Siezing the day... whatever the day may bring !

[Julslynne]

Awe hun. Were things that bad that you were considering a gastric band. They are not without major risks. Thank god u found LL hun. You could always look into maybe having a tummy tuck once you've lost your desired weight. You would probably be entitled to it on the NHS. Good luck hun. Xxxxxx

Sorry about my post above. I didn't think when I posted that. Didn't mean to offend anyone. I've had a battle with my weight all my life and being a nurse i understand and realize the severe health, physical and mental risks of being severely overweight. My heart goes out.

Hope you are having a fab week hun. Xxxxxxxx

 

[LadyT]

Hey Hun, hope you are doing ok xx

 

[Clarabow]

Surprise weigh in !

Thank you ladies for your input. Much appreciated. I think this forum was all that kept me sane over the Bank Holiday weekend. Food on my mind aaaaaaaaaaaallll the time !

Back from the weigh in and lost an amazing 5lb. Feel guilty at that result as I had lapsed in the week. Appologies to those who are 100% and not achieving the big numbers. My only mitigation would be that I was 20 stone starting Lighter Life this time and as a big big girl it comes off quicker at the start. At my heaviest in September last year I was 21st 3. When I type that I think how on earth did I get that big ? At 5ft 2 I must have looked and still look like a weeble! Sheesh my poor knees, no wonder one of them is arthritic

Well I know how I got that big, hard wired comfort eating of carbs, and a lot of drinking. Port my dear, dear friend and companion of many a Friday evening. A glass you say ... nay a whole bottle ! Hollow legs, and with the size of my thighs that can be very hollow indeed.

So now it is time to tackle the eating and the dodgy thought processes that lead me to eat. It's hard to dig yourself out of major depression, but some sense of self is returning and I am starting to feel more part of the world again. My greatest way of self injuring when I am down is to lock myself away, not see anyone then eat and drink till I'm stuffed and sleepy. Classic victim role, poor me and then try and rescue myself by eating. Hard wired thinking that. After all food has always been there to act as my crutch. Doing the job that I do and also being the competent one, the one who sorts everything makes it hard to reach out for that support oneself. Add to that an Alpha personality and a perfectionist streak and boy do you have a recipie for disaster lol The things that I say to myself, well I would never dream of saying them to my worst enemy.

Lighter life and the support I am getting from the management consultant/life coach is helping me put things in perspective. For a while there before joining I felt totally helpless to change my situation. Now I feel some of that control comming back, regaining my capacity to think through things that affect me from my adult role rather than as victim and child. The clouds are starting to part, and progress is being made. I may not be at where I want to be but boy am I glad that I am travelling down that road!

All in all feel better in myself than I have in ages

Onwards and downwards ladies and gents.

 

[UmmZakaria]

Congratulations on a fantastic loss. Don't apologise for your blip, each one of us is experiencing a different journey You've lost the best part of a stone and a half in 3 weeks, that's amazing! It sounds as though you're getting your head in the right place and gaining control and I'm so pleased for you.

Here's to a good successful week x

 

[LadyT]

Fab loss chick, no need to apologise for your big number with a blip! We all have different bodies tht deal with our weightloss at different speeds!

Wow, did your comments hit a nerve with me, I probably wouldnt have described it how you have about being a victim, but you are so right and I definately relate to what you have said!

Stay strong and keep focused you will get there I have every faith my lovely xx

 

[HannahNewton]

What a lovely, honest post. You will look back at that in time and really be able to appreciate how far you have come. xx

 

[Gembritney]

WELL DONE!!!! great loss xxxx

 

[Clarabow]

Thanks for your comments ladies.

I hide so much of what is going on for me from all those who care for me that it is a refreshing change to be a bit more honest on here. I have an amazing facade of competent coping, nothing that I cant do or face. After all who would cope and sort things out if I didn't ? ( how ego centric is that lol I mean get over yourself woman you are not ruler of the universe lol YET!)


I come from a traditional Welsh family where displays of emotion or distress are very much frowned on. You buckle down and get on with things. Complaining is a sign of weakness. Heaven forbid one should be weak lol Comming from a line of strapping cockle women I can see where that comes from. Hard to be the wilting flower when you are lugging bags of cockles around and managing a horse and cart. Wish I could have been a bit taller like them though rather than a little 5ft 3. I did inherit my father's rugby player legs though, deep joy lol

Lighter life is helping me sort out that there are situations and things that I do not have to put up with. Rather than coping and swallowing the feeling of resentment that things aren't fair, I am learning to be more appropriately assertive about what I need to make me happy. I think as women in general the majority are rubbish at doing that, family, friends and work comes first and we come second a long way after. I mean we wouldn't treat our families, friends or colleagues the way we treat ourselves.

So thought for the day ladies, do something for yourself today, be that whatever floats your boat. Read that magazine, watch that trashy program, have that soak in the bath, buy that lipstick. Today I get to finish early, absolute joy and hopefully one of my friends can make it over for a cuppa.

Enjoy your day.

 

[LadyT]

Live reading your posts they really do resonate with me! Oh the joys of the welsh heritage lol xx

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[Clarabow]

If you cut me in half you would probably find a leek ! lol

 

[MagdaX]

Hi Clara.
I just wanted to say you're amazing and I am confident you'll do brilliantly well.
Well done on your weight loss so far. I'll be reading about your progress hoping for some inspiration to resume my LL journey.

Sent from my iPhone 4 using MiniMins

 

[SunshineCass]

Hi clara, just read your diary from the beginning. Aren't you doing amazingly well! I just want to say a well done to getting back on the wagon after a little slip... that's all it was and you're in the right mind frame to get back on the wagon! A 5lb loss is great too, it's showing how determined you are this time round and i have every faith in you.

"doing something for yourself for today" amazing thought of the day shall have to bring that in to my life more often. Will keep reading your diary clara.

Good luck this week.

Cass.x

 

[HannahNewton]

Lighter life is helping me sort out that there are situations and things that I do not have to put up with. Rather than coping and swallowing the feeling of resentment that things aren't fair, I am learning to be more appropriately assertive about what I need to make me happy. I think as women in general the majority are rubbish at doing that, family, friends and work comes first and we come second a long way after. I mean we wouldn't treat our families, friends or colleagues the way we treat ourselves.

Gosh! We women folk are so good at all of that!!

You are so right, we do need to treat ourselves well too, and most importantly express ourselves instead of swallowing resentment.

Wise words, from a wise lady indeed. xx

 

[Clarabow]

Thanks Hannah, now if I can only practice what I preach lol

 

[Clarabow]

Bank Holidays Suck !

I will be so glad to see the back of these Bank Holidays. Haven't managed them too well at all. Why do they always have to revolve around food ? And why am I not able to say NO to that food ?

A friend called round to see me on Saturday. I rustled something up for her to eat as she had just finished work. Had a carb free salad with her to be sociable, which was fine. No bad repercussions from that, evening was lovely.

Friends then called on Sunday and we went out for a meal to one of my favorite places. The plan was to have a low carb meal, which I ordered and ate. Problem came with the glass of wine, which led to two, which led to me knocking myself out of ketosis and going on a binge. Bad binge lot of alcohol and carbs. Stupid ! Stupid! Stupid !

So what was going on in my head? I dont get to see my friends often , let alone go out to somewhere nice. To do so was a real treat and so I wanted to enjoy myself. Enjoyment for me is very much about food and drink. I was managing well untill I drank a glass of wine then it was no holds barred. Note to self alcohol is not ur friend.

Bank holidays are difficult lots of plans around socialising and food. Time on your hands when you should be out enjoying yourself. As much pressure to eat as at Christmas. I am also a sucker for temptation. As Oscar Wilde said I can resist anything but temptation. Instant gratification, need to stop and think rather than react.

I can do this. Got back on track first thing this morning and have stuck with it all day. I need to make some more sensible choices about not putting myself in the way of temptation when I am feeling vulnerable. The positive thing is I have learnt that I can manage abstinence in work, which I never thought I could do.

Anyway enough rambling. Onwards and downwards xx

 

[weebles]

Clara? You are brilliant! Love what you have put down and shared on here.
So, if you think I inspire you? My dear....YOU inspire ME!!

xx

 

[Clarabow]

Aww Weebs thats a lovely thing to say. Dont know what i've done to deserve that but thanks xx

 

[Gembritney]

Clara, just forget what has happened and move on ... bank hols are over and u can get back to normality! xx

 

[Clarabow]

Right a new day and a new week. Was 100% yesterday and will be 100% today. Back in work today, holidays behind me. Who knew Bank Holidays would be such a killer! Not impressed at all!

Weekends aren't so bad, but four days together sheesh and so close together as well. Great to have time off but I didn't realise how much I used food to fill my time and beat my boredom. Usual pattern would have been to eat, get a bit sleepy, nap then eat again. Usually eating as a post hangover cure as well.

I need to get a life lol There has got to be more enjoyable ways of filling your time up than eating and drinking. Suerly ? Now if I can only find something that floats my boat that would be great lol Preferably not shopping as I have no money and my wardrobes are full. All be it of clothes that I am hoping will no longer fit me in a few weeks.

Suggestions on a post card please

Weigh in tonight, face the music and move on. Hopefully my good track record for the rest of the week will compensate for the bad evening. Who knows.

Onwards and downwards x

For those of you who have managed total abstinence all the way through all I can say is RESPECT ! Can I come live with you lot so your good habits rub off on me

 

[LadyT]

Aw hun good luck for WI, if you like the girls in my class you will still lose they all did. Not that I am saying it's ok to do if you know what I mean lol

I think I am close to 100 days abstinence, lost track lol it is an achievement. I must work it out because that in itself is a milestone. Xx

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