Started management - with ambivalence..

[gaijingirl]

Well... I will be eating something for the first time today since October 2nd 2006!

I found out a few weeks ago that I have been accepted for a job in Japan over the Easter holidays teaching Junior High school students. (I used to live in Japan in the '90s for 4 years teaching Senior High School students). For some of this time I will be living with Japanese families and it's neither appropriate to - nor do I want to - abstain.

I'm now 11 stone 10lbs. BMI 25 for me is 11 stone - so I'm not too far away - but I would still like to be down closer to 10 stone if possible, so I would prefer to SS for a good while yet.

Anyway, the plan is to do a mini-maintenance for the next 3 weeks (I leave on March 25th) and reintroduce rice etc so that I will be able to eat Japanese food (thank goodness it's not Italy I'm going to eh!) - when I come back I want to go back into abstinence to lose the rest before resuming maintenance proper.

The only problem with all this is that I have signed up to do the London triathlon in August (1st weekend) thinking I would be fully "rehabilitated" by then as I will need to be eating reasonably in order to train sufficiently - and this plan will be pushing it to be honest!

Still - one problem at a time!

What am I most excited about? Being able to have a "normal" cup of tea with a splash of milk on Thursday!!

 

[hippoellie]

Best of luck Gaijingirl- I have been following your blog. This is a huge step after abstaining for so long, but not as huge as choosing to abstain in the first place, so you know you can do it. Enjoy that cup o' tea
Kathy x

 

[gaijingirl]

Thanks!!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Congrats Pussygirl!

I'm all excited for you. It sounds like a real adventure. Will you still keep us up to date while you're there?


Quote" Anyway, the plan is to do a mini-maintenance for the next 3 weeks (I leave on March 25th) and reintroduce rice etc so that I will be able to eat Japanese food (thank goodness it's not Italy I'm going to eh!) - when I come back I want to go back into abstinence to lose the rest before resuming maintenance proper."

If you commit to that, you WILL succeed.

"Still - one problem at a time!"

Let's just call it a CHALLENGE!

Don't forget to let us know in detail what that cup of tea with milk tastes like on Thursday. Have you got the tea bag laid to one side? (Maybe on a silver platter). Chosen that special mug?

 

[gaijingirl]

Hmm.. good point!

*makes note to buy a silver platter*

 

[dizzy-n-mizzy]

Congratulations on the great job. I'm sure you will be fine with the Japanese Cuisine.

Hope we can share in the experience with you. Will you be able to visit Minimins whilst in Japan?

Congrats on your weightloss too. I had been wondering how you have been doing.

Dizzy x

 

[scooper]

Congratulations. I find that time after time the people on this board provide me with so much inspiration and the will to go on. I read people's blog's quietly and think, yes-I relate to that and that's going to be me one day.

Have a great cup of tea.

 

[gaijingirl]

Well just had my tofu - can't say I enjoyed it like I thought I would. I could hardly eat any of it - but even what I did eat made me feel bad. I felt immediately that I wanted to throw it all back up - still sitting here willing myself just to wait for this feeling to pass. (but I'm not going to throw up - don't worry). I feel really queasy - not from feeling full I don't think - I don't feel especially full per se....

I feel like I've done something bad...

 

[AmandaJayne]

I'm trying to remember how I felt, Gaijingirl. It was certainly weird eating after so long. I had a piece of salmon and could only manage a bit (next door's cat got the rest). In fact next door's cat did really well for the first few days, if I remember right!

About feeling bad ... have you thought about doing a thought record to analyise this feeling?

Were you feeling out of sorts when you prepared the tofu? Were you rushed, or tired, or distracted by family or problems? Were you just disappointed by the experience of eating again? Are you afraid of eating again, do you think you may be in danger of bingeing if you start eating again?

What is this, twenty questions?

I wanted to ask you anyway about tofu. On another thread you mentioned that brand you liked to use, I thought all tofu tasted the same (i.e. of nothing in particular), but what's the best brand to try, if I decide to try some? Obviously, I've had miso soup at the Japanese restaurant which had tofu in it - it reminded me of an egg white in taste and consistency, not unpleasant.

 

[gaijingirl]

Hiya - yes it's this "Are you afraid of eating again, do you think you may be in danger of bingeing if you start eating again?"

I was in such a state before I started where I was just throwing up anything at all I had eaten - it was costing me a fortune. I hated the feeling of food in my stomach but couldn't stop putting it in there! So actually I regard yesterday as a bit of a success. I ate the food and overcame the feeling. If I can continue to do this - eat without guilt and horror - hopefully I can get back to a place where food is not the enemy and I can eat without all the emotional **** attached to it!

As for tofu... well probably the most popular brand is Cauldron which is sold in most supermarkets. They do fresh tofu which can be found in the chilled cabinet, a plain, a marinated (which is gorgeous) and a smoked tofu. They are very handy and they are all quite firm - which appeals to Westerners who often dislike the texture of fresh tofu. They also do a range of vegetarian sausages which are also made from tofu (as opposed to quorn or utter crap (read Linda McCartney)).

You can also buy various brands of vacuum sealed tofu which tends to come in firm or soft versions. I don't get these personally.

If you go to the health food shop you will find all kinds of gorgeous tofu - there's some fantastic ranges out there - sun dried tomato tofu, basil tofu, various smoked tofus - they're all worth trying and are very nice hot or cold.

However, none of the above are like what you'll get in Japanese restaurants. Tofu in Japan is usually much softer, MUCH fresher (you need to eat it on the day really) and comes in 100s of varieties - some of which is simply sublime!! Tofu by-products are also very popular - such as okara which is a little bit like cous cous in texture. I like fresh Japanese tofu but most Westerners find the texture a bit alien and want to firm it up.

The easiest way to cook this kind of tofu is to cut the block horizontally and then into cubes by making vertical cuts. Put the whole block (in it's block shape) into a frying pan with no oil. Cook it on a medium heat whilst constantly pressing down on it with a spatula. The water within will come out and cook the tofu and it will become more and more firm. This takes a little while but it is lovely then stir fried with some brocolli, chilli, garlic and soy sauce and if you can roast some cashews and throw them in - all the better!

However, as I say, it really can be much easier to cook the Cauldron version and it's much more available.

Hope this helps. Tofu takes getting used to but it is an extremely versatile food and nutritionally a goodun'!

 

[gaijingirl]

Also just realised - tea isn't until tomorrow - day 3 for milk right?

 

[katie_oxo]

Gaijingirl your job sounds like it is going to be an amazing experience. You've done fantastically well not eating since October and your ticker shows that - well done I've just added your blog to my favourites and am looking forward to reading it.

Bit of an oops over the mix up for your tea --- give you time to get that platter bought

Cath

 

[gaijingirl]

Thanks for that! The encouragement on here is great!

Well this morning I went for a consultation at a very posh hairdressers. I haven't had my hair properly cut or coloured for about 5 years - it's extremely long (to my waist) and in very very bad condition, greying etc... I only ever wear it scraped back.

So - I will be splashing out an OBSCENE amount of money for a top notch cut and colour next week! I hope it looks ok - although frankly anything will be an improvement on the current mess!

I might then actually take an "after" shot to go with my "before" - even though I want to lose some more.

I have also recently been spending much too much money on clothes - although necessarily so really since I don't have any that fit anymore!!

Poor gaijinboy (who is basically supporting me at the moment whilst I'm studying) is being very tolerant. I'm going to have to get a very well paid job later this year!! Or any job at all really!

 

[katie_oxo]

Wow now that haircut sounds great - I would love to see before and after photographs of that!

Cath

 

[AmandaJayne]

give you time to get that platter bought

Haha Cath!

Thanks for your masterclass on tofu Gaijingirl. I will certainly be having a look for it next time I'm shopping. You make it sound really appetising!

About your long hair, you could sell the long piece - perhaps Posh Spice will buy it off you. Although I understand she uses real Russion hair for her hair weaves.

I'm like Cath, I can't wait for the 'after' picture either!

 

[gaijingirl]

Well last night I had some tofu with soy sauce and wasabi. Some mixed salad leaves with a small bit of cottage cheese and balsamic vinegar and black pepper - and it was all lovely.
I didn't eat very much - but it looked like LOADS and I'm scared it was too much. But I didn't eat until uncomfortably full or anything. I ate everything though - and then went back for a bit more tofu and a bit more cottage cheese! At no point did I feel sick or full - but I hope that I haven't destroyed my "I'm full-ometer" for life from the way I treated myself pre-LL!
I am finding it a monumental pain in the arse to go shopping though - I really don't have time and I can't be bothered AT ALL! Just did an online shop for next weekend from Sainsbury's so hopefully I won't have to go shopping for a while after that - but even that took ages!!
One thing that does worry me is that now my head is being filled again with thoughts about food - something I just stopped thinking about completely before. I liked the safety blanket of not having to think about it ever!
But, as much as I'd like to just be on foodpacks forever - I can't be! So gotta move on!

I have bought some gorgeous clothes recently though!! Also the way people react to me is SO different - especially men who are suddenly being very nice to me - which is both nice and a bit disconcerting too!

 

[AmandaJayne]

"At no point did I feel sick or full - but I hope that I haven't destroyed my "I'm full-ometer" for life from the way I treated myself pre-LL!"

Yeah, I remember feeling the same - how much is enough? LL don't tell you specifically how much of anything to eat, they leave it to you to decide for yourself. It is a bit of a respnsibility at first, until you get into a routine again.


I am finding it a monumental pain in the arse to go shopping though - I really don't have time and I can't be bothered AT ALL!

Yup, I've never enjoyed shopping for food anyway. One of the benefits of LL was not having to think about it. It takes time to get into the routine again, but I know that my shopping habits have changed enormously from the past. I only have to look at what is in my trolley now, and see all the veg and fruit, fresh meats and fish and no ready meals, pizza, sweets, cakes, ice-cream, biscuits - so see that I am making better choices for the whole family.

One thing that does worry me is that now my head is being filled again with thoughts about food - something I just stopped thinking about completely before. I liked the safety blanket of not having to think about it ever!

You gotta remember Pussy, for 100 days you didn't have to think of food and eating. You got used to that, remember. Now, you will get used to having to think about it and plan it - but slowly, gradually over 12 weeks. It WAS a nice safetly blanket, though!