Morning all - prepare for a big self pity party, because here it comes....
I've had an utterly miserable Christmas holiday so far, and it's my own fault. I used to love having time on my own at home but this year it has been much more a feeling of loneliness, rather than alone-ness. It's almost been agoraphobic, I either don't want to go out or don't have the energy, or feel embarrassed about my size and lack of fitness.
I've not spoken to another person for four days, I've been eating my head off, I feel like sh*t, I've gained all the weight I lost (almost, four pounds under my heaviest), my knees are absolutely killing me with just one step, I get out of breath just lifting up a pillow - and I'VE HAD ENOUGH! For some reason today I've woken up and realised I need to act now before I eat my way to an early grave. I'm also going to check out counselling for overeating, something I never considered before, but I was bingeing on left over apple tart last night, stuffing it in until I was nearly choking - and crying at the same time, thinking "I don't want to go like Elvis!". This is not a healthy attitude towards food!
There's not too much rubbish food left in the fridge and I'm going to throw out what's left (I know, not like me at all!). Mr Asda is coming today, which was full of more bad stuff but I managed to get rid of most of it last night, could tell I needed to change. I'm going to start SW tomorrow from home until I can get to the group on the 8th, and will spend the next few days batch cooking. I was going to go to a boozy club lunch with the neighbours on NYDay but am going to cancel that, as I've already started my no alcohol thing. Habit of old would say to drink wine, and lots of it, on NYE - but I'm telling myself that no wine is the way forward, to a healthier me.
So here's my action plan for 2020. Next Christmas will be happy, healthy and full of love. I'll have made lots of friends in my new home town, I'll have my lovely house, the girls will stop fighting (hahahaha dream on) and I'll be looking forward to whatever the future holds xxx