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The New Story Thread

So anyway it seemed like a normal day as I got up and got dressed for work, it did seem strange that we had no water coming out of any of the taps in the house but assumed that would right itself.

But suddenly the phone rang and I couldn't believe that.....
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When I answered it, water started pouring out of the receiver
. I must have said "Hello" about fifty times but in the meantime, I was getting wetter and wetter!.....
LMAO! And then I realised it had a feint summer berry flavour to it.

After saying hello for the 51st time I was greeted with Noel Edmonds asking me if I wanted to Deal or No Deal with him.

I of course said....
S: 19st1lb C: 11st12lb G: 11st6lb BMI: 26 Loss: 7st3lb(37.83%)
only it wasnt an elephant at all but a small man in a costume...
I wasn't impressed with his "dumbo" impression and told him so. He just laughed though and said he did a great impression of a giraffe if required.

So just to test his skills of impersonation I asked him to do his best impression of a........
but he misheard me and though I said hippo so he started rolling in the mud in a very weird and yet somehow quote erotic way.

I decided the best thing to do was to...
Dive into the freezer to cool down and grab a peanut bar but to my horror it wasnt a peanut bar it was
S: 19st1lb C: 11st12lb G: 11st6lb BMI: 26 Loss: 7st3lb(37.83%)
a six day old rusk covered in baby drool, i quickly realised.....


Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 15st1lb G: 12st2lb Loss: 3st1lb(16.93%)
I need a life!!!

So I saw that the X factor was back in town, I quickly threw on some clothes and arrived just in time to get my ticket...
20 minutes later I was stood before Sharon, Simon and Louis....

I opened my mouth to sing but nothing came out. I was dumbstruck....

Simon started to shout at me and say I was rubbish, I started to cry and Sharon punched Louis. Oh dear, what HAD I started?

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