UmmZakaria's Open & Honest Diary

[UmmZakaria]

Meanwhile, hold your head up. Remember you are not a doormat.
Your feelings are important. Don't put yourself at the bottom of the pile. xx

SlendaBlenda, thank you for your advice over the last few days, you have been an absolute diamond and I won't forget that What you said (above) really struck a chord with me, along with a text that I received from a really good friend saying that I am too hard on myself. Yes, I was bang out of order with telling lies but I have basically spent the last week feeling as though I am worthless and uselss. I don't know if that my husband's intention or whether it was a secondary consequence of getting the silent treatment but on Friday something snapped inside me and I decided that I had been punished enough. I had mentioned earlier on that morning that I was going to go away for the night to get some space. I decided that I was going to stop crying and hold my head up and stop moping about. I spent some time sorting my finances out and sent a text to my husband just saying that I wasn't going anywhere and that if he wanted space then he either had to speak to me and ask me to go or go himself. When he got in from work that evening we talked for a LONG time. We both explained how we were feeling and why we had behaved the way we did. It took quite a while for him to even half understand my take on things but we got there. It had taken me a week to even realise that I did have a take on things and that the situation wasn't purely me being a bad person.

Anyway, I am rambling now so I might as well move into a diary entry for today.

Love and hugs SB xxx

 

[UmmZakaria]

RTM Week 5, Day 6

***FOOD TALK***

I have had two bad days foodwise this week. On Thursday I ate a ridiculous amount of cheese, I had toast and I can't even remember what else. On Friday I was having another emotional day and started the day off by eating a plate of North African sweets that I had made. I then nipped it in the bud, took stock and did m 30 day Shred DVD to get me back in the zone.

Yesterday was a great day foodwise. I had my shake for breakfast, a coffee in Caffe Nero with my little Zaki and then an omelette with sweet potato for my lunch. In the afternoon I went to the festival with my friend and had a small piece of tandoori chicken with Pepsi Max. Wow, what a treat that was I had my bar at about 4 o clock before going off for my run but I'll talk about that in a bit. In the evening we went out for dinner for a curry. It was a bit of a disaster to be honest as Zaki was in a crazy mood so it was quite hard relaxing but we were ok. I had a tandoori chicken starter (which consisted mainly of bones) and a side salad. I was absolutely famished afterwards (must have been the run) so had a nice chunk of fresh pineapple when we got in too. I'm quite proud for reigning myself in after 2 disaster days as before LL that would have marked the beginning of the end. Well not this time

So, yesterday was week 2 of the C25K plan - I was expecting to find it tough but I actually enjoyed it a lot more than week. Longer stretches of running (1.5 mins) with 2 mins walking in between. It's crazy how a minute and a half can feel so long when you're running but it's also crazy that just a week ago I really suffered with my 1 minute runs so there's obviously something happening there - yay! I really enjoy the feeling of being out in the fresh air and in my own little world. I still don't know whether running is for me or not but I'm giving it a damn good whirl and if not then I'll just find something else.

Anyway, I'm off to start my day now. I've not spent a lot of time in the house this week so am having a lazy day today, watching films with Zaki and doing ironing (snore). Thank you again everyone for your kind words and advice over the last few days, it really is great to have such good support from people I have never even met.

xxx

 

[naz]

Glad to hear you back on track umms have a great week!! Xoxx

 

[Clarabow]

Good to hear things have mooved on xx

 

[HannahNewton]

Sooooo pleased you are working things out with your husband and taking control of your finances.

You can probably apply some of the CBT you have learned to your spending - you have learned to deal with your over eating - now your over spending too!!

Hope you are having a good Sunday xxx

 

[gracielou09]

Hey you, Just caught up on yr diary, your so brave being so honest. I have a bit of troubl managing my finances and i'm 41 and still at times spend beyound my means.

Loved the envelope idea, may have to adopt that idea if you dont mind.

You are a lovely person, wonderful mum and wife ...glad you've stopped beating yourself up - you don deserve it.

Big hugs to you huni
xxxxxxx

 

[naz]

Hey Umm how are you? Xxx

 

[Clarabow]

Challenging times, just caught up with your diary. Hope you are keeping your sanity.

Glad to hear things are moving a little between you and your hubby even if they are not totally resolved yet.

Thinking of you x

 

[naz]

Hey umm are you ok? Not heard form you in a while! Xxx

 

[UmmZakaria]

I'm here!! Thanks for your messages - I have had a ridiculously busy few weeks and haven't been on here for far too long. Every day I've had the intention of doing my diary and catching up but I just haven't really had the time. Things with my husband are great, we're feeling stronger and happier than ever at the moment which is lovely, I think there were a few issues that had been lurking between us which have been aired and had all the cobwebs blown off them. Zaki is a little diamond and we've finally cracked the potty training - hurrah!

So, diet wise I'm doing quite well. I lost 10 lbs in the first few weeks of RTM then put on 3lbs (solely down to me turning to food as a crutch and nothing to do with the plan itself), then put on another 2 lbs and finally lost a pound this week. I'm now weighing 12st 7lbs and I've decided that this is going to be the top of my "weight window" - I'm happy at this weight but don't want to go above it. Ideally I still would like to get down to 12st but Ramadan starts at the end of July so a month of fasting should see to that.

***FOOD TALK***

I'm on week 8 of RTM at the moment and last night I had my first pasta meal since the end of February. I always presumed pasta was one of my big triggers but I was really satisfied afterwards so we'll see how this week goes. I've identified already that rice is a huge trigger for me - it was responsible for my 4lbs gain (well technically I guess I was responsible as I was the one shoving it into my gob lol), I've made the decision not to have any rice this week as I know that we get on far too well and I won't sabotage myself any further. I want to get to the end of RTM, manage my weight for a few weeks / months (whatever) and then when I'm feeling a bit more confident then we'll give it a go. I decided last night that after RTM I'm going to set myself a series of target dates when I will treat myself to something to congratulate myself for maintaining. So after 3 months of maintaining my weight I'll be buying myself a new pair of gold earrings and they will be my present to myself.

Although my weight has fluctuated by a few pounds the last few weeks I've lost inches as I'm now firmly into a size 12 trousers which is an absolutely lovely achievement. The exercise is paying off and my thunder thighs seem to have diminished somewhat. I'm loving buying new clothes and being able to walk into shops with my head held high.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say hey, I'm off on holiday tomorrow with my little man for a week (dh is having to work) so will be in Mallorca and unable to get on the internet but I'll stop by when I'm back - hopefully with news of 2 uccessful trigger weeks.

Hope you are all well and I will try my best to catch up with all your diaries throughout the day xxxx

 

[Clarabow]

REally glad to hear your catch up. Was worried about you. Things ticking along quite nicely well done xx

 

[slendablenda]

Good news Umm xx
Have a fab time in Mallorca. I love the Island. My parents used to live there. It'll be HOT now.
I'm so pleased you have sorted out the issues. Sometimes things have ot get pretty dire before we bring them out in the open. We all try and guess how the other one is thinking. Talking is usually the answer, but easier said than done.
Enjoy your break.
Sardinas a la Plancha with salad, by the sea - my favourite Mallorquin meal.
Rafa Nadal - my favourite Mallorquin tennis player!

 

[Catthin]

have a great holiday.
Cathy

 

[UmmZakaria]

Thanks guys My parents live there SB which is why we're going!! Sardinas a la plancha is my absolute fave! And LL friendly too so have already submitted my request to go out for them lol! I love finding fellow Mallorca aficionados!! Xx

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[Julz]

Have a great holiday, and great news all seems to be settling down fir you all!
Jx

 

[UmmZakaria]

Just a quick pop in to say hello! I'm now on week 11 of RTM - I can't believe it!!! My weight seems to be pretty stable, going up & down by a pound here and there so I am over the moon.

Ramadan starts just 4 days after I finish RTM so that will be a bit of a test - fasting for 30 days will probably make me lose weight but it's after that when the hard work will start again!

All is good with me at the moment, husband & the little monkey are keeping me on my toes buy I wouldn't have it any other way!

I went for a curry the other night with my DH and had a gorgeous balti with salad and fizzy water. I suddenly realised that there was a woman to my left that I recognised from LL group who cMe along once. My initial reaction was "OMG, I'm so ashamed to be seen out, EATING"! but then my dh pointed out that I should feel really proud - I was wearing my beautiful size 12 Monsoon dress and eating salad! Then that kind of did make me feel proud of myself.

We've had a lot of family staying recently (which has been a bit of a pain) and we've eaten out loads but I've found it relatively easy choosing wisely. The binge mentality is most definitely still lurking and needs to be kept under control but I absolutely refuse for it to control me.

I hope you're all well - I've missed this forum and will try and stick around now xxx

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[Clarabow]

Lovely to hear from you, will post a proper catch up when I have a mo x

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Umm
We missed you.
Have you been to Mallorca?
Sounds like things are still good with OH?
xx:

 

[naz]

Hey umm good to have you back!! I'm hoping The fasting month will help me sort my head out too! Just been eating anything and everything at the mo xxx

 

[UmmZakaria]

Hi Umm
We missed you.
Have you been to Mallorca?
Sounds like things are still good with OH?
xx:

Hi!! Yeah Mallorca was lovely - my parents were so wonderful cooking me LL friendly meals each evening - they both wanted to lose a few pounds so were doing the plan with me lol! Things are all happy at home now, my dh is my best friend - we're going shopping later lol!

Thinking of you today SB, be strong and I'll keep you in my prayers xxx

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