Still dreaming...

[dreamer85]

So much has happened to me the past few weeks i thought making a diary to vent was the best idea!

So im lying here wide awake at 4am n this has pretty much been the norm for the past 3 weeks... My anxiety is back with a vengeance

So where did it all go wrong? A few weeks ago i was healthy, happy and an avid atkinser... Then i went on a girlie holiday with my friends which i was so excited about but it all went downhill.

The holiday started off great... Until the 4th night when my best friend decided to drunkenly punch me in the face :| she cut my eye open n i was left with a black swollen eye. She was distraught by her actions, and me being the bigger and better (and i would like to think more mature) person, i forgave her. It angered me though that she suddenly became the 'victim' in the situation as she was beside herself for what she had done. Well heres a tip hunni, dont go around assaulting people. Its all been 'put behind us' now but its really threw me into a bit of a depression and im still hurting inside over the ordeal.

To add insult to injury, i called my boyfriend when i was so distressed about the situation seeking comfort and support n he proceeded to dump me over the phone. Wow, double whammy (as you can see this really was the holiday of a lifetime!)

I know its no excuse but its kick started all my bad eating habits as ive started comfort eating. This has led to a 6lb gain which is a vicious circle in itself as i now feel disgusted in myself :'(

I feel the first step to feeling happy again is to start feeling healthy again. So tomorrow is a new day, day 1 of my rekindled atkins journey. Positive thinking from now on

 

[Alpaca]

Oh dreamer - bless you! What an awful series of bad experiences!! Coming on here is the best thing that you could have done as it will help you focus and get back on track! Good luck and we're all here for you!

 

[CantThinkOfAGoodName]

That's one hell of a Holiday ... I can't believe your Best Friend hit you!?

Here's to a Much Happier Future, with Good Friends and a Better Man

 

[Samsmum]

Cant be easy to put something like that behind you. Good times ahead though. I know being slim isn't the answer to all our problems but feeling better and more positive about ourselves is a big step in the right direction. Good luck. You can do it x

 

[Kat1e]

((hugs)) dreamer - we're here for you. Taking steps to a healthy you is a great start
Xxx

 

[Jim]

Sounds like the holiday from hell, welcome and you'll get all the support you need from here.

 

[shellsmithcat]

That is an absolute pig of a boyfriend, my daughter went to South Africa for 2 weeks just over 2 years ago on the 2nd day her boyfriend dumped her by text she was devastated ruined her holiday and she's not had a boyfriend since it hurt her so bad - the daft thing is she was only 17 thought she would get over it quickly but it's really scarred her.

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[dreamer85]

thank you so much everyone, this is why i knew creating a diary here would be a great idea, plenty of support, positive thinking and great advice

@samsmum - i know, i think just being healthier and eating fresh, non processed foods will help my mind and body ten fold and being slim is a bonus that will definitely help my mood!

@shells - i can see why something like that would scar your daughter and i completely sympathise. ur away on holiday hoping to have fun and the time of ur life then something like that ruins everything and leaves u feeling heart broken!

i was (and still am) completely and utterly devastated by his actions. he works away at sea and i had seen him twice in 6 months. so not only had i been supporting him whilst he was away (emails, calls, skype - just generally being there for him when he got lonely) but i had been going through all those notions of loneliness and longing myself. then that awful thing with my friend happened, i was thousands of miles away from home and i called him just wanting to feel secure and have a shoulder to cry on... and what does he do?! dump me!

awful awful times but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right?!

back to business though, i started induction again on saturday, so on day 3. so far so good, feeling tired and head achey as expected but think thats all the chocolate, ice cream and doughnuts leaving my body haha!

had a sneaky sneaky weigh this morning and im already 2lbs down (i know its mainly water but its still a nice little boost to keep me positive!)

had a nice weekend with my family and my mum had a dinner party yesterday but i was very good and made sure i had a big atkins friendly meal before guests arrived and then nibbled on the good bits (the meat haha!) when the guests were there

 

[Jim]

Morning dreamer, you were good last night, well done love

 

[dreamer85]

Hiya Jim, thank you! I was good again today i was out shopping all day n so hungry and managed to decline all the delicious tasters they were handing out in the xmas markets

So im feelimg really low again today, have that awful niggling anxious feeling in my tummy

Went to get my hair done today and my 'friend' who thumped me is my hair dresser. She seemed really off and quiet and moody. This time last year she had a nervous breakdown so i asked her if she was ok n if she was feeling low again (trying to make excuses for her awful attitude) and she replied rather abruptly 'im totally fine i have nothing at all i need to worry about'. Fair enough i thought to myself. She usually does my hair at a discounted rate but decided to charge me full whack today with no explanation or fore warning. I just paid it and sheepishly walked out :/

I suddenly feel horrendously lonely. My close circle of friends seems to have disintegrated (due to her actions) yet im the one feeling the brunt of it. I dont want to play the victim but ultimately in this situation i am. I just wish i could fast forward a few months as i know they say time is a good healer n i just want to get past this icky stage!

 

[Alpaca]

Morning Dreamer... You are doing so well under the circumstances! It's hard to focus with so much going on! Well done! x

 

[dreamer85]

Hiya Alpaca, thank you, i'm just trying to plod along xx

I have had some great news, i have a new job woop woop! Start next week and im so excited/nervous. I lost my job a couple of months ago (really bad circumstancrs, this just hasnt been my year lol) so im really lookimg forward to starting afresh with new people n new experiences.

I went shopping for new work clothes as my old size 18 work trousers literally fell down to my knees when i tried them on! To think, they used to be so tight on me i would get imprints in my belly from the zip and button (which i could never fasten haha) so i decided to be brave and got some slinky pencil skirts and dresses :$

New job, new me. Things are looking up

 

[shellsmithcat]

Oh congratulations xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Jim]

Morning, I'm off to the Christmas Market in Birmingham this afternoon

Well done on the job and the new clothes love,

 

[Kat1e]

Excellent news on job and clothes! Well done

 

[Alpaca]

Well done on the new job and shrinking clothes size dreamer!!

 

[dreamer85]

Thank you guys, i start tomorrow, so nervous eeek!

How were the german markets jim? I studied in birmingham for 4 years n used to love going to the markets, they make you feel so cheery and festive. Fab food and drink too!

I had my first week weigh in on saturday... I lost 7lbs. I am mega chuffed, feeling so positive and happy

 

[Jim]

Morning dreamer, the market was nice, I had a gluhwein good luck today

 

[Alpaca]

Great loss dreamer...

 

[Kat1e]

Well done on the loss dreamer - onwards and downwards!