Unsupportive Spouse?

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Piggles, 19 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. Piggles

    Piggles Tea Tank!!!!!

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    Hi again,

    Sorry if this has already been covered on here, i've only gone back through a couple of pages. Does anyone else have a husband/wife who is against them following cd?

    I told my husband last night that I was going to see a cdc on saturday and he went mad. Then went into a sulk??? After a few hours he said it was because he was worried about me and didn't agree with cd, he is a detective in police and really into fitness/healthy eating. He said I should just go to the gym and eat a healthy balanced diet. I know deep down that he's right, and if I was trying to lose a stone I would go down that route. The thing is that I don't have the energy to go to the gym, I want to shift the majority of my weight, then eat healthy/go to the gym, etc.

    Sorry for the long post, but just wondered how would you all deal with it? I am adamant that i'm doing cd no matter what he says, would just be nice to have support from him.

    xXx
     
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  3. rowanx2

    rowanx2 Losing the baby fat

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    Well at the end of the day it is down to you, but you have someone there who could act as a sort of personal trainer for you! maybe ask him to help you on the quest of healthy eating and exercise if he isnt going to support you on cd?
    He's right in that the eating and exercising is the healthiest route, sound like he's just got your best interests at heart, and isnt non supportive per say.
     
  4. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

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    hi piggles, some people just dont understand how unhappy been overweight can be. I to tried excercise and healthy eating while it did work the weight came of slowly. My bf supports me 100% in doing cd. He has noticed great changes in my since starting. I myself find i have alot more engergy im sleeping alot better at night etc.

    I think you should do it for yourself. Just sit him down and explain that it is safe etc why else would it be sold worldwide if it wasnt safe? how much weight do you have to lose?
    hth

    becky :)
     
  5. rowanx2

    rowanx2 Losing the baby fat

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    i think he cares about you hence the sulk - I agree sit and ask him why he thinks this and that. it will be hard not having his support if you decide to go on it - you need to come to an agree to disagree but he'll not nag you for it, or ask for unconditional support.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: 19 February 2008
  6. Piggles

    Piggles Tea Tank!!!!!

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    aaaaaaaaarr, thank you.

    I have around 7 stone to lose, i'm around the 17 stone mark now and would like to get down to 9st 12lb.

    I will have a chat to him again tonight. I didn't mean he's unsupportive in general marriage, etc just towards cd. He guessed that I weigh about 12 stone (hah, I wish :D) so he doesn't realise the extent of my weight problem, and there's no way i'm telling him my weight :eek:

    xXx
     
  7. girlygirl

    girlygirl Silver Member

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    I feel moved to add this comment.

    Often a husband/partner is sick and tired of hearing about us tackling yet another 'diet'. He has been there before, watched the enthusiasm and the eventual cheating and defeat - usually leading to more and more eating.

    He has had to listen to the misery and the pain and the self-loathing. He has had to reassure and flatter and LIE, again and again.

    I am not suggesting that your man has been involved in any of this, merely that most men attached to overweight women, have.

    My recent ex - whom I still love - is no exception. He PREFERS curvy, rounded, size 14-16 AT THE VERY LEAST.

    But me?

    I wanna be a MINIMUM of 'modern' size 12, and 10 preferably. The modern 10 was once size 8. Indeed I was once size zero or way less... but that was then, and this is now!

    If your man is controlling or is trying to forbid you to diet for reasons to his benefit alone and not to yours, assert yourself. If he is just tired and dubious and maybe fed-up due to past experiences, be a little more sympathetic. It can't be easy for loving men to watch their partner starve in order to achieve a sexiness they ALREADY feel is present.

    Whatever you decide to do - good luck x
     
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  8. weepoppet

    weepoppet Full Member

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    Sit down with him and explain that by doing CD, it will allow you quicker weight loss resulting in a boost in confidence and self esteem. You don't have to just SS, you could choose an eating plan such as 790/810. Once you get to a more comfortable weight you can even choose to workout at the gym with him.

    My partner is supportive of this diet 100%. The change in me in just 6 weeks not just physically but mentally is worth it.

    Strangley enough, I did not tell my personal trainer I was on this diet for fear of his response. He is amazed at my weight loss, something I never achieved all the time we were training together because of my lack of control with food. I plan to resume my PT once I reach goal as part of my maintenance plan.
     
  9. girlygirl

    girlygirl Silver Member

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    CD - and VLCDs in particular - are hard on life partners. To them it means 'no food' and just a sachet of powder three times a day - with a tiny carton of milkshake or maybe a weensy chocolate-covered mealbar now and then.

    If your loved one came to you and said, hey! I am gonna stop eating regular food and live on this stuff for three, six or more months... What would YOU say?

    I ask because as a mother of two grown boys I confess that I would have serious reservations about them following the severely restrictive diet I have already followed, myself (CD). I would worry about them, and fear for their future, since at some point it would involve a return to 'real' food. It is then that the real problems seem to surface.

    It seems to me that we are all too willing to make changes, and even sacrifices, for ourselves, but that we would think twice before encouraging our nearest and dearest to do the same.

    Partners may just be very concerned. We need to understand that.
     
  10. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Hi Piggles

    When I first looked at VLCDs a year or so ago my husband too was very against the idea as he couldn't understand how so few calories could be safe and was worried about me. I decided not to do it but it was always there in the back of my mind though. Eventually I looked at it again and did alot of research. Hubby knew how unhappy I was and I explained to him fully how it worked and promised that if I felt at all unwell I would stop. After a couple of weeks he saw how much happier I was and has been nothing but 100% behind me. Perhaps your hubby just needs some reassurance and some further info on how it works.

    Georgie
    x
     
  11. Dinosaur

    Dinosaur Full Member

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    Well, I'm in week 3 of the diet and haven't yet told my Husband:eek:

    He works late 3 nights a week, so SSing then is easy, but the other nights I just have a small piece of Chicken and some stir fried veg - the AAM week quantities.

    I know this will slow my weight loss down, but it saves me having to deal with his disapproval (he's never had a weight or food problem in his life, and can't see why I can't just eat little and healthily to lose weight:(). He knows I'm dieting and am trying to cut down on carbs, but he has no idea about the CD.

    My other reason for not completely SSing is that I have young daughters, and I don't want them to see me not eating. Thankfully I have my breakfast and lunch shake when they are at nursery/school, and my evening shake either when cooking their tea, or after they are in bed, but at least eating a little 3/4 times a week means they see me eat at weekends.

    Boy, it's hard, but thankfully the diet is easy and really suits me.

    Good luck
     
  12. Piggles

    Piggles Tea Tank!!!!!

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    Thank you all so much for your replies. I wandered off for a few days while I worked out what to do :rolleyes:

    Every reply you gave was helpful.

    Girlygirl: Your post made so much sense, thank you.

    I sat down with hubby and told him how I felt. I explained that there was a 1000 plan available and explained what I could eat. He was really happy and apologised for being a git :D I told him I would try cd1000 for a few weeks, with the possibility I will move down to 790/ss if I want to.

    He even drove me to my first cdc appointment on Saturday :cool:

    Thanks again for the support. x
     
  13. Nessa

    Nessa Silver Member

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    The answer to that is yes!!! I have an unspportive partner, he hates me on the cd and always bring things home i would normally eat, to make me stop the diet, however this has not worked yet. I just get my cdc round when he is at work, i really don't need the hassle of his moods only because i want to be thin. I did this diet for 8 months with out his support so i know i can do it, so in my words i will do it without his support if i need to.
     
  14. cateka

    cateka Full Member

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    I must say I know exactly how this feels, I've been in and out of diets for ages (what with being a woman and all that) which has annoyed my boyfriend a little, and recently I've taken to eating healthier and taking more exercise.
    I thought this was the kind of thing he would prefer (over my previous diet where I ate nothing but strained yoghurt and celery causing me to take to my bed), but he seems even more pissed off this time. He saw me checking this very forum the other day, and just yelled "so when is it going to stop then?"
    I know I've been a little stressed about my exams which may be why he's upset, but when I asked him about it he said this wasn't the reason and made two accusations;
    1) I was only on a diet to impress other men.
    2)I was calling him a liar for not believing I'm thin enough.

    How do you deal with something like that? Its madness.
     
  15. Carolanski

    Carolanski Back to it!

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    Hi girls - feel for you all and have had similar experiences with my ex.

    He had a bigger issue with my weight than I did - was quite skinny when we first met and lost another stone when I was travelling - don't recommend food poisoning as a weight-loss method) so when I put a bit of weight on he made nasty comments about it. Called me fat in front of friends (I was only a size 14) took me out for meals then glared at me if i looked at the dessert menu - saying things like "how can you possibly still be hungry after all you've just eaten" basically he was a pig and undermined my self confidence to the point where I didn't eat in front of him then binged when he wasn't there. My weight crept up until I decided I wanted to lose it for me not to make him feel better. I dieted and lose the weight - went to the gym several times a week and got quite fit - I thought he would be pleased. Instead he also started accusing me of losing weight to impress other men, accused me of having affairs - at the gym and at work!, got massively insecure and generally did my head in to the point we split up.

    Men despite their bravado can be really insecure - maybe your boyfriend is scared you will run off with someone else, that if you lose weight you will be more attractive to other men and will find a new boyfriend. He may genuinely think you look fab the weight you are and love you whatever you look like, and doesn't realise that it isn't a bad reflection on him that you want to lose weight but something you want to do for yourself. Blokes don't tend to understand the pressure we all feel as women to be thin and look like the skinny models in the media. Sorry to be personal - but do you have a lot to lose? If it is just a stone or two it is a lot to you but most blokes don't even notice - like Piggles said she's 17 stone but her partner guessed she was only 12 st. He may honestly think you don't need to lose weight and is worried about you.

    My current boyfriend is the complete opposite and doesn't care what I look like - but I do know he does get fed up of me constantly complaining about what I look like, not fitting in clothes, getting depressed about what I can't fit into from the wardrobe and obsessing about dieting and food all the time!

    Have you sat down and talked through why you want to lose weight to reassure him?
     
  16. cateka

    cateka Full Member

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    Well I have tried talking to him several times. Normally it ends in him ignoring what I'm saying and insisting I'm thin enough. What he doesn't seem to understand is that he isn't the only one worried - he has several girl friends (not girlfriends, at least I hope) who all seem much thinner and prettier than me. I don't want to loose that much weight, I'm only 8 st 7, so I don't see why its such a big deal.
    I think one of the problems might be that recently I put on a few pounds which made me feel so depressed but I didn't want to tell him about it as its not what fellows like to hear. It backfired though because he caught me crying and the whole argument started all over again.
    I get the general impression he's upset because he thinks I feel fat because he doesn't make me happy, which is balls because I love him. Still, he doesn't believe me when I reassure him.
    Challenging times eh?
     
  17. Carolanski

    Carolanski Back to it!

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    Hi cateka

    I do understand how you are feeling as I have been there- and it must be extra difficult when you are also stressing out about exams. I saw on another post that you are 5 ft 6 so even though you feel a bit too big yourself, you are a fabulous weight for your height, and honestly do not need to lose any more. I'm about 5ft 5 and when I was your age weighed the same as you and I look at pictures of me and I look amazing - even if I say so myself!!! And I'm sure you do too. Your boyfriend obviously thinks you do, it sounds to me as if your boyfriend is just really worried about you, particularly if your previous diet made you ill.

    I know it is hard to want to look like the other girls - but they could actually be underweight for their height which isn't healthy for them. If you are worried about your shape you would be better off not dieting - just eating healthily and carrying on with your exercising. And healthy eating will give you great energy for revising - and exercise is good for stress. And don't forget muscle is heavier than fat so if you are toning up you could weigh more and look slimmer. It is possible to tone up specific areas without dieting - there are some great stomach and arm exercises. Maybe try and focus on your exams for now.

    Good luck with everything

    Carol x
     
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