with such situations in the future.
    The most important thing now is not to lose the focus to achive what you want to achieve and regain that control over your life that you so desperately need.
    Start with the small things, like getting your food habits under control. On a daily basis. One day at a time. You've done it before so you know you can do it again!
    Job is a biggie but trust me, you are not alone. Sooo many people are on the same boat! It's just a matter of time and you will find that dream job. You know you will!
    For now it's important for you to keep busy, focused and motivated. The rest WILL follow! YOU KNOW YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH!!!
    Have you tried talking about it with your loved ones? It could do you a world of good!
    And babe, don't worry about the men situation! There's so many fish in the sea... ;)
    Seriously, i do wish you all the best in the world and i pray you will come out of this dark place soon! Go out there and get some sunshine. It always helps ;)
    I don't want to sound like i'm patronising you so please don't take it that way.
    I know because i have been there myself and i totally know how you feel. Just like i know you will get yourself out of there in no time!
    All the best huni..
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi Hon

    It's a horrible feeling when you feel as if you are being followed by a dark cloud. Particularly when nothing is your fault. :(

    You are truly being tested.

    There was a time in my life, 7 years worth (and oddly enough began just after I broke a huge mirror....lol) where it was one thing after another. It just felt like the world was closing in on me. I read a book then, that really helped me put things into perspective. Its called "The Way of the PEaceful Warrior" and is written by Dan Milman. Its a very motivational book that made me really question if all thebad things in my life really were bad luck. (Or, were they actually going to turn out to be good luck...etc. ;) ) If you like reading, that may help you see through all of this with a bit more clarity? Just an idea.

    Hang in there - I know how much rubbish you have been through - a good turn is out there and you are indeed due. DOn;t lsoe faith, and never give up the battle. One day at a time, as said. Just take care of you, one day at a time.

    Things will fall in to place, and things will improve. And we're here for you too.

    xxxx
     
  6. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hi there
    just wanted to send you some ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
    you have been an inspiration to me on here, you have done so well and coped/coping with a lot.

    are you managing to do any excercise - even walking as i know that being ill has stopped your plans and must be frustrating.

    don't give up hope on the job front, something will turn up.

    you prob aren't thinking about men at the moment, but again love will turn up when you are least expecting it - and what a nice thought to think you have the 'first flush' of a new romance to look forward to in the future..... i sometimes am envious when I see new couples about as although i love my hubby, you can't beat the excitement of a new relationship and it makes me 'sad' i won't have that again ....but you will!

    you have done sooooo well, don't let the old demons surface.

    and do moan on here - its better that you do than sabotage yourself

    daisy x
     
  7. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    Thanks for your replies. Always good to know I'm not as alone as I really feel right now. I know this will pass. These things always do and I'm certain I'll come out the other end. Just feel I've got noone to really talk to about my issues as the people I speak to are the people involved!

    I'm still very much in love with my ex and not looking for anyone else. Just getting to the point where we're working out what belongs to who and there's such a full stop on the whole thing. I don't want it all to have been for nothing but I have known him for half my life and just can't get my head around the concept of never seeing him again.

    I'm managing to go for a walk every day for at least an hour. The dog makes sure of that bless him! Trying to keep myself busy making plans but it's all a dream really at the moment as I have no money to do anything.

    It's a huge bang back down to earth I guess. But you never know what's around the corner eh?

    Just want to work on my health if that's at all possible as it's the only thing I can do while I'm looking for work and trying to keep sane.

    Just too much time to think at the moment that's all.

    Thanks for all your hugs. They're very much appreciated!
     
  8. LL Gal

    LL Gal Beautiful day

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    Hi Rachel, I hope I can share a little of what I have been through which I hope will be encouraging.

    12 years ago, I finished my degree and began working in what is a very taxing, but rewarding profession, however, 3 years in, I became very unwell, and as well as having to take lots of strong medication, I was hospitalised many times, and sometimes for long periods and my mobility was very limited because of my illness. I had to stop work which was a sad decision to make. As I had spent so many years studying and so many hours working I had no steady relationship, and most of my family live abroad, and while they have been very supportive, I had to deal with a lot of things alone as university friends had all moved to different parts of the country/world. My world shrank, my body changed and life in some ways was very hard.

    Slowly, my doctor was able to find a mixture of medication which has helped me improve to such a degree that I'm able to go out and do voluntary work. I had given up on love because I had so much baggage, who would want someone with a physical illness who had gained weight and wasn't working? Well I was very surprised to meet a wonderful and caring, charming and handsome man (he was my manager at one of the places I volunteered). Suffice to say, 20 months after we met we were married, and although my health has continued to have ups and downs, and other troubles have come and gone, I've felt so fortunate to be where I am now, and when I think of those very dark days where I felt I couldn't handle the hospitals, the pain and exhaustion, the needles (endless needles), the anxiety, the sadness and the feeling of being left behind, I am so glad that I got through those times ... by any means necessary ... waiting for the worst to pass and hunkering down for the long recovery. Life is good. With all the things going on with you now they may feel almost impossible to deal with but, in time, you will look back and know that it was bad, but be able to say that life IS good.
     
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  9. Mel P

    Mel P Full Member

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    Hi Rachel - I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time at the moment and I do know how you feel.

    I went through a very rough patch myself 6 years ago, which took about 18 months for me to come out of. Maybe I'm just lucky, but one thing that struck when I came out of it, is that things where actually better than they where before.

    Now when things are not going well, I think to myself "everything happens for a reason" and they will get better, and so far that has always proved to be the case. It may not be for a couple of years, but they do get better.

    Hang in there and know that even complete strangers (i.e. me :)) are thinking of you at this difficult time.

    Mel
     
  10. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    Thanks everyone once again. having a better afternoon today. Life's never been especially kind to me. Have had countless health problems. In and out of hospital in my early 20s which means I'm behind in my career...especially frustrating at the moment!

    I'm in constant pain as I have a degenerative spinal condition which means I'll end up in a wheelchair eventually. I hate having to take so may pain killers and worry just what it's doing to my body.

    Life IS good I know. And I do see that. That there's an end to this. Until it comes back again.

    I think LL has been a distraction from everything that was happening when my Dad died last Feb and it's only just sinking in now that he's gone. I miss him so much, especially all the stuff we used to do in the summer together.

    Just good old fashined depression at the moment. It's nowhere near what it has been in the past. Just raises it's ugly head from time to time. I recognise it and generally hide away for a few weeks until it passes and I have the energy to face the world again.

    As I say, feeling a bit brighter today. Just been out with my dog and the sun has warmed me.

    Many thanks and kindest wishes to you all. And thank you for sharing your stories too. I know I'm ever alone as far as this is concerned. And I know I'll always come out the other end. I'm made of strong (albeit slimmer) stuff!!
     
  11. sukie sue

    sukie sue this is My time to shine!

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    hey rach x
    im so sorry for youre trouble , i feel like crying for you , not for all the 'stuff' like the ex and job ect because one day , believe me you will look back and see that and think phew what a lucky escape because better things do come and we see what we had was only half of all the great things we deserve.
    ibut i do feel for youre loss with youre dad and your poorly mum , be strong hunnie we are all here for you . but the big thing i wanted to say is have you thought about running ??? ... i know this sounds sooo random but i have a point :D . a few years ago i thought i was watching myself go insane , it seemed to come from nowhere and got progressively worse, i was terrified , i didnt know what was happening to me and i was too ashamed to talk . eventually , mentally exhausted i collapsed and had a breakdown ,i had to deal with major childhood issues that had reared thier ugly heads in the form of acute anxiety and panic ( lol i actually wasnt insane :)) but to cut a long story a little shorter i began a journey then to forgive the seemingly unforgivable and try to heal . anyway i made headway and had my beautifull little girl who was born way too soon and we very nearly lost her .anyway i started with depression all linked to the anxiety and post natal ect but i started ll and lost the weight . good god im waffling but my point is ( im sure you cant wait for me to get on with it )that despite the weight loss , medication,counceling and everything else the 'miracle cure' for me and so many others is running , you probably think im nuts but its true, i have now been over 2 years healthy mentally and most importantly physically .running has been my natures prozac and ive never felt better , literally ever !!! im able to think clearly have a healthy attitude to most things so i feel great .dont get me wrong , i can be a complete hormonal wreck at the right time of the month but the black cloud that seems to have followed me my whole life is no more:D
    dont know if its dealing with what happened to me or the feel good hormones i create in running ,but it works , i taught myself to run from no experience and it truly is the best thing ive ever done .
    sorry if this is of no help whatsoever !!! but i really am amazed at what it has done for me . xxx
    im sending you massive hugs and good wishes , sue xxxxxx
     
  12. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    Hi Sue

    Completely agree with you about running. I used to be an international athlete so know the benefits of exercise. I was running 6 miles a day (against doctors orders) at the beginning of this year and then along came glandular fever.
    I've now got chronic fatigue syndrome and can hardly walk, let alone run. I'm desperate to get out running as I know how good it makes me feel. But I just physically can't. So frustrating.
    Don't know how long I'm going to be struggling physically but I have to be frustratingly gentle with myself exercise wise or else I end up unable to function for days.
    I hope life continues to be a happy place for you and you and your family stay fit and healthy xx
     
  13. LL Gal

    LL Gal Beautiful day

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    Rachel, I'm so glad you're feeling better, I was thinking of you today, and I'm glad the down has turned into a relative up. Sue, your story is amazing and inspiring as so many people's on this site. It goes to show that while we interact with so many people on t'internet and in life, there are so many things that they may be battling in private, or have conquered, you just never know what people have gone through, and when you find out, and you see them succeed, it is inspiring! xx
     
  14. sukie sue

    sukie sue this is My time to shine!

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    thanks hun , rachel , bles you hunnie , dont know what id do without my 'fix' mahaaaassive hugs to you and wishing you lots of good things xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  15. lucylastic

    lucylastic Silver Member

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    Can't offer any advice other than what's already been given Rachel, but sending you masses of positive vibes, and really hoping things turn a corner for you very soon :) xx
     
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