Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For French press 2
For all other languages press 0
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries
I’m sorry, all our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on line.
If you would like to speak with:
God, Press 1
Jesus, Press 2
Holy Spirit, Press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding. Press 4
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, then enter his or her social security number, followed by the # (pound sign). If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3:16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait till you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 a.m. If you are calling after hours and need emergency service, please call your local pastor.
Thank you for having a Heavenly Day!
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For French press 2
For all other languages press 0
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries
I’m sorry, all our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on line.
If you would like to speak with:
God, Press 1
Jesus, Press 2
Holy Spirit, Press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding. Press 4
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, then enter his or her social security number, followed by the # (pound sign). If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3:16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait till you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 a.m. If you are calling after hours and need emergency service, please call your local pastor.
Thank you for having a Heavenly Day!
