princess-of-power
VLCDing...again!
I dont think Ive ever been lower about my weight in nearly 21 years of obsessing about my weight (Im nearly 27 fyi).
After years of detesting myself, I had 9 glorious months of 'thinness' in 2007 when I did the Cambridge diet for 4 months, losing 4 stones. I went from a size 16-18 14st 8lbs to a size 10-12 10st 7lbs. It was amazing. I was a different woman, confident, happy...it was literally the time of my life.
After difficulties in work a year later, I was 12st 7lbs again and got to 11st for my wedding day in dec 2008 thanks to Lipotrim and this forum.
So here I am, 17 months later on exante/LT after months of being stupid and starving myself in the day and binging at night after one of the worst years of my life (I sense a theme here). Ive been on it for 2 weeks now. I didnt weigh myself at first because I didnt want to know how bad it had gotten.
After 2 weeks I feel a bit better and thought I could cope with the numbers. Honestly, I thought I had gone up to 13st 7lbs again.
I weighed myself yesterday and I was 13st 12lbs. That means I must have gone even heavier than my first time on a VLCD because I will have lost a good amount in those 2 weeks!
I cannot believe it. I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday seeing those numbers. Especially when it turned out my husband, who is doing the VLCD with me again (he's done both previous times with me), is LIGHTER than me. Its awful. He's always been at least 2 stone heavier than me but now, I am heavier than him. And because he's on the diet with me, I will never be lighter than him for months because he loses weight so rapidly on these diets and it takes me a long time. He looks amazing at the moment, so handsome and sexy. And then, next to him is this stumpy, ugly, repulsive troll. People must look at us and think how on earth he could be with me. Im terrified he will realise one day that and leave me for someone else. Someone beautiful. Someone I used to look like.
I know Im being ridiculous. He's the most loyal and wonderful man, its why I married him after all! And one of the reasons we are both doing this VLCD is because we are planning to try for a baby soon and want to be healthy as possible for this.
Im just so tired. Ive spent the past year hiding way, avoiding social events or anything because Im so ashamed of how I look. Im ashamed that all these people who saw this triumphant skinny girl emerge 3 years ago will see the fat cow she used to be has returned. I know a lot of people will be laughing at me behind my back, especiallly a lot of my family (one of the reasons Ive been dieting since I was 6 years old).
Im sorry for posting this, but I need someone who could understand, even a smidgeon of how low I feel, the lowest I ever have felt in my life. Ive been crying all weekend because of this. Im sick of hating myself and Im terrified that I wont succeed on this anymore. I spent all my time and money and energy on this the first time round and Im back to square one.
For all your first timers - please dont do what I have done. Maintain it, it can be done because there are some really inspirational people on here who have. Let me be a lesson to you. You dont want to be sobbing your heart out on here in 3 years time wishing you had valued the thing you had desired for all those years but took for granted when you eventually got it.
After years of detesting myself, I had 9 glorious months of 'thinness' in 2007 when I did the Cambridge diet for 4 months, losing 4 stones. I went from a size 16-18 14st 8lbs to a size 10-12 10st 7lbs. It was amazing. I was a different woman, confident, happy...it was literally the time of my life.
After difficulties in work a year later, I was 12st 7lbs again and got to 11st for my wedding day in dec 2008 thanks to Lipotrim and this forum.
So here I am, 17 months later on exante/LT after months of being stupid and starving myself in the day and binging at night after one of the worst years of my life (I sense a theme here). Ive been on it for 2 weeks now. I didnt weigh myself at first because I didnt want to know how bad it had gotten.
After 2 weeks I feel a bit better and thought I could cope with the numbers. Honestly, I thought I had gone up to 13st 7lbs again.
I weighed myself yesterday and I was 13st 12lbs. That means I must have gone even heavier than my first time on a VLCD because I will have lost a good amount in those 2 weeks!
I cannot believe it. I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday seeing those numbers. Especially when it turned out my husband, who is doing the VLCD with me again (he's done both previous times with me), is LIGHTER than me. Its awful. He's always been at least 2 stone heavier than me but now, I am heavier than him. And because he's on the diet with me, I will never be lighter than him for months because he loses weight so rapidly on these diets and it takes me a long time. He looks amazing at the moment, so handsome and sexy. And then, next to him is this stumpy, ugly, repulsive troll. People must look at us and think how on earth he could be with me. Im terrified he will realise one day that and leave me for someone else. Someone beautiful. Someone I used to look like.
I know Im being ridiculous. He's the most loyal and wonderful man, its why I married him after all! And one of the reasons we are both doing this VLCD is because we are planning to try for a baby soon and want to be healthy as possible for this.
Im just so tired. Ive spent the past year hiding way, avoiding social events or anything because Im so ashamed of how I look. Im ashamed that all these people who saw this triumphant skinny girl emerge 3 years ago will see the fat cow she used to be has returned. I know a lot of people will be laughing at me behind my back, especiallly a lot of my family (one of the reasons Ive been dieting since I was 6 years old).
Im sorry for posting this, but I need someone who could understand, even a smidgeon of how low I feel, the lowest I ever have felt in my life. Ive been crying all weekend because of this. Im sick of hating myself and Im terrified that I wont succeed on this anymore. I spent all my time and money and energy on this the first time round and Im back to square one.
For all your first timers - please dont do what I have done. Maintain it, it can be done because there are some really inspirational people on here who have. Let me be a lesson to you. You dont want to be sobbing your heart out on here in 3 years time wishing you had valued the thing you had desired for all those years but took for granted when you eventually got it.