The weirdest thing happened to me this week.....having doubts about wedding

[Wicked Witch]

Hiya Pixie,
So sorry to hear your having a bad time recently. You've already had some excellent advice. The only thing I would add is that the run up to a wedding is EXTREMELY stressful - even though at the time you may not realise it. Your relationship is really under the magnifing glass and sometimes that can make you find problems that don't really exist. On the other hand - you mustn't feel pressured into going ahead with the wedding if it isn't what you really want. Like some posters have already said nothing is worth the pain of a marriage which is wrong.
Good luck hun. So I guess my advice is - take some time about to talk to h2b but also to yourself. Only you can answer this one.
WW aka Lucy02/12/06

 

[slinkytobe]

Hello Pixie,
Really sorry to hear about what you are going through. I've also had alot more attention recently from other men and must admit I have really lapped it up. On the other hand I keep thinking about my lovely husband stuck with me throughout all my "fat" years and how awful it would be to lose him.
I also feel that I am no longer invisible. Wherever I go now everybody seems to talk to me be it male or female, which proves to me that there is a certain prejudice against overweight people. Just make sure that you don't interpret this attention the wrong way. This is what slimmer people deal with every day. I think LITTLEBLUE was so right by reminding you that if you do ever put on weight again (even if it is just a little bit) would the guy you work with still stick around?
I hope your talk with H2B went well.

 

[Pixie]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all your advice.
I have chickened out of the chat so far.
I have my Wedding dress fitting tonight.....
Hopefully I'll get the chance to chat to him after that.
Thanks for the advice & please keep it coming.
x

 

[katie_oxo]

Do you think your hubby to be knows how flirty you feel? Have you hinted or joked at anything like that as the weight has been coming off you? Just that he may feel that he's on the verge of losing you and the best way to protect yourself from getting hurt by someone is to distance yourself emotionally and physically.

I think if you still feel the same way after the last couple of days then you really do need to have a chat.

Best of luck

Cath

 

[Mini]

So I've lost loads of weight-FAB,
But, I went out for the first time in ages last night and got loads of male attention, and I found it really hard to handle...
Basically I put on 5st about 6 years ago just before I met my fiance.
He's been really strange with me since I lost weight and doesn't even kiss me anymore.
We seem to be falling out all the time and our wedding is only 3 months away now :s
Although we have lived together for 5 years I feel like i don't know him anymore, he's always in a mood although he claims its nothing to do with my weight loss Im paranoid that it is.
So anyway I was really flattered by the men chatting me up last night buying me drinks etc especially one who I work with who is gorgeous and single and now I'm wondering if getting married is the right thing to do.
When I was fat I think I just felt grateful somebody wanted me but now I feel like such a cow for even thinking these things
I do love my Fiance but I hate the way he has been acting recently and the fact he won't ever come near me anymore I dunno if I am just craving some affection.
Please help!
Has anyone felt similar?

Can I ask what you expect your relationship to be like after your married?

For the courtship period is about as good as it gets in some ways.

As this is the time men are on their best behaviour and going out of their way for you.

Can you live your life with someone who is always in a mood

 

[In search of me]

As someone who had doubts and ignored them (got divorced 3 yrs later) I reallythink that you need to discuss this openly and honestly. I know its hard to go there but its not harder than a divorce if you went ahead & it went wrong! PLEASE dont sweep this under the carpet...the most important part of a relationship is being able to be honest with the person you love....the longer you leave it the more difficult it becomes...esp when so close to he wedding! Do you have a close friend/family member that you can confide in?

 

[Pixie]

Hi Cath/Mini,

I haven't hinted about any flirting etc, I know this is going to sound REALLY big headed but I did get attention from Men when I was bigger and it never bothered him then so why now?
Mini re the Mood thing- He has been fantastic in all the 5/6 years we have lived together and its only recently since I lost weight he's been weird.
TBH we stopped being on our best behaviour around each other years ago!
If nothing changed form how we were a few months ago things would have been perfect..

I sometimes think maybe its me that has changed?

 

[Pixie]

As someone who had doubts and ignored them (got divorced 3 yrs later) I reallythink that you need to discuss this openly and honestly. I know its hard to go there but its not harder than a divorce if you went ahead & it went wrong! PLEASE dont sweep this under the carpet...the most important part of a relationship is being able to be honest with the person you love....the longer you leave it the more difficult it becomes...esp when so close to he wedding! Do you have a close friend/family member that you can confide in?

Thanks ISOM I will try to speak to him tonight.

 

[In search of me]

Thank goodness! I know its hard but if you're feeling like this now what will you feel like, and he, by goal! Let us know how you get on (people will, as you've seen be in suspense!)..big hugs coming your way!

 

[Mini]

Hi Pixie,

Marriage is about be open, honest and able to talk with one another, good time to start now saying what you think and how you feel.

We do change as time passes and relationships can grow together or apart. This does not mean anyone is to blame it is just the way of life sometimes.


All relationships go through a revaluation from time to time.

We call it our profit and loss accounts

When we look at what is in the red and what is in the black and see what we can do to balance things up.

 

[skinnyminny]

very nicely put mini - good luck with your chat tonight pix
x

 

[Geri]

Hiya Pixie,
how are things going? did you manage to have a chat with him?


Geri
xxx

 

[Pixie]

Hi everyone,

I've been deliberately avoiding this, I spoke to him but its still not fully resolved,
I think I was just being silly over the attention I was getting and fet confused.
He's been a bit more affectionate since I spoke to him but he's still denying there is a problem!

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

(((HUGS))) and hope you get it all sorted out.

 

[MaxieP]

I could have started almost exactly the same post!!

 

[Pixie]

Thanks Flirts!
Maxie are you feeling similar?

 

[Geri]

Hi everyone,

I've been deliberately avoiding this, I spoke to him but its still not fully resolved,
I think I was just being silly over the attention I was getting and fet confused.
He's been a bit more affectionate since I spoke to him but he's still denying there is a problem!

oops sorry pix for bringing the post up again, was just wondering how things were...

Glad to hear he's being more affectionate now tho

 

[JasmineCDC]

Hi Pixie,

I've read your thread with real interest as when I lost weight my DH became very edgy as I definitely started to get more attention from other blokes. I didn't really know how to handle it to be honest, it made me as uncomfortable as it made him - whilst at the same time I enjoyed feeling desirable for the first time in years.

The way I tried to think of it was that DH didn't care when I was a size 22, he loved me for the person I was. None of the blokes that paid attention to me when I was a size 10 would've even acknowledged me at my old size...

I'm really sorry for waffling on your thread, as I know this doesn't relate to your situation, but it made me remember how my relationship came under pressure after my weight loss. I do think you're doing the right thing talking it through before the wedding. I really hope you get it sorted out and that you can have a good heart to heart.

Jas.xx

 

[Pixie]

No worries Geri
I needed to face up to it anyway!
Jas I know what you are saying, please waffle on it really helps me!

 

[hippoellie]

Hi Pix- its great you have started the conversation though, and nice that a bit more affection is coming your way- another thought occurred- perhaps your OH is feeling a bit shy of showing too much affection in case you start to think that he didn't love you as much when you were bigger? I know this seems like really twisted logic, but we have all been down those twisted thought processes before. Again, my OH is complimenting me nicely, but almost always preceded by- 'I loved you when you were a big girl too, thats who I fell in love with'- its a touchy subject isn't it- and there must be a voice in there that says- the weight might go on again and then I might not be loved as much as I was before/she might think I won't love her as much as before etc!

I am just feeling my way, as is my OH, asI'm sure is your OH and you yourself- but keep talking it is the key to sorting out all these weird thoughts!
Good luck Pix!