Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

[Corkscrew]

Hey hun, when I was growing up I was abused by my parents and it was a common occurence to get a good beating, not a good hiding but a beating for a whole lot less than what Kirsty or Mark get up to, so like most people in my situation I chose the other route. The other thing I felt as a child/teenager/young adult at "home" was that I wasn't appreciated as a human being, that means I had no say, my word meant nothing and was ignored, I was never treated with respect.

This bit is very sad

So when I had my kids I chose (I love that word, chose, because I believe everything and I mean everything we do in life comes down to choices) to listen, to treat them with respect, to apologise no matter how small they were, if I were wrong cos they are still human beings and doesn't mean just cos I am the adult that I'm always right, so from the time my girls were tiny, they were given responsibilites and rewarded with praise and pocket money and vice versa if they misbehaved and the other thing we did from a very young age with both of them was to give them a voice, to be able to have their say and air their grievances...so we sat down every 4th Sunday and discussed or moaned or even shouted about what was bothering us and no matter what, the pact was that we bore no grudge during or after the conversation, it was to be cleared up then and there...yes this week I have let it build up, cos to be honest we don't often have the chats now the girls are older, but I see now that until they leave home for good then we need to continue them and so we will....they really work ....Kirsty and Mark had a couple of things they wanted to say too and that's the beauty of it they could and I don't feel hurt, angry or upset, I am happy we sorted it and now we all know where we stand.

This bit is beautiful

I've got nothing more to say.........except that you're a shinning example of how to break the cycle. You're a fantastic Mother Lily, and one amazing woman! xxx

 

[broadsbean]

glad you feel happier and have all cleared the air xx

i love the way you face up to things lily i think that is what inspires me the most.
i don't think the emotional eating problem will ever go away but believe that on the whole we will be able to control it.

I had a really bad week last week with big failure issues, what i have done is read back on some of the diaries that inspire me yours included and read some of my diary. hopefull it has had the desired effect

heres to a good week for us both xxxx

 

[Mumma K]

Morning Lily

I am well and truly behind in the diary steaks now so please forgive me for my absents lovely lady...

Glad you and Mal had a chat and that its helped...men can be so daft about things can't they....
I finally braved the subject with Steve and as suspected he was feeling a bit left out of the decisions being made.....

I can understand wanting to move outta London..I would go like a shot if I could the few days I've had in Haywards Heath were fantastic country living is completely different to this rat race in London...

Have a merry Monday Lily xx

 

[Newday]

Sounds like clearing the air has done you all good.
Hope the skin starts to settle now.

 

[lil miss chatterbox]

Good to see you back on track. Long may Mark continue to do his chores! lol. You really are an amazing lady, and without realising it you just gave me some great parenting advice! Have a good day :hug99:

 

[JackieN]

Well done Lily you sort them go my twin!

I am so behind Lily I keep trying to catch up and then get behind again. I need to try and keep up, but its your fault really cos rather than sit on my lardy ass I'm fitting exercise in and you are my inspiration for that one xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Sounds like it's all working Lily and long may it continue.

i too always listened to my sons and apologised if I was wrong because like you i felt that they had opinions too, tho often it was followed with "I understand what you are saying but............" they always accepted what had been said to them, this was because i always felt at home that I wasn't listened to, tho I knew I was loved. Now I think my boys have learnt respect and my OH and I can go away knowing that the boys understand the "rules" and they always have a party, but its always tidy when we get home, tho maybe not quite as tidy as I would make it :giggle:


Hope you have another lovely meal and have a relaxing eveining

Hey hun, I can honestly say I have made some really bad mistakes in my life, that I felt guilty about for years, I don't feel guilty anymore, but I do feel regrets, having said that I don't let those regrets ruin my girls lives or my own come to that....the funny thing is that the guilt (and I only reslised this a few weeks ago) was what was keeping me fat, as soon as I came to terms with not being able to do anything about the things I did except apologising and proving that it was something I truly regretted, I found the weight started to drop off...it's funny the psychological things that keep us bound to our weight isn't it.
I am not the perfect parent, but I strive to be and as I said to Kelly just the other night, I may not have been the perfect parent, but I am still learning and hope to be the perfect grandparent.
The only thing I cannot fathom out is, how a woman like my mother for example, can give birth to so many children (she had 10, they didn't all survive, but 7 of us did) and not want to even try to do her best for them, how can she not connect with each and every child.......I have heard all the excuses about being scared...believe me I know what it feels like to be so scared that you wet yourself just getting a glimpse of the person who scares you....but no matter how scared, there is nothing on this planet would ever stop me from protecting my child, I would give my life in exchange for theirs, absolutely no question about that.
My kids have always partied too when we went away and I have always been confident that they would have respect for me and my/their home and I have always been proven right and that gives me such joy, if I were to die right now, god forbid, I could and would seriously die happy, I feel I have done what I was put on this earth for, learnt my lessons. xxxxx

Hey hun, when I was growing up I was abused by my parents and it was a common occurence to get a good beating, not a good hiding but a beating for a whole lot less than what Kirsty or Mark get up to, so like most people in my situation I chose the other route. The other thing I felt as a child/teenager/young adult at "home" was that I wasn't appreciated as a human being, that means I had no say, my word meant nothing and was ignored, I was never treated with respect.

This bit is very sad

Yes it is sad, but it has made me a better person and definitely a better parent, so something good came from it!

So when I had my kids I chose (I love that word, chose, because I believe everything and I mean everything we do in life comes down to choices) to listen, to treat them with respect, to apologise no matter how small they were, if I were wrong cos they are still human beings and doesn't mean just cos I am the adult that I'm always right, so from the time my girls were tiny, they were given responsibilites and rewarded with praise and pocket money and vice versa if they misbehaved and the other thing we did from a very young age with both of them was to give them a voice, to be able to have their say and air their grievances...so we sat down every 4th Sunday and discussed or moaned or even shouted about what was bothering us and no matter what, the pact was that we bore no grudge during or after the conversation, it was to be cleared up then and there...yes this week I have let it build up, cos to be honest we don't often have the chats now the girls are older, but I see now that until they leave home for good then we need to continue them and so we will....they really work ....Kirsty and Mark had a couple of things they wanted to say too and that's the beauty of it they could and I don't feel hurt, angry or upset, I am happy we sorted it and now we all know where we stand.

This bit is beautiful

I've got nothing more to say.........except that you're a shinning example of how to break the cycle. You're a fantastic Mother Lily, and one amazing woman! xxx

Now you just made me cry, all I have ever wanted to be is a better parent than my own, the best Mum I could be to my girls and I hope I have achieved that xxxx

glad you feel happier and have all cleared the air xx

i love the way you face up to things lily i think that is what inspires me the most.
i don't think the emotional eating problem will ever go away but believe that on the whole we will be able to control it.

Mandy I agree I don't think the emotional eating will ever go away, but 99% of the time I can control it and I am reasonably happy with that.
Funny you should say about me facing up to things, this is a conversation I had just a few weeks ago. My whole life as a child was built on lies, lying about being abused, lying about loving my parents, lying about absolutely everything........I knew no different growing up and lied through my teeth about everything, all we ever knew as kids was how to lie, cheat and inflict pain either verbally or physically....it's what we were taught......My eldest brothers wife was the one to bring me to my senses, she's an amazing woman, she'd have to be to be married to my brother for 40 years lol, really took me under her wing and has proven to be a true friend and support to me over the years.
Like most people, she was originally fooled by my parents charm, yes they were charming until they got behind our front door, but as soon as she realised what was and had happened, she set about making it clear that she didn't approve of them or their ways and she was going to support us no matter what...I remember her kicking my mother out of her car, miles from home when my mother told her that she believed I was to blame for what happened to me...my sister in law asked her how that could be when I was only a child (9), she said I had always been provocative????? My sister in law stopped the car immediately opened the door and told her to F off and never spoke to her or my father again ....my mother died about 3 or 4 years ago, not sure exactly when as I have had no contact with either of them for 30 years.....oh wow just realised it will be exactly 30 years on 2nd February and from that day I made a promise to myself to always be honest and I could only be honest with everyone else if I was honest with me first.....that doesn't mean there aren't days when I wish I could lie, like when i've overspent and I tell myself Mal won't know so I won't tell him and then next thing I hear myself blabbing out what I've done :giggle: I guess I can't teach my kids to be honest if I can't show them how to be lol xxxxxxxx

I had a really bad week last week with big failure issues, what i have done is read back on some of the diaries that inspire me yours included and read some of my diary. hopefull it has had the desired effect

heres to a good week for us both xxxx

I got out my optomising book last night and had a really good read and I am fighting fit again, funny I keep saying that and then something comes along to ruin it, but this time it actually feels like i can really do this....I even did 2.5 hours exercise last night, first time in 2 weeks, I ache today but I got the bug back....I had intended just doing an hour last night but it kind of got a hold of me again lol ... xxxxx

Morning Lily

I am well and truly behind in the diary steaks now so please forgive me for my absents lovely lady...

Glad you and Mal had a chat and that its helped...men can be so daft about things can't they....
I finally braved the subject with Steve and as suspected he was feeling a bit left out of the decisions being made.....
Awww so pleased you got it sorted with Steve, men, they are so much worse than kids eh? lol
I can understand wanting to move outta London..I would go like a shot if I could the few days I've had in Haywards Heath were fantastic country living is completely different to this rat race in London...

Have a merry Monday Lily xx

I have wanted to move out of London for over 30 years but there has always been something to hold me back, years ago my eldest brother lived in a little village in Northampton called Hartwell, and he lived dead opposite a farm, it was lovely waking up in the mornings to the sound of a cockrel and looking out the window seeing all that expanse of nothing....I loved it and spent as much time there as I could....so as soon as we possibly can we are going to leave London behind, I hate big city's and loads of people, and move somewhere a bit quieter and more rural, just watch this space lol
Have a stupendous Monday too sweetie xxxxx

Sounds like clearing the air has done you all good.
Hope the skin starts to settle now.

It certainly has lovely Crumble, a lot happier atmosphere in the house and Mal has his silly romantic head on, not seen that for a while and I like it :giggle:
The skin seems to be settling down a little, still look a lot like Coco the Clown though for now lol
Hope you're well and that gorgeous Grandson of yours is too xxxx

Good to see you back on track. Long may Mark continue to do his chores! lol. You really are an amazing lady, and without realising it you just gave me some great parenting advice! Have a good day :hug99:

Hey LMC. thank you hun, ditto that with Mark lol, he seems to be very remorseful, he took today off work as Kirsty is on holiday for a couple of days (he's on pricework at the mo so as long as he has it done by a certain date he'll be fine) and has gotten up and already started in on his chores, now that I like lol
Well I am very pleased to have been of some help hun, I am still learning myself so it's always nice to pick up tips from other peoples experiences.
Hope youi have a great day hunni xxx


Sorry to have waffled so much lovelies xxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Well done Lily you sort them go my twin!

I am so behind Lily I keep trying to catch up and then get behind again. I need to try and keep up, but its your fault really cos rather than sit on my lardy ass I'm fitting exercise in and you are my inspiration for that one xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am still behind on my diaries and I only have a quarter of the subscriptions you do lol, don't worry hun, I know you'll get here eventually and I do know you care, hence the massive amount of subscriptions lol
You don't know how happy that makes me hun, I don't mind taking the blame for this one, if it means I don't see you for a month but your exercising, I am happy with that lovely, your health is the important issue here and that makes me really proud to see you doing something to help it along.
So goooooooooooooo Jackie and thanks you, but it wasn't all me anyways ....I think your pods might have a bit to do with it too ....but who cares, keep it up I say
Have a lovely day my lovely twin :bighug: xxxxxxxx

 

[Purple Patsy]

Wow Lily you've had quite a w/end. So glad you managed to restate the groundrules so effectively. Here's hoping the changes last.

So glad the headache has eased and I'm sure the skin will sort itself out soon too.

And you're back to exercising, YIPPEE. I'm sure it will get you back your SW mojo. Either that or you gave it all to me cos I think I'll get my 2lb loss from our challenge this week.

Breaking news Mum just phoned parcel has been delivered. Home hub here I come. Just hope it works now.

Delivery guy though it might get wet if just left at door so took it to mums per my directions.

Anyway hope your Monday is going well so far and continues to improve. I will hopefully speak to you later

 

[Lily42uk]

Wow Lily you've had quite a w/end. So glad you managed to restate the groundrules so effectively. Here's hoping the changes last.

So glad the headache has eased and I'm sure the skin will sort itself out soon too.

And you're back to exercising, YIPPEE. I'm sure it will get you back your SW mojo. Either that or you gave it all to me cos I think I'll get my 2lb loss from our challenge this week.

Breaking news Mum just phoned parcel has been delivered. Home hub here I come. Just hope it works now.

Delivery guy though it might get wet if just left at door so took it to mums per my directions.

Anyway hope your Monday is going well so far and continues to improve. I will hopefully speak to you later

Hey hun, I have just sat and had a good long talk with Mal....I have come to some big decisions and realisations about myself this last week and therefore have reset my goals and targets.
Yep the week/weekend was a bad one and in a way I can say thank god it was cos it made me analyse things, something I do a lot of but have laxed on lately, about how I am, what I do and consequently how I even lose weight.
I have always known that I have a big competitive streak, comes from years of being played off against my siblings by my parents....even if we argued they'd turn it into a boxing match, with gloves and all....so I have decided to make some big changes.
Which I will outline in a mo.

Glad your hub has turned up :fingerscrossed: it sorts out your t'internet problems and we get to have Patsy with us 24/7 if that's how you choose to be lol

My Monday is the best yet and I am excited about the changes I have made to my thought process, hope yours is going brilliantly too. :hug99:

Just going to sort my freezer out as it badly needs doing and I will then come back and let you know about the decisions I have made cos I want to be able to concentrate on outlining it and not have Mal nagging me about the freezer every 2 seconds...catch you soon xxxxx:bighug:xxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Hey everyone, well I have been having a really good rethink over the last few days about my weight and how I set my goals each month.
I have just spoken to Mal, and he agrees totally with me, I have lost in total 11st and 9lbs.....it was 12st 2lb but I gained 7lb and keep putting on and taking off the same few pounds over and over for the last 3 months.
While that hasn't really gotten me down, it is bothering me a little and I think the reason it has happened is because I am too competitive, not necessarily with someone else, but with myself, I have lost a mass of weight and my body can't keep maintaining those losses, well actually it probably can but I am finding for want of a better word, I am becoming bored with having a big high and then bang back to reality the next week.
I know that the goals I set myself are too high, I constantly set goals way above what I know I am comfortably able to achieve and find myself struggling to stay with the pace and then when I can't keep up that pace (mainly cos I'm not in my 20's anymore but am actually mid way through my 50's) I am annoyed with myself and feel a failure and then I collapse and resort back to my old ways and I do not want that to happen.
So from today my new goals are to achieve a 1lb weight loss each week and to exercise 1 hour every day.....if I feel I can do more and want to i will, and if I lose more than the 1lb ...then i will count that as a bonus....when I started slimming world I told my C it wouldn't work and it proved me wrong, I have spent the last year trying to convince myself in fact I was right, but I realised today it will work if I set myself goals that I know I can reach....so I am firstly going to remove myself from the 6st challenge, I don't want or need that pressure on myself to do it, whatever I lose this year will be great, I swore if it took me 10 years to get this weight off that it would still be a lot quicker than it took me to put it on.
I feel a lot happier about that today and a hell of a lot more focused than I have been in a long time ...wish me luck :hug99: xxxxxxxxx

 

[mariavon]

That sounds absolutely fantastic , I tend to push for to much then come crashing down when I don't achieve it,
You hav and still are doing fantastically well,
I'm gonna try follow your example lily ,
As you asked " good luck " but I somehow don't think ul need it ,
Xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Purple Patsy]

Hi Lovely Lily

I think your new approach is much more healthy. I'm the same setting up daft spreadsheets on excel to try to chart my losses then getting down if my actual line doesn't stay below the 2 per wk line then more depressed if it crosses the 1.5/wk and ready to throw in the towel if it gets to the 1/wk line - currently over it at present.

Your new way is much more realistic and less likely to knock you off plan by having a small blip. And you never know you could end up doing better with all the pressure taken off.

Hope you've had a good day, and you never know I might put in an appearance later on

And I'm not going to wish you luck. I'm going to say well done in advance.

 

[Lily42uk]

So now with my positives for today 27th February 2012:

1) Woke up feeling a lot more positive than I have done for weeks
2) Decided not to put myself under so much pressure and already feel a stone lighter lol
3) Am trying Addi's Creamy Cauliflower Curry tonight and really looking forward to it ...yum yum
4) I have, even with their annoying imperfections, the most wonderful family and hubby I could ever have hoped for
5) I have the most wonderful Mini's family and I love you all :hug99:
6) I know I will either put on or STS tomorrow (been one of those weeks) and I am good with that, but I also know I will definitely lose next week and have definitely found my mojo again....at last !!!!! yayyyyy xxxx

 

[Mumma K]

Lily

You have done fantastically well so far
and from someone who is also in there 50's
weightloss is no where near as easy as it was
in our younger years and with age losses become
smaller so this is a journey and if we set unrealistic
goals to push toward we are only putting undue pressure
on ourselfs ....
You will get to goal Lily... I know you will
its not a race to the finish line.... a gentle meander will do

 

[Lily42uk]

That sounds absolutely fantastic , I tend to push for to much then come crashing down when I don't achieve it,
You hav and still are doing fantastically well,
I'm gonna try follow your example lily ,
As you asked " good luck " but I somehow don't think ul need it ,
Xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

Thanks hun, you're right I don't need luck, I know I can do this ...I actually feel so light headed I almost want to sing, I am the worlds worst for putting myself under pressure and not listening to the advice I give everyone else....I would be over the moon to lose 1lb a week...but I'm not going to worry if I don't....I can't remember the last time I was in the 18st mark or the 17st...so they are my priorities...I'd love to be in either of those by the time we go on holiday in August and I really feel I can be this way xxxx

Hi Lovely Lily

I think your new approach is much more healthy. I'm the same setting up daft spreadsheets on excel to try to chart my losses then getting down if my actual line doesn't stay below the 2 per wk line then more depressed if it crosses the 1.5/wk and ready to throw in the towel if it gets to the 1/wk line - currently over it at present.

Your new way is much more realistic and less likely to knock you off plan by having a small blip. And you never know you could end up doing better with all the pressure taken off.

Hope you've had a good day, and you never know I might put in an appearance later on

And I'm not going to wish you luck. I'm going to say well done in advance.

Hey sweetie, how daft are we, I bet like me you'd be really happy to lose a few stone this year rather than dilly dally over putting on and losing the same few lbs, that's what made me sit up and think.
I do hope you get it sorted, would be lovely to have you to chat to tonight, not that everyone else doesn't make sense or give great advice, it's just nice to have more or different opinions and I value them all.
I did laugh, :8855: you got me at my own words ...yep I don't need luck as we all make our own choices, so thank you for your lovely kind words :hug99: xxxx

 

[lil miss chatterbox]

Hey everyone, well I have been having a really good rethink over the last few days about my weight and how I set my goals each month.
I have just spoken to Mal, and he agrees totally with me, I have lost in total 11st and 9lbs.....it was 12st 2lb but I gained 7lb and keep putting on and taking off the same few pounds over and over for the last 3 months.
While that hasn't really gotten me down, it is bothering me a little and I think the reason it has happened is because I am too competitive, not necessarily with someone else, but with myself, I have lost a mass of weight and my body can't keep maintaining those losses, well actually it probably can but I am finding for want of a better word, I am becoming bored with having a big high and then bang back to reality the next week.
I know that the goals I set myself are too high, I constantly set goals way above what I know I am comfortably able to achieve and find myself struggling to stay with the pace and then when I can't keep up that pace (mainly cos I'm not in my 20's anymore but am actually mid way through my 50's) I am annoyed with myself and feel a failure and then I collapse and resort back to my old ways and I do not want that to happen.
So from today my new goals are to achieve a 1lb weight loss each week and to exercise 1 hour every day.....if I feel I can do more and want to i will, and if I lose more than the 1lb ...then i will count that as a bonus....when I started slimming world I told my C it wouldn't work and it proved me wrong, I have spent the last year trying to convince myself in fact I was right, but I realised today it will work if I set myself goals that I know I can reach....so I am firstly going to remove myself from the 6st challenge, I don't want or need that pressure on myself to do it, whatever I lose this year will be great, I swore if it took me 10 years to get this weight off that it would still be a lot quicker than it took me to put it on.
I feel a lot happier about that today and a hell of a lot more focused than I have been in a long time ...wish me luck :hug99: xxxxxxxxx

Good luck hun. Good to see you so focused. You are right tho, setting goals too high only leads to disappointment when not achieved. For example, I had hoped that I could lose 3 stone from January 1st to April 1st this year, and yet here I am at the end of February and haven't yet got to the 1 stone mark! 1lb a week sounds much more achievable!

 

[Lily42uk]

Lily

You have done fantastically well so far
and from someone who is also in there 50's
weightloss is no where near as easy as it was
in our younger years and with age losses become
smaller so this is a journey and if we set unrealistic
goals to push toward we are only putting undue pressure
on ourselfs ....
You will get to goal Lily... I know you will
its not a race to the finish line.... a gentle meander will do

Thanks sweetie, while I have always been the 1st to say it's not a race it's a journey, the competitive me wouldn't let that be the case.....I really do think the last few days have made me realise that being that competitive is only harming me...so I will now just take whatever time it takes, but I will reach that goal...thank you Kally for your lovely kind words.....in fact thank you everyone, it's reading your diaries and advice that helps me come to these conclusions and decisions....I am going to be a bit kinder to myself in future :hug99: xxxxx

 

[Dawnejoy]

Hi Lily - good to hear you sounding so positive and re-focusing your goals, which are more achievable and easier to maintain x

I also believe pressure to be one of the reasons why diets fail as we expect too much from ourselves and want it, usually now!! I am def one of those ppl who wants to lose 2 stone overnight, but have come to the realisation that 1lb per week will do and if you add that up over a year its still an awful lot of weight. I am approaching 50 and have dieted almost all my life - where my eating problems came from I have no idea, but I have them, am a secret eater and whilst I'm cooking I've probably eaten a meal before its dished to the table - I've also discovered that the more diets that you go on the more difficult it appears to be to shift the weight each time. So your approach to lose weight at a steady rate following a sensible healthy eating plan will get you to where you want to be and you will enjoy the journey

 

[lsf666]

Lily it sounds like you're in a good place now. There's no hurry, like you said you didn't put the weight on quickly.

Its much healthier to lose it slowly anyway.

Thanks for all your support :bighug:

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins