The aftermath of weight loss

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Just Do It, 16 November 2007 Social URL.

  1. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    I have been totally astounded by the side effects weight loss has had in my life.

    I am not talking about the crinkly skin or the hair loss, I had been prepared for them by minimins.

    What I am talking about is the difference in relationships, how I am treated by other people and the reactions of people I haven't seen for a while.

    While we all know the huge benefits to be gained from weight loss, health wise, clothes wise etc there are some uncomfortable issues that come along with that.

    A classic example is the people who say you are too thin. At first it is flattering - wow to be told you are too thin when you have battled with weight all your life - what a thrill. But then when they constantly tell you to put some weight back on and that you look dreadful, it starts to eat into your thoughts.

    Do I look dreadful? Should I eat more? And of course for the addictive eater like me this is not a small issue. Years of scoffing for comfort and to disguise problems doesn't just go away overnight. And I am conscious that when I am making my food choices that there is that little voice telling me 'You need to put weight on, you can have what you want'

    I don't feel I need to put weight on, I am totally comfortable with the way I look and with the Management food plan. So I am battling against those people who have told me I am too thin.

    Of course I question their motives, especially when I bump into aquaintances who tell me I look fabulous. (I love it when they use that word!)
    I really appreciated the last lady who told me that, because she had the decency to say she felt extremely jealous as well.

    When I am faced with making food choices I think of the two groups of people and balance the comments out, I have had more positive than negative and I remind myself of that.

    I had previously said to those that said I am too thin that I will put weight on by the end of management. Now I am telling them that I have no intention of putting on, I have worked hard to get here and I am happy with it.

    Then there are the people who simply stop talking to you at all. What other reason can there be other than weight loss, nothing else has changed. Snide comments pass their lips, too low to be heard. Uncomfortable.

    And my relationship with my OH has reached a different stage, I can't categorise it yet, it is changing all the time. I think he is finding my new confidence hard to handle. He enjoys seeing me get stared at by other men when we go out shopping. Yet he looked at the texts on my mobile the other day.

    Lastly there is me. I know I have changed. In the past wherever I went, food shopping, clothes shopping, out for a meal, swimming, walks, anything, my mind would be constantly thinking how I would enjoy it much more if I was thin. And I would imagine going shopping the next time weighing less.

    Now those thoughts have gone my mind is free. I'm looking for a new challenge.

    I wasn't prepared for all of this before but don't be scared by it if you haven't got there yet, because it is all offset by looking in the mirror and reminding yourself that you have reached your goal.

    The magazines that shriek 'Lose a stone for Christmas' don't apply anymore. It is unknown territory, but well worth the journey.
     
    Zomble, Dancing and Gemma like this.
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  3. Miss Fenella

    Miss Fenella Full Member

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    One thing I have promised myself is that I ill stop looking to others to provide my personal validation. Are you happy? Do you feel good? If so then that is all that matters. Others will have their own issues and drivers and it is true that people do not like it when you move out of the pigeon hole they have stuck you in - it makes then re-assess where they are in life and possibly shows up their perceived failings. They don't like it.

    My advice (if you were looking :p ) is to start with yourself - if you are happy with you then others will soon fall into line. They need time to accept change. You were prepared because you made the decision to diet, they need to come around until the new you becomes they norm.

    I think you have done wonderfully well and you seem so grounded and sensible that you will not fail. I hope I am as strong when my time comes.

    Best of luck to you

    xx
     
  4. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    Wonderfully written and insgihtful JustDoIt. Thanks for sharing
     
  5. Christovee

    Christovee Full Member

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    An excellent post JustDoIt and you've raised some interesting points.

    When I first went to my induction session they asked me why I wanted to lose weight. On the spot I came up with some lame answer about being invited to lots of things I don't go because everyone will think how much weight I've put on. The LLC quipped "So you're doing it for other people". And that was that.

    Since then the answer I gave has really bugged me and I think doing it for other people it the wrong attitude to go into this with. I'm doing this for me, yes the comments I'll get about how good I look will be wonderful but ultimately this is a completely selfish venture, which is a good thing. I'm doing this for me. I want to look better and feel healthier. I want to look in a mirror and think I look good.

    I'm doing this for myself. My friends like me for who I am anyway. If they comment that I look better, great, if they are funny about it then they're not really my friend anyway.
     
  6. peanut

    peanut Full Member

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    Justdoit,

    That is a excellent post. I never thought about that......

    However, since I have began my journey people have been a bit weird:

    - Why now - wait until after xmas.
    - Sounds like a con to me....
    - You look hungry
    Plus one person who knows keeps offering me food...

    I have just sat in the pub while everyone had a full meal and had my water. That was a big moment for me. I didnt even want the food.
    Did enjoy the smell tho......

    Peanut xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. Zomble

    Zomble Full Member

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    Thanks, Just Do It. A really thought-provoking post. I hope other people will tell us their experiences too (c'mon everybody!) because those of us who are still on the way to slimdom can start to think and prepare. I love imagining what it will be like, even if (judging from your post) there are some tricky issues ahead.

    The overall impression you give is that you have a sense of liberation - is that true? Personally, I can't wait until I get to the point where I don't feel I have to read every 'diet and weightloss' article and feel personally guilty about it.
     
  8. dawnyblue

    dawnyblue Full Member

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    Sorry for butting in to a LL forum as I'm a CD'er but this is an issue that will apply to anyone on any diet.

    the thing that worries me is I have dwelt on losing weight for years and since starting CD in October it's taken over my life (in a good way) and I think what on earth will I have to focus on when I reach my goal! Is that sad? Yes I know, I need to get a life!:cry:
     
  9. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Hi again,

    I do feel totally liberated and free, I used to 'feel' the fat sticking to me and I wanted to rip it all off, it feels like it is all stirpped away now revealing the real me.

    Dawn, I too was obsessed and I am looking for a focus, it is definitely a new beginning for me. I keep thinking to myself 'I have reached my goal'. That is such an experience. I can see why LL has the goal setting exercises because you just feel you can achieve anything. I am just looking for what I actually want to achieve.

    I have never really known myself before. I have always been buried under the rolls of flab, just willing to do what everyone else wanted, and bound by zero self-esteem to be too weak to suggest anything for myself. Now I am free to work out what I want to do, what I like etc.

    I am finding that fits in with the food too. I am so enjoying management, I love natural yogurt, seeds, fruit and veg. I am not at all bothered about the potatoes, pasta etc. That is a new experience. I always relied on them in the past but I actually prefer the healthy options. (Still haven't got to bread week on RTM yet though, that will be a big one for me)

    LighterLife really does what it promises. Best wishes to all of you on the journey, just stick to the rules and you will soon get there. That in itself is part of the liberation, it all happens so quickly. From April to October I became a different person.

    Best wishes again,
    Claire
     
  10. Tiger Girl

    Tiger Girl Full Member

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    Hey JDI :D
    I've so enjoyed your management threads and reading your posts, thanks for keeping us all updated!
    I didn't comment on the 'you need to put weight on' thread as I'm still not at goal (not far though!!) and there was a lot of great advice from the Mini's who are/have been through this. But this thread really made me think about how different LL can be when you're in it for the right reasons, and how life changing and valuable when you approach it from the head, not from the waistline!! There are heaps of new Mini's on the board right now and I hope they take so much from your posts!
    As the months go by so much changes - you start with the practical challenges and then if you're open to it all, the emotional and real issues do emerge. Even when you're at goal - as this thread suggests - there are all sorts of things that come up that may not have been expected.
    I've definitely cracked my sticking point of late - all of it was linked to not really knowing who I was as a slim person! I think this one comes up in various guises for people, and for me it was just everything. And it sounds soooo simple, but it really was holding me back.
    I think you're doing brilliantly - really do :D
    TG x
     
  11. Delli

    Delli Talks too much

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    Tiger girl, i cracked recently too due to an accumulation of different reasons but one of them was about not knowing who a thin me would be, and being unable to get my head around being 10stone anything. been deliberately sabotaging all attemps to get below the 11stone mark and its only because of the great support on here than ive finally started to come to terms with this.
     
  12. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    Hi

    I really enjoyed reading this post. Your story certainly mirrors my own. It's interesting how everyone feels they should comment on our weight now that we have done something about it and noone had the decency to say hey you've been fat all your life, think of your health and lose weight!!

    I've been maintaining now for just over 5 months and am over the moon to say that I am still at goal. I don't get many comments now, as the novelty of the new me is wearing off. I just love smiling sweetly at people who when I first reached goal told me I'd pile it all on again. I see them out of the corner of my eye, looking to see if they can see any extra pounds creeping back on:rolleyes: I used to be annoyed by this, but now I smile to myself. I've never really known what it's like to feel smug, between you and me it's quite a nice feeling;)

    I'm really pleased for you and isn't it wonderful that healthy foods taste so great!!!:) The foods I enjoy now were once labled slimming foods in my mind and I thought I disliked them. I've found that actually they are pretty good and not only do I enjoy the taste, but also the way they make me feel physically.

    Good luck with your maintainence.

    Tracey
    xxx
     
  13. Delli

    Delli Talks too much

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    Tracey im hoping that someday ill be able to write a post like urs!!
     
  14. madhatter400

    madhatter400 Full Member

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    Me too tracey, can't wait till the day i can write a post like yours too!

    I am finally at a bmi of 25 after 201 one days on LL and 100% abstinence. I still have a little way to go until i reach my goal but my body is now going on go slow which i was adviced would happen so that's fine. I have to say this is one of the hardest bits of the programme so far for me. I know i want to get to my target, i know i don't want to go into management yet, however my mind is playing games with me it's like it's so scared that i am so close or in this new terriority, the mind games are just mad and constant and exhausting!!!!!! But I have come this far and I am determined and the funny thing is i don't even want to bloody eat grrr...i guess i am just tired mentally and tired of being so cold. The comments bit are hard to deal with especially now as people see the slim you and don't understand why you want to get any slimmer! (going back to the earlier post of people never telling you how overweight you where but cant shut up now your slim...opinions left right and centre! lol)

    I can so relate to everyone saying they don't know who this 'slim' person is in front of them, i have no idea how to deal with it, the reality is here i am no longer over bmi of 25 i can get into 12s even 10s (crazy crazy crazy!) but my mind can't cope or deal with that, feels very surreal like it's not happening to me. Bizzarely felt more 'real' going from a 24 , 20, 16 etc....now i feel numb to it and i don't want to i want to shout for joy to all but feel unable to which is so frustrating!

    To all on the early part of their LL journey keep going, stay strong it does work, in 201 days i've lost over 7 stone when i started i never thought it possible but it is. I have also realised so much about myself and made so many life changes (more active, got a new job) and i am now looking at my new goals for 08, my journey will never end, i have learned that i need to start loving myself and living!

    Mad

    (feeling so cold....thinking in investing in ski wear/thermals...is there such thing as 100% wool underwear! lol)
     
  15. Frejja

    Frejja Silver Member

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    Hi all

    Your posts have been really interesting...it is strange to lose a lot of weight quickly. I lost 6 stone in 20 weeks and I still can't get used to the new me. I was a size 24 and am now a 12-14 which is fine for me as I'm 5 foot 10 inches tall; this happened from 2 june this year to 23rd oct. I am still in shock and my mind hasn't caught up with my body. I used to get 'fat' comments in the street, now people I've just met say stuff like 'I wish I was skinny like you' which blows my mind as they don't realise I was ever fat. BUT it is all so worth the confusion because I feel 10 years younger. Another strange side effect is men who ignored you before are suddenly your best pal! But I have a long memory lol!!! Keep up the good work everyone, you can do it and it will change your whole life. Love. F
     
  16. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    It won't be long:) You're nearing your goal weight, congratulations!!!!!:D

    Only if you're a sheep:p:D
     
  17. Shazpaz

    Shazpaz Regular Member

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    Hi Guys,

    Someone on this thread mentioned how once the weight is off, people are looking to see if its going back on now you are eating again......and how you feel smug that it isn't. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT FEELING. I too have had loads of comments from people....'it can't be healthy' (I was doing lipotrim), 'its a fad', 'once you start to eat again you will pile it all back on' 'crash diets never work' 'all you need to do is eat healthy food and exercise' etc etc etc. Not many seem to say WELL DONE (except for true friends/family). At the moment I'm on a break and I'm still losing. I've introduced some food groups back (still no pots/pasta/bread/rice etc), but meat/veg/salad and I'm still losing! I've got just over a stone to lose now and am thinking that I may do it the 'normal' way, but if it slows down then I'll be straight back on lipotrim.

    Good luck everyone. Dont let others sabotarge your weight loss. I loved the comment about not looking for validation from others. This for me personally is tough, but I know it is correct.
     
  18. California girl

    California girl On a mission!

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    wow guys you are so committed!! Id already lost about 2 and a half stones at weight watchers before i started a vlcd it had taken me from Jan to Nov to get that weight off and i was struggling. i decided start a vlcd to see if it really would work and if i could get the last stone and a half off before xmas ( i sure dnt want to be still going to ww this january!!)
     
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