Tinkerbelle's Diary...

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by la_tinkerbelle, 13 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    Hi all <<waves>>

    I'm on day 3 of LL and Mini (many thanks!!) kindly gave me the link for this diary thread, so here I am, about to bore everyone with waffle but also hopefully provide an online space where I can monitor my weight loss journey..

    Ok, so bit about me to start: 28, F, work full time, no kids or OH, just me and my dog Archie...

    Start Weight: 15st 10lb

    Why Diet, Why Now? : I have always been overweight, other than a dark period in my early 20s when I split up with my boyf. and went through a very dark phase during which I didn't eat much or look after myself, I have always been a dress size 18 or larger - I am currently a 22. All my siblings are slim - my sister is a size 8, my brothers are tall and lean, I am fed up of being the odd one out. I am fed up of being the butt of fat jokes, I am fed up of not being able to join in with the women in the office talking about sexy undies and fake tans and manicures - I feel cos I'm so fat why bother dressing it up? and I'm fed up of feeling like a frump no matter what I wear - even when I make an effort and get dressed up - some slim person in tracky bottoms and a tshirt makes me feel like a hippo...

    I also have a brain illness - for the past seven years I've had various medications, steroids (what a way to pile on weight!), ops and procedures... a few weeks ago my neurosurgeon decided I need brain surgery - due to be done around Christmas time... losing weight won't cure my illness (I lost 3 stone in 3 months on R Conley's but the pressure in my head was the worst it's ever been then... typical!) but I feel now is the time to do this, as going into surgery weighing so much increases the percentages of things going wrong - and these aren't great in my case to begin with!

    I also love clothes - I am quite good at co-ordinating things - people always ask me to put them an outfit together or pick out the things they shouldn't wear or what to put with what... but again b'se of my weight I feel I can't express this on the greatest canvas there is - my own body! I want to be able to wear stylish clothes, boots, shoes, to carry them well and show off that I can accessorise, that every day I will look smart at work and never uncomfortable, in meetings I want to be able to focus on the tasks at hand rather than whether people are judging me cos I'm wearing trousers that are too big just so I can pretend they're 'baggy', or because I'm wearing black all summer just because I think it looks slimming!

    I don't know if others read this, apologies if you do, but for me this is going to be my starting point, something to refer back to all along this journey...

    My determination to do this is 110% and I will get there...

    Note to self: (to keep looking back at!): You are an amazing person, you know that, but won't show others because you feel anytime anyone looks at you, all they see is the weight... You feel like no-one could truly love you looking the way you do - why should some slim good looking man want a round flab ball like you - get over it, change the way you feel about you and eventually you will forget about what other people see, feel, think and get your own feelings in place... Remember, when you're slim (and you will be!!) you want to allow that happy smiley sunshiny personality to shine through all the time, you shouldn't ever want to hide her away - you want more than anything to be loved by someone special again but you know deep down that this will never happen whilst you're overweight because you will always feel like they're going to leave you for someone slimmer...
    So, Deep Breaths, take it a day at a time, recognise the lows and enjoy the highs... that slimmer you is waiting at the top of the hill - get yer climbing boots on woman!!!!!! xx
     
    Last edited: 14 October 2006
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  3. slushy

    slushy Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
    12st12lb
    Current Weight:
    12st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st8lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    slimming world
    good luck on your journey tinkerbel

    with the support you will get here there is someone to help you through every day - the ups and downs - of your weight loss

    you WILL do it!!

    look forward to reading your future posts!
    x
     
  4. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    Thanks Slushy! :)

    9.40pm Friday

    Ok, been to doggy training class this evening and had the mortification of running with my dog towards the trainer and my pants nearly falling down!! :D :D Been absolutely mortified before due to being overweight, but never because I was getting slimmer! teach me to wear the baggy pants! Still making me chuckle now....

    Usually after training we go to MacDonalds and he has a burger and I have a Happy Meal as our treat for the week (plus it's usually a dash straight from work which means I don't get chance for anything to eat before the class)... Anyways, tonight I really really wanted to go to MacD's - I felt like it was a learned response, y'know go to dog class, drive home go to MacDonalds.... found it hard to drive past, but when done felt much better for it :D

    However.... ;) always a flip side... got home, thought right need something solid to eat, let's make the crisps I've seen the recipes for - now I don't cook, I can't cook, I hate cooking.. but surely crisps I should be able to do? Nope... sticky messy goo is what the mess turned out like... so, feeling gutted cos I'd gone past MacD's only to come home to rubbishy vegetable mess so I couldn't resist putting the last of the microwaveable meals in - one I'd actually not realised was still in the house! - some pasta and bacon thing. To be fair I didn't like it cos it was smothered in watery cheese, so I've ended up just picking out the teeny bacon pieces and chucking the rest in the bin...

    Todays review then: feel fab that my trousers are getting better; feel great that I managed to drive past MacD's; feel gutted that I don't like the soups or can manage to do simple recipes; feel bad that I cheated and ate the bacon bits out of the microwaveable meal...

    hey ho... tomorrow's another day with no mistakes in it, so fingers crossed for a good day... the weekends are going to be my hardest times as although I eat quite well during the week and not bothered by food, on Fri, Sat AND Sun evenings (sometimes all 3 in one week - which is dreadful I know :eek: ) my hands wander to the telephone and for the takeaway menus!! :mad:

    Might try a day with just the shakes tomorrow... :)

    xx
     
  5. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    Feeling great today... Was really worried about weekends as (sat's especially) I enjoy lounging around the house and just going out to walk my dog - I have such a hectic life monday to friday my weekends are chill out bliss for me... but along with that food has always played a big part - I would eat if I'm bored, or if I go out for a long muddy walk would come back have a shower then something to eat, if I'm in the kitchen doing washing and clenaing etc it would be natural to open the fridge and see what I could nibble on as I go... I can honestly say that doing this diet and cutting out 'food' completely has been huge eye opener into my bad ways of before... all the little things that add up to one huge weight gain...

    So... had a raspberry LL shake with a few ice cubes in it - I try and convince myself that they taste exactly like a MacDonalds milkshake - and feeling full and happy so far....

    Got on the scales this morning too, just 'to see', and it says I'm 15st4lb so that would be a 6lb loss in 4 days... keep going downwards scales!!! :D :D
     
  6. cah-ching

    cah-ching Gold Member

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    hello? how are you doing? how did the op go?
     
  7. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    I'd forgotton all about this diary thread I started when I first joined last year...

    Consider it resurrected... I need something to look back and frown upon or laugh about as this mad journey continues...

    I am ok health wise, mind set def. in 'succeed' mode weight-loss wise, bit down in the dumps 'love-wise' but on the whole life's not too bad.

    If I'd have stuck with LL last year I would be more than at target by now...

    I always have said by 'such and such' an event I will be slim... well this year I've had my sister's graduation, her 21st birthday, the birth of my brother's daughter, and the upcoming christening - all of which for each one I've said I will be slim for and each has passed with my looking at the subsequent pictures in dismay... I hate the way I look, I really do and although I've never been bullied, or treat badly over my weight, I know I am not the person I want to be, I can be so much, much more...

    So, deep breaths, starting again (I'm on week 1 CD)...

    It's my choice to do this diet, I choose to fulfill my dreams and become the slimmer happier person that I know is lurking inside of me yearning to come out and live... it is not traumatic, it is not a prison or something to endure... I will love watching my weight fall and coming on here for support and inspiration, even to ward off boredom!, will keep me strong...

    Here's to the beginning of the end of being obese...:party0036:
     
  8. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    and, to keep me on the straight and narrow, here's my 'before' pic...

    Can't believe I'm actually posting this in public, (can't believe my hair was that yuckky colour either lol! tis back dark again!) but it needs to be done, I don't ever want to feel sickness and mortification ever again over something as trivial as a photograph (esp. one of what was a fabulously happy day...)....

    Me, 26th May 2007, 16st 4lb (ish!)...

    [​IMG]

    There will be a much better 'after' photo... there just will be!
     
  9. kazbro

    kazbro jelly belly

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    20st5lb
    Current Weight:
    18st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    2st5lb(11.58%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    [​IMG]

    wanted to say welcome back
    you will do this
    loads of support on here and tips fon how to stick to it
    stay strong,buisy and think slim
    kaz :D
     
  10. SHAZA

    SHAZA Silver Member

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    Hi ya Tinkerbell

    As your names suggest you will soon be flying high

    Luv Luv
     
  11. la_tinkerbelle

    la_tinkerbelle Full Member

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    thank you guys :eek:

    I hate looking at this now cos my pics on here, but that's why it's there... to keep me going!

    Ready to get weighed tomorrow! eeek! :eek:

    Feeling ok tho :cool: No-one said this'd be easy so no moaning, no complaining, just plain old 'let's get on with it'... the weeks will pass in no time...

    *I wanna be a 16*
    *I wanna be a 16*
    *I wanna be a 16*

    Week 1: Thursday 01.08.07 :
    Week 2: Thursday 08.08.07 :
    Week 3: Thursday 15.08.07 :
    Week 4: Thursday 22.08.07 :
    Week 5: Thursday 29.08.07 :

    Well, here's seeing how August weight losses go!! If I lose 3lbs a week that'd be 1st1lb in one month - how could anyone complain at that!

    c'mon body of mine, let's take this diet out for a spin 'n' see what it can do!!

    xx
     
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