Skulldilocks' Slimming World Diary Part II

Blerrrrgh :cry:Needless to say I didn't manage to get back on it. The night I posted my last diary ended with chips and a chicken burger from the chippy. The Saturday at the Mexican I didn't swap the wraps for rice, I had a starter and I got involved in the Long Island Ice tea pitchers. Sunday was the only day on plan and then yesterday was the worst day ever. Unlike Rochelle, my stomach seems to have set up a defence mechanism to bad food and I'm not effected by it. I'm just not happy at the moment. I hate my job so much. Most of my bad eating happens there. I've applied lots and had a few interviews and the rejection is getting to me too.
I'm going to write this down in the hope getting it out will help me get over it and start a fresh. 2 pain au chocolats, 3 hash browns, an all day breakfast sandwich, 2 cookies, a pack of chewits, a mug shot, a bag of crisps, 8 slices of Dominos, a whole portion of potato wedges, 3 ring donuts. Are you ****ing kidding me?!

I really am feeling completely stuck. Since January all I've done is gain weight despite going to group almost every week. I feel lost. I know the plan like the back of my hand I just can't seem to get on it. I think a lot of it is I keep trying all these little ideas like red days, low carb, low syn. I need to just go back to EE, 15 syns a day. I'll be more likely not to binge if I stop bloody restraining stuff that is ALLOWED. Otherwise I feel like I should just leave SLimming World and start something else. Just as a fresh, something I can get excited about all over again. I just don't know. Sorry for the rant. I know I'm going to be the heaviest I've ever been at weigh in tomorrow.
 
I think you need a chat with your consultant. And I don't mean a "I've had a really bad week" kinda chat, I mean the kind of chat that makes her realise how much you're struggling (longer-term, i.e. from Jan until now) despite the fact you've been paying £5 a week for group and support.

You need to tell her everything. Exactly what you've eaten, why you're doing it, what your triggers are, the "punishing" yourself by reducing syns, only trying red days etc.

She needs to understand that you've put on weight since January despite paying £5 a week for it. And you need to ask her for some serious help and support to get on the wagon again. I don't in any way mean that any of this is her fault or anything but I think that maybe she only sees you each week and maybe just focuses on that week rather than seeing the bigger picture.

I think you should go back to basics EE... but eat food that excites you like pizza and burgers. Make wrap pizzas with wedges, have double bacon cheeseburgers with SW chips, make SW chicken nuggets etc... make food that you love but in a healthy SW way.

You can do this Lily xx
 
Opal_Lily said:
I think you need a chat with your consultant. And I don't mean a "I've had a really bad week" kinda chat, I mean the kind of chat that makes her realise how much you're struggling (longer-term, i.e. from Jan until now) despite the fact you've been paying £5 a week for group and support.

You need to tell her everything. Exactly what you've eaten, why you're doing it, what your triggers are, the "punishing" yourself by reducing syns, only trying red days etc.

She needs to understand that you've put on weight since January despite paying £5 a week for it. And you need to ask her for some serious help and support to get on the wagon again. I don't in any way mean that any of this is her fault or anything but I think that maybe she only sees you each week and maybe just focuses on that week rather than seeing the bigger picture.

I think you should go back to basics EE... but eat food that excites you like pizza and burgers. Make wrap pizzas with wedges, have double bacon cheeseburgers with SW chips, make SW chicken nuggets etc... make food that you love but in a healthy SW way.

You can do this Lily xx
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Thank you for putting up with me. I definitely plan to attack the fakeaway book more after the sweet n sour chicken I made from there was so good. I know its not her fault and I think to be honest shes running out of ideas with me. We've tried sitting in new member talks, SOS logs, obviously I do food diaries. I think I'll get to group earlier than usual (I get there early anyway to set up the shop) and have a chat with her.

I know this sounds ridiculous but I genuinely feel I need some kind of therapy. I did used to have it for my anxiety/depression and I would try and bring up the bingeing and so on but they would always brush past it. You can't tend to get nutritional therapy unless you are suffering from bulimia or anorexia. But surely if it takes over your life this much like it should? I have literally become more and more recluse in these last few months because I can't find anything to wear, don't want people to see I've gained weight etc, I keep bailing on things.

I've written a food plan commencing tomorrow. There's plenty of pasta, rice and cous cous and not just for dinner but for lunches too. I seemed to have gotten it in my head that have carbs for two meals was bad. Idiot!
 
Skulldilocks said:
Thank you for putting up with me. I definitely plan to attack the fakeaway book more after the sweet n sour chicken I made from there was so good. I know its not her fault and I think to be honest shes running out of ideas with me. We've tried sitting in new member talks, SOS logs, obviously I do food diaries. I think I'll get to group earlier than usual (I get there early anyway to set up the shop) and have a chat with her.

I know this sounds ridiculous but I genuinely feel I need some kind of therapy. I did used to have it for my anxiety/depression and I would try and bring up the bingeing and so on but they would always brush past it. You can't tend to get nutritional therapy unless you are suffering from bulimia or anorexia. But surely if it takes over your life this much like it should? I have literally become more and more recluse in these last few months because I can't find anything to wear, don't want people to see I've gained weight etc, I keep bailing on things.

I've written a food plan commencing tomorrow. There's plenty of pasta, rice and cous cous and not just for dinner but for lunches too. I seemed to have gotten it in my head that have carbs for two meals was bad. Idiot!
Click to expand...

Maybe you should have a chat with your GP too, or do some research on the internet to see if there are any charities or anything out there that can provide the support you need without having an eating disorder.

There are other things available if you wanted to pay too. I know one of my sister's friends provides therapy sessions for people with all kinds of challenges in life from binge eating, to agoraphoiba to even being unable to wear high neck jumpers!! It's not quite CBT, almost a bit like hypnotherapy but she says it really works.

Good luck! x
 
Skulldilocks said:
Thank you for putting up with me. I definitely plan to attack the fakeaway book more after the sweet n sour chicken I made from there was so good. I know its not her fault and I think to be honest shes running out of ideas with me. We've tried sitting in new member talks, SOS logs, obviously I do food diaries. I think I'll get to group earlier than usual (I get there early anyway to set up the shop) and have a chat with her. I know this sounds ridiculous but I genuinely feel I need some kind of therapy. I did used to have it for my anxiety/depression and I would try and bring up the bingeing and so on but they would always brush past it. You can't tend to get nutritional therapy unless you are suffering from bulimia or anorexia. But surely if it takes over your life this much like it should? I have literally become more and more recluse in these last few months because I can't find anything to wear, don't want people to see I've gained weight etc, I keep bailing on things. I've written a food plan commencing tomorrow. There's plenty of pasta, rice and cous cous and not just for dinner but for lunches too. I seemed to have gotten it in my head that have carbs for two meals was bad. Idiot!
Click to expand...

I used to have depression and was offered to talk to someone - talk to your gp
 
Minniemouse23 said:
I used to have depression and was offered to talk to someone - talk to your gp
Click to expand...

I used to go for CBT but they changed my times and so I could no longer go with my work hours. Since then I have switched doctors and she doesn't even ask about my depression, she just keeps prescribing my pills. Think I will have to try and ask though.
 
:( feel so sad for you Hun. You sound so down about it which is course understandable! I think your plan of EE and 15 syns a day is a good idea. Back to basics, fresh syns every day and lots of filling carbs. X
 
I'm not sure what I can say to make you feel any better Lily, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and that I believe in you. You can and will do this when the time is right and you are in the right frame of mind. We're all behind you xx
 
Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. After yesterday I took all your advise in some shape or form.
I started researching the whole binge eating thing, which was a risk as I have a history of EDs and have found a few things to try out. I found a self help book called Overcoming Overeating which was recommended and only 99p on Ebay. I found a charity run group that meets up in Reading which I plan to attend on Monday evening. And (don't hate me) but I bought some raspberry ketone from Holland and Barrett. It probably wont make much difference but if it surpresses appetite then I'm at least gonna try it.

From a Slimming World perspective I have had an on plan day today. Yes its weigh day but who cares if I'm eating rice for lunch?! At least I'm on plan. And yeh I'm gonna have a huge gain but if I can get back on now, there's no point waiting! I was out at an exhibit with work today and not only was it right by lots of temptation at Westfields but also the usual free biscuits and I had nothing :)

Wednesday EE Day

Breakfast:
Bacon sandwich (HEX B) with a scrape of ketchup (0.5) and a banana

Lunch:
Savoury beef rice with chicken (S), pepper (S), onions (S) and iceberg lettuce (S)
2x vanilla cheesecake biscuits (7)
Apple

Dinner:
Spaghetti with bacon, onions (S), mushrooms (S) and mangetout (S) with 50g low fat soft cheese (HEX A)
2x vanilla cheesecake biscuits (7)

Total syns:14.5
 
Well I went to group and gained 6lbs. Considering that was over 2 weeks and I have binged pretty much every day over that fortnight, I had a lucky escape. I genuinely thought I was looking at 6lbs per week, and that I'd meet the 16s for the first time. Regardless, I just saw it as a new starting weight that fingers crossed, I will never see again.

I stayed at group (omg it went on foreverrr!) and opened up to group. I'm glad I did as there are a couple of other attendees seem to be having similar problems. I basically said that if I want to sort my body out, I need to sort my head first. Everyone was very understanding and my consultant seemed glad I finally sort of admitted something. IMAGE Went on for 1 hr 45 mins and you could tell my C wanted to rush through everyone which kind of ruined the atmosphere but then again there are some people that really do go on for no reason and a lot of the time they've lost weight that week! lol. Ah well.

Anyway, as planned, I'm hoping to do up to 15 syns a day and as long as the rest is free, not panic about carbs and so on. So here is today's food. Unlike normal, if I fall off this I will post.

Thursday EE Day:
Breakfast:
35g Weetabix minis (HEX B)
100ml skimmed milk (2)
Strawberries (SS)

Lunch:
Savoury beef rice with chicken (S), lettuce (S), onions (S) and peppers (S)
Apple (S)
Banana
Mullerlight greek mango yog (0.5)

Dinner:
Lasagne (Quorn mince (S), chopped toms (S), onions (S), mushrooms (S), peppers (S), puree (S) topped with Quark and 40g low fat cheddar (HEX A)
Iceberg lettuce (S), red onions (S) and peppers (S) with FF dressing
Sainsburys raspberry cheesecake bites (10)

Total syns: 12.5
 
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Going to be stalking you like mad Lily!

Well done for going and for staying to group - the gain was not so bad. I gained almost that in one week! So look at it in a positive light (which you already sound like you are doing). I think you're very brave and strong for opening up to your group last night, and hopefully that will get everything off your chest and you can feel like you can move on now.

I'm also going back to basics this week. No faffing around and mixing the plan up, just sticking to it. Extra Easy, 1/3 SuperFree, 15 Syns a day. Simple as that! So we are in this together xx
 
Princess_Stevie said:
Going to be stalking you like mad Lily!

Well done for going and for staying to group - the gain was not so bad. I gained almost that in one week! So look at it in a positive light (which you already sound like you are doing). I think you're very brave and strong for opening up to your group last night, and hopefully that will get everything off your chest and you can feel like you can move on now.

I'm also going back to basics this week. No faffing around and mixing the plan up, just sticking to it. Extra Easy, 1/3 SuperFree, 15 Syns a day. Simple as that! So we are in this together xx
Click to expand...

Yes I saw you were doing the same! It was the inspiration I needed :) Similar lunch today too hehe! Thank you so much for your support, I can't wait for my self help book to arrive and hopefully I can make the other group too x
 
Well getting to that time of day where I start to flop (if I haven't already stuffed my face and made myself sick) but today I'm on it. Mugshot and green tea brewing away. I'm not going to be like "oh no, pasta!", "oh no, Carbs", "oh no, processed foods!". WHO CARES! Its free, its gonna fill me up til dinner later (it tends to be about 7.30 due to travelling home and stuff and its FREE! Its not a donut, or 6 biscuits. So yeah, I'm okay and I need to remember this.

Like Stevie said, I feel like my stomach is struggling with less food after a week or two of over filling so this is kind of expected! X
 
asmallertasha said:
I just had some low fat super noodles for the first time because i was feeling peckish and trying to avoid biscuits!! It's free food which means guilt free too :)
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yum yum! I love Supernoodles with cheese :p I would normally have them as a lunch but that's the thing. Its totally okay like you say, to have it as a snack. I genuinely think this type of thinking against this is what caused me to go off the rails. I really hope I can stick with it and not feel the "need" for a red day, or low syn day because with the amount I need to lose, its should be a while til the weight loss slows down, if that makes sense?
 
Skulldilocks said:
yum yum! I love Supernoodles with cheese :p I would normally have them as a lunch but that's the thing. Its totally okay like you say, to have it as a snack. I genuinely think this type of thinking against this is what caused me to go off the rails. I really hope I can stick with it and not feel the "need" for a red day, or low syn day because with the amount I need to lose, its should be a while til the weight loss slows down, if that makes sense?
Click to expand...

Great attitude to have! But please don't get upset if your losses aren't as big as you'd like, as that's what has led you to making these tweaks (I.e no carbs) in the past. Bodies are funny things at time and they literally do what they want, when they want. I for one will never understand them. But any loss is a loss and as long as it's moving in the right direction then you're onto a winner!

It's nice to hear a more confident, positive Lily. I hope she's here to stay :) xx
 
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