Starting again - this time I'll do it!

Samelam

Member
Hi everyone :) this is my second time on minimins and I'm hoping that it will be the motivation I need to keep going and lose the weight that I've been carrying almost my whole life!

I'm hoping just to use this as a blog for myself, I find that writing down my struggles and achievements and how I'm feeling helps keep me focused. I'm not really expecting many people to read this but just in case anyone does I'm going to write a little introduction

(which I can use to remind myself how far I've come too :) this will be LONG so if you don't want to read it maybe just skip it all and say hi anyway? :))

ok, so:

My name is Sam and I'm 24 years old! I've always struggled with my weight, from being a young child I was always aware that I was different to my friends and siblings. I had (and still have) what I believe to be a very messed up relationship with food. It's my emotional crutch. When I'm sad/stressed/angry/bored I turn to food.

My mum lost a lot of weight when she was younger and from then she pressured me to lose weight too. Part of me can understand that she didn't want me to go through what she did, that she wanted me to be healthy, but another part of me is still angry about her doing it, and the way she did it.

I was forced to weigh myself every week and if I hadn't lost weight I was told off. Sometimes she wouldn't believe me if I had lied and said I had lost weight and she would stand over me. She was pretty nasty to me. When she moved out I didn't have that pressure anymore and I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. Normal meals in front of everyone else, but mountains of chocolate and sweets in secret.

So at my heaviest I was 17st 5lbs. I decided in 2011 that enough was enough. Something in my brain just switched and eating healthily and exercising just made sense. I went from a starting weight of 16st 11lbs to 12st 8lbs in just under a year. I had started c25k and was running for 45 minutes non-stop 3 days a week. For the first time in my life I felt attractive and confident, and I met my amazing boyfriend in March 2012 whilst still losing weight.

I remember I had joined minimins before because I was frustrated that I wasn't losing anymore weight and was starving ALL the time. I posted a thread asking for advice and some lovely people offered suggestions (I cannot for the life of me remember my old username so that's why I've created a new account)

Well, that hunger and the subsequent weight gain that came with it was actually because I was pregnant! Completely unexpected, I felt sick if I went too long without food. So instead of sticking to eating healthily and sensibly, I took the "eating for 2" myth literally and after a year of good, hard work, I reversed it.

I stopped running and began hoovering down junk. I could buy a pack of 4 Greggs sausage rolls after work, eat one on the way home and then the next 3 when I was home.

So after pregnancy and 7 months breastfeeding (which made me ravenous!) I gained nearly all the 4 stone I lost back. I went to 16st 6lbs and then joined slimming world. I got to 15st 01lbs but stopped going after I could no longer afford it.

Being honest with myself I wasn't in the right frame of mind. If I had a bad week I wouldn't eat all day until weigh in and if I had lost anything I would celebrate that night with a binge.

But now I'm saying enough is enough! I'm desperately unhappy with the way I look, and more importantly the way I feel. Tired, lazy, like a slob!

I started counting calories using MFP just over a week ago, starting weight 16st 3lbs. So far, 2 bad days, but instead of giving up I've forgiven myself and realised I'm only human and it will happen. If I give up it will only get harder.

So that is me :) overweight, overtired mum of a beautiful 15mo little girl who desperately wants to be healthy for her!

If you have actually read this then THANKYOU! I've been so inspired by the stories I have read here and I'd love to make some friends :)

Sam
 
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Aboyne01

Member
Thank The Lord your here!!!! I'm 26 and roughly 13-14stone? :s haven't weighed myself!!!...I also was 16.8 stone at 21-22 I've always struggled with being big to be honest I love junk food...I used to like cooking but now I hate it!! I met my currently byf whilst 11.7stone and had a baby exactly a year ago! When my son was 4 months old I went to SW! I did great lost half a stone in 2 weeks but then same as u if I lost I ate crap as soon as I walked threw the door!!!...I've now put all my weight back on and can't explain how unhappy I am. My mum is still drastically overweight but makes comments like she has done my whole life 'ur so pretty when ur slim' 'ur gonna end up like me' :( i need to do this for myself and my gorgeous little man!!! I wanna be healthy energetic lively mum! Not fat tiered frumpy mum!!! Let me know how ur getting on!! I signed up for success slimming today I got 1st meeting tomorrow!! See actually how much I do weigh :( x
 

Samelam

Member
Aboyne hi! :) sounds like we have really similar stories! I'm the same, I want to be that slim, energetic mum who runs around with her kids and plays, not the one who watches from the sidelines!

It's so hard isn't it, to focus on healthy eating and exercising when you have a baby who takes up SO much of your time and energy! My LO's bedtime is my pigging out time, I spend my evenings in front of the tv scoffing big bars of chocolate and huge bags of sweets :(

BUT, this week has been good, I've gone from 16st 3lbs (this was on an evening so was naturally heavier!) to 15st 10lbs :D I've such a long way to go, I'm just hoping this time I don't get 2 or 3 weeks in and quit so I have before.

Good luck for your first meeting, this time will be the time that you do it for YOU! :) and whatever number is on the scale, it's just a number. It doesn't determine your worth! Plus, you'll never see that number again :)
 

Samelam

Member
Also, I hope you don't mind if I ask more of a personal question/share my irrational fear?

You said you met your boyfriend when you were slimmer, do you ever feel like if you and he had met when you were bigger he wouldn't be interested?

I know my boyfriend loves me any size, but the horrible, self conscious horrible part of me who always puts myself down says that 'if he met you at your heaviest he wouldn't have looked twice at you!' It makes me feel SO insecure, like he's thinking 'look what I'm stuck with?!' Every time we go out with his friends I have these horrible snipey little thoughts that his friends are looking at me and feeling sad for him that he's with someone who just ballooned and is hideous.

In reality they're the nicest people going! I just need to get rid of that nasty little devil on my shoulder that says "you're not good enough!"

I've never actually told anyone about that particular insecurity, feels good to get it off my chest :)
 




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