Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

Purple Patsy said:
:bighug:Don't know what to say :bighug:
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No words needed sweetie, hugs do just fine my lovely :hug99:

Have a lovely Easter Patsy my love :bighug: xxxxxxx
 
Hi Lily :bighug:

Don't have anything constructive to add but didn't want to read and not acknowledge what I've read x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
:bighug: Huge hugs from me as well, I cant begin to imagine what you went through, my childhood was far from happy but no where near what you went through all I can say is what doesn't kill us makes us a hell of a lot stronger, take care lovely lily :bighug:
 
lsf666 said:
Hi Lily :bighug:

Don't have anything constructive to add but didn't want to read and not acknowledge what I've read x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
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Thank you sweetie, I can imagine how hard it would be to comment, but I really appreciate your hugs thank you again :hug99: xxxx
shenzi said:
:bighug: Huge hugs from me as well, I cant begin to imagine what you went through, my childhood was far from happy but no where near what you went through all I can say is what doesn't kill us makes us a hell of a lot stronger, take care lovely lily :bighug:
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Hunni, again, it's how things make us feel not what we suffered that determines what I class as abuse, neglect whatever...if you're childhood made you unhappy then it was no better than mine and I so agree that is one of my favourite sayings...you take care too lovely Emma :hug99: xxxx
 
Ditto all above posts lily, I too can't express words for what I've just read , special people are put on this earth for a reason and you lily are one if these very special people.
Sending big hugs big hugs and a little peck on the cheek xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
I had amazing parents it was my step grandad that abused me and my grandma didnt even believe me i think thats wat hurt the most so all the family stopped talking to them but she has managed to worm her way bak in n weneva i go to family parties she is there n i hate her so much aswell as hating the ppl that talk to her as she is still with the monster who has been dun about 4 times n she still believes his word!
I had counselling for it as well as depression but it didnt really help ive just cum to the conclusion that she doesnt want to b alone and thats why she believes him!
Im the same and tell my little girl and oh that i love them everyday and i wud neva let anythin like that happen to her xx
Big hugs to u hun u r such a wonderful and inspiring person xx
 
Thank you sweetie ....you don't know how much all your comments mean to me........just to explain why......when i fianlly left home for good, and my father had lost control of me (as such, until I had counselling and then he really had no control anymore) his final parting shot was to say, " once you have walked out of that door, I will make it my mission to let everyone know what you did" ......that statement crucified me for years, as I really believed that no one would believe me. Once I did open up about the abuse, it became quite clear that everyone believed me, so when I hear those lovely supportive comments, it just cements my feelings of having done the right thing by opening up....so once again all...thank you from the bottom of my heart :hug99: xxxxxx
 
emma_partington27 said:
I had amazing parents it was my step grandad that abused me and my grandma didnt even believe me i think thats wat hurt the most so all the family stopped talking to them but she has managed to worm her way bak in n weneva i go to family parties she is there n i hate her so much aswell as hating the ppl that talk to her as she is still with the monster who has been dun about 4 times n she still believes his word!
I had counselling for it as well as depression but it didnt really help ive just cum to the conclusion that she doesnt want to b alone and thats why she believes him!
Im the same and tell my little girl and oh that i love them everyday and i wud neva let anythin like that happen to her xx
Big hugs to u hun u r such a wonderful and inspiring person xx
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Hey Emma, thank you for coming by, and :bighug: how awful that you are still confronted by that ....but please listen to a little advice here.....for years I fought everyone's advice when they said forgive them (my parents) and move on, it is you that is suffering not them, they are carrying on with their sad pathetic lives no matter what and I would say never as long as I live will I ever forgive them, but it screwed me up, it made me ill, it made me fatter and everyday I would sit and rage inside at the injustice of it.....then one day, I was sitting here feeling physically full of all the rage and anger and suddenly thought, what the heck am i doing, if I carry on like this they win, they have me where they want me....so and it wasn't easy, I chose to forgive them, I really fought it though and I would have to physically go to my mirror and say out loud, I forgive them, I feel sorry for them that they have never known what real love and affection feels like, I talked to my sister endlessly about my feelings and she did with me too, and finally I found myself not bothered by them....I have been to family functions where they have been invited and I have ignored them as did most others...I had a good time, they sat in the corner and were ignored most of the time....I really do feel sorry for the sad pathetic people they are, my life is rich now I have exorcised them...hun if you ever need me I am here and you can PM me anytime you want....counselling didn't work for me the first couple of times either, till I was put with the perfect counsellor for me, we clicked she really made me feel worthwhile, like I really mattered and left me with the choices, she was amazing, so don't give up hunni :hugg9: :bighug:, you too are an amazing woman. :hug99: xxxx

If your grandma had known real love she wouldn't be saying that, you are the lucky one sweetie, don't let it make you bitter....feel sorry for the pathetic woman she is that she had nothing else but to cling to that vile man
Your OH and daughter are very lucky to have you :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxx
 
mariavon said:
Ditto all above posts lily, I too can't express words for what I've just read , special people are put on this earth for a reason and you lily are one if these very special people.
Sending big hugs big hugs and a little peck on the cheek xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Click to expand...

Thank you sweetie, what really lovely words, I really appreciate you making the effort to come here and read it, it's enough believe me
Thank you too for the hugs and peck on the cheek :bighug: xxxxx
 
Thank you Lily (and Emma) for being so courageous and being prepared to speak about what has happened to you. I believe secrecy is the abusers' biggest weapon. There's also a myth that child abuse, especially sexual, is only a recent social phenomenon. A Child Called It and many of the so called 'misery lit' books that special, brave people like yourselves have written and it is such a myth that this is a new thing. I would never wish to sound sympathetic to your 'parents' or people like them, but you have broken a cycle that might have gone on for god knows how many generations.
I'm so sorry for all that you and your brothers and sisters went through and the loss of your brother - but you have repaired a lot of the damage and got through the unbelievable hell by building an amazing, real, strong and loving family.

I wish we could understand what makes abusers do what they do, and protect children out there from it. I remember being at university with a lady whose mother used to drag her out of bed in the early hours as you described and rant at her and beat her - this was 20 years ago she was telling me this as a 45 year old, before I'd heard other people's stories. The early hours thing is very chilling and I was just saying to my OH that we just don't know what is going on behind closed doors, and even in our own street there could be children being hurt. However, I firmly believe that the stronger and more open people are about the abuse they've suffered, the more other people become aware and start maybe noticing signs in children or even adults that are being domestically abused - and can step in to help so I thank you again for sharing your story with us.

You draw a lot of love from everyone who meets you on minis or in real life Lily. :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
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Thanks lily. I shall look forward the that list. Maybe we can do some swaps :)
 
I have always been grateful that the abuse i suffered was a one off episode and as soon as i told my mum she ran with it, both my parents did every thing humanly possible to bring the man to justice.

I was raped while recovering from an anesthetic in a military hospital in germany. he was a male nurse and what happened should never have happened. The initial abuse was deepened by the very poor handling of the situation by the military. It was finely resolved after my dad came back to england and raised it with his MP who raised it during question time:eek:

my dads career was ruined by this for which i carried the guilt until recently when we talked about it freely for probably the first time.

I have always believed that this episode in my life has shaped the person i have become, it is responsible in part for my feelings of failure and subsequant lifelong fight with compulsive eating, but it is also responsible for making me the strong person i like to try and hide away :sigh:

to all of you who have suffered abuse from a family member, remember you have broken away from that and broken the cycle of abuse. The people who chose not to believe you are ultimatly the losers and should be pitied

sharing our stories and breaking that code of silence strenghens us and weakens the abusers and there enabelers by speaking out and telling others it gives those who are still suffering the strength to speak out and know they will be supported.

the way i see this is that it is not MY dirty little secret, it his xxx


sorry for waffling on your thread lily and :bighug: to all xxxxxxx
 
beckyn22 said:
Thank you Lily (and Emma) for being so courageous and being prepared to speak about what has happened to you. I believe secrecy is the abusers' biggest weapon. There's also a myth that child abuse, especially sexual, is only a recent social phenomenon. A Child Called It and many of the so called 'misery lit' books that special, brave people like yourselves have written and it is such a myth that this is a new thing. I would never wish to sound sympathetic to your 'parents' or people like them, but you have broken a cycle that might have gone on for god knows how many generations.
I'm so sorry for all that you and your brothers and sisters went through and the loss of your brother - but you have repaired a lot of the damage and got through the unbelievable hell by building an amazing, real, strong and loving family.

Hey hun, I fear I may never had said anything had I not had that threat of him telling everyone "what I did," that fear that they may have believed him was enough to spur me on, to get in first almost, and my school friend making me admit that actually yes I had been abused.....and is the case in most cases anyway, once I found my voice and spoke about it, it made me stronger, because it broke the shackles I had been locked into for years and as you say it enables them....I look back over my life and sometimes it's actually hard to believe it was my life...until the odd night when Mal wakes me and tells me I am screaming and howling, and shouting, Please no .....I don't ever remember the dreams to be honest. My family are my world and they love and support me and yesthey protect me, Kirsty is like me and wears her heart on her sleeve, she always makes sure i know she is there and will always be there and hugs me, tells me she loves me and is proud of me all the time...Kelly is a lot more guarded, but shows me how much she cares, loves and supports me in other ways, like on Mother's day when she wrote on my FB wall that she was off to see her best friend in the world. who she loves dearly...Lily Watson, now that's not something she would do in person, but she's a good girl, they both are and I am proud to be their Mum and proud of the job i've done and the job they are and in Kirsty's case, will be doing with their children xxx
I wish we could understand what makes abusers do what they do, and protect children out there from it. I remember being at university with a lady whose mother used to drag her out of bed in the early hours as you described and rant at her and beat her - this was 20 years ago she was telling me this as a 45 year old, before I'd heard other people's stories. The early hours thing is very chilling and I was just saying to my OH that we just don't know what is going on behind closed doors, and even in our own street there could be children being hurt. However, I firmly believe that the stronger and more open people are about the abuse they've suffered, the more other people become aware and start maybe noticing signs in children or even adults that are being domestically abused - and can step in to help so I thank you again for sharing your story with us.

You draw a lot of love from everyone who meets you on minis or in real life Lily. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Sweetie, I am happy that I don't understand what makes abusers do what they do, as I really believe to understand them, would be to think like them and I don't ever want to think that way...NEVER ...not even to protect children, it would scare me..if you see what I mean.
I do agree that the more people are aware of abuse the more they are open to seeing what's going on around them, with me I get a real nagging feeling, it won't let up and go away until I know 100% I am right and so far I have been right every time...which is actually really sad, I would love to be wrong.
I find it a lot harder to make friends in "real life" hun, I was deprived of the skills of "mingling" and forming friendships, I become tongue tied and unsure of myself...even though I am a good enough actress to hide that, for instance if we were to meet, I would be jolly, fun and possibly good company, when in fact I am screaming and sh*t scared and even if we got on, I would be convinced you hated me....no social skills as such ...but written, I am the queen of words, I find it easy to express myself with the written word, even if Mal and I argue, I can't argue he can tie me in knots after a few seconds, but I then sit down and write him a letter and that always works, he gets me then lol...but thank you for your lovely compliment anyway :hug99:xxxx

Applekath said:
Thanks lily. I shall look forward the that list. Maybe we can do some swaps :)
Click to expand...

You're welcome hun, I will try and get the list done early next week, got a busy weekend ahead still lol :hug99: xxx

broadsbean said:
I have always been grateful that the abuse i suffered was a one off episode and as soon as i told my mum she ran with it, both my parents did every thing humanly possible to bring the man to justice.

I was raped while recovering from an anesthetic in a military hospital in germany. he was a male nurse and what happened should never have happened. The initial abuse was deepened by the very poor handling of the situation by the military. It was finely resolved after my dad came back to england and raised it with his MP who raised it during question time

my dads career was ruined by this for which i carried the guilt until recently when we talked about it freely for probably the first time.

I have always believed that this episode in my life has shaped the person i have become, it is responsible in part for my feelings of failure and subsequant lifelong fight with compulsive eating, but it is also responsible for making me the strong person i like to try and hide away

to all of you who have suffered abuse from a family member, remember you have broken away from that and broken the cycle of abuse. The people who chose not to believe you are ultimatly the losers and should be pitied

sharing our stories and breaking that code of silence strenghens us and weakens the abusers and there enabelers by speaking out and telling others it gives those who are still suffering the strength to speak out and know they will be supported.

the way i see this is that it is not MY dirty little secret, it his xxx


sorry for waffling on your thread lily and to all xxxxxxx
Click to expand...

awwww sweetie, what an awful thing to happen to you, how lucky are you to have such lovely supportive parents, I already love your parents xxx
I am sad that you felt you had to carry the guilt of your dads career being ruined, what an awful burden to shoulder hun, but I am happy you have managed to discuss your feelings with them....keep on talking hun it will help immensely, I always apologised for needing to but I did anyway lol
Like you I know that what happened shaped the person I have become...and I know I am definitely a lot stronger than maybe I would have been had i come from a loving enviroment.
I know I have broken the cycle of abuse and I tried to help as many people as I can in my lifetime, some of which have thrown it back in my face, something I initially found hard to accept, but then came to realise they aren't in the same place I am ...yet and are mistrusting of most poeple and suspicious of motives, Like I would have been.

That's exactly how I feel, he tried to silence me all those years, making it "our dirty little secret", but I won't be silenced and the dirty little secret is his alone...well it's actually not a secret anymore, seeing as I made it quite clear to everyone that knows him, all his neighbours friends and just about anyone else that may have contact with him and then spoke out in front of his home with everyone looking on....but I also know of people ...close friends of his that actually told me to my face, what he did was his business not theirs and that I shouldn't go bandying it about all over the shop...I had those exact words said to me by his best friend...nice man !!!

Hunny that was no waffle, that was a very valid and heartfelt post, that really needed to eb said and brought out, thank you for sharing it with us :bighug: xxxx
 
Ditto with the social skills, Im exactly the same and Im the same on the phone as well!x
 
Gosh it really brings to head how much these kinda things go on and through all walks of life...
Having had the most wonderful of parents it kinda brings home to me just how lucky I have been
Happy Easter Sunday Lily x
 
Happy Easter darlin'. I think we all know what your father's friend was/is. Like attracts like and all that. I am just the same socially btw - been pooed on that many times by people I've trusted I am very wary these days. Have my 2 best friends from uni I have known for 20 years and that's it in real life - can't be bothered anymore. Having said that, think lovely minis friends are different as we get to know things about each other first, and have had a lot similar experiences. Would like to meet and make an effort with everyone I know on minis - think you're all a special bunch of ladies. Gorgeous what Kelly wrote on your FB page, btw. :bighug: x 10000000 for you, your lovely family and all your wonderful friends on here. Special hug for Mandy - so sorry that happened to you, and to have that happen from a nurse...

Have a wonderful day with your family. Kirsty's baby is symbolic of even more love and hope in the future for you and your family I think.
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Afternoon Lily, just popping in quickly whilst OH is walking the dogs (I still can't go with him :( )

Can I just say to Mandy that I am sure your dad would willingly have ruined his career 10 times over to protect his daughter and bring the man to justice who hurt her and I bet he did it without hesitation. No matter how old we become, to our parents (or most parents) we are still their little girls/boys :)
 
Sweetie, I am happy that I don't understand what makes abusers do what they do, as I really believe to understand them, would be to think like them and I don't ever want to think that way...NEVER ...not even to protect children, it would scare me..if you see what I mean.
I do agree that the more people are aware of abuse the more they are open to seeing what's going on around them, with me I get a real nagging feeling, it won't let up and go away until I know 100% I am right and so far I have been right every time...which is actually really sad, I would love to be wrong.
I find it a lot harder to make friends in "real life" hun, I was deprived of the skills of "mingling" and forming friendships, I become tongue tied and unsure of myself...even though I am a good enough actress to hide that, for instance if we were to meet, I would be jolly, fun and possibly good company, when in fact I am screaming and sh*t scared and even if we got on, I would be convinced you hated me....no social skills as such ...but written, I am the queen of words, I find it easy to express myself with the written word, even if Mal and I argue, I can't argue he can tie me in knots after a few seconds, but I then sit down and write him a letter and that always works, he gets me then lol...but thank you for your lovely compliment anyway :hug99:xxxx


Just need to clarify Lily, that when I said I wish we could understand what makes abusers do what they do, and protect children out there from it. I simply meant there is an epidemic of this and I wish a cure could be found. Until psychologists or psychiatrists get to grips with what causes this type of sickness in people, it will go on. I've certainly no desire to get into the head of someone like that but wish whatever causes it could be identified and then eradicated, for kids everywhere xxx
 
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