Think im making a breakthrough and i think its partly because exante:)

[TT Tessie]

Sorry to be blunt mate, but get rid of that b1tch and move on.
Don't make the same mistake I did and let a woman play with your heart.

I do think you need to move on & stop playing games. You've had some great advice. Life is far too short. You r obviously not happy with this girl as a friend so I can't see why you want a relationship. She is obviously working through issues of her own. You have a major crush and r poss not the best person to give her the help she needs.
I recommend you get out there & have fun.
Stop being a doormat. It's not a babe magnet. (Ducky never gets the girl)

 

[wannabeaslimjim]

I do think you need to move on & stop playing games. You've had some great advice. Life is far too short. You r obviously not happy with this girl as a friend so I can't see why you want a relationship. She is obviously working through issues of her own. You have a major crush and r poss not the best person to give her the help she needs.
I recommend you get out there & have fun.
Stop being a doormat. It's not a babe magnet. (Ducky never gets the girl)

lool I feel kinda harsh on me so here goes you could classify what I'm doing now is "playing a game" but I think all the stuff she's did before supersedes this. and although it is true at the moment I am unhappy with her before she left in may everything was really cool, its true its hard for anyone in any form of relationship be it friend or more to be the same long distance but if things are back to normal. then I will be more than happy as she is staying in england now. and funnily enough I've helped previous friends with issues of anorexia, bullemia and self harming it actually comes quite naturally to me, but again is hard long distance. and I find it highly antagonising that you call it a "crush" because I'm young but I'm 19, 20 within the next month I'm not a little child who saw a pretty girl in math class. and I know how to be a "babe magnet" and that's by being something I'm not 99% of the time a p****, and well tbh that's just me nor would I want a girl that wanted me to be that.

I may be a doormat, but I think a lifetime of bullying mental and physical such as the various name calling, death threats, someone actually bringing a knife to school to scare me, 4 hospital trips in 2 months with 3 head injuries ( head being thrown into a brick wall, being ganged up upon and head being stamped on, and to this day I can't remember what being thrown at the back of my head, plus being 3mm's from being blind the fourth hospital trip) going so often they had suspicions it was my mum doing it to me, while being beaten everyday inbetween classes, while the bullys the biggest punishment they had were to say sorry and a half hour detention they never got, has in my mind given me my nice demeanor as well as my determination to be the best as a sign they may never know but they didn't keep me down. so call me a doormat but I'm happy with my personality, it reminds me where I've been it will lead ne to where I'm going and its a personality which now after them bullying days is one that makes me a likeable figure with people I want to be friends with, so I'm not changing for anyone, and before may it felt like I didn't have to for her. its also my doormat personality which has got me numerous oppprtunity's with girls which I chose not to take because of my personal choice as I didn't like them like that.

anyway it may not be how you meant it but its how I took it

 

[wannabeaslimjim]

Sorry to be blunt mate, but get rid of that b1tch and move on.
Don't make the same mistake I did and let a woman play with your heart.

lol its cool, I'm gonna carry on with my original plan and as I've said there's 2 sides to everystory, yes I did wanna chat to her but I'm determined to see out my plan and I'm ready for whatever outcome, And I know the added time apart not talking is down to me when she gets back, but I plan on waiting a while so she also gets 2 know the people around her and make new friends ( she's moving to another new place where she knows no one from that part of uni) so if things don't work out the way I want she has other people, as we were really tight last year she only had like 1 other real friend as we were always together so I know she will be ok, where as if things are cool its better as I know I won't be there as she has no one but because she wants me there

 

[fireflii2]

Jim...you sound like a sweetie...but truth is you need to learn to filter behavior and what you are told and search for the real truth in your conversations with girls...talk is cheap...actions speak louder...and if this girl is cypriot she is used to male dominent behavior...so her BF's poor behavior is something she is used to...culturally...so she might appreciate all of your support and sweetness without being attracted to it...I think Triplewhop...is on the money when he says young women are often attracted to bad boys till they have had their hearts broken a few times...nice guys are the ones you hope to marry...after 30..lol...

whatever about looks...look for girl who is naturally sweet and generous...and you will be on a winner...she will treat you right and return all you have to give...
As a mum of 3 lads who have been thru the wringers many times...go for nice every time...heart and soul count first...good looks are just the bonus point...

Best of luck with your journey

Fireflii

 

[TripleWhopper]

Mate, the "I am going to give it a go" never ever comes without consequences.

What you are fooling around is with your heart.
Chance in business is one thing, chance in love is another.

Last time I gave it a go, I left hurt, resentful and it's like I allowed her to take away a piece of my heart.
The scars were there for sometime, I become cold, suspicious, bitter and I built this impenetrable wall around me which was stopping a genuine loving girl to reach me.

We can only give you advice mate, but the best teacher is and always will be our own life and the experience that comes with it.

 

[TT Tessie]

lool I feel kinda harsh on me so here goes I find it highly antagonising that you call it a "crush" because I'm young but I'm 19, 20 within the next month I'm not a little child who saw a pretty girl in math class. and I know how to be a "babe magnet" and that's by being something I'm not 99% of the time a p****, and well tbh that's just me nor would I want a girl that wanted me to be that.

anyway it may not be how you meant it but its how I took it

Goodness me wannabeaslimjim can I take it you didn't like my advice?

you asked for advice and going on the information you have provided here, the advice i have given is honest and straightforward, I'm sorry you didn't like it but it certainly wasn't intended to hurt your feelings.

The thing you seem must annoyed about is "Crush" Now I had no idea what age you were but in your previous posts you have implied that you have strong feelings for this girl and they are not being reciprocated. (If I have picked this up wrong my apologies).


There is some sound advice throughout this thread from the other posters. I think you would be wise to give it a go.

But your decision.

Good Luck with things. I wish you all the best in your Exante Journey.

 

[Nasher and Basher]

Would we know love and happiness, if we didnt know pain and sadness, but sometimes what you want is not what you need.

 

[ginger&proud]

she may not be a financial taker but sounds like she is taking a lot emotionally and not giving it back - this doesnt make her a bad person but it does make it an unhealthy situation / relationship to be in.

you should focus on yourself, lose the weight...you will feel so much better about everything and you will find love when you least expect it xx

 

[TripleWhopper]

I bet he's physically attracted to her.

Other guys I know would have pass that ass a long time ago lol...

Asses are not worth all that hassle mate.

Oh and don't mean to be disrespectful to the ladies here ;-)

 

[wannabeaslimjim]

I bet he's physically attracted to her.

Other guys I know would have pass that ass a long time ago lol...

Asses are not worth all that hassle mate.

Oh and don't mean to be disrespectful to the ladies here ;-)

lol haha nice use of words there, and although she wasnt exactly the best looking she wasnt ugly either, but it doesn't matter last night/ very early this morning i decided to confront her and tell her everything. and i said i dont expect her to fall into my arms, but i want us to be like we were before she left, or i would find it being hard being her friend as i give a lot emotionally to my friends and i am not willing to do that for someone who see's me as a last resort, it was a 1900 word message.

and predictably i got a negative response and although she said i was important to her, she is not even gonna try to show how much because she has decided she is not gonna stress about making anyone else happy but herself, and said that shes changed and isnt as sensitive as before.

she said that i did make her happy, when he didn't but she said that i gotta understand that in love you cant be be happy ( shes been unhappy for 80% of the relationship and to me that is true of course you cant always be happy BUT to me there has to be atleast an even number of good and bad otherwise when you look back you will remember more bad than good)

and there was more but thats the general jist of things so, i dunno shes left the ball in my court, in a way of course i wanna be her friend you cant have feelings for someone one minute then the next not even wanna be their friend but i have tried for so long to make things work and gave a lot emotionally and she has said outright she is not going to try which means its all up to me again, and i am not ready for that, as i made it clear that i wanted some kind of assurance i wasnt a last resort, and if anything although she said i was important the rest of the message seemed to contradict that, and besides it has been 4 months, if she doesnt move into an apartment next summer she will go back to cyprus for summer and it will be the same but longer as i am going to america for a year, i wanna be her friend but i want to be a major part, not minor and to feel like she actually wants to be my friend, at the moment i havent got that so i have to think, as i dont want to lose her al together

 

[TripleWhopper]

lol haha nice use of words there, and although she wasnt exactly the best looking she wasnt ugly either, but it doesn't matter last night/ very early this morning i decided to confront her and tell her everything. and i said i dont expect her to fall into my arms, but i want us to be like we were before she left, or i would find it being hard being her friend as i give a lot emotionally to my friends and i am not willing to do that for someone who see's me as a last resort, it was a 1900 word message.

and predictably i got a negative response and although she said i was important to her, she is not even gonna try to show how much because she has decided she is not gonna stress about making anyone else happy but herself, and said that shes changed and isnt as sensitive as before.

she said that i did make her happy, when he didn't but she said that i gotta understand that in love you cant be be happy ( shes been unhappy for 80% of the relationship and to me that is true of course you cant always be happy BUT to me there has to be atleast an even number of good and bad otherwise when you look back you will remember more bad than good)

and there was more but thats the general jist of things so, i dunno shes left the ball in my court, in a way of course i wanna be her friend you cant have feelings for someone one minute then the next not even wanna be their friend but i have tried for so long to make things work and gave a lot emotionally and she has said outright she is not going to try which means its all up to me again, and i am not ready for that, as i made it clear that i wanted some kind of assurance i wasnt a last resort, and if anything although she said i was important the rest of the message seemed to contradict that, and besides it has been 4 months, if she doesnt move into an apartment next summer she will go back to cyprus for summer and it will be the same but longer as i am going to america for a year, i wanna be her friend but i want to be a major part, not minor and to feel like she actually wants to be my friend, at the moment i havent got that so i have to think, as i dont want to lose her al together

I doubt you can be friends. One of you will always be resentful AND if you do nice things to her, she will think your trying to get her back...
So she will doubt your kindness.

Since you have the ball on court court now, get a knife and pierce that ball, smell the plasticy air inside (I love it!) and throw that ball in the bin!

Save money (wait) and then when you feel to play again (a new relationship) then you break that piggy bank and get a new ball.

Give her a call, tell her that you understand things changed and wish her the best for her new life, and then hang up.

Do it, and then see that weight off your shoulders or that saggy ball off your court.

;-)

 

[wannabeaslimjim]

lol its just hard again id like to try, but i cant really see it working, to me if somethings important then you would try whatever, and shes already said shes not going to

 

[TripleWhopper]

lol its just hard again id like to try, but i cant really see it working, to me if somethings important then you would try whatever, and shes already said shes not going to

Details my friend, details...

You should have seen in a mile her personality.

You know how coward people break up?

They make the others person unwanted and unloved until the other person has had enough and makes the call to break up.

You want to try and save it and hit your head on the wall ?
Go ahead.

That's sometimes the only way to learn how a hopeless and destructive relationship is all about.

Good luck pal

 

[ginger&proud]

all good advice....

sometimes the hardest but best thing you can do is leave a toxic relationship and by that I mean any relationship that is one sided and leaves you hurt.

a person who truly loves you unconditionally would NEVER do that to you. speaking from experience here.... finally realised i had to walk away, yes at the time it hurt and was hard but boy was it the best smartest decision i ever made.

I very quickly got my confidence back and realised exactly what kind of person i did want to be with and what i would and wouldnt accept in a relationship.............6 months later met someone who is mr perfect (a lovely caring genuine nice man) and we have been together for 12 yrs now with 2 kids.

hope im not being patronising, i know how much you are hurting....just want to show you that you will be ok, in fact you will be better than ok. the right person is out there for you but it is not her.

take care xxx

 

[wannabeaslimjim]

nah ginger its cool, i know what you mean to be honest im kind of relieved its been months or not knowing or denial and now its all gone dont get me wrong i am upset but its like an operation or having work done on a house, your just relieved when its over

 

[ginger&proud]

thats the best attitude to have... now you can move on to bigger and better things xx

 

[TripleWhopper]

thats the best attitude to have... now you can move on to bigger and better things xx

Not to bigger things... This is a diet forum!

LooL! ;-)