Hi Great Things --
Did you ever see the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married" or "Sliding Doors". In PSGM the protagonist realises that if she changed "one thing" it would change "everything". I am sure there are things in your life that will happen that you will not want changed -- and, although, the loss of mother is tragic and you would probably give anything to have her back -- changing it could (in therory mean) that you lose something else.
For example -- you mom got medical and was in the hospital, where you go to visit her, on your way you have a bad car accident.. etc.
I am big believer in that "God Does Not Make Mistakes"... acceptance is important. You did your best for your mother, you would have never not gotten her help if you knew, and it was her life and her choices.
Something very similar happened with my father in law. He was ill for a very long time and kept it to himself (literally suffering in silence).
He chose to do this, because he had seen what it did to his neighbours when the husband died a long, lingering, painful death from brain cancer. (The widow still had nightmares about how her husband suffered years later.)
When he fell ill... he had a pretty good idea that it might be "bad". He chose to make the most out of the time he had left with beloved wife and family -- he sat in church with his wife (had never gone and she did weekly), insisted that she finally redmodel the kitchen, planned a big holiday with her, had lots of family gatherings, etc. He lived life to fullest, right up until he fell very ill and was forced to go to the doctor.
The doctor realised immediately that he was looking at more than Pneumonia on the Xray and sent him to the hospital. He died from the pneumonia within days -- after my husband insisted they stop treating him for it, as he was terminally ill with Stage 4 lung cancer.
My husband got it -- his dad got to say his good-byes and make more good memories. He was going to go fast and not make his wife suffer through nursing him or seeing him suffer.
And, at first, everyone in the family kept saying... "I should have.." , "I would have.." -- but then we all realised what happened was what was supposed to happen... and John died a death that was his choice and made this choice out of love.
It is very possible that your mother chose to let things "go their natural course" because she did not want people to see her or help her to "swim upstream" in vain. I hope she had peace with her decision and I also hope that you fine peace.
You are so fortunate to have a mother that you loved so much -- and seems to have deserved your love.
Sorry to ramble, but I have read your posts mentioning your mum recently... and it seems as if you are really hurting. Understandably. Your mother would not want you to grieve like this... I think she would want you to celebrate her life by living yours. Think about how you want your children to deal with your passing?
I hope things get better for you soon. Not grieving is not forgetting --
MinnieMel