The “I Can’t” Conundrum

Kitsune

Delightfully Unhinged
How many times have you said it to yourself in your life? And about something you really wanted to do such as weight loss, exercise, or even a task that seemed a bit daunting? I know I’ve said it, a great many times, and each time I’ve proved it to be correct. Too many times have I said “losing weight is just too hard, I don’t think I can do it” or “I can’t do this exercise” or “I really want to go travelling, but I can’t save money”. The words seem to come to us easily enough, and whether we really believe them or are just afraid to go ahead and do it, by saying the words we are sabotaging ourselves.

The truly interesting and devastating thing about telling yourself “I can’t” is that you won’t. By saying the words, you have just given yourself a self-fulfilling prophecy! When you tell yourself that you can’t, you may get over a few hurdles, but thereafter every opportunity to sabotage yourself that comes along you find yourself falling into that trap.

I have been in that horrible, uncomfortable phase where I was very aware that I was overweight, and I knew I really should have done something about it, but for some reason I couldn’t dredge up the motivation to put myself through the weight loss journey. Having dieted many times before, I knew exactly how hard and emotionally draining it could be. Somewhere deep inside, I was telling myself that I couldn’t face it… it was too hard. And so for a long time, I didn’t. I remained terribly unhappy with myself, constrained by my own unhappy thoughts.

Words and thoughts are very powerful things. By saying that you can't do something, you take away your own power to do anything about it. I’ve had to carefully filter the words “can’t” and “too hard” out of my vocabulary… And it doesn’t stop at negative mantras! How many times have you looked in the mirror and said to yourself “I’m fat”; “I’m unattractive”; “I’m hideous”; “who could love this?” I know I did countless times, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

It is astounding that once you tell yourself that you can do what you set your mind to, and that a goal is within your reach even though it may be difficult, and that you’re beautiful, and that you deserve to be happy, and that you’re a thin person just bursting to get out, that things really do change! Just telling yourself positive things and grabbing onto those thoughts and believing them will make you happy with yourself regardless of your size! And once you’re happy, a lot of those negative binging triggers start to subside, and you start taking positive steps to health, sometimes without consciously doing anything. There really is nobody holding you back but your own thoughts about yourself.

So you know it will be hard. So what? There is not a mountain on this Earth that has not been conquered. Keep telling yourself that you CAN do this… Even better, that you ARE doing this! Praise your good progress, love yourself, and don’t get down at every little setback.

In the end, it’s all about reprogramming yourself to think differently. So far, it’s working great for me, and I haven’t binged in a long time. I’m losing weight, but I’m still a big girl… and that’s OK, because I’m now happy with myself no matter what happens. It’s really weird, but I could never say that before.

You hold the keys to your own happiness. It’s time you opened the door.
 
Revisiting this thread after a while away... I needed the reminding! Slipped into some bad negative mantras again. Wedding season has made me hyper-critical of my appearance (been at 2 already this summer), even though on the whole I'm quite happy with myself. I put on 7lbs because of binging. Once again, I need to remind myself to be kind to my reflection. I have a wonderful man who tells me I'm gorgeous every day, praises my weight loss progress and eats well along with me! BUT, I've found I put myself down after the compliment.

You know what, I AM beautiful, and I am a wonderful person. I now resolve never to rebuff a genuine compliment. I will acknowledge that I have a ways to go to sort myself out, but I'm doing well and I look good.

Anyone else been finding they've been bashing themselves lately?
 
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I bash myself more than I'd like to, but a lot less than I used to.

I think as long as your self worth is tied in with how you look, it's always going to be difficult. The real challenge isn't saying, "I'm beautiful" if you don't feel it... I mean, I don't feel beautiful when I'm unhealthy. Insisting that I am just feels false to me. What helps me instead is a genuine, "Not quite where I want to be, but I'm taking care of it and it'll go in time." Gentler than an insistent, "I'm gorgeous!" When it just doesn't feel real. (Sometimes it does, and when it does you know it and can feel it.. And relishing in that is lovely and delicious. But when it doesn't... give yourself a break, girly.)
 
I can't believe that only 1 person replied to this! This is such a good post and it obviously meant a lot to you to write it and I really appreciated you taking the time to do that.

Our minds are the most powerful and destructive part of us. I completely believe that any positive changes in life come from your head and no-where else. We can do anything as long as we believe we can and that's the issue - true belief can only happen if we are willing to take actions alongside the words we speak. I've been guilty of being a 'sayer' and not a 'doer' my whole life and it's destroyed so much of my life. I have missed countless amazing opportunities because of my weight and the effect on my confidence has been catastrophic. My relationship has been pushed to breaking point because my boyfriend is someone who sets goals and achieves them and my stopping and starting, quitting, changing, making excuses etc has broken us. This post really reasonated with me, so thanks. x
 
I love this post, thank you. It's true that the negativity is a mindset, as is telling yourself that you've had one naughty thing so the day is a write off. I'm great at bashing myself then having a bar of chocolate - this stops now!!

I'll be re-reading regularly I think just to remind myself
 
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