So Down Down Down !!!

[supergran]

oh dear............dont really no what to add, it seems a good idea if you could have a family meeting, where your son can reassure your mum that he will carry on with his medication and try to get along with everyone in the household.

Or could the SW not get him a place in a hostel for the time being.

sending love x

 

[IreneH]

How are you feeling Pam?
Irene xx

 

[supergran]

we are all here for your. xx

 

[Redpam]

Thanks Irene and June and everyone else too

At the moment we just dont know which way to turn. We were beginning to think we could have him back and I had even persuaded my Mum that it would be the best thing to do. Then he came home yesterday afternoon demanding money and generally being an ar$e. He refused to apologise at the college disciplinary meeting and so that puts next years course in jeopardy.
When we spoke to him on his own on Monday he was pleasant and was listening to what we said but as soon as he gets with GF he becames very "bolshy".
His behaviour yesterday made my DH very depressed. Even though we had an email from Portugal asking us if we could be there on Monday 28th to sign the promissory contract it did not help his mood. The Vendor will be there which will give us an opportunity to meet him as although he is Portguese he lives abroad.
We wondered if we could pay the rent on somewhere for a few months but I dont know if that will work. If he does not get a job what will he live on and he is too young to get benefits.

It seeems one ste[ forward anf two back at the moment.

One of my daughters, who is due to have a baby anytime now,n said he could go and stay there for a while (she has teenagers too) but while he likes being there he wont go unless GF can go too and thats not feasible.

I spoke to GF's mother this morning and she is getting frazzled. Not because he misbehaves there because he does not but understandably she does not want a lodger.

I think I need some divine guidance lol Perhaps a genie will appear and give us the answer - very unlikely lol

 

[Redpam]

Hi Pam,

What a day you've had again eh? This sounds like such a tough and emotive time for you all. Have you had the time or strength to speak to your own Mum at length about this and explain how torn you feel? Just wondering as she clearly feels very very strongly about this.

Would it help if your Son was able to sit down and calmly talk to her and give any reassurances to her about his future behaviour? I don't know what kind of relationship they have and I'm guessing that he knows what she is threatening to do!

I agree with Irene and don't always think it's possible to please everyone all the time. You're obviously worried about your Mum as well and the age that she is.

Just thrashing ideas around here but I know when my own Son's behaviour and lifestyle became too much around my other 2 younger children, we reached a compromise where he rented a room 5 minutes away, had his own independence but still closeby to call here. He was 19.

It saved our relationship at the time, and me from asking him to leave which had been an option I can tell you! The tension eased immediately between us, I helped move him in, bought him a few bits he needed, let him bring his washing home and he came for his tea at least 3 times a week.

I hope you can figure something out and not be under this awful pressure about having to decide by Friday this week. Can he not stay where he is a while longer?

Thinking of you and sending my love,

Lacey x

Thanks Lacey

We have been thinking about getting him somewhere to stay. But other than the mobile home on the travellers site there is nothing in our village. The only places we could get a room would be 6 miles and 10 miles away ( if they took a 17 year old). Also DH says ,if he goes I cant have him for meals and do his washing. He muststand on his own 2 feet.

GF Mother says he cant stay there Friday night but can Sat and Sun ? I suppose we could have him home on Friday and see how he behaves. The problem is DH works all night Fridays so Mum and I would be alone with him if he kicked off.

 

[Isis]

Do you have a YMCA Foyer Project in your area Pam? Your local Connexions office would know.

I work with many Young People who stay in this type of supported accommodation and can do for up to 2 years.

They have a Keyworker, attend college or work and receive full support in obtaining benefits/bursaries etc.

I your Son can be classed as "no Fixed Abode" as he is at present, then my understanding is that that would make him a priority case due to the vulnerability.

Just a thought?

Lacey

 

[Isis]

Foyer Federation

 

[IreneH]

Just wondered how you are?

Irene xx

 

[kittykat]

Hey Pam hows tricks hun ???